Doctor's Orders
by Jadetarem
Summary: A clerical error in the confusion following Aizen's rebellion launches Isane Kotetsu into the world of the living on someone else's mission.  Unohana tries to find out what's wrong with her division.
1. Missed Step

Hello!

While this isn't the first story I've written, this is the first work of fan fiction I've attempted. I tried to keep the characterizations as close to canon as possible, although I can see that I took some liberties with Soifon. I'm also not intending to write an exceptionally _serious_ story, my goal is to keep it fairly lighthearted without quite going into outright parody. Whether or not I succeeded is, as they say, in the eye of the beholder.

Also note that my Japanese is next to nonexistant, so I'm keeping Japanese names and terminology to a minimum whenever possible. If that ruins it for you, then I'm sorry.

Since I'd like to improve my writing if at all possible, reviews are appreciated.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter One - All great journeys begin with a single misstep.**

_There's really no such thing as an insignificant event. Even the most minor and trivial of actions will, over time, gather momentum and relevance as small changes clear the way for larger changes, until the death of a single insect or the beating of a hummingbird's wings can alter the course of human history, or even evolution itself. Of course, millions upon millions of years have to enter the equation before something like that happens._

_Sometimes, though, a tiny mistake snowballs into a huge problem in less than a day._

* * *

**10th Division, Captain's Office - 5:33 a.m.**

Toshiro Hitsugaya, Captain of the Tenth Squad of the Gotei Thirteen, blinked and rubbed at his burning eyes. He looked balefully at the stack of papers in front of him. It had taken most of the night, but he had finally finished off the backlog from last week. Though he was making progress, swimming upstream against a roaring river of red tape, he still had a long way to go.

_Maybe volunteering to handle the extra load from the shorthanded squads wasn't my brightest moment. _He thought gloomily. _What was I thinking?_

He looked over at the form sleeping on his couch. His frown deepened. _Crazy as it is, I guess I thought I'd have a lieutenant to help with the extra load._ He had to privately admit to himself that for a boy genius, he was making a lot of bad calls lately. He stretched momentarily, and then reached for the next stack, wondering what sleep felt like. The next form came in a sealed envelope. Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow and opened it.

Inside was an utterly mundane request for more ice from Isane Kotetsu, Squad Four's lieutenant; Hitsugaya rolled his eyes. While he never publicly complained about his more mundane duties, it still felt a little demeaning, as though he was being treated like a short, white-haired vending machine. On the other hand, he'd once heard a rumor that Head Captain Yamamoto was invited to roughly a dozen barbecues per week, back in the day, so maybe he was getting off light. As he opened the folded paper further to fill it out, however, a smaller form and a matching envelope slid out. _That_ form was a cryptic message that apparently required approval from the Head Captain himself – his signature was already on it – as well as two other captains before reaching its destination. A brief statement at the bottom of the form declared that he was to get this to Captain Soifon at his earliest convenience.

He scratched his head. That wasn't how things normally worked. Typically there would have been a joint meeting, or else the form would have come his way first before going to Yamamoto by way of central dispatch. The backwards way that this form was reaching its destination suggested that Yamamoto was trying to bypass any agents Aizen might have left behind in his squad. The message didn't clarify what it meant – it seemed to be mostly confirmation of existing orders, although the one order on the paper was straightforward enough.

In addition to Yamamoto, Captain Komamura had also approved it. Hitsugaya shrugged mentally and added his signature. He then filled out the ice request, and sealed both of the forms in their respective envelopes. He had picked up his pen again to address them, when one of his squad members burst into his quarters.

"Captain Hitsugaya! Emergency!"

The white-haired captain shot out of his chair. "What is it?"

"One of our squads was sent to deal with an above-average threat just outside of Moscow. They've tentatively identified the threat as an Arrancar, and have taken heavy casualties."

Hitsugaya scribbled a hasty note to his vice-captain before flash-stepping out the door. In moments he was halfway to the gates leading to the living world, requesting that his limiter be removed.

**10th Division, Captain's Office - 10:24 a.m.**

Rangiku Matsumoto awoke reluctantly and gracelessly. Her head was pounding, and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Also, her captain had apparently convinced Squad Twelve to install floodlights right above the couch she was sleeping on.

_Ugh… how much did I drink last night? Never again…_ She thought, for the eleventh time that month. She got up and managed to find her way to the kitchen, after tripping over something big, hard, and wooden, knocking several papers to the floor. After downing several cups of water and splashing some on her face, she headed out to face the day. It was at this point that she realized three things.

She wasn't at home, but rather at the Tenth Division headquarters, specifically in the captain's office.

She had promised Captain Hitsugaya that she would help him sort out last week's backlog last night, but had become sidetracked when Lieutenants Hisagi and Kira had invited her to have 'a drink' with them.

It was now mid-morning.

Rangiku slapped a hand to her face, immediately regretting it as her headache flared again. Perfect. So she'd remembered enough to show up to help out, and then had passed out on the couch, giving her captain something to focus on as he did her share of the work. _Not again…_

She knew that she had two options: she could try to make up the lost productivity now, or transfer. Sighing, she made her way over to Hitsugaya's desk, picking up the paper and the two envelopes she'd displaced earlier. Both of the envelopes were sealed, but blank. The paper was a note scribbled out in Hitsugaya's sloppiest handwriting, and simply read:

-_Matsumoto,_

_Went to handle emergency. Mortal World._

_The envelope on the right - Captain Soifon._

_The other one - Vice-Captain Kotetsu_

_Contact gate guardian for shipping._

_- Captain Hitsugaya_

Rangiku frowned. She knew her captain was probably alright in the mortal world, and the last line was unambiguous – the gate giants were sometimes called upon to move heavy things from point A to point B, but…

She frowned at the two envelopes. She couldn't really remember which had been where before she'd bumped them off. She shrugged and arbitrarily chose the bigger one to go to Captain Soifon. They couldn't have been all that important if Toshiro was doing them both at the same time, could they? She addressed both of them quickly and tossed them into the out box, reaching for the stack that her captain had abandoned.

**4th Division, Intensive Care - 7:01 p.m.**

Isane Kotetsu finished washing her hands and grabbed the towel by the operating room sink. All in all, today had been a good day, and for once it looked as though she wouldn't have to work late. She stepped out into the hallway and began heading toward the front door of the Fourth Division compound. She found Captain Unohana about halfway there, coming out of her office, and Isane fell into step behind her. "Good evening, captain."

"Good evening," said Unohana, smiling serenely. "How was your day?"

Isane sighed. "The usual, captain. There were more completely avoidable injuries from the Eleventh Squad, and a bunch of hollow injuries from Squad Ten, but nothing major."

Unohana nodded. "That's nice to hear." She stopped smiling as they rounded the corner, a look of faint disapproval coming to her face. When Isane caught up a moment later, she quickly stifled the smile threatening to creep onto her features. Facing them was a large poster that someone had tacked to the wall, showing a goofy caricature of a squad-four medic sporting a big smile while trying to do several unpleasant jobs simultaneously. A caption beneath the picture read:

**JOB SATISFACTION**

_Because the upcoming raise is just a rumor._

Isane raised an eyebrow and looked at her captain. "Do we have to take this one down? It's not nearly as bad as the last one…" _And so very true,_ she thought to herself.

Unohana simply moved to the wall and gently took down the poster, rolling it up and tucking it under her arm as she began moving toward the exit again. "You know my stance on this, Isane. This kind of thing is hardly 'motivational' – despite the name – and damages morale. The joke will wear off quickly, but the implication of unjust working conditions will linger."

Isane ducked her head to get under the door frame – at over six feet tall, she towered over most female Soul Reapers, which bothered her a bit more than was healthy. Unohana had told her that the problem existed mostly in her head, but Isane still felt self-conscious about it, as though she stuck out too much wherever she went.

It didn't bother her too much now, though. Outside, both women paused and took a moment to look at the sunset – it was rare that they got to see it, after all, since both typically worked well into the night. After a minute or two, Unohana quietly asked, "Would you care to join me for a drink, Isane?"

Isane took a deep breath of the fresh air. "No, thank you." Unohana asked her that every night. Unlike Lieutenant Matsumoto, when Captain Unohana said 'a drink,' she really did mean _one_ drink – the difference being that when Matsumoto showed up to work drunk, Hitsugaya's blood pressure spiked, while Unohana showing up to work drunk might kill half a patrol group. As a result, Unohana practiced incredible restraint when drinking – or when doing just about anything, really. Isane envied that kind of discipline and control. Her captain never overdid it when participating in any celebration, had no known vices, never swore, never said a bad word about anyone, exercised perfect manners at all times, and practiced healthy living. She didn't quite hold her subordinates up to her standards, but did demand that they keep up a positive and clean appearance at all times, specifically for the proven benefit to patients that it provided. She had made it clear to Isane, particularly, that the officers of Squad Four were, essentially, to grin and bear it when they received less-than-glamorous jobs or took abuse from the other squads, which included clamping down on the self-deprecating and gallows humor that most of Squad Four indulged in regularly.

Isane did her best, but she never really felt that she was living up to the standards set for her, which was why she always politely declined her captain's invitation – she felt like she hadn't _earned_ it. _If that makes any sense._

Unohana just nodded, and the two of them set off for the barracks at a leisurely pace, taking the shortcut like they always did. Neither of them noticed the jet-black, silent creature that began stalking them the moment they left the Clinic…

**10th Division, Captain's Office - 7:03 p.m.**

Rangiku looked down at her handiwork. _There_, she thought, _I've managed to get through the whole stack._ It hadn't been proofread as well as it probably should have been - or at all - but it was done, and for the first time since Aizen's rebellion, the out box on Hitsugaya's desk outweighed the inbox. She got up and stretched, just in time to hear her captain release Hyorinmaru outside the door. She ran outside to see what was wrong, but relaxed as she saw her captain create a massive pillar of ice in front of Jidanbo, who appeared to be wearing giant-size mittens.

Hitsugaya re-sealed his Zanpakuto as Jidanbo grabbed the ice and carried it away. He stopped and stared at Rangiku when he saw her in the doorway. She stared back. Frankly, he looked like hell. There were numerous cuts and tears in his clothes, and he was bleeding from somewhere under his collarbone. Rangiku decided to try being positive. "Did your trip go well?" She asked brightly.

He glared at her. _"Nyet."_

She blinked. "A mission to Russia, huh? Are you alright?"

He sighed and plopped down at his desk with an uncharacteristic lack of concern for professionalism. "I guess so. I managed to kill whatever hell-beast was terrorizing the spirits there, I got all my squad members out alive, and I found out that my Russian is rusty in a way that I'll probably laugh about later. I'm just… really tired, ok? So let me finish… uh…" He seemed to notice his desk for the first time since he walked in. "Rangiku," he asked weakly, "did you finish _all_ of what was on here?"

"Um… maybe?" Rangiku scratched her head. "I mean, I felt kind of bad about last night, so I really buckled down, and I think I got it all."

"Even the envelopes?" Hitsugaya gave her a strangely intense stare.

Rangiku blinked. "Sure! They were the first thing I took care of."

Hitsugaya seemed completely speechless for a moment. "I… uh… thank you, Matsumoto. I think I'll turn in now, then."

"Sure thing, captain," said Rangiku. She smiled and headed out the door, thinking about crashing herself, secure in the knowledge that she had undone all of the damage she'd caused this morning.

**Second Division, Captain's Quarters - 7:05 p.m.**

Captain Soifon, leader of the stealth forces, had a rare problem – for once, she had too little to do.

It was only a recent development. Up until now, she'd been furiously preparing for her next mission – one important enough that she'd see to it personally. She'd had to do it over the course of three weeks, in between managing the Second Division and cutting orders for the stealth forces, but now it was finished, and she looked at her handiwork.

Everything was packed. She had her Zanpakuto, of course, along with an arsenal of necessary equipment. She had bandages. She had antidotes. She had several changes of clothing. She had a disguise kit. She had surveillance equipment that she'd personally stolen extorted requisitioned from the R&D department. She had toiletries. She had mortal money. She had a towel. She had _gadgets_, for God's sake!

She'd prepared mentally, too. She knew every street name inside the rather large target area. She'd read all about all of the possible leads and gossip pertaining to her mission. Contacts were in place and ready to begin feeding her data the moment she got in touch with them.

Most of all, she was _eager_ to go in a way that she wasn't used to. The whole mission had been conceived when she had finally, after hours of sifting through gathered information, managed to uncover a large part of one of Aizen's multilayered plots. Now she was set to go to the world of the living and do as much damage to it as she could. There was a chance that it was a trap, of course, but if it was, Aizen was willing to sacrifice several of his best pets – and his best shot at winning the war early – to spring it. On top of that, Soifon was one of the best in the business when it came to firepower and speed, and was confident that if everything hit the fan she could at least withdraw. _I've got you now, bastard._

She had to admit that wounded pride was a big part of her motivation. When you were the head of Covert Ops and Intelligence, people weren't supposed to be able to fake their own deaths, murder the entire government, play the military command structure like a fiddle, steal a precious artifact from inside a prisoner you were guarding, and escape on your watch. While the traitor in question had clearly been concealing a great deal of power and cunning, and had started out from a position of trust, the fact remained that Soifon viewed the entire Aizen debacle as mostly her fault. Even now, just thinking about it stirred a dull, burning shame somewhere in the pit of her stomach.

But maybe that would change soon. She was, as they said in the world of the living, 'ready to rock.' The only thing she was missing was the confirmation orders she needed to head through to the world of the living. In fact, she'd been ordered to stand down and remain stationed at Second Division HQ until she received them, and now there was nothing to do but wait.

**4th Division, Barracks Courtyard - 7:35 p.m.**

It was well past sundown by the time Unohana and Isane reached the barracks. Isane stopped out back and got ready to wish her captain a good night, when the creature made its move. It swooped down and spread its wings to catch its fall, its wingspan easily twice the length of its body. Malevolent shimmering accompanied its movements, leaving a faint afterimage as it flew. Coupled with the darkness, Isane didn't know what was happening until it was right in front of her…

"Oh, a hell butterfly!" Isane said. She stretched out her finger and the creature landed on it docilely. When she touched it though, something strange happened. The red spots on its wings shifted to yellow, and it sprang back into the air and hovered in front of the two soul reapers. The butterfly said, mechanically, "The following orders are addressed to [Isane Kotetsu]. Any attempt to prevent them from reaching [Isane Kotetsu] will be construed as treason by the Gotei Thirteen and would be punishable by death. Not a good death, either, since our execution grounds are under repair. Lots of blood and screaming. Anyway, begin message." Isane and Unohana looked at each other. Suddenly, a trilling flute was heard, which ended on a high note, followed by an entire orchestra playing fast paced, edgy music. A few seconds in, the music was joined by a voice she didn't know.

"_You are to proceed immediately to the senkaimon gate located in the basement of the Squad Six training barracks, there to begin your mission in the world of the living. This has top priority, so move out now. This hell butterfly will self-destruct in five seconds."_

"End message." The butterfly chirped as the music cut off. A couple of seconds passed in stunned silence. Then the butterfly spoke up again. "What was that about a-?" With a small pop, the butterfly imploded, leaving only a fading trace of spiritual energy, and a sheet of paper that fluttered into Isane's hand. It was a transcript of the message, along with the signatures of captains Yamamoto, Komamura, and Hitsugaya.

Isane was a very intelligent woman, but looking at the paper, she simply stared for a few seconds before asking, in a very dignified manner. "Wait, what?"

Unohana blinked a few times. "It seems you have a mission in the world of the living."

Isane took a few more seconds to process that, before asking, in a somewhat less dignified manner, "Wait, _what?"_

Unohana raised an eyebrow. "You'd better get moving."

Isane finally recovered enough to form an objection. "Captain… hold on. I don't _go_ to the world of the living on missions. Especially not on short notice! I'm supposed to be here, helping deal with casualties. I haven't been on a patrol to the mortal world in decades for that very reason. Why would they send me now, and like this?"

Unohana looked thoughtful. "Well, our resources are still scattered and redeploying after Aizen's betrayal. It's entirely possible that a healer of your caliber was needed in the mortal world quickly. At any rate, I see Head-Captain Yamamoto's signature on it, so that pretty much removes any chance of this being some kind of mistake."

Isane nodded nervously. It still felt all wrong to her. "Yes, captain. I'll be going, then."

Unohana nodded and gave a small smile. "Good luck."

**6th Division, Training Barracks - 9:08 p.m.**

Isane looked at the senkaimon gate opening before her. She thought she'd known where all the gates were, but this was a first for her. At this late hour, the training barracks were unoccupied, so there was no one to see her off. She brushed herself off nervously, hoping that the somewhat overstuffed medical bag she'd looped over her shoulder would be enough for whatever she needed to do. Itegumo, her Zanpakuto, rested in its usual place on her hip. Between the two, she could probably handle most emergencies that the living world could throw at her.

The gate finished cranking open. It was certainly the slowest one she'd ever seen, although the ponderous opening of what looked like a very flimsy screen door didn't give off very much spiritual pressure. Frankly, she had no idea where she was going to end up, but took a deep breath and stepped through. _Just a day or two in the mortal world,_ she thought. _What could go wrong?_

* * *

Notes: Hmm... this ended up being a bit more serious than I intended for it to be. Not by much, but a bit. Unless I get an overwhelmingly negative response to it, I'll start on Chapter Two as soon as possible.


	2. Helping the Truth

Hello again!

I finally got around to finishing Chapter 2. Once again, any and all reviews are appreciated. Special thanks to apathyninja for the encouragement.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 2 – Sometimes, even the truth needs help**

_People, in general, do not grow by doing what comes naturally to them, and working in conditions that they're familiar with. Practicing old skills is important, but the biggest gains of experience occur when someone leaves their comfort zone and have to confront something new. One could argue that this is the only way that a person will ever change._

_Of course, there is a difference between being pushed out of your comfort zone and being thrown in the deep end. _

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 9:08 p.m.**

Isane Kotetsu stepped out of the Senkaimon gateway and into darkness. It was chilly, and the air smelled odd to her. As the last traces of the gate disappeared, she started looking for some clue as to what she should do next.

No answers presented themselves right away. Her surroundings were no help either – she was standing in what she assumed to be an alley between buildings, which was wider than most, but seemed cramped due to the number of boxes, bins, cans, and pieces of debris in it. The sky was completely overcast, which didn't help with the lighting situation any.

Right as Isane made up her mind to leave, she heard the faintest whisper of movement, as though someone were quietly moving about the alleyway behind her. She spun quickly, but didn't see anything.

"Hello?" She called out, squinting into the gloom, but no one answered. "Lieutenant Kotetsu, 4th Division, reporting!" Still nothing. She turned around again, and shrieked. She tried to avoid being the screaming type, but she couldn't help it - there was a huge man _right there_, his glasses shining in the dimness. He was literally centimeters from her face, and only his thoughtful expression kept her from whipping out Itegumo and taking a swipe at him.

"Hrmm…" The man straightened up, dusting off his apron while Isane tried to control her heart rate and breathing. "She seems to be the real deal, boss!"

"Well, well, well…" A new voice called, a good distance past the big man. A figure in green, wearing a hat and sandals, stepped out from behind one of the piles. "Who'd have thought there'd be a Senkaimon exit gate right behind my shop?" He said, waving a fan casually in front of his face. Something about him struck Isane as strange – he had a way of talking as though the whole situation was a joke. A joke on her, specifically.

She swallowed, and managed to collect herself. "Who are you?"

"Oh, my! I forgot all about introductions. Forgive me," he continued, grinning. He snapped his fan shut and bowed. "My name is Kisuke Urahara, and this is Tessai Tsukabishi. You've entered the living world just outside my humble store! What are the odds?" He straightened up. "It's always nice to meet a lovely lady like yourself. Care to come inside?"

"Thanks, but I'm in a hurry. Can you point me to the fight?"

"The fight? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

Isane frowned. "I was sent through to give medical assistance to the nearest Soul Reaper patrol group. I need to know where they are."

Urahara finally stopped smiling. "Is that what was printed on your orders?"

Isane considered. "Well, no… but I'm a medic with Squad Four. I can't think of another reason for me to be sent to the mortal world, can you?"

Urahara's smile returned. "Maybe." He seemed to think for a minute before nodding. "Yeah, this will be fine. I can assure you that there're no battles going on in this area at the moment, so maybe you'd better come in after all."

Isane took a deep breath and gave a small bow. "Thank you for your hospitality." She said, before following him inside.

* * *

**Las Noches, Throne Room - 9:15 p.m.**

Sosuke Aizen, former captain of the Fifth Division of the Gotei Thirteen, Lord of Las Noches, Leader of the Hollows, and Aspiring Deity, leaned back in his seat after hearing the report, faint grin firmly in place. The agent from the Seireitei had come through to the world of the living at last. "Then begin the project." He told the Arrancar in front of him. "It goes without saying that you are to protect the Hogyoku at all costs. Eliminate the agent if she tries to interfere; otherwise you are to ignore her. Use the new techniques and tools that I've given you as much as possible. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Lord Aizen!" The Arrancar shouted enthusiastically. She was one of the newer creations – her performance would be carefully monitored indeed. He nodded. "Then you are to depart immediately."

The Arrancar stalked quickly out of the chamber, carefully cradling the artifact that he'd entrusted her with.

As soon as she was gone, a pale man with a frighteningly wide grin stepped out from behind Aizen's seat. "Hmmm… you'd think that you'd want ta start the ball rollin' _before_ the Reaper came through. I'm guessin' that you ain't plannin' for that girl to win this round."

"What are you getting at, Gin?" If the words were sharper, harsher, they would have made an effective reprimand. But Aizen merely sounded conversational.

"I was just wonderin' what the purpose of this toy project of yours was."

Aizen closed his eyes. "Gin… you know that I don't start projects that have only one purpose. But since I'm waiting on the results from Szayel before I start my next plan, and since the Espada aren't meeting for a while, why don't we have a seat and see what develops?"

To say that Gin grinned would be superfluous. Gin was always grinning, but his grin shifted slightly, somehow becoming even creepier. He pulled up a chair. As he did, four flat panels rose from the floor in front of Aizen, flipping to become vertical in front of the two former captains. White, blurry figures swirled about on the screen, while what looked like snow fell quickly in front of them.

"Why are we watchin' Hitsugaya dancin' around in a blizzard?"

"Quiet. The show will start in a moment." The image on one of them clarified to show the skyline of Karakura town…

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop - 9:15 p.m.**

Isane blinked as she stepped into Urahara's shop. She honestly hadn't expected it to be a candy store. Then she noticed that about half of the "candy" looked really unappealing, and in fact only affected spiritual beings. _Clever…_

"Would you like some tea? Something to eat?" She heard Urahara ask. She felt her mouth start to water. It had been several hours since dinner, and she hadn't brought any food with her – other than six of Fourth Division's infamous pick-me-ups, which she would rather not use if she could avoid it.

She still hated to impose though. "If… if it's not going to be too much trouble. Thank you."

The merchant smiled and waved his hand airily. "It's no trouble at all! What kind of host would I be if I didn't make the offer? Of course," he added darkly, "sometimes people _abuse_ that kind of generosity, but I don't think you're going to give us that kind of problem. You'll be fine! Right, Tessai?"

The big man nodded reluctantly. "Well, she has better manners than the _moocher_, anyway." The way he said 'moocher' – his already deep voice dropping on the first syllable – seemed to give the term some kind of cosmic significance. Isane was about to ask who the moocher was when Urahara returned with full trays.

As she began to sip at her tea, Urahara began speaking. "As it turns out, I do have some additional instructions. They were given to me about a week ago, along with the order to hand them over to you." He produced, seemingly from nowhere, a small but opened envelope, which was curiously black on one side.

Isane looked up at him as she took the contents from the envelope. "You're a merchant, aren't you? Who are you taking orders from?"

Urahara brushed off her question. "I said that badly; It's not so much that I'm taking orders as that I make plans that happen to cooperate with those of people you know. So it sometimes helps to share what we're doing with each other."

"I see." Isane said. She didn't see, but also didn't feel like pressing the issue right now. She opened up her new instructions, and read them while munching on some of Urahara's food. It was actually pretty good.

As for the instructions, well, that was another story.

_Permission pre-granted for extended leave to the world of the living. Keep your presence in the world of the living low-key. Do nothing to interfere in normal Soul-Reaper operations. Meet with your contacts as soon as you can._

_Four targets confirmed. Analysis suggests that at least one of them is familiar with your shikai and can turn it against you, so be careful when releasing it. You should be able to make up the difference with your gear and special hand-to-hand combat skills._

"My what?" Isane asked out loud. She read on.

_Your mission is complete when all four targets are eliminated and their work destroyed. As always, any humans caught in the crossfire are to be protected within reason._

"That's really not that helpful." Isane said. "Who are my contacts?"

"I only know of one. He'll be here tomorrow morning –"

"Unfortunately." Tessai grumbled.

"- and I'd be happy to let you stay the night if you want to wait for him. Meanwhile, your stuff is in the back. I'll go get it for you."

"My stuff?"

"Yep. All your mission gear. Be back in a second!"

Urahara disappeared. As the silence stretched out across a few minutes, Isane began to feel a sinking sensation in her stomach. _This has to be a mistake. I don't do "target eliminations," I'm not supposed to be here for more than a day, and I shouldn't need any gear beyond what I packed in my bag. Something is very wrong here._

She was about to say so when Urahara returned. "Here we go! Everything sent through for one 'Isane Kotetsu.' The Soul Society has been preparing this trip for a while, so you actually have your own place to stay – it's an apartment not too far from here; you can pick up your key in the morning." He began pulling items out of a huge sack. "Here's your hollow-sensor, just in case. Here's a bundle of clothing, about a week's worth, I think. Here's a late-model soul candy – we've worked out most of the bugs. Here's a map of the city. Here's a spare pack of toiletries, Here's your… hrmm… not sure what this is. And finally, some money," he finished, handing over a fistful of cash.

"I couldn't just take your money!" Isane objected.

Urahara laughed. "It's actually _your_ money, remember? This is your mission budget, and it's not as much as it looks like, as far as mortal money goes, so try not to spend it all at once."

Isane blinked at the pile in front of her. What she wanted to say was: _This is insane! I don't know what to do with half of this!_ For some reason, though, what she actually said was, "Why do I need soul candy if I don't have a Gigai?"

The merchant took a sip from his tea. "You do. Your Gigai will be ready tomorrow morning."

Tessai got up. "I can help you move this to the guest room. You should get some sleep while you can."

Isane got up as well. Between the two of them, they were easily able to carry it all to the guest room in one trip. Isane examined all the gear, thanked Tessai, and flopped down onto the bed as soon as he slid the door shut. From just outside the door, she heard Tessai mutter something that sounded like "too tall." She blinked a couple of times and shook her head. It had to be her imagination – she could be paranoid about her height, in addition to self conscious. Isane rolled over and tried to go to sleep.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop - 11:54 p.m.**

Tessai found his boss out back, staring pensively at the envelope that he'd extended to Lieutenant Kotetsu. The writing on the envelope read: _Briefing, third part, for Captain Soifon's eyes only._ Or at least, that's what it had read before he'd blackened that entire side of the envelope.

"I guess there's no point in asking what you're doing." Tessai said. Urahara nodded mutely and threw the empty envelope into a large locker, where it bounced off of a Gigai of Captain Soifon, and landed on a pile of her clothes that he'd left in the bin as well. A label on the side of the locker read: _Most definitely for Captain Soifon._

The big man crossed his arms over his apron. "Boss, she's too tall."

Urahara gave him his standard goofy grin. "Oh, I don't know. Most of the problem is presentation. If she walked with a bit more sway and showed some leg…"

"That's not what I meant and you know it. She's far too large for Soifon's Gigai. And your technique for building these things doesn't produce them overnight, especially when we start at two in the morning. I would know. I helped you develop it."

"That's true, but we won't be starting from scratch."

Tessai just raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I just happen to have complete or mostly-complete Gigai of all the captains and lieutenants of the Court Guard Squads," Urahara explained, rubbing the back of his head, "just in case."

Tessai, for once, allowed himself to show his surprise. "What, all of them? You 'just happen' to have twenty-three bodies that look like officers in the basement? Kisuke, that's… pretty creepy. Even for us."

"It pays to be prepared, these days," Urahara said, completely serious. "Look, we both know that Captain Soifon was supposed to be the one to come through. She didn't. So either the Soul Society is playing a whole new game, or else someone screwed up royally on their end – and if it turns out to be the former, I'll eat my hat."

"Yes, I got that, thank you." Tessai scowled. "What I don't understand is why you didn't clear that up for the lieutenant."

Urahara's grin returned, but this one was sneaky, almost sinister. "If you help me finish the Kotetsu-Gigai by morning, I'll tell you."

* * *

**Second Division, Stealth Forces Training Grounds - 8:03 a.m.**

Captain Soifon's problem had grown worse. Her release orders were now more than a day overdue, and she had finally caved in that morning and left her quarters to go to the stealth forces training grounds. She was in her punishment guard outfit, and was moving through the complex series of obstacles, targets, and structures at incredible speed. The stealth force operatives themselves were busy enough that she had the whole place to herself, so she was doing something that she never did in public.

She was singing.

The song didn't have any words, and was in fact the same song that Squad Two's hell butterflies played whenever they delivered a mission briefing. She didn't know why the song appealed to her so much, but it was one of her favorites, and she was half-humming the sounds in a slightly off-key voice as she navigated the course.

"Bum, bum, BA-DUM! Bum, bum, Ba-dum. Bum, bum, BA-DUM! Bum, bum, Ba-dum."

She finished flipping, twisting, and rolling her way through a series of increasingly creative and dangerous booby traps. Then she emerged onto 'the bridge,' where a sequence of practice dummies popped up and swung arms and legs at her mechanically. She began working her way through those.

"Deedeedooooo… Deedeedooooo… Deedeedooooo… BA-DUM!"

She reached the end of the bridge, where a huge wooden figure popped out and began a long, haymaker swing. Normally, those training here would have dodged, but Soifon decided to block the arm with pure spiritual pressure, just to exercise that technique. She focused absolutely on stopping the powerful blow where it was, shutting out everything else. Her spiritual power formed a diamond hard point, and she grinned as she prepared to beat this course in record time.

"CAPTAIN! HEY, CAPTAIN!" The boorish voice sliced through any attempt to shut it out, even from across the cavernous room.

"WHAT?" She snapped. Unfortunately, her focus also snapped, and she found herself being swatted toward the source of distraction, as the wooden doll pushed through her ethereal defense. She managed to get control of her body before hitting the ground, turning a bad fall into a bouncing roll that carried her straight into a pile of equipment.

Marechiyo Omaeda, vice-captain of the Second Division, waddled over to where his captain had ended up. She seemed to be sprawled out over a bunch of sparring gear, although the way she'd landed made it seem as though she were just resting.

"Heh, you almost made that look good." He said. "The landing, I mean. The singing was horrible."

Soifon glared at him. "I swear, Omaeda, if you breathe a word of this to anyone I'll have you killed."

"Sure, sure… anyway, I came to tell you that your package was delivered, but -" Omaeda was cut off by the fact that Soifon was no longer in front of him. She was already halfway back to her quarters.

_About time_, she thought, her mind already in the world of the living.

Back at the training grounds, Omaeda scratched his head. "Huh… didn't think she'd be that excited."

Soifon reached her quarters and bounded over to her desk. There was nothing on it. Then she looked out her window. _What the…?_

She walked outside, but that didn't really clarify anything. A half-dozen members of the stealth forces surrounded a twenty foot high pillar of bluish ice.

_What the hell am I supposed to do with this?_

* * *

Note: Well, that's the end of chapter 2. It took me a while to work out Isane's entrance, but I'm happy with the result.

As always, reviews are appreciated.


	3. Looking for Trouble

Greetings!

Here's Chapter 3. Thanks to those who made reviews – I read each of them, I assure you.

As far as I know, Itegumo's power hasn't been revealed yet in any Bleach media. This means that I'm probably going to have to make it up. If I'm wrong, though, someone please correct me.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 3 – Dressed to kill, and looking for trouble**

_It is beneficial, from time to time, to have an outsider's opinion on a complex, difficult endeavor. The fresh perspective provided might catch details and answers hidden in the 'blind spots' of a chosen profession's conventions and dogma – ensuring that experts fixated on a complicated, lengthy solution don't miss out on a short and easy one. Frequently, the more perspectives you can get on a problem, the better._

_It is important to note, though, that a team undertaking such a task should have at least one appropriate professional on it. Otherwise, you merely have a group of random people who don't know what they're talking about._

* * *

**2nd Division, Captain's Quarters - 8:05 a.m.**

Captain Soifon stared at her new lawn ornament. The pillar of ice gleamed in the early morning sunlight, and didn't seem like it was going to start melting any time soon. As she examined it, the Stealth Force troops surrounding it subtly grew more agitated. They didn't really stand at attention, so it was sometimes hard to tell, but they became increasingly uncomfortable as she tried to remember or think of what this could be about.

She finally gave up, and resorted to her trump card for dealing with situations like this.

Soifon occasionally gave confusing, vague, and sometimes contradictory orders. This was nothing special in the Gotei Thirteen – Lieutenant Matsumoto and Lieutenant Kusajishi frequently did the same. Unlike those two, though, Soifon did so deliberately, and for various reasons. It forced her subordinates to think outside the box, to ask intelligent questions, and to try a little bit harder to uncover what really needed to be done. She had no need for stooges that just followed orders – that was what Omaeda was for, and one of him was enough.

On top of that, there was an added benefit to her obfuscation policy that her subordinates knew nothing about – sometimes, just sometimes, it allowed her to hide the fact that she had no idea what the heck was going on.

"Well then. You know what to do," she said. With that, she turned and headed back to her room.

When she was gone, the SF ninjas of Unit Four groaned. "Great… another one of these assignments."

"It'd be nice to get a simple one for once."

"Yeah, let me know when _that_ happens."

"Enough chatter!" Their leader and the fourth seat officer, Mitsu Kawachi, rubbed her temples and thought. "Alright. We need to track down where this came from and who sent it. That should tell us what it's for, anyway."

"Jidanbo dropped it off," one of the others volunteered.

"That doesn't mean anything," Mitsu sighed. "Let's see if we can find out who created it, at least."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop - Unknown Time**

Isane was disturbed in the middle of the night by her door sliding open. She sat up and looked at Urahara and Tessai as they made their way into the room. She shielded her eyes against the sudden light with her hand. "Is there a problem, Mr. Urahara?"

The merchant maintained his chipper demeanor from earlier. "Unfortunately, yes. It seems that we can't make a Gigai that's big enough for you."

Isane sighed. "All right. I guess I'll figure out how to get back to the Soul Society, and then…"

"Oh no no…" Urahara said waving his cane comically. "You can't go back until you've finished your mission! Don't worry, though – I have a way to fix this!"

"You do?"

"Yep. Since we can't make the Gigai any bigger, we just need to make you smaller." Urahara nodded to Tessai and unsheathed a hidden sword from his cane. "Awaken, Benihime!" The sword transformed into a deadly-looking straight blade with a razor tip.

Isane's eyes widened and she scrambled to her feet, but before she could do anything else, she heard the big man yell, "Bakudo Number Nine! Geki!"

Isane stood there, paralyzed but somehow still able to speak. "Wait! What are you doing?"

Urahara chuckled. "Well, Occam's Razor states that the best solution is the one that uses an actual razor. You have to understand that, at least."

Tessai nodded. "It's a very clever philosophy."

Isane fought against the binding, to no effect. "This is ridiculous! And you've got Occam's Razor all wrong!"

"Really?" The merchant looked thoughtful as he raised Benihime to attack position. "You know, this might explain why I was banished from the Soul Society."

The big man pointed at her. "Anyway, it's already been decided: this is what you get for being so freakishly tall."

Isane began sweating. "Don't I get a vote?"

Urahara grinned. "You're about to get two."

Then he struck.

Isane blinked. There was a lot less pain than she'd thought there would be. Also it was morning, and she had managed to wrap the sheets around herself in her sleep to the point where she could barely move. Isane pulled herself free of her sweaty, impromptu bindings and pushed her hair out of her face.

_Another nightmare. At least this one wasn't about fish cakes._ She got up and looked for where she could clean up. She finally found the bathroom and opened the door.

Her corpse hung from the light fixture, its open eyes glassy and staring, mouth slightly open, with a haunted expression on its face. It had apparently hanged itself in the night.

_Oh hell, a *compound* nightmare. I hate those._ Any second now she would "wake up" and have the dream where she walked in to the joint officer meeting naked. _Then_ the fish cakes would come…

She didn't wake up, though, and finally worked up the courage to visit her admittedly good-looking corpse. On more rational inspection, it turned out to be her Gigai, and was primarily suspended by a larger cord around the chest, with the cord around the neck only holding its head up.

_Urahara's shop of horrors._ She thought dryly, more than a little upset. _I've got to get out of here before I lose my mind. What could possess him to leave my Gigai like this?_

**---(Two hours earlier)---**

Jinta and Ururu, both early risers, dragged the large and newly completed MK. 1 Kotetsu-Gigai into the guest room – quietly, so as not to disturb the sleeping occupant. "Let's drop it here," Jinta whined. "This thing is heavy!"

"Mr. Urahara said to prop it up," Ururu softly croaked.

"Prop it up on what? The only thing above waist-high is the bathroom light."

"Mr. Urahara said-"

"Fine," Jinta hissed, "hold on a moment." He stalked off and came back with a length of cord. "Help me out here." When they were done, the Gigai slumped forward as it hung, managing to look uncomfortable despite not being able to make facial expressions on its own. "We should do something about that." Ururu said.

Jinta growled, got some more cord, and looped it around the Gigai's neck, tilting the head back. It now looked more or less like a suicide.

Ururu blinked. "I don't think that's any better."

"Whatever, we're done here." Jinta said, stomping off to catch up on his slacking. Ururu nodded and returned to her chores.

**---(Back in the present)---**

_He's a sick, sick man._ Isane decided, undoing the cords and rope. Now that she had the Gigai, she examined it carefully, like she would a patient. Everything seemed to be in order, although Urahara hadn't copied the limiter tattoo.

She frowned. Come to think of it, she didn't feel particularly limited. She pushed up her sleeve and looked in the mirror, looking for the bellflower tattoo on her arm. It wasn't there.

_I… I'm sure there's a reason for that_. Isane sighed, cleaned up, got into her Gigai, and got dressed.

* * *

**10th Division, Captain's Quarters - 8:25 a.m.**

Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya woke up feeling better than he had in ages.

_A whole night's sleep. Amazing. I'd forgotten what it was like._

He sat up in bed and extended his senses outward, idly wondering where Matsumoto was. That was when he sensed the intruder in his room.

Hitsugaya carefully got up, weighing the possibilities. There was a chance that this was a practical joke of some kind, which meant that he probably shouldn't just hit the presence with enough kido to turn it inside out. He'd have to draw the intruder into the open. The trouble was that he didn't feel like being particularly subtle.

The captain paused halfway to his closet, then suddenly flash stepped to the presence, reached behind the large vase he kept in the corner, and yanked the man out. "You know, trespassing in a captain's quarters is highly illegal, right?"

"It is? Crap – uh… I mean… Captain's quarters? I thought this was the Bed and Breakfast!"

The air began to chill with Toshiro's ire. Being less than four and a half feet tall and only half dressed made looming difficult, but he managed. "It's far too early for jokes. What are you doing in here?"

"I… uh… I just wanted to ask you a few questions, captain!"

"And you couldn't have scheduled an appointment?"

"The questions were urgent!"

"But not urgent enough to wake me up?"

"Uh..."

"You get one more try."

"Alright, alright! It's about style! We're ninjas, ok? We can't just walk in and make an appointment!"

Hitsugaya rubbed the bridge of his nose, the serenity of his delicious sleep already fading. "Please, _please_ tell me that this isn't what Captian Soifon is teaching her recruits."

"It's not… it's just something we worked out on our own."

"Fine." Hitsugaya dropped him and headed back over to his closet. He started tossing the parts of his uniform on his bed. "Why are you still here?"

"Well, I still need to ask you abou-"

The unfortunate ninja went flying straight out the window with a blast of arctic air. Hitsugaya shouted after him, "And stay out of my quarters from now on!" Unfortunately, his voice cracked on the last word, and Hitsugaya slammed the window shut before counting to ten, slowly. This wasn't a healthy way to start the day.

"Calm down," he told himself. "It could be worse. You could be stuck as a kid forever."

* * *

Far away, in a completely different anime universe, Ash Ketchum suddenly began crying.

* * *

Back in the Seireitei, Mitsu collected her unfortunate agent. "Brilliant. We didn't learn a thing."

"Look, it's not my fault he caught me. He's a freaking captain! _I_ said we should make an appointment."

She rolled her eyes. He hadn't said anything like that. "Alright, on to plan B. While you were getting interrogated by your target, I found out that Rukia Kutchki is actually in the world of the living, and has been for some time, so we need to focus on finding out the truth about Hitsugaya. We're going to track down Lieutenant Matsumoto, and this time, we're actually going to go through proper channels."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop - 8:30 a.m.**

Isane decided to dress warmly. It was late fall and it still seemed cold, even inside the shop. Fortunately, Urahara had prepared for it, and she ended up wearing long pants, a fairly unremarkable shirt, and a white jacket. She wasn't entirely convinced that it wasn't men's clothing, although Urahara had managed to get everything else spot-on. She didn't think too hard about why he had seven sets of women's undergarments in her size lying around, although she might have if she had known that he'd had no idea she was coming.

As she walked in to breakfast, she saw that there were more occupants to the shop than she'd thought. Two children also happened to be eating with them, and Urahara introduced them as Jinta and Ururu. Something felt off about the two kids, but she decided not to press the issue – for all she knew, she was still off balance from her jarring experience in the bathroom.

Urahara had them wait up on breakfast, though, because apparently her contact would be eating with them. They began speaking to pass the time.

"So how are things going in the Seireitei? It's been a while since I had any fresh news."

Isane considered. "Things are fine. We're running down Arrancar leads wherever we can, although mostly I just see to the injuries of those who fight them."

Urahara nodded. "Mmm-hmm. How's that Gigai working out for you?"

"It's fine!" Isane answered, far too quickly.

Urahara gave her an odd look.

"Really, really fine." Isane laughed nervously. "There's no need to adjust anything!"

The merchant shrugged. "Well, if you're sure."

It was then that the front door opened, and she met her contact. He was a well-built guy with tattoos running up the back of his neck. He had a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses riding on his forehead, and his bright red hair was pulled back in a ponytail, which stuck out in all directions in a way that mocked mankind's understanding of physics.

He also seemed fairly surprised. "Lieutenant Kotetsu?"

"Lieutenant Abarai!" Isane blinked. "I didn't know you were back in the living world."

"Yeah, I've been back and forth a lot lately. But what about you? I thought squad four couldn't spare you from the clinic."

"That's what I thought too."

Urahara waved Renji to the table. "Come in, come in! It's been a while."

Jinta scowled. "Yeah, we really missed your mooching," he said sarcastically.

Renji took a seat, although Isane noted that he seemed kind of tense.

Ururu quietly added, "It's ok, Mr. Moocher, don't let Jinta get you down."

Tessai began serving the food. "Indeed. Have a seat, _moocher_. I made extra since I knew you'd be coming."

Urahara waved his hand casually. "It's perfectly alright. We had a surplus of food anyway. What better way is there to sort that out than to have a moocher join us?"

Isane was sure she could _hear_ Renji grinding his teeth. She was about to speak up – after all, she was mooching as much as Renji, wasn't she? – when Urahara winked at her conspiratorially. It seemed as though this was a ritual of theirs.

Breakfast passed quickly, especially since both of the lieutenants refused to take second helpings. When it was done, she and Renji collected her equipment. Isane thanked Urahara once more for his hospitality, and then the two Soul Reapers left, both eager to be out of the store. Outside, the two of them set off to get her stuff dropped off at her new apartment.

Isane kept catching herself staring at things like the architecture and vehicles. It had been nearly thirty years since her last visit to the living world, and that had been a brief one. The Seireitei had no need for wide roads with multiple lanes, and even less for vehicles – flash steps took care of most rapid transportation needs. Everything seemed brighter and heavier, somehow, and the air was surprisingly devoid of spiritual power. She kept reminding herself that the buildings weren't made of reishi, but rather were constructed from dozens of materials. It all seemed alien and cumbersome and_ loud._

"Lieutenant," she asked, "How long have you been here?"

"On and off… I guess I've been here about a month since Aizen's rebellion." He said. "And you don't have to keep calling me Lieutenant. If you're here on an extended trip, that's going to get old fast."

"Well, when you're in the 'wimpy' squad, it pays to be polite." Isane said, with a slightly bitter smile. "Should I call you Abarai, then?"

He grinned. "Call me Renji. Just about everyone else here does, anyway. And if you loosen up a bit, I promise not to call your squad wimpy."

She finally grinned back. She'd never gotten to know Renji Abarai very well – they mostly only met at joint staff meetings – but he seemed alright. "Well, call me Isane and I'll promise not to call you 'the moocher.'"

"Deal." It was at about that point that they reached the apartment. They picked up the key and got in without incident. The apartment itself wasn't bad, although it was sparsely furnished. When they had moved all of Isane's gear in, they sat down at the kitchen table, and spread out the map of Karakura town. "So…" Isane started. "Tell me what you know about the mission." She was eager to finally have the details and the mystery cleared up.

Renji stared blankly for a few seconds. Isane began to feel a familiar sinking sensation.

"I don't know anything about your mission. Urahara said you'd fill me in."

"Really." Isane sighed. "He told me that you were one of my contacts. I kind of figured that you would know what was going on."

"Just because I'm a contact doesn't mean I know anything. Didn't you get a briefing?"

"I did. Take a look." She handed him the hell butterfly transcript, as well as the paper she'd received from Urahara after digging them out of her pocket.

Renji read them quickly and frowned. "That's not very helpful."

"I know. There are four targets, and they're up to something. Oh, and one of them may or may not be able to turn my shikai against me."

The Sixth Division Vice-Captain scratched his head. "Well… that's how it usually goes, I guess. A while ago, when I was in Captain Hitsugaya's recon team, our mission was basically to come here, watch for Arrancar, and figure out what to do from there."

Renji brightened suddenly. "On the other hand, it sounds like you're on a _secret_ mission, which means that I _do_ know what to do first. Come on!" He got up and grabbed Isane's hand, practically dragging her out the door.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 9:41 a.m.**

The two Arrancar watched as the red-headed Soul Reaper dragged the enemy agent down the street. It wasn't hard – the two Reapers ran right by them, and neither the red-head nor the agent seemed to notice. Not because the Arrancar were hiding, but because neither of them looked like Arrancar, even spiritually.

The two Arrancar seemed very different on the surface. One of them was bald, muscular, and huge, dressed in a sleeveless shirt and short pants despite the chill air. The Greek letter delta was visible on his right shoulder. The other one was short and scrawny, with long, bluish-black hair tied back in a ponytail, and he was dressed more appropriately in a coat and sweat pants. A gamma could be seen on the side of his neck.

They were two of the four special Arrancar prototypes that Aizen had sent on this assignment, and turning into a human-like form was only the beginning of what they could do.

The big one, Bastida, chuckled. "Looks like it works. Neither one of them felt a thing."

The other one shrugged. "Of course it works. What did you expect?"

"I dunno, really…"

The scrawny one grinned impishly. "I can believe that."

Bastida rubbed his head, not catching the jibe. "So what do we do now, Zarraga?"

"We follow orders and report back. Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Maybe."

* * *

**Las Noches, Throne Room - 9:45 a.m.**

In the throne room of Las Noches, all four of the screens were lit and showing scenes from Karakura town. No one was watching them, though. Aizen and Gin had both gotten started on other projects last night. Now they returned to their entertainment.

"How do ya know we didn't miss anything important?" Gin asked.

"I'll take a quick look. These record any unusual activity and keep it in case I want to review it later."

"That's a pretty nifty feature."

"Gin… I'm the greatest mind that the three worlds have seen in a thousand years. I'm in possession of the mightiest artifact in history, as well as one of the most mind-blowingly useful Zanpakuto the Soul Society has ever seen. Did you really think I would let myself be one-upped by TiVo?"

"Well, when ya put it that way…"

The two sat. "So why didja make an Arrancar that could turn into a human? Wouldn't Numeros be able to do this mission?"

"Yes and no… their human forms will help, but this is mostly performance-testing."

Gin looked at him quizzically.

Aizen grinned smugly. "If they can maintain human disguises well enough to complete their mission… that will determine if I move on to the next version. You see, disguising an Arrancar as a Soul Reaper isn't much different…"

Gin's grin widened. "Ah. So you'll be movin' on, then."

Aizen looked back at the monitors. "That remains to be seen. This is promising, but there's more to maintaining a disguise than manipulating spirit energy. We'll need to see the whole mission before I make my decision."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Mikito Sunglasses Emporium - 10:02 a.m.**

Isane looked at the shop in front of her. The sign read: MIKITO SUNGLASSES EMPORIUM.

"_This_ is the critical first step of the mission, Renji?"

"Definitely!" Renji hauled her inside. "If I've learned anything from human movies, it's that anyone on a secret mission has to wear dark glasses. You're getting your own pair."

"Renji, I don't have unlimited funds. These are all so expensive!"

"Nonsense! It's a critical accessory. It won't kill you to pick up a pair!"

She sighed. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Not a chance."

"Fine." She tried on several sets, finally settling on the cheapest pair that she could stand wearing.

"That's great," Renji declared. "How do you feel?"

She looked in the mirror. "Kind of silly. And it's hard to see. This isn't conductive to looking for things."

"You'll get used to them."

She shook her head sadly. "That's what I'm afraid of."

In the end, resistance was futile, and she spent some of her precious stipend on the stupid glasses. She had them up on her forehead before leaving the shop. She knew she needed to get down to business and begin looking for her targets. If only she knew where.

Beside her, Renji looked around. "So… are we going door to door, or what?"

Isane rubbed the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. "Maybe."

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: Whew. I had to work through a fairly large writer's block to get this chapter out. I'm not quite as happy with it as I was with the previous two, although this chapter was necessary for the rest of the story. For one thing, I ended up creating an original non-bad guy character, which is something I didn't want to do, but it felt silly to not give any of Unit Four a name.

It also occurred to me that Unohana (remember Unohana? I listed her has the second main character?) hasn't showed up in two chapters now. Don't panic. She'll get her time before I'm done.

If you were wondering, the "about to get two" punchline was indeed borrowed from Penny Arcade. It wasn't originally going to be how the nightmare ended, but when I got to that point it seemed appropriate.

Reviews are, now and always, highly desirable. It shouldn't take me as long to get chapter four out.


	4. Patience and Restraint

Greetings!

Here's Chapter 4. Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, and shaggy-bear for the reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 4 – In which patience and restraint are practiced by all**

_It is interesting to note that a great deal of destruction is necessary to create and refine things. Something as simple as making a sword requires the creator to burn a great deal of matter, expend a great deal of energy, and strike an object again and again. Impurities are removed through the burning. Strength is gained through the energy expenditure. Shape is given through the impacts of the hammer. Finally, the sword is made sharp through copious amounts of vicious grinding. In the end, the sword is forged in a surprisingly violent way. The same process can be said to apply to any other job, including those that don't produce a tangible product. In the end, you have to sacrifice something to improve or gain something else._

_Moderation is required, though. Too much grinding, burning, or striking will only produce a smelly, sticky, flaming mess. And to add insult to injury, you'll still have burned all of that time and money._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 10:34 a.m.**

Alegria sat on the edge of the stage, overlooking the expanse of concrete where there had once been seating for four thousand people. She stared at the artifact in her hands. It was tiny, which was surprising and yet strangely appropriate. A tiny orb glowed from within its crystalline confinement.

The Hogyoku - It was the most powerful artifact ever created, allowing the fusion of Soul Reapers and Hollows, dissolving the barrier between them.

_But that's not all it does, from what Lord Aizen told me._ Alegria thought. _It can do so much more. And he entrusted it to me!_

Aizen had explained his reasoning to her, which she found flattering. He had told her that while most Arrancar were hollows that he had located and turned, she was his creation from the beginning, which made her both superior and special. Since he'd been involved in her planning from the beginning, her abilities were much broader than those of normal hollows, and she would only get stronger with time.

She was not – quite – at the level of the current Espada. The main problem was age. Most of the Arrancar had been hollows for decades or centuries before conversion, and a great deal of their combat experience carried over. Alegria was barely four months old, but she knew everything she needed to – Aizen had given her an advanced knowledge of tactics, strategy, personnel management, geography, and the sciences. In addition, she possessed an encyclopedic vocabulary.

She had spent most of her time during the four months leading up to her first mission learning about her Soul Reaper enemies. She also was especially prepared, thanks to her Zanpakuto ability, to handle Captain Soifon, who she had already been informed would be her opponent.

All of this was the reason that Aizen had entrusted her with the Hogyoku itself. The others in her little team had expressed their doubts that it was the real thing, but she was certain. It pulsed with power; that had to count for something, right?

_Mostly certain._

She frowned and looked at it, remembering reading that Aizen had permitted the traitorous Arrancar to take a fake Hogyoku to clean some deadwood out of his army.

_Somewhat certain._

She thought about it some more, remembering that Aizen had a tendency to screw with his subordinates, just to keep them on their toes.

_Well, I don't have any proof that it *isn't* the real one._

"Oh Alllll-eeeeeeeeee… I found another ooooonnnneeee!" A singsong voice called out across the cavernous room.

Alegria sighed. "Soto, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"

A tall Arrancar walked into the room, a body draped over her shoulder. The two female Arrancar were nearly as great a contrast as Zarraga and Bastida – Alegria was of average height, with long, black hair, and was wearing a nice shirt and a long skirt. The Greek letter alpha could be seen on her wrist whenever her sleeve was pushed back. Soto, meanwhile, was tall, olive skinned, and had bright, blue, short hair that resisted any attempt to tame it. She was dressed in long pants and a white t-shirt, and a beta was tattooed high on her left cheek.

Soto continued brightly as she dumped the body on the stage in front of her leader, "I dunno! It's a _lot_ more fun than calling you 'Alegria' or 'Airgela' or 'Mission Commander' or 'Mrs. Sourpuss' or-"

"Ok, I get it. Where did you find th… oh come _on_. The high school again?"

"Well, that's where they keep turning up. Maybe there's something there that's making humans spiritually aware?"

"Maybe there is, but I told you not to take any more from that area. The humans will get suspicious!"

Soto visibly grew more excited, grabbing Alegria by the shoulders. "You think so? Maybe they'll figure out our secret hiding place, and the police will come to take us in! They'll be all 'Come out with your hands up!' and you'll be like 'You'll never take me alive!' and then there could be a big dramatic hostage situation – maybe even a car chase!"

Alegria began to feel like she was losing control of this conversation. Soto had a way of derailing rational chains of thought. "Or maybe they'll storm the building, but since they're human and we're Arrancar, they won't see anything. So they'll go home."

Soto frowned. "But that would be _boring_."

"That's right. And that's why you shouldn't take any more humans from the same spot you've been getting them."

"Oh, _alright,_" Soto pouted. "Could there at least be a car chase?"

"Soto, we don't need cars. We have Sonido."

"Oh. Oh yeah…"

Alegria sighed with relief. She might have been hand-crafted by Aizen, but he'd been forced to create the rest of her team more quickly, so he'd utilized his refined Arrancar-making process on existing hollows. As a result, the other three were powerful, but they came with a few… quirks.

Soto's eyes lit up again, and Alegria prepared herself for whatever fresh insanity she was about to come up with, but was saved by a loud bang as the doors at the top of the auditorium flew open.

"We're back!" Boomed the voice of Bastida. "The living world was fun today! Also we finished our mission."

"It was simple reconnaissance," grumbled his partner. "It's nothing to get excited about."

"And what did you find out?" Alegria leaned forward on her perch.

Zarraga spoke up. "The red-haired Soul Reaper is in on it. The agent seems to be following his advice. Neither one of them sensed us, even at close range."

Alegria leaned back. That was what she had wanted to hear. "That's good. Here's what we'll do, then. Soto will take our newest find to the basement so I can hook him into the loop. You two will tail the agent – do whatever you must to stay near her without being obvious about it. As soon as you get the chance to kill her in private – no allies, no bystanders nearby – you will do so, and watch out for that stinger. See if you can take her by surprise. I'm going to work on getting the Hogyoku synchronized with the rest of our gear."

Soto nodded cheerfully. "Soto's delivery service! I slug 'em, you plug 'em!"

Zarraga nodded seriously. "Yeah, we'll take care of it."

"You'd better," Alegria responded darkly. "I don't want to see any of that idiocy you displayed when we were getting ready for this in Las Noches."

"That was a fluke! We'll be fine."

"Uh-huh. That's good, because if you fail a job as simple as this one, I'm going to take a pair of those cans from downstairs and shove them somewhere unfortunate."

"We're on our way!" Zarraga dragged Bastida out the door. She could faintly hear Bastida asking where 'unfortunate' was. Soto headed downstairs, and Alegria was left alone to meditate. She could barely wait to face the conflict to come.

Somewhere out there was a dangerous, experienced enemy agent. That agent knew she was here, and probably something about her team as well. She would have to plot her moves carefully – the agent was no doubt formulating a plan to eliminate her at this very moment.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Isane's Apartment - 11:37 a.m.**

"How can the flavor be 'all natural' if there are this many chemicals in it?" Isane asked aloud, staring at the canned beverage's label.

Renji looked thoughtful. "Beats me. As far as I can tell, humans think it's ok to lie as long as you call it advertising."

The two Soul Reapers were unloading groceries at Isane's apartment. "This world is even stranger than the last time I was here." Isane mused.

"Wait 'till you see what's on TV," Renji snickered, leaving the small kitchen area.

Isane finished putting the food away, and then counted up how much money she had left. It wasn't much. "I'm going to need a job."

Renji's voice wafted from the other room. "Huh. Why?"

"I'm almost out of money, and I don't know how long I'll be here. Does Urahara have any openings?"

"I don't think so." Renji replied. "Maybe you could get a medical job, you know? You've got to be worth a dozen mortal doctors."

Isane smiled. "That's nice of you to say, but most hospitals are going to want diplomas, certifications, and all sorts of things that I don't have. Besides, I'd almost certainly have to work the same hours that I do at the Fourth Division Med-center, which wouldn't leave much time for the mission."

"Well, maybe you could moonlight at a burger place or something. Your cooking can't be worse than Rangiku's."

Isane shuddered. "It's still not what I'd call good. I mostly fix simple food for myself."

Renji tried fiddling with the window, which seemed to be stuck. "Well, you'll figure it out."

"I hope so. I still don't even know where to start. I don't know where my contacts are, who my enemies might be, what they're up to, or whether or not I can defeat them when the time comes!"

Renji considered. "Well, I can help you work on that last one."

"What, you mean… training? Renji, Lieutenant vs. Lieutenant training can get messy, and we're in the middle of a city. Where would we train?"

The Squad Six vice-captain grinned. "I'm glad you asked. Do you want to see something cool?"

* * *

**4th Division, Intensive Care - 12:02 p.m.**

Retsu Unohana, captain of the Fourth Division and greatest healer in the Soul Society, straightened. She had just finished mending the badly mangled leg of the Fifth Division member in front of her. A hollow near Cairo had turned out to be stronger than expected, and he'd been rushed back to the Seireitei by his fellows.

"…so I was wondering if she'd say yes or not, but then I found out that she doesn't exist. You'd be surprised how disheartening that is. Worse than when my brother turned out to be a puddle."

Unohana remained impassive despite the man's babbling. The Fourth Division used an all-purpose sedative and opiate to keep their patients under control while in surgery. Most patients were simply and cleanly rendered unconscious, and all of them lost motor control and the ability to feel pain. A very small percent, though, remained half awake in a dreamlike, partially delusional state, and were liable to say all manner of things. Frequently, what they said just didn't make sense. Sometimes it was touching, sometimes disturbing, and it was occasionally embarrassing.

_And not just for the patient._ Unohana had to suppress a small surge of annoyance. It had been one of these episodes that had started the rumors about her and Captain Zaraki, when the captain had finally chosen to dive into a pile of one too many hollows and had come out of it needing actual medical attention. In fairness to the Eleventh Division's captain, Zaraki _had_ won the fight, but he had still been admitted to Fourth Division and had turned out to be one of the delusional types, and during stitching had proclaimed – loudly enough to be heard on the other side of the building – that Unohana was "really hot."

Unohana was fairly certain that Zaraki had been hallucinating and delirious at the time – a hypothesis further supported by Zaraki's subsequent lecture on how waffles were the greatest weapon known to man. That part of the story tended to get dropped, however, and she'd emerged from the operating theater to the applause and cheers of her subordinates. She had simply ignored it, then moved about her daily business while contemplating whether or not she had saved up enough sick leave to crawl into a hole and _die_. She hadn't, unfortunately, and the operating rooms of the Med-Center had been mysteriously soundproofed over the following weeks. The rumor had finally subsided, though. It had helped that Zaraki didn't remember any of it, and shrugged off any attempt to discuss it.

She shook her head, getting back to the here and now. She turned to the patient's friend as she administered the drug that would reverse the opiate. "He needs to rest now. He will be fine."

The other member of Squad Five seemed to relax. As he got up, though, the patient's hand shot up and caught his sleeve, and there was a panicked gasp, "Wait! Who will take care of my rabbits?"

Unohana looked expectantly at the patient's friend. The friend began wildly pantomiming that he had no idea what the patient was talking about. Unohana nodded and leaned over the patient, gently but firmly placing his hand back on the bed. "It will be alright. I will take care of your rabbits."

"Oh… ok…" The patient then quickly dropped off to sleep.

Unohana emerged from the operating room and called over two of her squad. "Move him to the recovery area." She almost told another to get Isane for her, but then stopped. She sighed and rubbed her temples. Isane had been gone a while now – any emergency situation in the mortal world should have been handled by this time. Unohana decided to send a message to central dispatch to see what Isane was supposedly doing.

Then the sixth response team burst into the ward carrying a Soul Reaper and yelling about poison, and Unohana turned and ran to follow them.

* * *

**2nd Division, Training Grounds - 2:13 p.m.**

If it were possible, Soifon's problem had grown even worse. She didn't know why – she had spent days staking out a target before, without feeling this bored and irritable. She supposed the problem was purpose – at least the stakeout had been accomplishing something. Here she was just sitting on her hands.

So she had taken to prowling around Second Division's headquarters, snapping at subordinates that were performing badly, or looked like they might start performing badly at some point in the future, just in case. As evening approached, she began to suspect that the Stealth Forces were just as eager for her to go on her mission as she was.

About halfway through her walk, Omaeda had joined her, and that hadn't helped her mood any either. She had just finished watching one of the training teams and begun moving again when Omaeda had asked her, "So what did you do about that big thing of ice?"

She sighed. "I put Unit Four on it."

"Awww… I could have handled it for you! Why don't you let me do any of the weird jobs?"

She rounded on him suddenly, glaring. "Why? Because you're the Second Division's biggest failure, both figuratively and literally! You thought Shunko was a kind of ice cream for three years! You're fat enough to have your own zip code, you can't hide because you leave a trail of crumbs everywhere you go, and you can't stalk anything because you have the observational skills of a _brick_. You're a disgrace. You couldn't find _Waldo_. You probably still think that this is a _private_ conversation, don't you?"

"There's someone else in here?"

"There are _fifteen_ ninjas in this room!"

"It's true," said one of the potted plants.

"And _that_ is why you don't do anything important." Soifon finished. "I'm sure Unit Four is doing fine."

* * *

**10th Division, Vice-Captain's Office (Approximate) - 2:14 p.m.**

Unit Four was not doing fine. Mitsu sighed and leaned back, massaging her shoulder. They'd been staking out Tenth Division's headquarters for hours. Attempting to schedule an appointment with Matsumoto had proved futile. Rangiku's schedule was a disorganized, amorphous, shifting, Lovecraftian horror with no steady openings in which one could place something as concrete as an appointment. Unit Four had spent hours being shuffled around and put off, before finally going back to doing things the sneaky way. Now they just needed for Matsumoto to be alone and vulnerable, if only for a moment.

_I'll get you yet, Matsumoto_. Mitsu thought, wondering if she was being entirely rational about this. _You and your sneaky, frosty captain. I don't know what kind of secrets you're hiding, but we'll find them._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Training Grounds - 7:42 p.m.**

Isane Kotetsu, for a wonder, _was_ doing fine. She and Renji had arrived at Urahara's shop earlier that day, and the merchant had led them to his downstairs training area at Renji's insistence.

Urahara had put on his standard routine, of course. "Whoa! Who would have guessed that there'd be a huge cave right under my shop?"

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you would have guessed," Renji had shot back, impatiently.

After explaining that the area was shielded and _very_ durable, Urahara had left them there and returned to the surface to tend to his store. The two lieutenants had begun practicing, and continued for hours.

What surprised Isane was how well she was doing. As a lieutenant, Isane knew that she wasn't weak in an objective sense, but she had figured that she was one of the weaker vice-captains. But not only was she keeping up with Renji, she was fighting _circles_ around him, both at sealed and Shikai level. It was a huge confidence booster, which she admitted to herself that she'd needed in the wake of the Ryoka attack. In addition to the horror of Aizen's betrayal, Isane personally had gone out like a rank amateur in her fight with Kurosaki, and then had been more or less dismissed by Aizen in the Central 46 chambers.

That day hadn't been good for her self-esteem.

She tried to tell herself that she was being silly. It was partially due to her efforts that Captain Hitsugaya and Lieutenant Hinamori were still alive, and she'd assisted all the other injured officers from Sokyoku Hill with efficient effort and expert skill. The fact remained, though, that her most recent experience in actual combat had been getting stomped by a fifteen year old human boy. Granted, that boy had gone on to defeat Captain Kuchiki, but it still stung.

Which was why she was astounded at how well she was doing in Urahara's secret training ground. She wasn't even really using Itegumo's abilities, and she was easily avoiding Renji's attacks and countering with her own.

"Damn…" Renji grunted, from his prone position on the ground. He pushed himself up onto his elbows. "I can't believe how strong you are!"

Isane was about to reply, but something nagged at the back of her mind. She looked down at Renji, and saw it – his uniform had started to fall open in front, and it revealed the limiter seal of Sixth Division on his chest.

_Oh hell, I should have known._

"I can't imagine how you haven't achieved Bankai yet, if you're this powerful even with a limiter." Renji winced. "That last hit was really good."

Isane fidgeted nervously. "Actually, I, uh… I'm not under a limiter right now."

Renji's eyebrows shot up – an action that was more obvious on him than most. "Huh? Of course you are."

Isane shook her head. "No, I'm really not." She pushed up her sleeve. "It's normally right there. I didn't get one when I came through for some reason."

Renji leaned forward and whistled. "Wow, you really are on a secret mission." Then he scowled. "Hey! You've been cheating!"

Isane gave a small bow of apology. "I… I'm sorry! I don't usually have to worry about them, and I forgot."

Renji's eyes suddenly lit up, and his face split into a rakehell grin. "Well then. If you're five times stronger than you're supposed to be, then I guess it would be fair if _my_ power went up by that amount too!"

Isane eyed him suspiciously. "We don't need to ask for a release. I'll acknowledge that you're a better fighter – there's no need to call back home."

"I wasn't talking about that." Renji laughed as he got up. "I was wondering if you'd like to train against a Bankai!"

"A Bankai?" Isane blurted out. She'd heard that Renji had one, but… "Doesn't that multiply your strength by a _bit_ more than five times?"

"Well, yeah, it's closer to ten, but without a limiter you shouldn't get hurt _too_ bad. Are you telling me that you're afraid of the big bad Bankai?"

"I am _not_ afraid!" Isane shot back hotly. "I'm… concerned."

_This is crazy! You don't train against a Bankai!_

_Do you?_

"Concerned about what?"

"Isn't it… isn't it draining on you to use Bankai?" She said, searching for an excuse.

Renji shrugged. "A bit, but I could use the practice. Don't worry about me. Do you want to do this or not?"

_No!_ "Yes!"

Isane had no idea at the time why she had agreed. It could have been that she wanted to test herself against someone who wasn't an ungodly powerful Ryoka. It could have been that her mounting frustration with her mission left her wanting a good fight. It could have been that all of those chemicals required to produce an "all natural" flavor had left her with a case of temporary insanity. It was only much later that she would classify it as "pride" instead of "stupidity."

_What an odd thing to say. I'm going to die._

"Good! That's the spirit! BANKAI, HIHIO ZABIMARU!"

* * *

**Chapter End**

Chapter 4 complete! This one ran a bit long, and I still didn't put in everything that I wanted to. That just means that Chapter 5 will be out faster, though.

As always, reviews and feedback are appreciated!


	5. Working Hard

Greetings!

Here's Chapter 5. I'd forgotten that my semester projects were going to be due soon when I posted Chapter 4, so this chapter came out late, and for that I apologize.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, and shaggy-bear for the reviews so far.

**Side note:** I'm not sure what's going on, exactly, but for some reason I'm no longer able to see special characters when they're on their own line on this site. For instance, I used to separate my 'scenes' with four asterisks (****), but recently have stopped being able to see those divisions, making my story (and anyone else's who happens to use a similar method) very difficult to read. To counter this, I've switched to using built-in line breaks and date/time text to mark a change in narrative focus. I'm kind of new to this site, so I don't know if the problem is unique to me, or what. Either way, it should be easier to read, now.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

///////////////////////////

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 5 – Working hard, or hardly working?**

_Effort is required in any great endeavor. This was originally attained through manpower – lots of people performing the same task to maximize the effect. Later, simple machines, domesticated animals, new techniques, and then increasingly complex machines were used to maximize the work output of a given group on a per-person basis._

_Today, we have machines that can perform billions of operations per second, twenty-four hours a day. Despite this, people in almost every modern culture, even those with a reputation for laziness, work harder than any ancient society. Most importantly, all of that work needs to be aimed at a unified goal – or at least at goals that are not mutually exclusive. Without good communication and planning, all of that work equates to very little change._

_That fact has yet to stop us from communicating poorly and failing to plan._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Training Grounds - 7:44 p.m.**

Isane stared up, and up, and up. Zabimaru's true form loomed above her. In many ways, a Bankai was like a tornado – fascinating to watch at a distance, and to be avoided at all costs should it turn your way. Time seemed to dilate, and Isane hosted a mental debate with herself as Renji prepared his attack.

_No backing down now!_

_Why not? Is your dignity really worth getting your head bitten off?_

_Who are you?_

_I'm sanity. We were friends before you lost me and decided that fighting Renji's Bankai was a good idea. It's nice to meet you again._

_Go away, I need to concentrate._

_Aw, don't be like that. I only have your best interests at heart. You know this is just going to end up like your fight with Kurosaki._

_The hell it will!_

_Fine, but don't come crying to me when that snake *thing* is gnawing on your corpse. By the way, you should probably dodge or something._

Isane realized that Renji had already begun swinging, and Zabimaru was _fast._ It was moving much more quickly than it had in Shikai, although there was a slight unsteadiness to it. The Fourth Division lieutenant barely had time to flash step to one side as the creature went roaring past.

_He still can't control it fully._ That was both good and bad – good because it meant that fighting it would be that much less difficult, and bad because Renji was _theoretically_ trying not to kill her, which meant that turning aside a finishing blow could get messy. _I'll just have to make the most of it_.

Isane flash stepped again, attempting to get behind Zabimaru to strike at Renji himself. When she reached the tail, though, she found that Zabimaru's final coils were swirling around Renji, making him difficult to attack – and the front end of the beast was already circling around for a new assault.

_So much for the obvious solution._ Isane tried to think of what she could do to defeat the creature. The thing seemed invincible.

_You're going about this the wrong way, Isane._ She told herself. _You're not fighting Zabimaru, you're fighting Renji. What can you do that he can't?_

It seemed that she was more maneuverable than Zabimaru, although the beast appeared to be capable of greater speed. She could heal, but that mostly meant that she had a somewhat smaller chance of dying after Zabimaru crushed her like a bug. But in a more general sense, Isane was an expert Kido practitioner, capable of using fairly high level incantations, as well as chaining them together for greater effect. That was one area where she definitely outclassed Renji – he had difficulty getting simple spells not to explode in his face.

Unfortunately, high-level Kido took time, which she was never going to get if Zabimaru kept coming after her like a giant homing missile.

So she was going to have to use Itegumo. She wasn't looking forward to getting that close to Zabimaru, but she had no choice – she needed the cover and control of Itegumo's power if she was going to have any chance.

She waited until Renji brought Zabimaru around for another strike, and this time dodged toward it at an angle, seemingly trying to shoot by it to attack Renji. Renji wrenched the beast around to give chase, and Isane made her move, dragging Itegumo along Zabimaru's spine as she channeled her spiritual energy into the blades. The beast roared – probably in annoyance, since as far as Isane could tell she wasn't doing any real damage.

And when she shot by Renji, bouncing off of Zabimaru's trailing protective coils, the battleground had changed.

Itegumo meant, roughly, "Frozen Cloud," and its Shikai release could produce exactly that. Whenever Itegumo came into contact with a solid manifestation of another's spiritual energy, it released a burst of what, on the surface, appeared to be snow – and in many ways, it _was _snow, both in appearance and in composition, but that wasn't all.

To begin with, the snow was more or less under Isane's control. She could make it move, fall, and even flow in any direction, and pack it to whatever consistency she needed to. On top of that, it reduced visibility and mobility within the cloud – the cold, foggy miasma was difficult to see and move through – but more so for her opponents than herself. Most importantly of all, Isane had discovered that she did not _bleed_ very quickly within the cloud. It didn't make her immortal – she still took damage and would die from a big enough hit outright, and she would bleed from her injuries eventually, since she couldn't maintain the cloud forever – but it was still the most useful ability of her Zanpakuto.

It was the cover that she wanted right now, though. The problem with Itegumo's power was typically density – one impact produced a relatively small cloud, but each one lingered, so longer fights allowed Isane more flexibility concerning what she could do. That was why she had thrown herself alongside Zabimaru – _each_ of the beast's joints seemed to be formed purely out of Renji's spiritual power, and so each segment had produced its own burst. After that single pass, Itegumo's cloud was already big enough to completely engulf both Renji and Zabimaru.

Isane directed the cloud into a nasty, swirling helix pattern and rushed Renji. Each time, though, he managed to sense her before she got into striking distance. Eventually he flash stepped away, trying to get out of the cloud, and she sent it after him. The cloud wasn't stationary – Itegumo's release command was "run," after all.

Now outside the cloud herself, though, she decided it was time to start taking long distance shots. She began running through Hado incantations, working through them as quickly as she could as she strafed around the cloud. The problem was that all of the ones she could use without the full chant seemed to barely faze Zabimaru, and bindings seemed to have no effect at all. Attempting to hit Renji himself was out of the question – Zabimaru always managed to interpose itself between Renji and any attack.

On the upside, Renji's accuracy had dropped dramatically, and Zabimaru was moving marginally slower. Isane finally had time to think, and decided to go for broke. Running a lengthy chant together, she managed to avoid Zabimaru long enough to finish the spell. Landing on one of the small rock formations, she leveled her hands at the silhouette of the giant snake visible from within the vortex and cried out, "Hado Sixty-Three! Soren Sokatsui!"

A pair of massive blue fireballs screamed into the cloud, striking Zabimaru squarely in the head. For a wonder, the impact appeared to destabilize the spiritual power holding the creature together, and the segments flew apart in every direction. Opting to seize her advantage while she still could, Isane flash stepped straight to Renji, appearing above and behind him. She swung down at him with a wordless noise of triumph – only to be blocked by Zabimaru, as several joints flew to reconnect with the one in Renji's hand. Isane watched in horror as the creature quickly reassembled itself, and sprang backwards to avoid the beast's jaws snapping at her.

_Alright, I'll have to be faster next time. I wonder if I could work a binding into the chant?_

She found a solid perch, and began the chant again. This time, though, she heard Renji shout something halfway through. She dismissed it at first, but was forced to reconsider when the cloud began to glow with a wicked red light. A blast of spiritual power scorched its way out of the cloud directly at her, and she abandoned the chant to dodge as it went sizzling by.

Unfortunately, Renji wasn't done. Zabimaru and Renji himself followed, having managed to free themselves of the cloud and their initial surprise. Renji went on the offensive again, and Isane soon found herself pinned between Zabimaru's coils and its head. With nowhere else to go, she attempted to dodge by leaping straight up, and at that point realized she was finished. Zabimaru rocketed up from beneath her, and it finally managed to bite down on enough of her to fling her viciously toward one of the jutting rock formations. She hit hard enough to black out for a moment, and when her vision cleared, she was staring at the huge head of Zabimaru while Renji called for it to use Hikotsu Taiho – the blast from earlier. The joints of the creature separated, Renji's power glowing between them, and it opened its mouth. Isane struggled to move, to get out of the way, but she knew that she was out of time.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop (Approximate) - 7:51 p.m.**

Zarraga and Bastida sat and tried to look casual. They had set up across the street from Urahara's shop, having managed to track down the agent again after leaving Alegria. The problem was boredom. "Hey, Zarraga, do you wanna play a game?"

"No."

"Aw, why not?"

"Because it's going to be eye spy, or twenty questions, or some variation on those. And the mystery thing will be a store, which is all we've been looking at for the _entire damn day_."

"How did you know?"

Zarraga counted to ten slowly, and then contemplated his chances of successfully defecting to the Soul Society for the fifth time that day. He once again came up with a depressingly low figure, but it might be worth it if he could rid himself of Bastida for a little while.

"Screw this. I'm going to stretch my legs. Watch the store while I'm gone."

"Alright."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Training Grounds - 7:52 p.m.**

"I give up! Renji, that's enough!" The ball of power in Zabimaru's mouth continued to brighten. For a horrible moment, Isane thought that it was too late, that she would be barbecued by her own ally less than a day into her mission. Then the glow spread to the rest of the creature, and it shrank down and resumed the form of a sealed Zanpakuto.

Isane sighed with relief and sealed Itegumo, letting the cloud disperse. She'd worked up more of a sweat in the few minutes that she'd sparred against Renji's Bankai than in the previous hours of training. She got up stiffly and dusted herself off.

Renji walked over, looking like he'd had a blast. "That was pretty good!"

Isane shook her head, something seemed to be ringing, and she wondered if she'd hit that rock harder than she'd thought. "For a given definition of 'good,' I guess. I still lost."_ I didn't go down in half a second, though. Maybe I really did avoid embarrassing myself this time._

"Ah, you did fine! You still managed to pull a few tricks on me. Come and get me once you have your own Bankai and we'll have a real good fight!"

She raised an eyebrow. "I'd _heard_ a nasty rumor that you used to be part of Squad Eleven."

"Aw, you had fun. Admit it."

She couldn't suppress a small laugh as she went back to her limp Gigai – she and Renji hadn't needed to use soul candy down here. The ringing had faded, but the adrenaline rush hadn't, and she honestly felt pretty good. "Alright, it was fun."

* * *

**4th Division, Captain's Office - 8:00 p.m.**

Unohana finished drafting her query, then sealed and addressed it. She set out from her office to track down the Fourth Division's hell butterfly operator. She stopped partway there, though, as she confronted the latest masterpiece of her Division's anonymous prankster. It showed a picture of a basic Kendo training diagram, and read:

**EVASIVE ACTION**

_Those who can, do. Those who can't, usually end up here._

The captain sighed and took it down, rolling it up neatly. It wasn't that she personally objected to the posters, but she remained firm in her belief that her division needed to keep its professional image. She didn't need Reapers to become shy about coming here.

Unfortunately, her division apparently thought differently. Each poster had become gradually more provocative than the last – this was the first one she'd seen that could be construed as an insult to the patients. As soon as Isane got back, she was going to have her lieutenant track down whoever was putting these up and put a stop to it.

Unohana closed her eyes. She didn't need to be worrying about this right now. Without a sound, she once again began her search for the butterfly operator.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop - 8:02 p.m.**

The two lieutenants climbed back up to the shop. Urahara was busy restocking the shelves, and Tessai was nowhere to be seen. The radio was playing somewhere in the back.

"…_destruction caused by the explosive gas leaks around town a month ago is still being cleaned up. Civil Engineers continue to study the damage, but have come to no conclusions so far. In the meantime, the area still looks like a battleground…"_

Renji snorted. "That's 'cuz it _was_ a battleground. Honestly, what did the living blame hollow attacks on before they had gas leaks?"

"Witchcraft!" Urahara chimed in from the other side of the store. "But also gods, demons, bad juju, dwarves, members of other religions, electricity, sun spots, nuclear power, ball lightning, aliens, and government conspiracies. Gas leaks are fashionable right now, but they'll get bored of them eventually."

"…_and in further news, there have been another two disappearances from Karakura High School. Kazumitsu Togawa, a member of the staff, failed to report for work this morning, while fifteen year old Arisa Egami seems to have vanished as well, bringing the total number of missing students and faculty to thirteen, and the total victim count in this rash of disappearances to forty-five. Authorities have refused to comment, but any and all possible leads should be reported to…"_

"Wait, what?" Isane stopped on her way out. "How long has this been going on?"

"About a week now," Urahara said casually. "You were bound to hear about it pretty soon."

"Yeah, some nut's been going around kidnapping people. At least, that's the current rumor." Renji shrugged. "Mortal business."

Isane considered. "I'm not so sure. Who kidnaps forty-five people in such a short time? It sounds more like a disease outbreak."

Renji shook his head. "Nah. The police have been going to people's houses. None of the missing people are home, and none of them have turned up at the hospital. Something funny is going on, but like I said, it's mortal business."

Isane gave him a flat look. "Well, I don't have anything else to go on. I'm going to start trying to work out where the humans are disappearing to. It's probably not related to my mission, but it's still our job to protect the living and their souls from unnatural harm. I'll start checking out the school tomorrow."

"And how are you going to do that?"

Isane headed out the door. "I'll think of something. Goodnight, Renji."

* * *

**Seireitei, Unknown Location - 1:54 a.m.**

Rangiku staggered out into the street, leaning on Izuru Kira for balance with one arm and clutching a half-empty sake jug with the other. They made a winding path in the vague direction of the Tenth Division, laughing and talking nonsense. Shortly before they arrived, they parted ways, still laughing.

"Arright, Rangiku… rem'mber not to fall ashleep face down this time!"

"Get a haircut!"

"Ishs… it's too late." Izuru said, still laughing.

"That's the pooooint!" Rangiku giggled. "You'll be stuck with it in your _face_ forever!"

She finally began the walk up to her quarters. Suddenly, she was surrounded by dark figures. The one in front of her held a long length of rope, and glared at Rangiku. "You're all mine now, Matsumoto!"

Rangiku straightened up and tried to look serious. "Sorry, I'm not really into that kind of thing," she said, pointing to the rope and breaking down into another giggle fit.

Mitsu narrowed her eyes. "Get her!"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop (approximate) - 8:30 p.m. - 2:17 a.m.**

Zarraga returned from his walk to find Bastida still at his post. _Huh, maybe he's not completely useless._

The shorter Arrancar sat down again, and waited. And waited. And waited. Hours passed. Finally, he got up and stretched again. "Geez, is she ever going to leave?"

"Uh-huh!" Bastida nodded confidently.

"Eh? What makes you so sure?"

"She already has!"

"Oh, ok." Zarraga continued stretching. Then he did a mental double-take. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah. She left a few hours ago."

"WHAT?! Why didn't you follow her?"

"You said to watch the store. So I watched." Bastida stated calmly, as though nothing was wrong.

Zarraga, though, was somewhat less calm. "AND YOU DIDN'T MENTION THIS TO ME BECAUSE….?"

"You didn't ask."

Zarraga's shriek rattled nearby window panes.

Across the street, at Urahara's shop, a red-haired boy poked his head out the window. "Shut up! Go home and go to bed! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

Zarraga tried to calm down. "Fine then. It's alright. We'll just track her down again. It can't be that hard."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop** - **2:42 a.m.**

Kisuke Urahara went downstairs to the cellar (his normal cellar, not the massive underground training room that he'd constructed). He met Tessai there, who was finishing up with a powerful Kido ward.

"How is he?"

Tessai looked at him. "See for yourself, boss."

Urahara knocked on the door. "Are you alright in there, Mr. Togawa?"

A voice shouted back, muffled to almost whisper-quiet by the door. _"Go to hell!"_

Urahara smiled grimly. "It's a bit late for that, I'm afraid. Maybe next life."

Tessai frowned as the pair made their way back upstairs. "You think that keeping him here is a good idea? He's going to be very upset when he gets out."

Urahara waved his fan. "Not at all! We've got an entire shelf full of memory suppressors, remember? Besides, it's all for his own good. We know he's been targeted, so he needs to stay put for now. And since I don't think he'd buy our explanation, that means keeping him locked in there. He's comfortable, right?"

"As comfortable as someone can be when locked in a cellar, yes. But…" Tessai narrowed his eyes behind his glasses. "…I get the feeling that there's another reason you're keeping him."

"Cor-rect!"

"But you're not going to tell me what it is."

"Right again! Wow, you've gotten good at this." The merchant stepped out into his shop again, breezily.

"Kisuke…"

Urahara stopped and turned slowly, his goofball smile still stuck to his face as he leaned on his cane.

Tessai wasn't fooled. "I think I know what you're really up to."

"Oh?" Urahara's grin broadened. "Let's hear it!"

The big man nodded. "You're living vicariously through the Reapers and the Ryoka. You want to be back in business, so to speak. You want to beat Aizen at his own game, to disrupt his plans here in the mortal world without even raising your own sword. I don't know if its ego or what, but I think it's being a bit unfair to those you're manipulating."

Urahara's smile faded. He stopped leaning on his cane and snapped his fan shut, lifting his hat a bit to peer at Tessai. For just a moment, he no longer looked like a washed out merchant, but rather a captain of the Gotei Thirteen in someone else's clothing. "Hrm… Do you remember the talk we had last night?"

Tessai nodded.

"Then you should know that that's the opposite of what I'm doing. I don't really care about being fair, and neither does our friend from Las Noches, but I know better than most that the only way to win one of Aizen's games is not to play at all. Maybe Kotetsu could have figured this part out on her own, and maybe not. Either way, we don't have several weeks to see for ourselves. She's a Kido expert, which means that she's likely a bright girl, but she had nothing to go on 'till tonight. Now she's had a push in the right direction – I don't know if she'll take it or not, but if she doesn't then I'll try again with Abarai. Eventually someone will get the hint."

Urahara leveled his cane at the radio. "I don't know why, but I get the feeling that when everything hits the fan in a little while, there'll be humans at the center of it. That's a completely new tactic, and we don't have a clue what's going on. Now, the first step to figuring that out is to start collecting data, and that means getting my gear – and some of hers – to the most active hot spot. I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen."

Tessai crossed his arms. "And you think she'll pick up on what she needs to do first?"

"If she's as interested as she says she is, then yes. When she starts looking into it, she'll do what I want."

Tessai grunted, satisfied. "I just wanted to make sure. It's still going to be a gamble, though, especially if what you said last night is true."

Urahara reverted to form, grinning. "Oh, definitely. And I think you're right – we can't do much more unless she comes to us. One thing I do know for sure, though… this is going to be fun to watch."

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: Whew… I had to revise this chapter several times. I hit kind of a blank spot in my head concerning how I wanted to connect plot points, and how involved I wanted Urahara to get (final answer: not much). In addition, writing the fight was tougher than I thought it would be, as people get an idea of how strong the characters are relative to each other based on their performance in fights, and I kind of waffled on how a limited lieutenant with Bankai would do against an unlimited lieutenant without one. In the end, I decided to respect the 'sanctity' of Bankai, since the jump to Bankai is a supposedly massive, exponential one, the vast power gap that separates captains from lieutenants. I hope the final product is satisfying.

I got to the point where I had to make something up for Itegumo's power. I considered going several different ways with it, but in the end, I decided to go with a fairly literal interpretation of "Frozen Cloud." The crossguard is a snowflake, for crying out loud!

As ever and always, all reviews and feedback are appreciated. Hop to it!


	6. Double Trouble, Part 1

Greetings!

Here's Chapter 6. Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, and shaggy-bear for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 6 – Double Trouble, Part 1: Masks On/Masks Off**

"_There's a face that we wear, in the cold light of day,_

_It's society's mask, it's society's way,_

_And the truth is… __That it's all a façade."_

_Lyrics from 'Façade,' from _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 7:24 a.m.**

Isane didn't go home after leaving Urahara's shop. She instead spent half the night doing research – through various public sources, she managed to go back through each news article that had emerged concerning the disappearances. After that, she sought additional information about the victims.

At this point it was late, so she left her Gigai in her apartment and went out on the city in her Spirit form – a few libraries, a police station, and a high school may have been broken into, but if they were, no one complained. Now in possession of the full spectrum of known information about the kidnappings, Isane had headed back to her apartment to review it. It was there that she had discovered several interesting things.

First, none of the victims had any relationship to one another, physical or otherwise, aside from the fact that a disproportionate number of them had attended Karakura High School.

Second, Karakura High School's resident _nurse_, a Mr. Togawa, was one of the victims.

Third, Karakura High School's policy with regards to background and credentials checks was extremely minimal by comparison to most medical institutions.

Fourth, a detailed check of her equipment once again turned up Urahara's weird device. Calling him to ask what it did revealed a surprisingly straightforward answer: it would monitor and track spiritual pressure sources – including extremely weak ones – within a certain area.

Her own equipment, meanwhile, contained a number of what Captain Unohana had dubbed 'spirit tracers' – unlike Urahara's device, the tracers could be set up in a perimeter around an area to monitor the trails and past movements of spiritual beings. It had been devised long ago to deal with viral and parasite-like hollow attacks that eluded the senses of Fourth Division medics.

Isane more or less privately thought that the disappearances followed the pattern of a disease, even if the bodies were disappearing. To prove it, though, she would need to gather evidence on the subject – and to do that, she would need to spend quite a bit of time at Karakura High School. Her orders, however, told her to keep a low profile.

So it came to pass that she found herself outside the High School the next morning. She hadn't managed to get a lot of sleep the previous night, but made up for it by choking down one of the oversized pills that she'd packed. She waited until she saw someone in a partial nurse's outfit walk into the building and followed her in.

"Excuse me!" Isane said. "Could I have a quick word with you?"

The nurse paused. "Well, I don't see why not."

The two of them ducked into an empty classroom. The nurse turned around to face Isane. "What did you want to-" *FOOM*

She blinked. "I'm sorry, what was I doing, again?"

Isane smiled as she lowered one of the most useful Soul Reaper tools in existence. "You were about to leave the uniform and paperwork for the substitute nursing job with me, and go take up a career in voice-acting."

"Oh… right." The nurse quickly deposited the uniform and folder in front of Isane.

"What's your name, by the way?"

"Yukana Nogami…" she replied, dazed.

"Thank you. Have a nice day!" Isane gave a small bow, feeling guilty. It was easy to mess with people under the effects of a memory surpressor, and coming up with wacky replacement memories was a Soul Reaper tradition, but she still felt a bit bad for toying with the nurse's mind like that.

In any case, it was too late to change her mind now. Isane grabbed her new goods and started looking for the main office.

* * *

**Seireitei, Unknown Location - 7:46 a.m.**

Rangiku Matsumoto awoke reluctantly and gracelessly. Her head was pounding, and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Also, her captain had apparently convinced Squad Twelve to install floodlights right above the chair she was sleeping on.

_Ugh… how much did I drink last night? Never again…_ She thought, for the twelfth time that month. She got up and managed to find her way to the kitchen, after tripping over something big, hard, and wooden, knocking several papers to the floor. After downing several cups of water and splashing some on her face, she headed out to face the day. It was at this point that she realized three things.

**1.** She wasn't at home, but was instead tied to a chair in a room she didn't recognize. Additionally, there actually _was_ a bright light shining down on her, which was the room's sole light source.

**2.** She had vague memory of going out drinking with Izuru the previous night, and then being confronted by some dark, shadowy figures, but then everything became a blur.

**3.** Because she was still tied to the chair, she had only gone through her usual morning routine in her imagination.

"Rise and shine, Lieutenant Matsumoto," a voice said from beyond the glaring light. "I hope you realize that we could have avoided all this."

"Oh jeez, you don't have to shout." Rangiku moaned.

"I'm not shouting," said the voice, sounding irritated.

"Yes you are, and you have this freaking floodlight in my face!" She whined. "Could we do this some other time?"

"Mmmm… no. We're not letting you put us off again. It's time for you to confess, Matsumoto."

"Ok, ok, I stiffed the bartender. Are you happy now?" Rangiku shot back, cranky. "I admit it was kind of selfish, but this seems a bit extreme. Just… put it on my tab or something!"

"That's pretty cute, Matsumoto, but we're talking about something a bit… bigger. We want to know about the ice."

Rangiku blinked. "The what?"

"The ice!" Mitsu snapped, prompting a wince from Rangiku at the sudden noise. "Why did you send us a huge pillar of ice? Just tell us so that we can finish this god-forsaken mission!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb with us, Matsumoto. You won't like the result. We have hours of free time here, by the way. We've surrounded this room with Sekkiseki rock, so it's doubtful that we'll be interrupted."

"We have?" Asked one of the other ninjas.

"Yeah, Ryo took care of it earlier."

One of the others, presumably Ryo, scowled. "Well, not exactly. I was busy, so I told Tomoe to do it."

Tomoe blinked and shivered – the room had gone a bit chilly. "Anzai owed me a favor, so I told him to do it."

One of the others shook his head. "I asked Ryo if he could cover for me this time…" he looked over, "didn't I?"

Ryo shook his head, his breath coming out in a visible puff of vapor.

Mitsu sighed, "I was going to ask why it felt so cold, but I think we all know. Just to be clear – none of you actually got the rock, right?"

The rest of Unit Four stared at her. She braced for impact.

Less than a second later, the door flew off its tracks as it crumpled inward. A four foot, four inch captain stood in the entrance, Zanpakuto in hand, glaring at all of them.

"I swear, Rangiku," Hitsugaya said, "I keep thinking that you couldn't possibly find a new way to slack off, and you always manage to surprise me."

"S'not my fault, Captain…" Rangiku mumbled, grimaced at the light and sound. "They got me last night… wanted to ask questions…"

Hitsugaya looked around the room before slapping a hand to his face. "Is one of you the ninja from yesterday?"

The as-yet-unnamed ninja raised his hand. "Would… uh… would _now_ be a good time to ask you abo-"

Hitsugaya looked back into the room after he'd finished defenestrating the man, the Stealth Force trooper's shriek fading into the distance. From her chair, Rangiku groaned in seeming agony. "Please… quiet…"

The captain's face took on an added level of fury. "You _tortured_ her? What the hell?" Icicles began forming on nearby objects.

Mitsu let out a panicked squeak. "No! We didn't! She's just hung over, I swear!"

Hitsugaya cooled off, if only a little. Ironically, this caused the temperature to rise a few degrees. "Fine. In that case, I'm taking Lieutenant Matsumoto and leaving. What unit are you?"

"Unit… Unit Four!"

"Hitsugaya nodded. Alright then, Unit Four. If you don't want to become known as Unit Popsicle, I want all of my mornings from now on to be ninja-free, understood?"

"Yes sir!"

"Good." He walked over to Rangiku and cut her bonds, then dragged her to her feet. "We're leaving, Rangiku."

She winced again, rubbing her wrists. "You don't have to shout, captain."

The tiny captain glared at her. "No complaining, or I'll make a loud noise."

Rangiku looked worried. "If you did that, my head would explode, and there'd be brains everywhere!"

Hitsugaya smirked. "No, there wouldn't."

"Aww, that's mean!"

After the members of the Tenth Division had left, Mitsu sagged back against the wall and slid down to the floor, pulling away her head coverings. She supposed that she should feel disappointed, and in a way, she did – but honestly, that confrontation with Hitsugaya could have gone a lot worse.

Ryo walked over and sat next to her. "That was interesting."

Mitsu looked over. "Is that what you want to call it?"

"Yeah. Matsumoto genuinely sounded confused. Maybe it isn't them after all."

"Maybe." Mitsu sighed again.

"So… on to plan C?"

"Heh… sure." Mitsue chuckled.

"So what's the first step?"

"Do you still have Matsumoto's sake jug?"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 7:58 a.m.**

Isane stood in the school's clinic. It was, she supposed, a nice setup. It was clean, and stocked with about half of the tools she used on a daily basis. She decided that that was being unfair to the mortals, though – they wouldn't need any of the spiritual stuff for their work, and a high-school clinic could hardly be considered a cutting-edge medical establishment. Meanwhile, she had her Fourth Division bag here, in the unlikely event that she actually did run into a spirit-related problem.

After she'd tricked the other nurse into leaving, Isane had managed to convince the principal that she was indeed the substitute nurse, here to take over for Mr. Togawa, who had mysteriously vanished the previous day. The principal had looked at her snowy hair with some trepidation, but seemed convinced by Isane's knowledge of the profession.

So now she just needed to spend the day bandaging kneecaps, or whatever else happened to the students, and then she could get to her real work after class let out.

She had just begun looking through her medicine shelf when she felt it.

It was a massive, pounding pulse of spiritual pressure, subdued only slightly by the efforts of its owner. It felt a bit like Captain Zaraki when he approached one of the joint officer meetings, but this power was different. She couldn't quite place it, but she knew that she'd felt it before.

The presence moved closer and closer. It finally entered the building, moved up two floors, and stopped.

The presence was, apparently, attending class.

Isane finally put two and two together. _Kurosaki? Here? Impossible!_

On further reflection, though, it wasn't impossible, just slightly improbable. Karakura Town was Kurosaki's home town, and he was about the right age. There were four high schools that serviced the city… so out of a one in four chance, it had turned out to be her lucky day.

She groaned. _Fantastic._ Isane knew she was being slightly irrational, but she honestly didn't want to meet Kurosaki again. Even if he didn't remember her – which, she reminded herself, was likely – any encounter between them was likely to be awkward and uncomfortable.

She felt isolated, despite being in a building crowded with people. Despite only being away from Fourth Division for a couple of days, she missed her normal work associates – the seated officers, the response teams, and her captain had become reasonably permanent fixtures in her life.

_Here, no one is likely to recognize me at all. I guess I'll just have to –_

"Isane?"

She whirled around to find Renji in the doorway. "Renji? What are you doing here?"

"I go to school here. Or at least, I pretend to when I'm in the living world."

"Um… why?"

"It helps me coordinate with Ichigo, mostly."

"Ichigo? You're friends with Kurosaki?" She knew she probably shouldn't have sounded surprised. She'd known, tangentially, that something had happened to put Kurosaki and Renji on the same side during the chaos leading up to Aizen's escape, but she'd mostly been too busy trying to tend to the injured, or trying to follow up on her captain's suspicions, or trying to find and stop traitors…

_And failing._

…to learn the particulars. _Focus, Isane,_ she thought. _One thing at a time. Get Kurosaki off your mind._

"I dunno about friends…"

She blinked at him, confused.

"Well, ah…"

"Is this a macho-guy thing? You can't admit that you're buddies or else the image is ruined?"

"Yes! That's it exactly!" Renji nodded.

Isane turned back to the medicine cabinet to hide her smile. "Well, I can see why no one around here has noticed that you're not a teenager yet."

"Huh? What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It was merely a testament to your acting skills." Isane said breezily as she turned around. For just a moment, she considered waving a blood-pressure gauge the same way that Urahara waved his fan, before deciding that that would be too much. She was honestly somewhat shocked at her own daring. _This world is a bad influence on me._

"Well… thanks. I've got to get to class, but I'll check in with you later. Good luck with whatever you're up to."

"Have a nice day!" Isane finished setting up, and quickly climbed into her nurse's uniform. _A bit small_, she thought, unsurprised. _I wonder if there's a way to get it adjusted?_

She settled back down at the single desk in the clinic and started sorting through the drawers, finally finding one that was big enough to hold her Squad Four backpack.

_Well, Renji found me, but no one *else* is likely to recogn-_

"Lieutenant Kotetsu?" Someone blurted out from the doorway.

Isane looked up reflexively. _I have to stop doing that while I'm here._ A raven-haired, very short girl stood in the hall, looking slightly shocked. On further inspection, Isane recognized her as another Soul Reaper. While she wouldn't typically know an unseated member of another squad, this particular Reaper was rather famous, both as nobility and for her brief stint as the Soul Society's most high-profile death-sentence recipient.

"Rukia Kuchiki?"

* * *

**Fourth Division, Captain's Office - 12:03 p.m.**

Unohana actually frowned.

The return message to her query about Isane's whereabouts had been simple. In fact, that was the problem – it was altogether _too_ simple.

_Return to sender. Access Denied._

It was straightforward enough, but there were two problems with that message. The first was that Isane shouldn't have been doing anything whatsoever that would be kept secret from anyone. The second was that, other than a few files buried somewhere in Captain Kurotsuchi's archives and Captain Soifon's vault, there wasn't a whole lot that Unohana didn't have access to.

It was a mistake. It _had_ to be a mistake. Unohana filled out another quick note, circled the signature several times for emphasis, and sent her response to central dispatch.

* * *

**Las Noches, Throne Room** - **2:00 p.m.**

Aizen leaned back and reviewed the proceedings. Beside him Gin snickered. "I guess ya should've put a bit more in the way of brains into the big guy, huh? They still haven't found her again."

Aizen smiled smugly. "Give it time. I'm more interested in seeing whether or not they find Captian Soifon before she finds them. They haven't had a good lock on her since she entered the mortal world – only on Lieutenant Kotetsu."

Aizen considered. "That reminds me, Gin. Signal our agent in the Seireitei – you know the one – and tell him to make his move whenever he's ready. We wouldn't want Soifon to return early and spoil things, would we?"

Gin grinned. "Sure thing."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 6:56 p.m.**

Isane sighed and sat back at her desk. The school had finally gone quiet several hours earlier, and now she could, at last, pack up and head home.

All things considered, her meeting with Kuchiki had gone well. She'd managed to convince the shorter Reaper that their missions diverged, as per her mission orders – apparently, Rukia was here to help monitor the increasing Arrancar threat. Isane might have preferred a longer talk, but couldn't shake the increasingly awkward feeling that came from conversing with someone that she'd once been ordered to drag back to the Head Captain for execution, and she made a note to ask Renji how he'd managed. With that settled, she had gone about her new job – it was rather dull today, the only injuries being a young man who had rather obviously _not_ 'fallen down some stairs' and a girl who had twisted her ankle in gym class.

After the students had gone home for the day, though, she had gone out and wandered around the grounds, planting tracers around the school and even some in the surrounding neighborhoods. Then she had left Urahara's device active and recording in her desk. If there was any kind of spirit-based malady moving about, she'd find it in the next few days.

Now it was after sunset, and she looked forward to heading back to her apartment and seeing if Renji had discovered anything, or even if he had seen anything interesting today. She knew that a single Hollow had made an appearance to the north, but she'd felt its presence disappear shortly thereafter, and idly wondered who had purified it.

Changing back into her 'regular' clothes – the jacket and maybe-menswear – she set out, leaving her tracers to do their work.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 7:10 p.m.**

Zarraga was in a bad mood. He had been all day, actually, but he was in a particularly vile state of mind right now.

"It's _one freaking city_! How hard can it be to find a Soul Reaper?" He took his frustration out on an empty, discarded can, his kick vaporizing the unfortunate bit of aluminum.

"We'll find her," Bastida said, still calm, "Are we under some kind of time limit?"

"I don't know, but I don't want to tick off Alegria, ok?" Zarraga rubbed his temples. As it turned out, human cities were much larger than he'd originally thought. Even more depressingly, Karakura Town was only a moderately-sized population center by human standards. _I can't imagine what it would be like looking for her in Hong Kong, or Tokyo, or something._ At this rate, he'd have to come up with a better plan for finding her than "wandering randomly."

"Hey, there she is!"

Zarraga rolled his eyes. His first unfortunate surprise that morning had been that Bastida had difficulty judging humans by age, and so had taken to pointing out any white or silver-haired human as a potential hit.

Not even looking, Zarraga grumbled. "Remember what I told you about the wrinkles, Bastida?"

"No wrinkles this time, it's her!"

Zarraga finally turned to look. Then he looked again. "Sweet Vasto Lorde, Bastida, that's actually her!"

Bastida laughed triumphantly, then sobered. "But how are we gonna catch her alone?"

Zarraga grinned. "I've got that covered. Come on, we've got to get ahead of her!"

* * *

Isane was thinking about dinner when everything went straight to hell.

A burst of spiritual power ripped through the air, crashing over her senses like a gale-force wind. Even worse, though, was that the power belonged to a Hollow.

When questioned, any Soul Reaper would tell you that a Hollow's power is unmistakably different from everything else. When asked in what way it was different, though, most Reapers would provide a unique answer. Some would say that you just _knew_. Others would say that it felt different, smelled different, sounded different, or even tasted different. Each described it in their own way.

To Isane, she knew it was a Hollow because it sent an unpleasant chill straight through her soul. It was the same feeling she got when she realized that something _very_ bad had happened, and she knew on an instinctive level that one of her ancient enemies was nearby.

If that wasn't enough evidence, however, her pager started going nuts at about the same time that a large explosion echoed through the streets, and a plume of debris shot up from deep within a series of alleyways between some of the crowded downtown buildings.

Then she heard something that managed to make the situation even worse.

"Oh God help! Someone help me, it's a monster!"

That cinched it for her – if the voice's owner could see the Hollow, then that meant it was a spirit, and probably the Hollow's target. Isane took off into the alleys, attempting to find the voice as quickly as possible.

* * *

Bastida stood in the alleyway, chunks of concrete and garbage falling around him. He'd taken up his Arrancar form for the first time since entering the mortal world, and now looked quite different. His companion had just finished belting out his cries for help.

"Wow, that was some good screaming, Zarraga!"

"Thanks," Zarraga smirked. "I got plenty of practice when I realized that I'd be partnered with you for this assignment."

"Huh? Why would that be something to scream about?"

Zarraga leaped up to a nearby roof. "Quiet, here she comes! Get ready."

* * *

Isane sprinted around the corner and froze. She'd found herself face-to-face with an Arrancar, and a rather large one at that. He was bald, mostly, except for the mask fragments forming a helmet-like structure on his head, and he appeared to be wearing a bulkier, sleeveless version of the usual Arrancar outfit. His sword was still sheathed, and he had a delta tattoo on his right shoulder.

"Arrancar!" She hissed, digging out her soul candy and popping it in her mouth. Her spirit form burst free of the Gigai, and an alien semi-intelligence blinked at her from behind her own eyes. "Go find a place to hide," she told it.

For a moment, the Gigai looked like it wanted to argue, but then it did as instructed.

Isane unsheathed Itegumo and took a ready stance. "I don't know what you were doing back here, Hollow, but I'm ending it. Surrender or be purified." She honestly didn't know what she would do if he actually surrendered, but the line was almost reflexive. She didn't think she would have that particular problem anyway.

A moment later, her prediction was proven right, as he grinned and cracked his knuckles. _He's not even going for his sword… not good._

"Hehehehe… It's nice to meet ya, Soul Reaper! I've been spoiling for a fight since I got here. You don't look like much, but it should help me unwind a little, even if I have to share."

"Share…?" Isane raised an eyebrow before her eyes shot wide open. _It's a trap!_

"Idiot! Don't give it away!" A voice called from above. "Blast it! So much for the surprise."

A _second_ heavy burst of spiritual pressure hit the area, and Isane realized that the situation was about to go downhill very rapidly. Another Arrancar dropped down from a nearby rooftop, putting her between the two Hollows. The new one was much smaller, and his mask fragments started at just above his left ear, continued over his head, over his other ear, and then swept around in front of his mouth. All in all, it looked a bit like a headset. He was dressed in the typical Arrancar suit, although without the high neck, exposing a gamma tattoo.

He didn't go for his sword either.

The newcomer laughed. "Well, even with that unfortunate mishap, this went about as well as could be expected. Are you ready to die, Reaper?"

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: Whew! From now on, the pace of the story should pick up. I don't come up with stories linearly, so the development of plot points doesn't necessarily happen in order. This chapter was on one of the relatively undeveloped portions, but now were moving on to a part that I've had planned almost from the beginning. Should be fun.

On another note, Finals have arrived, but will be finished in two days, at which point I'll have a bunch of downtime. I should be able to get two or three chapters out during that time.

Once again, any and all reviews, comments, criticisms, and so forth are welcome and appreciated. Please review!


	7. Double Trouble, Part 2

Greetings!

Here's Chapter 7. Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, and Mungetsu for the encouragement and reviews so far.

In response to the comments – the ninjas will probably figure it out eventually. In fact, I decided that they've suffered enough for now, so they may actually make some progress this chapter.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 7 – Double Trouble, Part 2: The Better Part of Valor**

* * *

_Talkin' Trouble, Walkin' Trouble_

_Double Trouble, Big Trouble's gonna_

_Follow you._

"_Double Trouble" lyrics, from that other anime_

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 7:11 p.m.**

"Are you ready to die, Reaper?" The smaller Arrancar asked.

Isane didn't respond. Training took over, and she began sifting through a list of advantages and disadvantages. The advantages list was depressingly short – while she had about as much spiritual power as either of them (a rough estimate on her part) the two of them together easily outclassed her. She had more reach than both of them, but only as long as the big one didn't use his sword. She had Kido, which was significantly more versatile and usually more powerful than the Cero ability displayed by even the most advanced Hollows so far, but she was unlikely to be able to use it in a close fight with a pair of enemies. Worst of all, she was facing _two_ opponents – meaning that Team Arrancar could attack twice as fast, from twice as many directions, and had more than twice the number of tactical options. Also, she was surrounded and stuck in the somewhat confined space of the dingy alleyway.

"Hey! Quit ignoring me!" The smaller Arrancar bounced from one foot to the other angrily. "I'm serious!"

Isane ignored him. She focused and settled into a combat stance, one that her captain had taught her that would allow her the most flexibility, and planned her first step – getting out from between the two of them.

"That's it. Get her!" Both Hollows lunged at her, and Isane made her move. With a burst of spiritual pressure, she jumped straight up, then kicked off the face of the smaller one, propelling her over the head of the big Arrancar. The big one looked up at her and swung a giant, meaty hand at her, and she brought her sword down in counterattack. The sword _clanged_ against his fist, and then again against his arm as she tried to sever it.

_Hierro!_ She thought. The ability of Arrancar to channel spiritual power through their skin, making it steel-hard, had been well documented in the reports of Captain Hitsugaya's recon group. Unfortunately, the only advice on defeating it the tiny captain and his erstwhile subordinates had been able to give was "swing really hard."

And Isane had further problems, as well. The smaller Arrancar had recovered from her kick after making a noise of indignation, and had appeared above her with a brief burst of static-like sound. Isane whirled to deflect his downward kick, and ended up being propelled toward the larger Arrancar. The big one grinned, drew his sword, and struck out at her. Isane jammed one leg against the wall on one side of the alley, and her hand against the other, checking her downward momentum and narrowly avoiding the larger one's blade. She focused her spiritual pressure and kicked out against thin air with her free leg, and managed to propel herself to the far end of the T-shaped alleyway.

The smaller one landed just in front of his partner, and smiled frostily. "Very good, Reaper. I didn't think it would take more than one or two attacks to finish you. Am I correct in guessing that you're a Lieutenant-rank Soul Reaper? That's quite an honor." The tone of his voice was light, mocking. "Allow us to introduce ourselves. I am Zarraga, and this is Bastida."

"Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu, Fourth Division Vice-Captain." Isane frowned. "What are you after?"

"We're here to kill you!" Bastida said, loudly and cheerfully.

Isane sighed. "Yes, I got that. I meant what are you doing in a more general sense? Aizen wouldn't just send you here without a reason. That would be as silly as holding tea parties in Las Noches."

* * *

**Las Noches, Throne Room**

Gin grinned at Aizen. "Ouch."

Aizen's expression didn't waver. "It's all part of the master plan, Gin."

* * *

"Oh!" Comprehension dawned on Bastida's face. "Well, we're actually here to-"

Zarraga cut him off by whacking him over the head. "Quiet! Good grief, you can't just tell her! She's an enemy."

"Oh, right, sorry."

Zarraga rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He turned back to Isane and smiled. "Let's get back to the whole 'killing you' part."

Isane grimly took up a more traditional Kendo stance. "Don't think it will be easy."

"Why not?" Zarraga lazily drew his sword – Isane wasn't really sure if she should think of it as a Zanpakuto or not. "Unless you've got a Bankai squirreled away over there, you're a dead woman."

A wild idea sprang into Isane's mind. "Who says that I don't?"

Zarraga's smile faded. "Oh, come on. We know that Soul Reaper Lieutenants don't have Bankais."

Isane grinned with far more confidence than she felt. "Bankai is a prerequisite for being a captain. Wouldn't it be the case, then, that people who were _not_ captains have achieved it?" Zarraga still looked unimpressed, but she noticed that the big one, Bastida, was starting to look worried. "You just happened to get unlucky."

"I think I'd prefer to see proof." Zarraga grinned again, although Bastida still looked concerned. "Show us this mighty Bankai of yours, then."

_Think fast!_

Isane hopped up onto the rim of the dumpster behind her, planting her feet wide apart and holding her sword above her head in a pose that she hoped looked suitably heroic. Then she released all of her spiritual pressure.

She had seen captains release their spiritual pressure before. Sometimes they began to glow with a radiant light. Sometimes chunks of stone would pull themselves free of the ground and float menacingly. In almost every case, a strong wind would roar through the area. In Isane's case, she managed to get the dumpsters rattling, a few empty beer cans and candy wrappers began levitating, and a soft green-gold light suffused the area. A satisfying, howling wind did whip through the alleyway, though.

_Good enough,_ she thought.

She stared at the pair with glowing eyes. Sweat had popped out on the larger one's forehead, but Zarraga only looked dubious. _Think of something else! Something intimidating. What would a member of Squad Eleven do?_

Then it hit her. At the top of her lungs, she screamed, "BAAAAAAAANNN-"

Bastida shouted out, "She's serious! Take cover!"

Zarraga half-turned, "What..? No she's n-*URK*" He was cut off by Bastida wrapping an arm around his shoulders, neck, and head, and Sonido-stepping to a rooftop out of the alley and across the street with him in tow.

Isane stopped mid-yell. _I can't believe that worked._ She flash-stepped away as fast as she could.

On the rooftop, Zarraga freed his face from the crook of Bastida's arm, gasping for air. "*Heeeeyuuuuh!* Let go!"

Bastida dropped him, giving him a reproachful look. "You should be a bit more grateful. I just saved your life."

Zarraga glared at him. "Do me a favor, Bastida. Look down there and tell me what you see."

"I don't see anything… Oh crap! Her Bankai makes her invisible!"

Zarraga pounded the rooftop. "Idiot! She doesn't have a Bankai! She was bluffing and you let her get away!"

"Well, let's chase her!"

"She's back in public, moron! We'll have to track her down all over again."

Bastida looked worried again. "Uh-oh. Alegria isn't going to be happy with this."

Zarraga seethed. "No. No she is not."

"Are we gonna get canned?"

"…Maybe."

* * *

**Seireitei, Unknown Location - 7:15 p.m.**

After all of the setbacks, all the waiting and stalking and red tape and problems and irate captains and uncooperative officers, Mitsu was proud to say that Plan C had gone off without a hitch.

Ryo set down Rangiku's several-times-refilled and now-empty sake jug and hiccupped happily. "Well, that was fun. What's plan D?"

Mitsu sat back, feeling better – at least for the moment. "I think we've been going about this the wrong way. It's time to use the _tech_ solution."

Tomoe looked worried, although not as much as she should have. "How are we going to convince the Twelfth Division to help?"

Mitsu waved the question away. "I'm sure our division has something Kurotsuchi wants. We'll just make him an offer he won't refuse."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 7:18 p.m.**

Isane caught up to her Gigai after about ten blocks' worth of flash-steps. "There you are."

The Gigai looked at her, and the soul candy asked, "Did you defeat them?"

Isane leaned over with her hands on her knees, breathing hard – and not just with exertion. She still couldn't believe the two hadn't bothered chasing her. "Not exactly."

"Then go back and do it!" The Gigai commanded in a stern voice. "They're your enemies, right? Go fight them! You can't leave them alive to threaten your mission!"

Isane straightened up and gave her Gigai an incredulous look, before checking the street behind her again. "I wasn't going to win that fight. It was two on one. I'll have to find a way to split them up or something, and take them one at a time."

The soul candy looked irritated. "Fine. You want this body back, I guess?"

Isane was feeling a bit cranky herself. "Yes. I hope you're not going to be this much trouble every time I use you." She reached into her Gigai's throat and pulled out the candy, before climbing into her Gigai herself. Then she set out to find Renji – he would need to know about the attack, and the two new Arrancar who could disguise their spiritual pressure so well. She knew that the trick she'd used to get away from the Arrancar wouldn't work again – the next time she met them, it would likely be a fight to the death…

* * *

**2nd Division, Captain's Quarters - 12:03 a.m.**

Aizen's agent in the Seireitei – you know the one – stared with some trepidation at the target area. He knew he would succeed in his mission. After all, Aizen had planned it, and everything Aizen had planned had so far gone exactly according to those plans. Aizen's side would win the war, of that the agent had no doubt – that was why he'd agreed to be a spy for him in the first place. On top of that, Aizen genuinely cared about his subordinates – the agent could tell by the way he acted and spoke alone. So he wasn't worried about failure, oh no.

But… it was still Soifon's bedroom. It was her domain, such as it was, and the fact that he was one of her subordinates…

_*Pretending* to be one of her subordinates._

…pretending, yes, had drilled an instinct into him that vehemently objected to sneaking in there.

He shook his head roughly. He had no use for thoughts like that, and in fact didn't need to waste any more time. He quickly and quietly flash-stepped down to her door, and without preamble or delay placed a small device against the lock, which began to silently work on undoing it, Kido wards and all. After about a minute, the device disintegrated – the Soul Society didn't have such a device, and it wouldn't do to give one to them.

He stalked into the bedroom, which was dimly illuminated by the moonlight spilling in through the door. He noted with some amusement that the Second Division's control-freak captain hadn't bothered to make her bed before she'd left on her all-important mission to the mortal world. The agent moved around the bed and to the back of the room, to the wall panel that Aizen had instructed him to find, and placed his second Kido-busting, lock-picking device against it. It, too, disintegrated, its mission complete.

_A good omen,_ he thought, and moved the wall panel aside. Behind it was a set of steep stairs. He headed down, avoiding two or three booby-traps along the way.

At the bottom of them, he found a large, well-lit room that looked like a portion of the Seireitei's great library. Row upon row of shelves lined the multistory room, and free-standing book-cases filled the empty spaces of the huge floor. This was Soifon's vault – the room which contained confidential, classified, and top secret files. Anyone without possession of Aizen's super-gadgets and Steath Forces training would have had a tough time breaking in, but so far everything was going smoothly. At the back of the room, a small safe was built into the wall – the safe which purportedly held the Gotei Thirteen's darkest secrets from bygone ages, entrusted only to the leader of the Steath Forces. He crept over to it quietly.

"Hello!"

The agent nearly had a heart attack. He dropped into a combat stance, weapon out, and whirled to face the threat before the voice registered – it was that of a hell butterfly. He couldn't see it anywhere in the room, but the cutesy, high-pitched, inhuman voice was unmistakable.

"Hello!" The voice called again.

The agent relaxed. A hell butterfly was no threat. They didn't go anywhere or do anything without an operator, and they were too deep underground for anyone to hear them, here. Captain Soifon probably just kept one down here for convenient access, and as a result it was likely just a little lonely.

"Hello yourself."

"Did you hear the joke about the Stealth Forces?" The butterfly asked.

"No." He looked around the room, back toward the stairs. He still couldn't see the butterfly.

"_Exactly,"_ whispered a voice.

It was right in his ear.

He whirled to find himself face to face with – and only a couple of inches away from – Captain Soifon, wearing a bathrobe and looking like she'd just gotten out of bed. His eyes widened. "What…? How? You're supposed to be in the mortal world for the next three weeks!"

She beamed at him. There was absolutely no warmth in the expression. "My trip was delayed a bit, but enough about me, let's talk about you."

The agent flash stepped for the door. The odds of outrunning Soifon were virtually nonexistent, but it was the only chance he had. She didn't make a move to pursue him, and for a wild split-second, the thought he was going to make it.

Then he hit a wall, which had suddenly appeared where the doorway used to be. The wall was black, curved, and gave under the impact, with the agent sinking into the wall several inches before rebounding and being thrown back across the room toward Soifon. As he flew through the air, he caught a glimpse of what had checked his progress – Vice-Captain Omaeda, his gut still jiggling from the impact. The Lieutenant had a nasty smirk on his face.

_How the hell does a three hundred-pound man sneak up on anyone?_ The agent didn't have time to ponder the question further, though, as Soifon grabbed him by the collar of his uniform in mid-flight and dragged him around in front of her. Her Zanpakuto had somehow appeared in her other hand, and its blade was pressed against his throat. He broke out into a cold sweat. "This can't be happening."

"I think you'll find that it can."

"How…"

"How what? How did we get a hell butterfly to tell jokes?" Soifon toyed with him. "Well…" her voice shifted, becoming the high-pitched squeak of the hell butterfly, "…I actually have a huge vocal range."

"She still can't sing, though," Omaeda said as he waddled over.

"Shut up, Omaeda," Soifon said, in Omaeda's voice. Switching back to her normal voice, she looked back into the eyes of the agent. "Now, you mentioned something about how I was supposed to be in the mortal world. The thing is… I don't remember telling my subordinates how long I was going to be away. So I have to assume that you're a spy, provided with that knowledge illegally."

The agent twitched a bit. He noted that Soifon's face took on an odd expression – a mixture of wonder and joy, like a little girl who had been told that her birthday would be celebrated _twice_ this year. It was _creeping him out._

Soifon read his reaction correctly and continued. "Really! This is _fantastic_. Here I am, bored to _tears_, and then an agent of Aizen's just comes waltzing right into my quarters, breaks into my vault, and then surrenders? Oh wow… this might be a first for me. I don't have anything to do at the moment; I can spend _all day_ with my new prisoner. I could try interrogation techniques that are _purely theoretical_. I could-"

The agent fainted.

Soifon frowned down at him. "Well huh. That was disappointing. I was hoping he'd last longer."

Omaeda smirked. "I thought you told me you weren't looking for a boyfriend."

"And I thought I told you to _shut up._" Soifon thrust the body into Omaeda's arms. "Take him to holding cell four, confiscate all his gear, and tie him up. Do it _before_ you go to get your midnight snack, Omaeda. We don't want a repeat of the Rogue Prince incident."

"Got it." Omaeda, who shared with his captain the secret that he was actually qualified to hold Lieutenant rank – most of the time, hoisted the body to his shoulder and carried Soifon's new hobby out the door and to the detention area.

* * *

**2nd Division, Captain's Quarters (Approximate) - 7:45 a.m.**

Bright and early the next morning, Unit Four once again stood in a semi-circle around the pillar of ice outside of Soifon's quarters. This time, though, a pair of people from outside the division had joined them. The newcomers were very odd indeed. One was a young woman in a shortened version of the regular Soul Reaper uniform. The other was a man in a captain's outfit, wearing makeup and a very odd, pointy hat.

"This is what you want me to analyze?" Captain Kurotsuchi looked the pillar up and down. "And you just want to know which Zanpakuto it came from?"

"Yes, Captain Kurotsuchi." Mitsu said.

"Well, this should be a simple matter. Just give me a minute here…" He withdrew a small, drill like device from his robes and stuck it to the side of the pillar.

While he worked, the ninjas conversed quietly. "I can't believe you got him to come out here and do this. What did you offer him?"

Mitsu whispered back, "I told him that if he did, Captain Soifon would drop by his Division this week and let him study her Shunko ability."

"And did the Captain agree to this?"

"Of course not. I'd love to see him try to _make_ her, though. She might give him a demonstration on the spot."

"Ah, right." The others snickered. "Well, thank providence for anonymity. I love these masks."

"Done!" Mayuri cried, waving his device and grinning fiendishly. "There is a nearly one hundred percent chance that this was created by Hyorinmaru!"

The ninjas stared at him for a moment. Mitsu growled. "So it _was_ Hitsugaya after all. Those two are sneakier than we thought. I had no idea Matsumoto was such a good actress."

Mayuri started cackling. "At last… the secrets of Shunko will be mine!" The scientist threw his head back and laughed madly, his hands turned up by his sides.

"Captian." Lieutenant Kurotsuchi said quietly.

"What?" The captain snapped at her.

"You wished for me to remind you not to do 'the laugh' in public."

"Oh… right." He turned to Unit Four. "In any case, I expect your Captain to arrive promptly."

"Of course, sir." Mitsu bowed as the scientist and his daughter walked off.

Unit Four huddled together. "What now?"

Mitsu sighed. "Well, we can't approach the Tenth Division directly anymore. We need to find another way to question Hitsugaya. One that he won't eject on principle."

Unit Four's brainstorming lasted well into the afternoon. By the time they were finished, they had a Plan E.

* * *

**4th Division, Captain's Office - 10:05 a.m.**

Unohana's problem had grown worse. She still hadn't heard back from Central Dispatch, and she was starting to feel genuinely concerned about Isane's welfare. On top of that, more of the damn posters seemed to be sprouting up everywhere she looked, and continued to slowly escalate in terms of content. The most recent one to be added to the stack in her closet had shown a picture of a Soul Reaper leaping at a pile of nasty looking Hollows, and had read:

**Common Sense:**

_Just because you're in the Eleventh Division, d__oesn't mean you should._

On top of that, her subordinates were getting antsy, from Iemura on down to the newest members of the response teams. She didn't know what was causing it, but the atmosphere around the Fourth Division seemed to be getting worse all the time.

She sighed and leaned back at her desk. If she hadn't heard back from Central by this time tomorrow, she would head to the world of the living herself to deal with whatever issue was keeping Isane there. As for what she would do about her division, well, she would take care of that when she had the time.

* * *

**Chapter End**

Well, that's Chapter 7. If you were disappointed by the fight, then take heart – there will be a real knock-down, drag-out fight with Zarraga and Bastida soon.

As always, any comments/criticisms/statements/questions/whatever that you have are appreciated and welcome. Please Review!


	8. Double Trouble, Part 3

Greetings!

Here's Chapter 8, which took me far longer to write than I thought it would. I don't really have an excuse, so sorry about that.

It's interesting, and a little frustrating, that the main story of Bleach never goes into much detail about the backstories of the senior captains - even in the "100 years ago" arc, there are only a few hints about what's going on. Also, the timelines for a lot of this stuff don't really make much sense. For instance, Yamamoto is (according to canon) thousands of years old, since he founded the Soul Reaper academy 2,100 years ago and presumably didn't do so the day he entered the afterlife. 1,000 years ago, he became head captain of the Gotei Thirteen. Unohana, Kyoraku, and Ukitake were each captains for at least 200 years by the time the main story begins, but no further information about them is given - except that Kyoraku and Ukitake were the first students from the Soul Reaper Academy to become captains, or something like that. It very carefully does _not_ say that Unohana attended the academy, which actually makes me think that Yamamoto may have recruited her from somewhere else.

Given all of that, I guess the readers are left to assume that while Soul Reapers have been around for thousands of years, their organization has changed drastically over the centuries, such that the Gotei Thirteen didn't exist as we know it today until only a few hundred years (or maybe 1,000) years ago, and that Kyoraku's statement of "over 100 years" in the Turn Back arc was meant to emphasize how new the other captains were rather than how long the senior captains had been around.

So for the purposes of this story, Yamamoto is older than _dirt_, and each of the senior captains (Unohana, Kyoraku, and Ukitake) should be around 1,200 years old total, and have been captains for close to the last millenium. That's the best sense I can make out of it.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, and Mungetsu for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 8 – Double Trouble, Part 3: Trouble Brewing**

* * *

_They're savages! Savages! Barely even human!_

_Savages! Savages! Killers at the core!_

_They're different from us, which means they can't be trusted,_

_We must sound the drums of war!_

_They're savages! Savages! First we deal with this one,_

_Then we sound the drums of war!_

_ -- Lyrics from "Savages," owned by Disney_

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 3:00 p.m.**

Alegria looked around the cavernous basement as she hooked up Soto's latest find. _Fifty,_ she thought, _we're halfway there._

Over the last couple of days, things had gone more or less as she'd anticipated. Zarraga and Bastida were taking their sweet time killing the agent. Soto had found a few more suitable targets. No one outside her team had come close to figuring out what was going on.

One thing did bother her, though. The agent had made no move to get in touch with her existing contacts. Alegria put that mystery aside for now - she would need to concentrate on what she was doing here.

Eventually, she finished, and checked her instrumentation. _Rule number one: never trust anything that came from Szayel's lab._

The readings seemed stable, but then she noticed an odd spike in brain activity. Then two, then three more. Then the power suddenly surged and the supposedly-comatose humans began to stir…

Alegria turned around to see fifty half-awake, exceptionally angry, spiritually aware humans looking at her. The Arrancar blinked a couple of times. "Freakin' fantastic…" She reached for her communicator. "Soto, get back here."

* * *

**8th Division, Main Road - 3:34 p.m.**

Nanao Ise, vice-captain of the Eighth Division, was not in a good mood. The paperwork had backed up, the new recruits had managed to set fire to three barracks buildings the previous night, her missing reading glasses had turned up broken on the practice fields, with no explanation as to how they got there, and Captain Kyoraku had gone AWOL and was no doubt napping off in one of his many hideouts.

So when she found herself suddenly surrounded by dark figures, she was… rather tense. "What?"

The leader of the group had a long rope looped around her shoulder. "Lieutenant Ise, we'd like you to come with us."

Nanao sighed. "Did my captain put you up to this?" She pointed at the rope. "I've told him before that I'm not really into that."

Mitsu's eyes narrowed. "Your captain has asked a Stealth Forces unit to proposition you with a rope before?"

Ise blinked. "Well, no, he hasn't. It's only a matter of time, though."

"I see." Mistu shrugged. "Anyway, we actually just wanted to ask you for a favor."

Ise raised an eyebrow and adjusted her glasses. "A favor? That depends on what it is."

"It's not too bad. We just need you to schedule a meeting with Captain Hitsugaya and ask him a few questions. And wear this." Mitsu held out a small pen.

"I don't think I have the time, I'm sorry." Nanao sketched a small bow before turning to leave.

Mitsu chased after her. "Wait! What if we made it worth your while?"

"I don't take _bribes_," Nanao said, somewhat offended. "This division has its dignity-"

She was cut off by a high-pitched giggle from a nearby window. "Oooh, Shunsui…"

Without looking, Nanao slammed the window shut and kept walking, a flush creeping onto her features. "- and its officers conduct themselves accordingly," she finished weakly.

"It doesn't have to be something illicit. We could help you with cleaning up after those fires."

"Fourth Division's already on it."

"We could install some new secret doors in the Kuchiki estate for the Women's Association."

"Yachiru would kill me if I took away her fun."

"We could get you caught up on your paperwork."

Nanao stopped. "Deal."

Mitsu narrowly avoided crashing into her. "We could… wait, what?"

Nanao turned. "You have a deal. We're _weeks_ behind, so this will be a huge help. Thank you so much."

Mitsu twitched a little. She hadn't realized that there was _quite_ that much to do. "You're… welcome?"

Nanao beamed. "Now, what questions did you want me to ask?"

* * *

**Atlantic Ocean, Deck of the _Cathrine St. John_ - 1650 A.D.**

Retsu Unohana tried to remain calm. It wasn't easy – the crowd of sailors and colonists headed for the new world could be somewhat distracting, especially when they formed an angry mob and threatened to throw someone overboard – which they were doing now. The fact that she and Shunsui were the targets of their ire didn't help either.

It had started innocently enough. Unohana, Kyoraku, and Ukitake had been given one Gigai each and told to keep tabs on an area in England where a disturbingly large number of Hollows had been appearing lately – a long term assignment given to them by Yamamoto himself, for team building or diversity training or something like that. It had gone well at first, but then this little group of humans had set out for the New World, and the Hollows had followed the _ship – _even though there were no plusses on board_._ This was practically unheard of, and so the three Reapers had joined them on their journey, living through the harsh weather and cramped boat conditions while occasionally fighting off Hollow attacks.

Unfortunately, the three of them had failed to take Ukitake's illness into account. They had managed to keep it under wraps for the most part, but more than a month into the voyage, Ukitake had suddenly come down with a coughing fit and begun spewing blood all over the deck. Unohana had instinctively broken out her healing Kido, which was severely toned down by the Gigai, but nonetheless effective. The crew, seeing Unohana making strange hand motions and Ukitake coughing up blood, had drawn the (to them) obvious conclusion and put Unohana on trial for witchcraft. When Kyoraku had tried to defend her, they'd grabbed him and put him on trial too.

This normally wouldn't have been a problem, except that both Reapers had hesitated to use their Soul Candy, attempting to talk their way out of the situation for far too long. As a result, they were stuck in their Gigais and tied together, while a man up front spoke in serious and judgmental tones about the various nonsense factors that proved that Unohana was in league with the Devil.

"…and did you find the evil markings upon her flesh?"

"We did!" Shouted one of the women.

"Wait, they searched you?" Kyoraku asked.

"The women did, yes. They found my tattoo, and none of them can read Japanese. You can guess their opinion on it." Actually, she and Kyoraku were speaking Japanese now, which honestly didn't help their case any, but at this point they both figured they had nothing to lose. Besides, it offered some privacy.

"You have a _tattoo_?" Kyoraku said. The mortals shouldn't have been able to find a limiter seal. "I've never seen it."

"There's a good reason for that."

From his perch on the rail of the ship, Ukitake laughed. Unlike the other two, he had managed to pop his Soul Candy in time to free his Spirit Body, but the concerned people of the _Cathrine St. John_ had managed to get the "evil" object out of his mouth before the Candy could take over the body. As a result, his Gigai now lay comatose upon the deck, and Ukitake himself was ready to free them from their fate whenever the mortals finally got around to pitching them overboard.

"You realize we're going to have to guard them covertly from now on – probably from the wilderness outside of whatever town they set up. They destroyed my Soul Candy, and your Gigais are about to get crushed at the bottom of the Atlantic." Ukitake pointed out the obvious calmly.

"Ah well, we're tough. We don't need creature comforts to perform our mission." Kyoraku tried to sound positive. "Just look at the bright side! We don't have any social obligations to worry about!"

"Hey, you're right. No more worrying about coughing up blood on people's clothing!" Ukitake brightened.

"No more watching where we step when we walk behind carriages!" Unohana brightened too.

"No more getting up early!" Kyoraku continued the cycle.

"No more awkward silences when people ask me to take off my wig!"

"No more of this silly headdress_._"

"No more jealous suitors coming to defend the honor of their lady!"

"Wait, when did this happen?"

Kyoraku wagged his eyebrows. "Remember _Margaret?_"

Ukitake's eyes widened. "You told me you were going to… ooohhh, that _is_ a clever euphemism!"

Unohana sighed. "Meanwhile, I was stuck at the Wright estate for hours. You have the gentlemanly virtue of a beached whale, Shunsui."

"That's not what Margaret said."

Ukitake rolled his eyes, and decided to continue the cycle. "No more nice food." He said, feeling a little down.

Unohana picked up on it. "No more wine, beer, ale, or any of that."

There was silence from the Kyoraku.

"Shunsui?" Ukitake prompted.

"I repent!" Kyoraku shouted, in perfect English. "It was the evil spell that this woman cast on me! She had me under her power, but through grace and wit I have broken free and seen the light!"

Unohana's jaw dropped. _"Et tu, Shunsui?"_

"Sorry, my dear Retsu, but this is for the beer." He whispered.

"That swill?" She hissed, as Kyoraku returned to his act, "I'm getting sold out by my best friends for sissy beer?"

Ukitake looked affronted. "Don't blame me for this! Besides, they were going to throw you over anyway."

Kyoraku, now free and working his charm on the crew, winked at Unohana. She felt like punching him. She grated out, "It's the principle of the thing! I swear, if one of you isn't in the water the moment I am, I'm going to take you to a New World you'll never forget!" She glared at them, and saw them exchange nervous glances.

Ukitake scratched the back of his head. "Ah… right! Have no fear."

The colonists finally finished condemning her, and tied a heavy weight to her legs. They hoisted her over the railings and into the choppy waters. Unohana opened her eyes, and through the salt sting made out the form of Ukitake, already trying to push her Soul Candy into her mouth.

And behind him, an enormous Hollow, hidden to the surface, grinned and opened wide…

**4th Division, Captain's Office - 4:02 p.m.**

Unohana woke up, slumped over at her desk and breathing hard. _What…? Did I actually fall asleep on the job? That's a first. I can't afford to do that._ She checked the wall clock – she had only been out for half an hour. _Thank goodness._

She sighed, got up, and looked at her desk, checking the report that had come from Central Dispatch one more time – apparently Isane had been given extended leave to go to the mortal world, and they would really prefer not to go into it further. That was more or less good enough for Unohana – as long as someone knew what Isane was doing, she should be ok.

Unohana decided to make her afternoon rounds a bit early. She couldn't shake a strange feeling – it was almost as though she were disappointed that the dream had ended. She was also bothered by the fact that this dream matched her recollections so well – and while she, Kyoraku, and Ukitake had obviously survived the encounter, that first look at the Hollow while she was bound and helpless in a Gigai was one of her more startling and terrifying memories.

As she walked around her division, she saw the same gloom everywhere. Oh, the members of her squad still moved quickly about their tasks, and the rooms were remarkably empty due to a recent lull in Hollow skirmishes, but there was something indefinably _wrong_ with the whole area.

She heard someone – it sounded like her third seat, Iemura – talking up ahead. As she approached, she heard what he was saying, and realized that he was speaking out loud while writing in his diary again. She turned to leave and give him some privacy, but stopped when he began talking about the division itself.

"…and it's been getting worse lately. You would think, after all of the times some of these guys have been through our clinic they'd be grateful for the help, but all we get from most of them are complaints. That wouldn't be so bad on its own, but lately it's moved up to all sorts of bullying and other shenanigans. It's never like that when the captain's around, but she can't be everywhere, and frankly her orders are part of the problem. There's a lot of frustration and pent-up anger, but we can't actually do anything about it because we're supposed to be _good_ little professional _punching bags…_ hrmm… I'd better erase that part…"

Unohana left, sighing. Iemura was surely exaggerating. Yes, it was irritating that some of the patients were, not to put too fine a point on it, jerks. It was aggravating when she found some of the Eleventh Division's thugs picking on junior squad members for no reason. But that was life – it was full of little disappointments – and her subordinates were just going to have to grow up and deal with it. The Fourth Division was absolutely vital to the Gotei Thirteen – her officers knew that – and no matter what the uneducated blowhards from "tougher" divisions said, the fact that her unit was irreplaceable should be more than enough motivation.

Still, though… Iemura had sounded serious, and if his sentiments were shared by the rest of the officers, she was going to have to have a talk with them. She sighed as the heavy atmosphere settled around her. She would talk with them, yes…

As soon as she knew what to say.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School, 7:54 p.m.**

Renji poked his head into the clinic. "Are you ready to go?"

Isane looked dejectedly at her tracer monitor – the equipment she'd set up yesterday hadn't picked up any hits. On the other hand, no one had disappeared from Karakura High School today, so there was an upside… but she'd made effectively no progress on her mission. "Yes, I'm ready." She was already back in her "normal" clothing, having left her nurse's uniform with the Arts and Crafts club, or whatever it was called, where a quiet young man with glasses had promised that he would fix it to fit someone of her size over the weekend. She had gotten tired of the stares of the male students rather quickly – apparently the nurse's outfit being a bit tight on her was a bigger problem than she'd expected.

She and Renji walked out together – after the ambush the previous night, they weren't taking chances, and after meeting at Isane's apartment, Renji had suggested that they stick together as much as possible so that the two Arrancar attackers couldn't hunt them down and defeat them in detail. It was a good idea, but more than a little inconvenient. They had only been doing that for one day, but Isane could already tell that each of them was going to spend quite a bit of time waiting on the other.

As they walked, Isane noted that Renji was deviating from the path that would take them to her apartment the quickest. "Renji, where are we going?"

"We're going to go engage in an old, time-honored Friday night Lieutenant tradition!"

"What would that be? I thought most of our ceremonies had to be monitored by-"

"We're going to get a drink, Isane. Then we're going to trade embarrassing stories about our respective captains and swap rumors about what's new in the Seireitei."

Isane blinked in surprise. "Getting together to gossip? That doesn't go against the macho rules or something?"

Renji nodded, his voice dripping with mock formality as he tried to imitate his captain's voice. "It's an exception. When a bunch of lieutenants get together like this it's called supplementary, non-paid information exchange in an out-of-office environment. There should technically be more lieutenants present, but two is enough."

Isane laughed despite herself. "This tradition… was it created when Matsumoto became a vice-captain, by any chance?"

"Oh, no. Iba tells me that it's much older than she is, but she _is_ its most devoted practitioner."

"I can believe that." She sobered. "But seriously, is this a good idea? We're on a mission, right?"

"We're on a mission to the mortal world, yeah. You're supposed to have a little fun. Look, if trouble happens, intoxication won't follow us from our Gigais. I've tried it before, and it works. Besides, this is a rare opportunity for you, since you usually miss out on this stuff."

Isane considered. "Well, ok then."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Approximate Downtown - 8:40 p.m.**

The bar Renji selected, in the end, turned out to be one just across a downtown street from Mikito's Sunglasses Emporium.

Isane did indeed soon find the appeal. It wasn't something that she'd want to do all the time, but meeting with another lieutenant and talking about something outside of their jobs was fun. She found that she was quite a bit more vocal than she'd believed herself to be, possibly helped along by what she was drinking – she wasn't sure about that part.

"…so they're no longer truly Hollows, right? They've just been freed from being Hollows or Gillians or Adjuchas and they're not subject to all the absolute rules that determine those existences. At the same time, they're all former humans, too, but they're not bound by the rules of any human society. The only rules they have to follow are Aizen's."

Renji nodded, "I'm with you so far."

Isane went on, "Right. So now they have this new, part-Reaper/part-Hollow body, but they're free of all of the obligations related Hollows, humans, or Soul Reapers, and they want to show it. So they choose an outfit with as little material as possible to symbolize that."

Renji leaned back. "Ah… I see."

Isane nodded sagely. "And that's my theory on why all the female Arrancar are dressed like _skanks_." They both laughed. "So… why do the male ones dress differently, then?" Renji asked.

Isane snickered. "'Cause they're _men_. They wear the bulkier outfits to look impressive. It's a different kind of vanity."

"Well, I won't argue with you there."

"So, how is the Sixth Division doing? I know you and Captain Kuchiki had a big fight, but you're still his lieutenant. How did that happen?"

Renji looked pensive. "I don't know for sure. If I had to guess, though, I'd say it was Rukia."

"Rukia?"

He nodded seriously. "Rukia. Turns out that he'd taken two vows to his parents – one to protect her, and one to always obey the laws of his clan. He wanted to try to save Rukia himself, but he didn't want to dishonor his clan, so he didn't oppose the execution. Truth be told, he never mentioned it again after I visited him at Fourth Division. I guess he decided to let it go because I was doing what he wanted to do all along. Honestly, I think he was mostly pissed off that I _didn't_ beat him in our Bankai fight."

Isane considered, and looked at him oddly. "Is that the same reason that you're friends with Kurosaki now?"

"I guess. Why do you bring that up?"

Isane sighed. "I've had kind of a hard time thinking of him as something other than Ryoka. I know he's a big hero now, but he violated all kinds of laws and hurt a lot of people on his way into the Seireitei. I spent most of my time trying to fix damage that he and his friends did during the invasion, and after that, my only memory of him is a brief combat encounter and one hell of a bruise. I suppose all of that kind of bothers me – it's like nothing that I did at the time ended up mattering."

Renji frowned. "Well, to be honest, I tried to kill the guy twice. Like you said, it was our ties to Rukia that ended up overcoming that. On the other hand, I was doing what I was told – or what I thought was right – at the time. Does that make it meaningless? After all, without those battles, Ichigo may not have been able to save Rukia, and I never would have achieved Bankai. I was working against what turned out to be right, but I don't think it didn't matter."

Isane raised an eyebrow and took a sip from her drink. "That's pretty deeply introspective for a self-proclaimed tough guy. Maybe I should try thinking like that."

"Well, I had a lot of time to think about it while I recovered. Anyway, Ichigo is alright, once you get to know him. I mean, he's hotheaded, impulsive, cocky, and loud, but alright."

Isane grinned. "Sounds familiar."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. I suppose we should be thankful that so many friendships survived. I think Aizen's scariest power is how easy it is for him to turn people against each other." The two Reapers sat in silence for a minute.

Renji took a drink himself. "Well, how about we talk about something else. What's the weirdest thing you've ever found inside someone?"

"Oh, wow…" Isane leaned back against the bar, spinning her stool around to face the room. "I'd have to think about that a moment... although it was probably the joy buzzer that I found in the Eleventh Division's twentieth-seat officer…"

* * *

Zarraga and Bastida sat at a table, watching the two Soul Reapers chat. "Alright, Bastida, let's go over the procedure again. Pop quiz time: does she have a Bankai?"

"No, she does not."

"Good. Question two: What do we do as soon as she's alone?"

"We use our Resurreccions and take her out quickly."

"Very good. Final question: _does she have a Bankai?_"

"No."

Zarraga leaned back, satisfied. "Alright then. I think we're ready." A loud beeping interrupted him. He put a hand to his ear. "Yes?"

Alegria's voice came to him over his earpiece. "Where _are_ you?"

"We're tracking the target, just like you said to."

Her voice got sharper. "You _still_ haven't killed her? What the hell is taking so long?"

"She hasn't been alone for more than a second or two at a time! We're doing the best we can."

"I can believe that." Zarraga gritted his teeth, but Alegria went on before he could say anything, "Do you have her in sight?"

"Yes."

"Well, take her out now, then, and be quick about it. You're needed back here."

"There's another Reaper with her…"

"I don't care. Kill that one too. No excuses. Now get moving!" She hung up.

Zarraga looked up at Bastida. "Well. I guess we're going after her now, then. Where should we change?"

* * *

"You look like you're having a good time. Why don't you visit with the other lieutenants more often?" Renji asked.

"It's about intimacy. Because eventually, someone asks me about work, and ultimately they don't want to hear about it, but I always feel obligated to answer anyway."

"Huh? Give me an example."

Isane considered. She knew she was going to regret this later, but that didn't bother her as much as she thought it would. "Well, ok. Let's take you, for instance."

"Ok."

"The thing is, we – that is to say, you and I – have been pretty darn intimate in ways that make most people uncomfortable."

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, come on, Renji. I was part of the surgery team that put you back together after your fight with Captain Kuchiki. You looked like you'd tried to mate with a grain thresher. I've personally handled most of your internal organs. Like I said, knowing that I know stuff like that makes most people uncomfortable."

Renji looked away and grimaced. "Ah… yeah, I can see that that would be a problem."

Isane leaned forward. "And on top of that-" She stopped as spiritual pressure blasted through the area. The two Reapers whipped toward the source in time to see Zarraga and Bastida emerge from the restroom as though nothing was out of the ordinary. A few patrons looked at the door, confused that it was opening and closing on its own.

Zarraga and Bastida drew their weapons. Renji whistled. "You're right. They're really good at hiding spiritual pressure."

Zarraga smiled coldly. "So glad you approve. Let's do this, Bastida." The two Arrancar took up combat stances. "You got lucky last time, Reaper, but we've just received some wonderful news: We don't really have to keep your death quiet anymore."

Isane frowned and leaned back. Zarraga laughed. "That's right! We're not going to let you go tonight – and this time, it's going to be _messy_."

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: Well, that chapter didn't end up like I thought it would. I'd intended to go into the fight partway, but Unohana's flashback and Isane and Renji's conversation got away from me. The good news is that I already know more or less what's going into the next chapter (I've had the upcoming fight written in my head for a while) so it should come out pretty quickly compared to this one.

As always, criticisms, questions, comments, and the like are appreciated. Please review!


	9. Double Trouble, Part 4

Greetings!

Here's Chapter 9, and the last of the Double Troubles. Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, and stormcrowley for the encouragement and reviews so far.

In response to reviews – I'm not really sure how the 4th Division subplot will turn out, at least not to the extent that I'm sure of how Isane's mission will turn out. We'll just see what develops. :D

Before someone calls me a nut job, I'd like to add the disclaimer that Zarraga's released form's method of attack is not as far-fetched as it sounds – in fact, it's used by a sea creature called the pistol crab/shrimp in real life. Look it up, this is one cool crab!

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 9 – Double Trouble, Part 4: Disorderly Conduct**

* * *

_Oh he might have went on livin',_

_But he made one fatal slip,_

_When he tried to match the ranger with the big iron on his hip._

_Big iron on his hip…_

_-- Lyrics from "Big Iron," by Marty Robbins_

**

* * *

**

**Karakura Town, Downtown - 8:53 p.m.**

Isane looked around the room. It was full of humans. _If we have a pitched battle here, messy won't begin to describe it._ Isane decided to stall while she thought of a way to clear the area. She leaned back and tried to mimic the coldly mocking expression she'd seen on Zarraga's face in the alley. "I still can't believe you came back. Do I have to show you my Bankai again?"

Renji's head whipped around, startled. "You have a Bankai?"

"NO!" Isane, Zarraga, and Bastida said in unison.

Renji blinked, confused. Isane sighed. "I'll tell you about it later."

Renji shrugged, then grinned nastily. "So you guys can't handle Bankai? Well, I've got some bad news for you…"

"Don't!" Isane interrupted. "I've seen that thing. We're in the middle of downtown – if you lose control of it here, even for a moment, you could kill hundreds of people!"

Renji grimaced. "You think we can take them without it?"

"I think we don't really have a choice."

"Aww, isn't that sweet?" Zarraga snarled, "I wonder if you'll be feeling so charitable when you've been torn apart!" The two Arrancar lunged, their spiritual pressure blasting loose objects around the room and shaking the furniture. The humans in the room began to shriek and duck for cover.

Isane still hadn't come up with anything, but there was no more time. She and Renji dove in opposite directions, each popping their Soul Candy into their mouth as they dodged. As Isane's spirit body burst free of her Gigai again, she rolled to her feet and told the Candy, "Do whatever you can to get the humans clear, then run!"

The Candy looked around for a moment, confused and irritated. Then Isane heard her own voice bellowing for everyone to get out, with a note of command in it that Isane wished she could produce on her own. The humans began streaming for the exits.

On his side of the room, Renji had a hand up to his ear, requesting limit release. Bastida stood between the two Reapers, with Zarraga perched on the bar behind him, which now sported two large gashes. "Not bad. Bastida, you take the agent. I'll go for her friend here. Be sure to kill them before they get their limiters removed."

"Ok!" Bastida charged after Isane, swinging his weapon in a huge arc. Isane ducked it and rolled behind the bar, but the passing pressure from the swing put cracks in the huge window at the front of the building. _The muscles aren't just for show – he's really strong!_

Bastida laughed and hopped up, half sitting on the bar as he rolled over it, his sword leading. Isane got her feet under her and blocked, checking his motion. He swung his arm back for another strike, which Isane ended up ducking again. _What's with this guy? He really likes big, sweeping attacks, but they're not effective for his offense. If he just reined it in a little he could overpower me._ Isane decided not to question her good fortune and jumped up as he swung low, planting one foot on the wall behind her for support and kicking out at Bastida with the other. The kick connected solidly with his ribs.

If he was hurt, he didn't show it, but the force of the kick did slide him right off the polished bar top and through several tables before his inertia ran out. Isane came down from her jump behind the bar before hopping over it. Bastida emerged from a pile of broken furniture, still laughing. "Hahahaha! This is perfect! Keep it up, Reaper!"

* * *

Across the room, Zarraga launched himself at Renji, and they met with a flurry of attacks and blocks. Renji quickly found himself on the defensive. _Next time,_ he thought bitterly, _I'm just going to report that I'm in continuous combat so they'll keep the damn seal off._

"What's wrong?" Zarraga taunted. "You're not nearly as fast as your friend over there. You need a nap or something?" Zarraga began Sonido-stepping around Renji just to show off. "What's the mortal expression? 'Can't touch this?'"

Renji growled, but said nothing. _Keep talking, bastard. Once Twelfth Division breaks my limiter, I'll wipe that smirk off your face._

Zarraga stopped in front of him. "Well, that's enough toying around. Orders are orders, and I have to get going. Goodbye, Reaper." He disappeared with a burst of static. Renji had a sudden flash of déjà vu. It took him a second to place it, before he realized that it wasn't any one event that he was remembering, but several. _He's going for the back. I can feel it!_

Other than some of the other lieutenants, Renji's most common sparring partner was his own captain, Byakuya Kuchiki. After both a serious fight and numerous sparring sessions, Renji had been forced to admit that his captain was faster than he was – a _lot_ faster, especially in attacks coming out of flash-step. As a result, Renji had become better and better at anticipating where flash-step sneak attacks would come from, and had realized that attempting to turn 180 degrees and attack out of a flash step was harder than it looked, severely limiting the options of the attacker. _I can't move as fast, but he has more distance to cover… and I already know what he's going to do!_ Renji whipped his sword over his shoulder and behind him, and was rewarded when he felt another blade slam into his. _Gotcha._

Renji whipped around, swinging Zabimaru at a stunned Zarraga. Zarraga disappeared again, reappearing at the back of the room with a hand to his face. Renji grinned as he saw the small cut there. "Can't touch what, now? Your moves are transparent – and your hierro is pretty weak for an Arrancar with such a big mouth!"

"My, my… one lucky scratch and suddenly you're king of the world." Zarraga flew at him again, this time locking blades with Renji. Zarraga opened his mouth, and left it hanging open. Renji started to frown before his eyes widened, as purplish energy gathered in front of Zarraga's face. Even as he brought his blade around to block, Renji braced for the cero blast…

* * *

At the front of the room, Isane charged at Bastida and began swinging at him as hard as she could. He blocked most of her attacks with his own blade, but the occasional hit slipped through his defense - only to bounce off his arms, legs, torso, or head. _This is insane!_

Bastida, still grinning, recovered the initiative and locked blades with her before his free arm shot out, grabbing Isane by the shoulder. Isane batted his blade away and started wildly hacking at the offending limb, to no effect. He chuckled. "Still no good, huh, Reaper?" Before Isane could reply, he threw her across the room like a shot-put champion – she sailed over the wreckage of the tables and the mostly-intact bar to slam into the shelves behind it, shattering rows of bottles and sending alcohol and broken glass flying everywhere.

Despite the ringing in her head, Isane landed in a crouch. Even as she straightened, though, she heard a brief noise of static before Bastida was right on top of her. She noted, in a back corner of her mind, that he was moving much faster now even as he swatted her zanpakuto away with one arm and grabbed her around the neck with the other.

He bodily lifted Isane off the ground and slammed her into the shelving again. The hit jarred the radio at the end of the shelf, which switched stations to a peppy rock tune that began loudly wailing about how Isane needed to be the 'center of attraction.'

"Well, it's been a blast, Reaper, but it sounds like Zarraga is wrapping things up over there, and then he's gonna tell me that I'm being slow again." He drew back his other hand, ready to finish her, as the one holding her squeezed. "Anything you wanna say before I finish you?"

In desperation, Isane pointed straight at Bastida's eye. "Hado One:" she wheezed, "Sho."

The blast of Kido only had to travel a couple of centimeters – it struck exactly where Isane had pointed. Bastida's grip slackened a bit and he roared – the first angry noise Isane had heard him make. "Arrrrgh! Right in the damn eye!" Before Isane could twist free, though, Bastida blindly threw her straight through the plate glass window at the front of the room. Already weakened from the fight, the glass shattered readily as Isane went sailing into the street, slamming into the side of a large delivery truck and knocking it off balance as she tumbled over to the other side. The song informed Isane that this was what she was 'waiting for.' Isane groaned as Renji was blown out of the bar by Zarraga's cero, his body landing beside her on the sidewalk. This was going to be a long night…

* * *

Inside the bar, Bastida brushed himself off. "That was great! What do we do next?"

Zarraga walked outside with his partner in tow and carefully examined the scene of destruction – the truck had barreled straight into a telephone pole, wrecked two other cars, sent one car flying into and through the closed Mikito's Sunglasses Emporium, and damaged some of the other buildings nearby – and it was only going to get worse. "We're not _done_ yet."

"We're not?"

"No! Even you know that Soul Reaper Lieutenants are _obnoxiously_ durable, Bastida. Even worse, this is taking too long – their limiter seals will be released soon." Zarraga's mood changed, and he brightened up. "Let's go ahead and do it, Bastida, just like in the original plan. Then we'll have all the time we could want."

Bastida cracked his knuckles. "Alright!"

* * *

Renji coughed where he was lying. He looked over at Isane, "These guys are tough."

Isane got up slowly. "Tough? They're mopping the floor with us!"

"Yeah, but we haven't released yet, and they're not invincible. The little guy was pretty easy to cut, for an Arrancar."

Isane thought back. "The big one was hurt by a level one Hado. I think I spent too long trying to stab him to death"

Renji chuckled. "Looks like you and I are facing the right opponents, then. As soon as my seal is removed, we'll release to Shikai and take these guys out."

Isane nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

From across the street, they heard Zarraga calling. "Reapers! Hey, Reapers! Where are you?"

Isane and Renji emerged from the general mayhem, squaring off with the two Arrancar. Zarraga laughed loudly and obnoxiously before holding his sword behind him in a curious stance. "You're in for a treat, Reapers! We're not your average Arrancar – and you're going to see a pair of truly special Resurreccions. Screech through the void, Emision de Griterio!"

Beside him, Bastida held his weapon with both hands – one on each end of the sword. "Move the Earth, Levantador Ponderoso!"

The two lieutenants each raised an arm to block the sudden burst of wind and light, and when the transformation was done, they looked upon the true forms of their opponents.

Zarraga had stooped over a bit, and now a colossal bulge was centered on his back, with a pair of tall spines jutting straight up out of it. His mask fragments had filled in a bit more, covering his eyes with a clear panel and his mouth completely, and another spine stuck up from above his right ear, resembling an antenna. Most dramatically, his forearms had become encased in what looked like the same material that made up his mask, with a pair of flat, perfectly symmetrical claws at the end of his arms, looking almost mechanical. For his part, Bastida's helmet-looking mask was much larger and more ornate. His arms had become huge, white, segmented pillars – each as long as his body – and his hands had grown to match.

Zarraga raised his eyebrows. "Your turn," he said lightly.

Isane and Renji looked at each other.

"Howl, Zabimaru!"

"Run, Itegumo!"

Nothing happened. From inside the bar, the song let Isane know that she should feel like 'Number One.'

Zarraga laughed at them. "And that's why our abilities are special. Most Arrancar have a release that gives them new powers, but *our* powers are external, altering the battlefield around us! Among our little group, my favorite power is my own, but then I _might_ be a bit biased. It cuts off a Soul Reaper's ability to focus spiritual power outside their own body, jamming their abilities."

Renji snarled, "That's a pretty cheap trick! Are you afraid to fight us fairly?"

Zarraga wagged his claw. "Ah, ah, ah… it's designed to _eliminate_ cheap tricks. No flash-steps, no dancing on thin air, no Kido, no limit removal, and no spooky Zanpakuto abilities. And with that, we begin round two." He struck a nearby street light, producing a resounding *DING*. He and Bastida lunged for their targets.

* * *

**12th Division, Operations Center**

The Squad Twelve technicians finished processing Lieutenant Renji Abarai's limiter-removal request. "Approval granted," one of them shouted across the room, "get it to him quick."

The member who had received Renji's request leaned toward the communicator pickup. "Limit release approved, Lieutenant Abarai… good hunting!"

Static answered him.

He turned toward the other technicians. "Something's wrong. I've lost signal. I can't transmit to his communicator or his limiter!" He frantically started sorting through menus and data. "I've lost contact with everything in a half-mile radius of Abarai's position!"

One of the others shook his head. "There's nothing wrong on this end! One of the Arrancar must be doing this, somehow."

The first one swore. "Get the captain up here!"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Downtown**

Renji leaped forward to meet Zarraga in mid-charge while Isane jumped back to dodge Bastida's new assault. It was clear that the battle was going downhill rapidly. Isane spent most of her concentration and time avoiding Bastida's new-and-improved reach and devastating firepower. _What do I do now? I figured out a weakness just in time to lose access to Kido. Unless… unless Zarraga is bluffing and some of that still works! It seems like the kind of thing he'd do._ Isane bolted away from Bastida along the sidewalk and half turned, yelling, "Hado Thirty-One: Shakkaho!" A tiny red flash appeared in her hand before the spell fizzled. _Nevermind._

Bastida laughed – again. It was getting on her nerves. "Weren't you paying attention? That won't work. And neither will running!" He placed one of his enormous hands on the ground, and a glow shot along the sidewalk and under Isane. She instinctively tried to flash-step aside, but once again found that she couldn't focus enough to do it. _It looks like he wasn't kidding. We really are reduced to brawling!_ The sidewalk tore itself skyward under her. She twisted to avoid the worst of it, but ended up flying through the air and hitting the ground hard, about half the distance back to the Arrancar. Lying on her back, half-stunned, she stared at the upside-down juggernaut and wondered if there was any way to survive at all…

* * *

Renji was fighting as offensively as possible, trying to kill Zarraga quickly so that Isane could go to town with her Kido. It wasn't going well. Zarraga's hierro was much stronger now, and he seemed to be able to use either claw to block Renji's attacks. Finally, Zarraga seemed to grow bored with the status quo, and lashed out at Renji, driving the Reaper back and away from him. Then he stopped suddenly, allowing Renji to back up out of melee range. Renji paused. "What's the matter?"

Zarraga pointed a claw at him and grinned in anticipation. "Nothing at all." The claw opened with an ominous clicking noise, before snapping shut. In that moment, there was a tiny flash at the end of the claw, and an enormous *BOOM* echoed through the street. Renji felt an invisible force hammer into him, lifting him up off the ground and leaving a ringing in his ears before he hit a street light pole, bending it. "The hell…?" He croaked out.

Zarraga sneered. "Surprised? I won't go into the math behind it – it might overload your feeble brain, Reaper. Suffice to say, each of my claws can push a pocket of gas through the pincers _so_ fast that the pocket implodes, creating a rather powerful sonic attack. It's great for mid-to-long range combat – I'll crush you before you can even get close!" Zarraga leveled both claws at Renji. "Buh-bye, Lieutenant."

* * *

Isane rolled to her feet as Bastida grabbed the front bumper of the delivery truck she'd hit earlier. She frowned. _There's no way he could pick it up like that…_ Her musings were interrupted, though, as Bastida proceeded to do exactly that, lifting up the entire truck into an attack position like a huge club – and even the front part of the truck, attached to the back end only by a thin coupling, maintained its position relative to the back. Isane stared. "What?"

Bastida didn't even look like lifting it was that much of an effort for him. "Ya like it, Reaper? This is *my* power – it's called textile antithesis!"

Isane's eyes widened. She hadn't been expecting _that._ "We have to fight naked?"

From across the street, Zarraga shouted, "That's _tactile telekinesis,_ moron!"

"Yeah, what he said." Bastida easily hefted the truck a few times. "Something about manipulating the position and state of matter that I touch, but to make it simple, physics takes a holiday while I _beat the crap outta you!_" He brought the truck down as Isane frantically dove out of the way. The truck made a screeching, crunching noise and buckled the sidewalk and road around it. Bastida looked on one side of the truck, and then the other, spotting Isane on the side closer to the buildings. He hoisted the truck again, holding it horizontally, and swung sideways.

With nowhere to go, Isane was violently swatted into the ruins of the sunglasses shop, where she bounced to a halt at the back of the store. She climbed painfully to her feet – she was bleeding from several places, although she was having a hard time pinning down where and how bad. At the gaping hole where the storefront used to be, Bastida held a streetlight like a javelin. "It gets better, Reaper! My spiritual power is passed into whatever it is I'm holding – everything I use as a weapon hurts just as much as a zanpakuto. Think fast!" He took careful aim and threw the giant pole straight at Isane.

Isane dodged aside and charged straight at Bastida. _There's no point in holding the range open. Maybe I can stab him in the eye or something._ She lunged at Bastida, only to be almost contemptuously swatted away. Isane arced up into the air and down onto a parked car that had so far miraculously avoided damage, crumpling the roof in. She'd lost track of her zanpakuto midflight, but heard it lodge into the broken roof somewhere above her head. Distantly, she could hear the radio in the bar inform her that she was 'living out her fantasy' before the car alarm kicked in and she couldn't hear anything else.

As Bastida lifted the delivery truck again, Isane realized that the fight was pretty much over. _At least I got the humans out. Maybe whoever they send in to replace me will know what's going on._

Strangely, the thought wasn't as much comfort as she'd thought it would be.

* * *

**12th Division, Operations Center**

Captain Kurotsuchi stormed into the operations center, Nemu quickly following. "What's going on? You should be able to bypass a simple jamming ability! Are you all idiots? You're making me look bad!"

"Captain!" One of them shouted. "It's not that simple – this ability is like nothing we've seen a Hollow use before."

Mayuri roughly shoved the man out of his chair. "Let me see." The painted captain typed quickly, reviewing the data collected so far. "Bah! I'm surrounded by fools! This isn't unique at all – it's just that much stronger than previous attempts to block our communications."

"So what do we do?"

"We should be able to get through it by integrating a body of spiritual energy into the relay!" Mayuri nodded, satisfied. "Nemu, get up there."

Nemu bowed. "Yes, captain."

The other technicians looked at Mayuri in horror. "Sir! You… you can't hook her up to that thing!"

The captain half-turned. "Hrm…? Oh, I see your concern. Don't worry – Nemu is an _extremely_ effective conductor, both for electricity and spiritual power!"

"But she'll die!"

The captain scowled. "Now you're just being insulting. I made that body myself. It will take more than that to kill her – although not _too_ much more, I'll grant you – and she has a very high tolerance for pain. Now hand me that headset!"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Downtown**

Renji rolled and dove as Zarraga began firing – for lack of a better word – with both claws. He couldn't escape the blasts completely, but his erratic motion kept him from catching the worst of it. He ended up taking cover behind one of the wrecked vehicles. Zarraga didn't pursue. _Damn, he's too smart to follow me around a corner._

A short, sudden rain of black glass fell right in front of his eyes. He reached up and pulled his sunglasses off, and sure enough, they'd been ruined by the blasts. _Not again!_

"You _bastard!_" He ranted. "You broke my sunglasses! It took me a _month_ to save up enough money for these. You'll pay for this!" He looked over at the shattered, burning crater that was all that remained of Mikito's Sunglasses Emporium. "Figuratively."

Then a voice buzzed in his ear, and he almost dropped his weapon in shock. "…epeat, Lieutenant Abarai, answer me! I know you can hear me."

He held a hand up to his ear. "Captain Kurotsuchi, is that you?"

"Of course it's me. Who were you expecting, the Women's Association? Listen up, your request is authorized; you can release at any time. Now hurry and kill those Arrancar so I can get back to something important! Better yet, _capture_ them and bring them to my lab. Ooooh, yes, this could be interes-" Renji cut the feed to his earpiece, rolling his eyes. He grinned as he reached for his limiter tattoo, releasing his power but keeping it down around twenty percent to avoid tipping off the Arrancar. _Now I just need to figure out how to release Zabimaru. If I can do that, I can end this!_

Before he could get started on that problem, though, the car he was using for cover exploded, pitching Renji back into the open. Zarraga leveled both claws at him, vapor from the cero blast still smoking near his mouth. "Ahhh… versatility." Zarraga sighed contently, and began firing again.

* * *

**Unknown Location, Variable**

Isane woke up to a cold wind and a loud, blaring screech that seemed to go on and on. Storms whipped across the mountainside that she was lying on. More accurately, she was hanging at an awkward angle in an evergreen tree, as a snowstorm whipped around her and howling winds added to the noise generated by the screech.

This was her inner world, but not like she'd seen it before. It was usually peaceful, quiet, and calm, if very cold. She began looking for Itegumo, and managed to spot him directly beneath her. Her zanpakuto's spirit appeared more or less as it always had – a very young man, more like a teenager, with pure-white skin, silver hair, and a plain, pale blue kimono. He was shouting something at her, but she couldn't hear him at all. She tried to pantomime this to him, and he reached up for her. With an extreme effort, she reached back and managed to grasp his hand. Finally, she could hear him. "Isane! _What are you doing?_"

"What do you mean, what am I doing?" She shouted back. "I'm trying to figure out a way to kill this Arrancar! He's built like a brick outhouse!"

"That's not what you're doing," Itegumo yelled, "You're giving up! You've _been_ giving up since the fight started."

"What?"

"You ran through your repertoire of tricks once, decided that none of them would work, and then went back to trying to kill him the hard way – except that you're not even doing that right! You've taken a few swats at him, but you haven't tried to summon me again!"

"_What good would it do?"_ Isane shrieked. "He's too strong, and even if I summoned you, I wouldn't be able to use your abilities! I never wanted to be here in the first place, I don't know what I'm doing, and now I'm going to get killed in the mortal world by someone who can't even spell the name of his own power! I'd hoped for a bit more _dignity_, but I'd settle for not being lectured to by my own zanpakuto in my final moments. So unless you're here to tell me that we've suddenly achieved Bankai and can use it without focusing spiritual energy, please… let me go in peace."

Itegumo blinked at her for a moment, stunned. Then he grinned. "See, this is what happens when you go into combat without backup." Isane raised an eyebrow at him wearily. "A zanpakuto is more than a better blade, Isane, you know that! He's too strong, you say? You are not a weak woman, Isane, and I am not a weak spirit!" A look of intense concentration came to Itegumo's face, and the storms and snow began to swirl around them – it seemed to block out the screeching noise rather than add to it, at least partially. Isane heard Itegumo more clearly now, and she began to feel better despite her outburst just a few moments ago. "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but you're still not fighting at full power. Call me to your side, Isane. We can _beat_ this Arrancar, and his friend's silly screaming technique! We'll bury him under a torrent of power, and show him what it means to fight a Soul Reaper Lieutenant!" Isane felt a rush as her connection to Itegumo came back. "But first, you have to command me to…"

"…Run, Itegumo!" Isane found that her hand – the one that had been grasping Itegumo's in her inner world, was already wrapped around the hilt of her zanpakuto. She whipped Itegumo around as she saw it transform into the familiar triple-bladed form. Even better, it managed to stop the descending truck cold, even as Isane was pressed slightly into the car underneath her. Bastida frowned as he saw the truck stop early – and as he saw that something was glowing underneath it. Then he staggered back as the truck was pushed up and away by a series of impacts, each one releasing a burst of snow and icy fog around the car. "Huh? Zarraga! What's going on?"

Across the street, Zarraga stared at the Isane as she climbed to her feet. _That's impossible…_

Renji looked over and laughed. "So that's how it is, huh? Never would have guessed that the brute force approach would work."

Zarraga snarled at him, "So what? You're not nearly as strong as –" He was interrupted by the blast of spiritual pressure that ripped out from where Renji stood. "Guess again!" Renji shouted. "I don't know if this is an off day for you or what, but I just got some wonderful news. My limiter was removed a few seconds ago!"

Drawing up the concentration to call Zabimaru was easy. All he had to do was picture his captain. _A thousand years too soon my ass! _He swept his hand over the blade of his sword. "Howl, Zabimaru!" This time, the blade glowed and sluggishly transformed into the multi-segmented machete that Renji had spent so much time mastering.

"How did you do that? You can't _do_ that! That's _cheating_!" Zarraga shrieked.

Renji gave Zarraga what he privately called his 'Squad Eleven Smile' and smacked Zabimaru against the bent street light, producing another *DING*. "Round three!" The two Soul Reapers, both shimmering with their released power, attacked.

* * *

**12th Division, Operations Center**

"There, that should take care of that." Captain Kurotsuchi stood up and stretched. "Well done, Nemu!"

Nemu's charred body fell off the relay and hit the floor with a loud thump. She didn't move. A pair of the technicians ran over to her, and one of them began gently shaking her. "Lieutenant?"

"Oh wow, 'well done' doesn't begin to describe her," the other one whispered.

"Show a little respect, man!" The first one hissed. "She just died to save Abarai!"

Nemu suddenly sat up, startling both of the techs. "I require medical attention," she said, her face and voice expressionless.

"Fine, you can go see to your burns, but be back in the lab in half an hour." Mayuri groused. "The rest of you get back to work, and this time, don't disturb me unless something important comes up!"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Downtown**

Renji had Zarraga on the defensive again – he lashed out with Zabimaru, the heavy metal head of the ribbon-like blade whipping toward Zarraga with incredible speed. The Arrancar grunted and jumped aside, then ducked and dodged as Renji continued twisting the hilt to bring the blades back around toward Zarraga. As the blade retracted, Zarraga scowled. _He's five or six times faster than he was a moment ago. It looks like he really did release. I can't win if I keep letting him fight me from over there – time to start fighting smart._

Zarraga waited until Renji lashed out again, then took careful aim at the head of the blade, letting loose one of his sonic bursts at it and knocking it off course. Weaving around and through the coils, Zarraga kept firing until Zabimaru was wrapped around and through several obstacles in a ring around him – the head itself was lodged deeply in a nearby building, and other parts of the blade were hung up on things like cars, the street light, another building, a flag pole, etc. Zabimaru did not retract, paralyzed as it was, and Renji frowned. "That's a nice trick, but not good enough!" Renji leaped at Zarraga, a high kick preceding.

Zarraga leveled both claws at Renji and laughed. "Bad move, Reaper. It's over!"

Time dilated for Renji. He saw two options – he could let go of Zabimaru's hilt, dodge the blast – taking a hit in the process – and try to retrieve his weapon while Zarraga shot at him. Or…

_I can end this now, but it's gonna hurt. _Renji took in the state of Zabimaru at a glance. It was, unfortunately, not shattered. The blade was wrapped around various objects, making two or three loops around Zarraga at a distance of several meters. Renji knew what his first captain, Kenpachi Zaraki, would do in this situation, and had a feeling that his current captain would do the same. _It's as true now as when I was promoted – no pain, no gain._

So Renji did nothing to dodge the double-blast from Zarraga. In fact, all he did was widen his Squad Eleven grin and twist Zabimaru's hilt, grinding the weapon against where it was stuck and forcing the blade to point inward.

The concussive blast hit Renji squarely, launching him back at incredible speed. Renji pushed aside the pain and focused everything he had on keeping his grip on Zabimaru. The sword made a shrieking noise, and bit most of the way through each of the points where it was stuck. Zarraga looked around nervously, as though just now noticing that he was surrounded by blades under extreme stress.

Renji landed on his feet, albeit using Zabimaru to support himself, hanging on the taut blade. "I'll admit that I'm not much of a math guy, but I know what happens when too much tension is put on something springy – something has to give, and I'm willing to bet that Zabimaru is more durable than mortal materials – and tougher than _you_." Renji heaved on the end of Zabimaru, and with the exception of the heavy end, the blade broke through each of the objects holding it, snapping back to its usual shape along the path of least resistance.

The path of least resistance happened to pass through Zarraga – several times, in fact.

Zabimaru did indeed howl as it sheared through concrete, metal, wood, glass, ceramics, and one very unfortunate Arrancar caught in the center of it all. For once, Zarraga had absolutely nothing to say, and what was left of him disintegrated before Zabimaru finished retracting.

Renji laughed weakly and turned to go help Isane, before collapsing on one knee, leaning on Zabimaru for support. _I may… have overdone it there…_ He saw that Isane's fight with the big one had moved down the street, and knew that there was no way he could catch up.

* * *

Isane launched herself at Bastida, ducking under the truck as he tried to use it as a weapon again. She wasn't sure what had changed, but she felt confident about this fight like she never had before. She heard Itegumo chuckle in the back of her mind. _It's two-on-one now, that's what's different._ Isane noted with some irritation that while Itegumo could produce the usual cloud, she couldn't direct it like she wanted to. As a result, the street behind her was filled with fog and extremely thick snow, but she and Bastida were constantly fighting outside it.

But for once, she had Bastida on the defensive. He seemed totally baffled by her Shikai fighting style, and for good reason – Isane was fighting incredibly offensively, with the blade as far away from her body as possible – a necessity that few people realized until they were holding a sword with two blades pointed at forty-five degree angles from the hilt. She attacked Bastida again and again, and each time he was forced to block with his arms while scooting back – and each time, a new burst of snow and fog joined the cloud.

At long last, Isane managed to slip a hit through his arms to strike at his chest, and for a wonder, it left a large cut behind. _Finally!_

Itegumo joined in. _See? Now take him out!_

Bastida roared and lashed out at her, both with an arm and by flinging a chunk of cement. She backed off, letting the attack fall short, and was surprised to see that they had reached the end of the street – a T-shaped intersection barred further progress, putting Bastida's back more or less to the wall.

Bastida looked down at the cut in his chest, and then yelled out. "Hey, Zarraga! She's better than I thought! Could you finish your guy and come help out?"

He was answered by a brief, grating, metallic howl, followed by the quiet laughter from the Soul Reaper Zarraga had been facing. "Zarraga?"

Isane suddenly felt the annoying buzz in her head cease – one she hadn't even noticed until it had stopped. She held up Itegumo in front of her as though looking at it for the first time.

Bastida looked back to Isane and snarled, ripping another streetlight out of the ground. "You bastards killed Zarraga! I'll –" He was cut off when Isane pointed her weapon at him. Suddenly the snowy fog behind her rushed forward and engulfed them. Bastida blinked at the sudden cold, feeling the resistance drag at his movements. _What the hell?_

He searched for the Soul Reaper, and finally spotted a dim silhouette with faintly glowing eyes, backlit by the fires and flicking alarm lights through the fog. She raised a hand, and the miasma that he was embroiled in picked up into a howling vortex, pinning him to the building behind him. He dimly heard her shouting over the wind, but what she was saying made no sense to him - it was something about the name of man and two lotuses. He strained against the vortex, trying to overpower it, but there was nothing to use his power _on_. Finally, he heard words that he did recognize. "Hado Sixty-Three: Soren Sokatsui!" Bright blue flared in front of Bastida, and a pair of massive fireballs crashed into him, sending him through the wall he was pinned against. He fell on the other side of the wall, badly burned, but grinning. _About time_, he thought, picking up a huge desk from the room he'd landed in. "Come and get it, Rea-"

His eyes widened as Isane flash-stepped right in front of him – and rammed Itegumo straight through his chest. "Too slow." She gasped between heavy breaths as she yanked Itegumo back out. "Not in motion, but in thought. You could have grabbed the wall behind you to make your escape, or used your cero, or just remembered that your partner's death meant that I could flash-step again."

Bastida grinned at her even as he fell to one knee and one elbow. "That… was a good fight, Reaper. But… you're not done yet. The boss is… gonna be pissed when she finds out… what you've done."

Isane sighed. "I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Goodbye, Arrancar. Maybe you'll be reborn as someone pleasant this time."

* * *

Isane sheathed the resealed Itegumo as Bastida disintegrated. She staggered back out into the street and made her way to Renji, who was lying unconscious when she found him. She knelt by him and began checking him over. _That last blast was too much for him, I feel a number of broken bones – he needs help now._ She could start to heal him, but not here in the middle of the road. She tried to think of where she could take him – the only place that came to mind was Urahara's shop. _Let's hope he can help._

She looked up to find her Gigai emerge from one of the less-damaged storefronts, with Renji's Gigai in tow. Isane nodded. "Thanks for getting the humans clear."

The Gigai stared balefully at her. "You were reckless."

Isane gritted her teeth and continued to examine Renji. "Are you talking about before or during the fight?"

"Does it matter? You left yourself open to attack, and now your partner is injured."

"I did everything I could. Heck, we even won."

The Gigai crossed its arms. "Barely. I suppose you want this body back now?"

Isane gave the Soul Candy a look that she normally reserved for backed-up plumbing. "If you don't mind." She said sarcastically.

"No."

Isane blinked. "I'm sorry, what?"

"No. I'm not giving it back. I don't know everything you've been up to, but every time I've seen you in action you're either running away, getting ambushed, or wandering around without a clue. I'm taking over the mission, and I need this body to do it."

Isane got up, angry this time. "_You're_ taking over the mission? You and what army? You're a Soul Candy, you don't have enough spiritual pressure to-"

The Gigai blurred for a moment and Isane felt a series of heavy impacts. The next thing she knew she was on the ground in the fetal position, and ten meters from where she'd started to boot. Her stomach, back, and face were throbbing, as well as most of her joints.

"A Soul Candy?" The Gigai said lightly. "Is that what they told you? I'm a bit more than that, Lieutenant Kotetsu."

"What…?" Isane wheezed.

"I'll let you figure that out." Isane watched herself produce a cold smile that she didn't know she could make. "You can't possibly do any worse with that mission than you could with this one. I suppose I should thank you for eliminating half of the targets, though –even if you did it in the noisiest, clumsiest way imaginable – so I'll give you a hint. Ask your merchant friend about Mod-Souls." Isane sucked in a breath, and the Gigai laughed. "So you have heard the term."

Isane managed to pull herself back to her feet and draw Itegumo. "Look, I need that thing. Give it back or I'll have to use force."

Mod-Isane laughed in her face. "Force? I'm happy at the progress you've made on your own, but if you get in my way I'll take you _out_. If I find another reason to have you around, _I'll_ call _you_."

Isane charged, and stopped when she realized that the Mod-Soul had already flash-stepped behind her and grabbed her sword wrist. _Sweet spirits! How fast was that?_

"I hope you're not going to be this much trouble every time I use you," Mod-Isane said, before hurling Isane to land awkwardly next to Renji. "You can try to pursue, but you'd have to sacrifice Abarai there to do it, and frankly, I don't think you have it in you." Mod-Isane flipped the sunglasses on her forehead down, wearing them properly. "I've got a lot to do, so I'll be going now. Good luck with Abarai." Mod-Isane examined her hands and looked around. "You really are too tall," she said, before disappearing.

Isane stared at the spot she'd vacated for several seconds. Human emergency vehicles began to stream into the area. She examined the battleground – Renji was unconscious, the humans couldn't hear her, and everyone else was dead or gone, giving her relatively complete privacy. She took a deep breath.

"_SHIT!"_

* * *

**Chapter End.**

Whew. Writing big fights is hard! That's the end of the chapter, not to mention the end of Zarraga and Bastida. This one is nearly twice as long as some of the preceding chapters, but I think it turned out ok, and I wanted to keep the fight all to one chapter.

This installment was essentially a 7,000 word fight scene, but the next one will return you to your regularly scheduled plot.

As always, comments, criticisms, questions, and the like are welcome and highly desirable. Please review!


	10. The Weary and the Wicked

Hello all!

Here's Chapter 10. Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, and stormcrowley for the encouragement and reviews so far.

Wow, that took a while to update. If you're wondering, the reason this chapter took so long is because I tried to have my cake and eat it too – I didn't want to spend a whole chapter dealing with the aftermath of the previous one, and I kept wanting to get back to the subplots (and the jokes), but ultimately I found out that I needed a fairly large amount of story-space to deal with the fallout of the fight, do a little character development, and introduce a couple of familiar faces. The silliness will return next chapter.

Now that the Double Trouble part is done, we'll be saying goodbye to the song lyrics for a while.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 10 – No rest for the weary, No rest for the wicked**

_One interesting psychological phenomenon present in nearly every human being is a frequently-triggered logical fallacy called the 'confirmation bias.' In a nutshell, it is the tendency of humans to formulate a theory or hypothesis and then begin gathering data – but instead of modifying the theory to fit the available facts, they modify their interpretation of the facts to fit the existing theory. Most people will even rationalize their way to ignoring contradictory evidence, guessing that such data points are a statistical fluke, or that the opposing information or viewpoints have been corrupted somehow. This logical fallacy causes a great deal of damage on every scale of life, from individuals to huge organizations._

_An even more simple statement is that everyone is susceptible to believing what they want to believe, even as others with perfectly reasonable points of view and oh-so-inconvenient 'facts' arrive to challenge the reality that they know._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 9:00 p.m.**

Alegria watched as Soto finally KO'd the last of the humans. _If I ever see another manifestation of a mortal's imagination, it will be too soon._

Alegria and Soto had spent several long hours chasing the humans around the hideout and knocking them out again – it was the "no killing" part that made it so difficult. Each of the fifty humans had figured out how to manifest their power before the fighting was done, and said powers had shown up as everything from fairies to dinosaurs to what she could only describe as demonic kitchen appliances. In the middle of this arsenal of insanity, Alegria and Soto had been forced to spend as much time keeping the humans from accidentally killing each other as they had fighting.

Soto stretched and popped her knuckles. For once, she didn't seem completely thrilled just to be alive. "That… was a lot less fun toward the end there."

Alegria sat down and looked at the mess and exhaled heavily. "Did you hear from Zarraga during the last fight, by any chance?"

"No, I didn't. I actually lost contact from him a while ago, so I guess he used his power. He's probably polishing off the agent as we speak."

Alegria nodded and reached for her communicator, just to double check that Soto had it right, but her hand stopped halfway there. She froze as Zarraga and Bastida's memories of the last hour or so flooded her mind – because her powers were temporally-based, Aizen had arranged it that the death of any member of her team would cause that Arrancar's final memories to appear to her. _That's impossible! They should have had no trouble bringing down two Soul Reapers, even if they _were_ lieutenants!_

But the facts remained. Zarraga and Bastida had both fallen. Alegria found herself suspended in the air – she was being held up by Soto, who was looking into her face. "Alley?"

"How long was I out?"

"About fifteen seconds. You really spaced out there. What happened?"

"They're dead."

"The Reapers?" Soto smiled.

"…no."

Soto's face fell. "Oh…" There was a long silence. Soto finally set Alegria down. "What do you want me to do?"

Alegria considered. _That was half of my team, gone in one night. What do I do from here? What will Lord Aizen think? Should I send Soto after the agent?_

She sifted through the new memories again. _The agent doesn't seem nearly as on top of things as I'd first imagined, and Zarraga and Bastida managed to not give away too much. No, I should work on securing these humans and gathering the rest._

"There are chemicals in this world – sedatives – that will keep the humans down. We'll use those to maintain control. Go find some and bring them back. What happened to that human you'd spotted at the edge of town?"

Soto brightened. "The big one? Well, normally when I punch a human they go down. But I punched this guy _lots_ of times and he just kept fighting! Then his arm went all weird and he started shooting energy blasts at me, and that's when you told me to get back here. I get the feeling he was leaving town, so I dunno where he is now."

Alegria shook her head. "Fine. Just continue your search within the city. There are bound to be another fifty _aware_ humans somewhere inside the spiritual nexus – find them and bring them here. Find those drugs first, though – try a hospital or something."

Soto nodded energetically. "You got it!" She bounced off to the edge of the room.

Alegria watched her go, wishing she could switch moods that easily. She shook her head to clear it – if Zarraga and Bastida had been gunned down by Lieutenants so easily, then they clearly weren't worth keeping around or mourning over – that was how Lord Aizen seemed to operate. She pushed the thoughts of them out of her mind and got to work hooking the humans up to the equipment, as they had been before. _It's only a momentary diversion. Today's incident with the humans actually did more to delay the completion of my mission. Everything will be fine._

* * *

**Las Noches, Throne Room - 9:00 p.m.**

Sosuke Aizen, Lord of Las Noches, Leader of the Espada, etc, leaned back. Static filled two of the four screens in front of him. "A fine performance from the Vice-captains, wouldn't you say?"

Gin nodded and got up. He shouted to the other room. "Hey, Kaname! You wanna watch the next fight with us?"

Tosen's irritated voice emerged from the antechamber where he was working on his latest project. "That was in _terrible_ taste."

Gin chuckled. "Well, at least it wasn't another speech about justice."

Aizen got up as well. "I need to make a few additional preparations. Would you be kind enough to ask Harribel to join us next time?"

Gin tilted his head. "Sure." There was a clear question in his posture. Aizen's own expression made it equally clear that he wasn't going to answer it unless Gin asked out loud.

"Good."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Training Grounds, 9:33 p.m.**

Urahara stood fairly still in his underground training room as Tessai watched. He nodded his readiness, and the big man asked, "So tell me, what day is it today?"

"Friday, although not for much longer."

"And where are we?"

"We're in a huge cave underneath my shop, created by you, myself, and Yorui-" Tessai suddenly struck out with his left hand, two fingers pointing at his boss. With neither chant nor name, a burst of Kido-generated lightning flew out and struck Urahara squarely in the chest, leaving a smoking hole through the center of it. The merchant continued to stand for a couple of seconds before his knees buckled. Rather than falling to the ground, however, he exploded in a shower of fake rubbery bits.

Urahara – the real one this time – appeared out of flash step behind Tessai. The big man nodded as the two of them began heading for the ladder up to the shop. "I'd call it a success. When did you make the switch?"

The merchant opened his fan. "A good magician never reveals his secrets!"

Tessai made a noncommittal grunting noise while Urahara climbed up onto the shop floor. "I still say that it will never work on Aizen, especially since you've done it before."

"I'll bet you a thousand yen that it does."

Before Tessai could respond, there was a loud banging at the door. "We're closed!" Urahara shouted.

The banging continued. Urahara opened the door, and changed facial expressions mid-snark. Isane stood there, supporting Renji's unconscious body, drenched in blood, sweat, and alcohol. Urahara took Renji from her and carried him back to the room he used for healing the injured that so frequently wound up at his store.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura Hospital - 10:28 p.m.**

Soto stepped out of the elevator and on to the fourth floor of Karakura Hospital. _What a coincidence! Everything in this city has the same name as the town!_

She walked down the hall, her mind rapidly shuffling between the geography of Karakura, her assignment, Alegria's odd collapse, and the knowledge that Bastida and Zarraga were dead. It bothered her that she couldn't think about any of those things for too long. She remembered, once upon a time, that she hadn't had this much trouble concentrating. _How long ago was it? Four months? Four years? Ohh… that's an amazing view of the – no, focus!_ She leaned against a wall for support. _I miss being able to think clearly._

She had, at one point, been a rather powerful Adjuchas, on the verge of Vasto Lorde status – her body had mostly finished compressing into a humanoid form and size, and her powers had been incredible. She'd been more cheerful and carefree than most of her brethren – she'd had to hunt down and consume other Adjuchas, of course, but she hadn't seen it as a real problem. Then Ex-captain Aizen – or was he _Lord_ Aizen now? She kept forgetting – had appeared, and said that he'd be able to advance her to an entirely new level of power and control, freeing her from the destructive cycle. Already bored with a life of tracking down and eating Adjuchas, she'd agreed, and he'd used the power of the Hogyoku to remove her mask.

But something had changed in her, something she didn't like, and it frustrated her that she couldn't even spend too much time thinking about _that_ before her own mind betrayed her, shifting to some new topic without her consent. She was sure that if she could just focus on it for a little while, she could work out what was wrong and fix it. Slowly but surely, she was able to remember snatches of what she was thinking about before she lost her mental footing – that was how she knew something was wrong in the first place.

She turned her mind back to her mission – for some reason, she never had trouble concentrating on her work_._ She never had difficulty drawing up enough focus to use her powers, either.

_Did Aizen arrange that?_ The thought barely crossed her mind before it was blasted away. _Mission! Right. I need to find sedatives._

She stalked along, finally locating a supply closet. "Excuse me, what are you doing here?" Soto turned around to find a very irritated-looking nurse standing in the hallway. "Visiting hours are over."

"Oh, it's alright. I'm a patient." Soto said happily.

"A patient?"

"Yep. It hurts when I do _this_." Soto moved with blinding speed, and a moment later the nurse lay unconscious on the floor. Soto laughed, sounding much less sinister than when Zarraga did it. "That one _never_ gets old." She bound the nurse's hands and feet, and got back to work.

She returned to the door. It was locked, and she thought for a moment. Then she simply lifted her leg and kicked the door in. She searched through the medicine cabinets, finally locating a large supply of what she was looking for. _Sweet! This was easy._

She gathered the supplies into a large bag, then headed for the elevator. Before she got there, though, the doors opened to reveal a white-haired doctor. He peered down the hall at the nurse, and then looked at Soto. "What are you doing?"

"I'm the new intern! Your nurse over there was all tied up, so I'm taking over some of her work."

He adjusted his glasses. "If that was a joke, it wasn't very funny. Even if it had been, it wouldn't save you. Stay exactly where you are." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone.

_Tch. No sense of humor at all._ Soto lunged.

She'd moved just as quickly as before, but when she struck the man was no longer there. _Uh-oh_. She ducked aside as his kick passed through the spot where her head had been a split second before. _I don't need to fight this guy. Time to leave_. She rolled into the elevator and hit the button. As the doors closed she saw the man consider her for a moment, and he appeared to be raising his arm as they shut. She sighed happily. _I didn't even damage the medicine!_ Then she felt a sudden attack – a rush of spiritual power heading her way.

Reflexively, she shifted to her Arrancar form and used her power. _The *real* joke's on you, Doc!_

On the other side of the door, Ryuken Ishida opened fire. He saw his arrows streak toward the elevator – it was insured – and knew that they would easily pass through the doors to skewer the thief within, although the injuries should be nonlethal. _Coming here was a big mistake, fool girl._

Just before reaching the elevator door, though, they turned around – instantly – and flew right back at him. _What?_ Only highly-tuned reflexes saved him, as he twisted aside and managed to dodge his own attack. The arrows sailed down the hall, blasting a hole in the far wall.

_There's no mortal technology or technique that could have done that._ Ryuken walked toward the elevator, watching as the numbers scrolled down, and knew that he shouldn't pursue an enemy that could turn his attack like that – besides, he now had no way of tracking her. _I didn't sense any spiritual pressure until right at the end, and it was *very* faint. What's going on?_

After escaping the building, Soto began making her way back to Alegria. _I don't think I want to try to capture that guy. He was cranky and waaaay too accustomed to using his powers. I don't think I could beat him without killing him._

As she walked along, she tried to regain the line of thought she'd had before. Some scattered details came back to her. _Something about Aizen? Maybe if I do well enough on this assignment, he'll help me fix my problem_. She tried to cheer up at that thought, but something about it bothered her. She'd slowly taught herself to trust these subconscious impulses, and began to suspect that they were fragments of still more memories that she couldn't recall. _No, maybe I should leave him out of it. I think I can recover on my – oh wow, that human's pretty cute!_

* * *

**Karakura Town, Downtown - 11:16 p.m.**

Uryu Ishida raced through the streets, making heavy use of Hirenkyaku whenever nobody was around. While he _was_ in a hurry, his primary reason for using it so heavily was that he needed the practice after his powers had been gone for so long. The battle that had just occurred was unlike any he'd felt before – several spiritual presences had popped up out of nowhere, then they had started fighting, then all of them had disappeared for a while, and finally three of them had returned, only to quickly be whittled down to one. _Something very strange is going on_.

That alone wouldn't have been enough to get him out here, but less than an hour ago, there had been a break-in at Karakura Hospital, and a number of medicines had gone missing. The police had been notified, but both Uryu and Dr. Ishida had realized that the intruder was a supernatural entity, despite the total lack of spiritual pressure. His father hadn't asked for his help in finding the culprit, of course, and Uryu certainly wasn't doing this to help Ryuken, but he had a strange intuition that these events were connected, and if this was some kind of Arrancar plot, Uryu wanted it stopped.

He slowed down as he approached his destination, finally deciding to use Hirenkyaku to move to the top of one of the still-stable buildings to give himself a good view of what was going on. He looked down at the devastation. The authorities were tripping all over themselves to call it a gas leak, but he knew better. The area might as well have been hit by a spiritual tornado. Hollows, Soul Reapers – at least two of each had participated in a knock-down, drag-out fight on this very street.

And there was still someone here. He could feel it.

He finally grew bored of waiting for his unseen stalker to make a move, and called out, "I know you're there. What do you want?"

A young woman emerged without any preamble – no sarcastic clapping, no gloating, no damning-with-faint-praise declarations that he was "talented (for his age) to have noticed me," or some such tripe. It was honestly highly refreshing. "I'm on a mission."

He raised an eyebrow. "And this mission is…?"

"I can't tell you that."

"That isn't very helpful. How do I know that you're not an enemy?"

"It would depend on what your definition of 'enemy' is, wouldn't it? You're the Quincy, aren't you? That would make you an enemy of Hollows *and* Soul Reapers."

"That's none of your concern, but assuming you're correct, which one are you?"

"Neither, of course."

"That doesn't make much sense."

"Now who's being unhelpful?" She sighed. "I thought that out of the Ryoka, you were supposed to be the *smart* one. We're at an impasse, then. That's a shame. I only have the best interests of your kind at heart."

He smiled thinly. "I find that _highly doubtful_ in more ways than one. It would be safer for everyone…" he extended his hand, his weapon forming in it, "…if I were to destroy you!"

He began his attack, only to stop when his target disappeared. Then he felt a hand grasp his shoulder. _Her speed is incredible. I *know* I'm fast, but I still didn't even see her move!_

Her voice sounded amused. "There's no need for that. If it makes you feel better I'll cut the BS and speak plainly – I'm here to stop one of Aizen's plans, and I need some backup to do it. The problem is, I know of at least one Soul Reaper who will try to get in my way – you should be able to recognize her, she looks just like me. If you can keep her off of my back, I'll be able to finish my mission quickly, and your town would be that much safer. It's a win-win scenario, wouldn't you agree?"

He turned around to face her. "It is… if you're telling the truth. The problem is that I'm not convinced that you aren't a tool of the Soul Reapers myself. What exactly are you?"

"I'm a Mod-Soul, created for use by the Second Division. While that would indeed normally make me a tool of the Soul Reapers, something has gone horribly wrong. I'm fairly certain there's a traitor around, and it's probably the one who was using me to control this Gigai. So when she used me a few minutes ago, I simply refused to give the Gigai back. She's stuck in her spirit body – it should be easy for you to find her."

Mod-Isane let him go and crossed her arms. "So how about it? Does it offend your Quincy pride too much to work with me? I'll remind you again that I'm trying to stop one of Aizen's plots. It can only help you out in the long run."

Uryu narrowed his eyes, adjusted his glasses, and considered. It was true that he didn't like Soul Reapers – and had recently taken a vow not to associate with any ever again. On the other hand, he liked the idea of Aizen nuking Karakura town and ascending to godhood even less. "There was a break-in at one of the local hospitals not too long ago, and we're fairly certain that no human is responsible. That wouldn't have been you, by any chance, would it?"

"No." She said simply. "I have no need to go raiding hospitals, and I've been in this area for the last few hours anyway, trying to get my bearings. Being stuck in a pill most of your life has quite a few drawbacks, after all. My former Reaper, however, is from the Fourth Division. Make of that what you will."

"Fine." Uryu turned and walked to the opposite edge of the roof. "I'll see what I can do to help you out. Good evening." With that, he disappeared over the side of the building.

With nothing else to do here, Mod-Isane took off. She was finally reasonably confident about where she was, and now she had several contacts to meet.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Variable Locations - 12:54 a.m.**

Isane only remembered later how much different it was from her first visit to Urahara's shop. He never cracked a joke, and the air of goofy haplessness was completely gone. She insisted on treating Renji first, and he made no effort to argue. Her big shock of the evening had been when Urahara had opened the cabinets, shelving units, and drawers around the empty-looking room to expose an array of medical tools and equipment to rival one of Fourth Division's full operating theaters. He and Tessai moved quietly and competently, following her directions and offering insightful suggestions and analysis on their own. Both proved highly proficient in healing Kido, and several hours later, she finally acknowledged that they had done all they could for Renji and consented to have her own injuries seen to.

When all was said and done, Isane got up slowly, testing her range of motion with the new bandages. "Thank you for all of your help, Mr. Urahara."

Some trace of his old personality came back. "No problem. Would you like to stay here tonight, or…?"

"I'll go back to my apartment. It isn't far away. Please call me if anything happens to Renji."

"Certainly. I assume you'll be back tomorrow?"

"Yes, if that's alright." Isane gave a small bow, and left with Urahara's goodbye. She arrived at 'her' apartment dead-tired, in more ways than one. It had been a long day even before fighting two Arrancar, and the trek to Urahara's shop and the long, Kido-heavy procedure had drained her spiritual power to dangerously low levels. She was exhausted and hungry, and all she wanted now was to grab something to eat and then sleep forever.

She staggered back into her apartment, not particularly caring whether or not anyone saw the door open and close itself, and made her way to the little kitchen space. She opened up her refrigerator, and stared in horror at what she saw. It was empty – empty like her stomach.

_How did this happen?_

Isane straightened up and experienced an honest-to-goodness flashback from several hours ago.

**Flashback**

_Isane walked with Renji through downtown Karakura town. Renji turned to her. "By the way, Isane, I packed myself a light lunch from your stuff. I hope that's ok."_

"_Sure! As long as you didn't empty the refrigerator." She laughed easily._

_Renji shuffled nervously. "Ah… right. Oh, look! There's where we're headed!"_

**End of Flashback**

She leaned back on the counter. "That _moocher_ cleaned me out!"

Back at Urahara's shop, the unconscious Renji sneezed.

Isane made it to her bed, managed to set her alarm, and collapsed, figuring even her usual run of nightmares had to be better than nothing. _I can't even think straight anymore. I'll figure out what to do about food and the Mod-Soul tomorrow._

* * *

**End Chapter**

And there we go. I wouldn't say that we're halfway done, but it's getting close. Also, I already know what the next chapter will contain – everything that I wanted to put in this one! The delay shouldn't be nearly as long.

As always, reviews are highly desirable and appreciated.


	11. Sleep of the Innocent

Hello all!

Here's Chapter 11, which I actually did manage to get out faster than the last one. Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, and stormcrowley for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 11 – Sleeping the Sleep of the Innocent**

_Dreams have been described as many things, from messages from the beyond to a physiological need to sort through incomplete ideas to neural resonance. A dream is also a synonym for ambition – and not just any ambition, but the drive to do something thought impossible in the dreary waking world. When someone declares that they have a dream, they are not talking about neural resonance, after all. Dreams have been one of the most-studied phenomena in history, showing how intrigued humans really are with hidden worlds and ideas that are just beyond our ability to truly experience._

_None of this scrutiny has explained why everyone, sooner or later, has the dream where they're late for an important event that they haven't prepared for, being held in a location that they don't know how to reach. And they're naked. And on fire._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 7:27 a.m.**

Isane walked along the streets of Karakura Town, looking for something. She wasn't sure what it was yet, but it was vitally important, and she was running out of time.

She might have made some progress, but every now and then she would catch sight of herself, seeing her reflection in a large window or a reflective surface, and every time that happened she would black out, only to wake up sore a moment later. There was also a sharp pang in her stomach that wouldn't go away no matter what healing Kido she used.

She stopped as she rounded another street corner, to find an orange-haired Soul Reaper with a massive Zanpakutou blocking her path. _Kurosaki!_ She stopped and approached him slowly.

For some reason, he only seemed to notice her when she got within about thirty feet of him. He turned to her. "Hi there!"

"Um, hi. Could you move, please? I need to get by." The statement was ridiculous. The street was a major thoroughfare, and coupled with the sidewalks was easily seventy-five feet across. There was no way that the orange haired teen was blocking her path. Yet the words made perfect sense to Isane, and Kurosaki seemed to accept them too.

He tilted his head to one side and grinned. "I need to know who you are, first. My friends are counting on me, and so is the town. I can't let you by if you're a threat."

"I'm not a threat! I'm Isane Kotetsu. I'm the lieutenant of the Fourth Division. I spend most of my time healing people!"

"You fight, though, right?"

"Y… yes. I do."

"And you look familiar. Have we met before?"

"Yes, on Sokyoku Hill."

"Oh, that's right. You're one of the ones who went after Renji."

"That's right. It was on orders from… what are you doing?"

He pulled his Zanpakuto off his back, sighing as the white ribbon unwrapped itself from the blade. "Well, let's get this over with."

"Wh… what?"

"We have to fight again, didn't you know?"

Isane paled. She made no move for Itegumo. "No. I don't know anything like that."

"It's true!" Kurosaki seemed to brighten. "You don't look like much of a warrior - and you're really tall, so it won't be very hard to hit you - but maybe you'll surprise me."

"Now hold on a minute! Why do we have to fight?"

"We have to fight for as long as you consider me and the rest of the ryoka enemies, Isane. I mean, it's not really personal for me or anything, but we have a problem, and I'm just going with the best solution here. Have you ever heard of Occam's Razor?"

Isane swallowed nervously. _Please don't say that Mr. Urahara taught you what Occam's Razor is._

"Mr. Urahara told me all about it, and I have to admit that it makes a lot of sense."

Isane sighed. _Oh yes, this is going to hurt._ "Well, have at it, then." She raised her arms to her side. There was really no point in fighting Kurosaki. He nodded and flash-stepped while Isane braced for the hit.

He came out of flash-step directly in front of her and stopped. He opened his mouth to say something, but all that emerged was a loud ringing. Then the surroundings began to crumble, and Isane woke up, staring at her apartment ceiling while her alarm clock – which was no doubt working for Aizen – continued to ring. She rolled over and swatted it. She didn't really feel like getting up, but every minute she stayed put was another minute that Mod-Isane was running around in her other body, up to no good.

She got out of bed and headed to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door when she got there. She peered inside, only to be reminded of her final memory of last night. She sighed and got ready to face the day on an empty stomach. She hadn't even been paid for her nurse work yet, so all she had left was the change from her previous grocery run. _Fantastic._

Well, she could always use one of the massive supplement pills if she needed to. Isane set out for Urahara's shop at top speed.

* * *

**Guangzhou (China), Harbor - 1838 A.D.**

Retsu Unohana tried to remain calm. It wasn't easy – the crowd of sailors and merchants swarming around the docks of Guangzhou could be a bit distracting, especially when they were in danger of doing something monumentally _stupid_ without even realizing it.

Like now.

It wasn't their fault, really. They didn't have any idea what "Hollow bait" was, or why it would be bad to unseal a package of it, but that did little to lift Unohana's spirits.

Even more irritating was how lightly some of the other captains were taking it. Given the sheer quantity and potency of the bait in question, Yamamoto had elected to send a whopping _five_ captains – and anyone those captains chose to bring with them – to Guangzhou to deal with the situation. Normally, it would have been overkill to do so, even if the bait was used, but there was more to it than that.

There was a traitor somewhere in the mortal world.

The current captain of the Third Division, Jo Komiya, had disappeared at the same time as the Hollow bait. No one knew exactly what was going on, or what the captain had hoped to accomplish, but when Lieutenant Aizen had discovered the discrepancy in the inventory, and the evidence linking it to Komiya, there was really only one thing to do.

Unfortunately, it had been easier said than done. Captain Shihoin's spies had tracked the bait halfway around the world, and had discovered that it was being moved in with a shipment of, of all things, opium. They had finally traced it here, to Guangzhou, where it had been packaged with one of several _thousand_ barrels, boxes, and the like – Guangzhou was one of the busiest ports in the world. In other words, finding it was going to be a needle-in-a-haystack proposition, one that might prove impossible. Yoruichi, however, had figured out a way to determine which container it was in without having to bring in a small army to sift through the mortal cargo, and all it required was _time_. In fact, she and a few of her subordinates could probably have found it on their own. The other captains were here in the event of a worst-case scenario. Unohana looked up to the vantage point the other captains had taken up as she and Yoruichi patrolled the docks. Occasionally, a Stealth Forces operative would report in to Yoruichi from one of the checkpoints. _So far, so good…_

* * *

"So, what's all this about, again?" Kyoraku lazily waved his hand at the harbor – Kyoraku, Ukitake, and Ginrei Kuchiki had decided to wait on a rooftop with an excellent view of what was going on.

Ukitake sighed. "The British – you remember them? Good – they've been making huge profits by selling opium to the Chinese, mostly through major ports like Guangzhou."

"And Canton, right?"

"It's the same place, Shunsui. Anyway, the Chinese are getting tired of it – the stuff is addictive and not that good for you, and it's starting to become a drain on their economy. As a result, they've banned it. Those looking to profit anyway are trying to smuggle it in, so now they're searching cargo as they offload it, looking for the stuff."

"Ah… so that's why Yoruichi doesn't need her entire division to search for it. All of the cargo is going through chokepoints – she's letting the mortals do the work for her."

"Right. She's almost as lazy as you are." Ukitake said, although his tone took the sting out of it.

"I prefer to think of it as efficiency."

Ukitake shielded his eyes and leaned forward as he spotted the captain in question, along with Unohana and a semi-familiar dark-haired young man. "All I want to know is why she brought Byakuya along."

Two questioning captains turned to Ginrei, who raised an eyebrow at them. "Her reasoning was that he should have experience on mortal missions prior to joining the Gotei Thirteen, and I happened to agree. The chance of this ballooning into a major incident is fairly small, so the danger is minimal. Plus, he seems to aspire to being like me."

"And you're not proud of that?"

Ginrei's mustache twitched – he _might_ have been smiling. "Proud? I'm stodgy, old, hidebound, and judgmental. On top of that, I have more wrinkles than a barrel of raisins and enough boring stories to tranquilize a Vasto Lorde! I didn't even _want_ to be a captain. I was perfectly happy just being head of the Kuchiki clan."

Kyoraku frowned. "Then why did you join?"

Ginrei hesitated. "Yamamoto was… persuasive."

"You know, Unohana said the same thing."

Ukitake blinked as he thought back. "That was _hundreds_ of years ago. I'm surprised you remembered it."

Ginrei continued. "Byakuya's dream, though, is to take over both of my positions and do 'Great Things' with them, so he needs the experience."

"He doesn't look too happy about it."

"My grandson rarely looks happy about anything she suggests, although she explained things differently to him, so that may be part of the problem."

"Why, what did she say to Byakuya?"

* * *

Unohana closed her eyes and counted to ten as Byakuya's rant continued. She wondered if she should tell him the truth about why he'd come just to shut him up, but Yoruichi seemed to be having so much fun with him that she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"…and on top of the fact that as the future head of the noble Kuchiki clan, there are _far_ better things for me to be doing with my time, the reasons you've brought me here are… are ridiculous! 'You need to get out more,' 'All training and no play makes Byakuya a dull boy,' and my personal favorite, 'Maybe we'll get you laid this time?' I realize that you see yourself as _above_ the need for any sort of formality or _respect_, but _no one_ has dared speak to me this way in decades!"

"And that's why you're so uptight!" Yoruichi cheerfully shot back. "So my reasoning is perfectly solid."

"That doesn't justify your total lack of manners!"

"Very well. I, the head of the Shihoin clan, Captain of the Second Division of the Gotei Thirteen, and leader of the Stealth Forces, wish to formally open a dialogue with Byakuya Kuchiki, heir apparent to the position of head of the Kuchiki clan, with the express intention of getting him to pull the stick out of his-"

"You are a _walking scandal!_"

Unohana sighed inwardly. On the one hand, she wished that Yoruichi was taking this trip a bit more seriously. On the other hand, Byakuya had once called her "The old hag, Dr. Hack-n'-slash," and she honestly didn't want to pass up this opportunity.

"There's more to this than your social life." Unohana interjected. "This is a rare chance for you to get a head start on your lordly duties."

Byakuya stopped what he was about to say and looked at her curiously. Behind him, Yoruichi looked disappointed, figuring that she'd tell him that this was about mission experience.

"It is?"

"Oh yes. If I remember correctly, you are required to produce a clan heir, and as your doctor, I can assure you that there is really only one way to do it."

Byakuya turned red as Yoruichi snickered. "But I… that… I… I have centuries in which to get around… gah, I phrased that badly - I mean… It wouldn't count if it was with a mortal woman anywa- _why am I discussing this with you two__?"_ The young heir flash-stepped a few dozen meters ahead of the two captains. "Tch, sloppy." Yoruichi commented.

"Not everyone can be quicksilver-smooth with those, Captain Shihoin." Unohana said. The flash step hadn't been that bad, considering Byakuya's age and likely mental state.

"No, but some can be pretty smooth when they want to be. You are the _best." _Yoruichi said. "I had figured you wouldn't approve of mercilessly taunting Byakuya, but you were a big help."

Unohana smiled. "Well, arrogant young nobles typically get 'the treatment' eventually – those that don't are insufferable later on."

"And it's not because of any past grudges involving a certain name-calling incident?"

"Of course not." Unohana said serenely. Yoruichi nodded solemnly. "Of course, petty revenge is completely beneath Retsu Unohana, the Wise and Caring One."

"Correct." They stared at each other for a moment before cracking up.

"Hey, Byakuya!" Yoruichi shouted. "Soifon is due to report in next, and she could use some loosening up too!"

"_I can't hear you!_"

The two captains laughed again, and then finally got serious. "So what happens if we fail to find the bait?" Unohana asked, as the pair of them walked more quickly to catch up with Byakuya.

"We'll find it." Yoruichi said confidently. "They're inspecting everything bigger than a pocket watch all through the harbor, and I have a ninja looking over every shoulder to see what's getting passed through. When the bait surfaces, we'll be the first to know."

The two captains continued their rounds, catching up with Byakuya after a few minutes. Byakuya had stopped, and was watching an official-looking group of people walking down one of the avenues toward the docks. "I've found a flaw in your plan, were-cat," he said smugly.

"Have you now?"

"Oh yes. What happens if the Chinese have finally grown irritable enough to start searching the ships and freely destroying the opium - and other suspicious cargo that they find?"

"Well, then we're screwed, obviously, but they wouldn't do that. It would start a major international incident. Trust me, I've been keeping track of mortal politics. That isn't going to happen."

The mortal group arrived at the docks and split up. Most of the members went around hammering up messages, but one man stood up on a stack of crates and started shouting in Chinese. "May I have everyone's attention, please? By order of Commissioner Lin Zexu, a new decree has been passed concerning the vile drug being smuggled into our lands!"

Byakuya and Unohana looked at Yoruichi. She looked back. "What?"

"You've jinxed us!" Byakuya accused.

"Oh, come on, he's not going to do it."

The man continued. "We will no longer tolerate its presence on our shores or even in our waters, regardless of the rights the foreign nations claim to possess."

"You're _so_ not going there. This has to be another sanction." The Second Division's captain glared.

"And so we demand that all incoming trade halt and prepare to be boarded and searched. Any and all trace of illegal cargo will be broken and thrown overboard. You have already had your final warning. Resistance will be grounds for immediate imprisonment." Troops, inspectors, and workers alike began to stream into the docks.

Yoruichi swore colorfully, using several terms she certainly hadn't learned from the nobility. "Make sure the other captains know, and get Byakuya to a gate. I have to collect my agents." She flash stepped away.

Byakuya stared before turning to Unohana. "What _exactly_ is a reverse flying fu-"

"I'll tell you when you're older." Unohana interrupted, opening a Senkaimon and throwing him through it, ignoring his protests.

* * *

Over the next eight hours, the captains and Stealth Force units searched through the cargo in the docks in a last-ditch effort to find the bait before it could be released.

It failed.

Ukitake had been the one to spot it, but even as he signaled to Kyoraku, it was too late. One of the men had thrown it off the side of the ship, where it had collided with other flotsam and broken open, releasing several hundred doses worth of high-grade Hollow bait into the waters of Guangzhou, where it dispersed quickly.

The captains all gathered at the sight, turning to form an outward-facing pentagon, and watched as dozens of Gargantas opened up.

"Those don't look like run-of-the-mill Hollows to me." Yoruichi noted.

"Indeed they are not. There seem to be some Adjuchas-class Menos. Get ready." Kuchiki noted.

Kyoraku sighed. "It was _such _a nice day, too."

With nothing else to say, the five captains took to the air as it began raining Adjuchas and Hollows…

Unohana woke up, noting that at least this time she had managed not to fall asleep on the job. It was morning, and except for the vivid dream – another one pulled from her memories, she noted – it could have been completely normal.

She simply lay in bed for a minute, wondering if there was some meaning to this. _Two dreams in as many days_. She did not typically have such vivid nighttime experiences, and they all seemed to lead to crisis points. _Is this a message of some kind? What am I doing wrong?_

She prepared for the day while continuing her meditation on the topic, but ultimately reaching no conclusion. She opened the door to her quarters, which led to outside the building, and took a deep breath of the fresh air. She turned to head to work, and on the wall next to her door found the newest poster. This one had a cartoonish pirate ship drawn on it.

**Morale**

_The beatings will continue until it improves_.

She took this one down too, although not as gently as she had the previous times, and tossed it into her room without caring for where it landed. _This was an *excellent* start to my day._ She thought sarcastically. Already unnerved by the follow-up dream, it took her the entire time of her walk to the clinic to clear her mind.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop - 8:13 a.m.**

"Come in, Come in."

Isane entered Urahara's shop, looking around. "How is Renji?"

Urahara swept around the shelves, heading toward the back rooms. "He's fine. He stabilized overnight, just like we'd hoped. You can come see for yourself."

Isane took him up on it, looking in on Renji. The Sixth Division's lieutenant was out cold, and would be for days, but his overall appearance – and the spiritual pressure he was giving off – had greatly improved under the effects of the ongoing healing Kido they had set up last night. "The sooner he gets back to our division's clinic, the better."

"I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, would you like something to eat?"

"Ah, no, I'm fine." Isane's stomach took that moment to rumble, growl, and snarl. She felt her face go red. "A… Actually, now that you mention it…"

He waved his fan. "Think nothing of it! We were about to eat anyway, and I'm always happy to entertain!"

Urahara darted out, and Isane went back to the main floor of the shop. Urahara was there, getting ready to serve breakfast. "So… how is your Gigai holding up?" The merchant asked.

Isane smiled, although she wasn't feeling particularly merry. In fact, with her concern for Renji out of the way, she felt her anger at what had happened with her Gigai last night rising quickly. "Oh, it's doing fine. A lot better than I am, actually. Can we talk about Mod-Souls?"

There was a long silence while Urahara just stared at her. Then Urahara grinned politely. "Certainly. Just let me get something from the back."

The merchant made his way to the back of the store, finally finding Tessai. Urahara spoke quickly and urgently. "Tessai, I think I'm going to need some backup. Are you in?"

"I thought it was Lieutenant Kotetsu out there. What could you need my help for?"

Urahara scratched the back of his head. "It is Kotetsu… But she had 'the smile.'"

"The what?"

"Do you remember the last time Captain Unohana got really, _really_ angry?"

"Oh, _that _smile." The big man nodded. "True, that does sound serious."

The two of them went back to breakfast and sat down. After sharing a look, Urahara began. "What do you want to know about Mod-Souls?"

Isane was still smiling. It actually looked creepier than before. She remained calm, though. "Well, last night, when I went to retrieve my Gigai, my soul candy argued with me about my mission performance so far, and refused to give the Gigai back. When I went to grab it, it attacked me with incredible speed, and hinted none-too-subtly that it was a Mod-Soul. Then it left. I couldn't pursue because Renji needed help, but even if I had chased her I doubt I would have caught up. So now I'm missing a Gigai that I need to keep living in the mortal world – more badly than usual, since yesterday Renji devoured everything edible in my apartment."

Urahara blinked and looked at Tessai. The big man adjusted his glasses and thought. "Kisuke, did we switch ownership of the Gigai before handing it over."

Urahara smacked his forehead. "Of course! That's the problem right there. It shouldn't be able to defy orders from its master – or deviate from its core instructions – but since we recycled it, we didn't specify that you were the new owner. That's why it was able to defy you."

"Who was the original owner?"

Urahara hesitated. "Captain Soifon. The Mod-Soul is modeled after her personality and abilities, and has most of both at its disposal."

Isane blinked. "Why would you make something like that?"

"For backup." Urahara said smoothly. "It was created for a mission that was apparently canceled, and she never picked it up. I figured that it could help you out, but with everything that was going on it never occurred to me that I would need to change the ownership – and on top of that, that the Mod-Soul would fight you."

"So now what? I need to get my Gigai back, if nothing else!"

"True. Fortunately, there are ways to quickly force a Mod-Soul out of a Gigai." Urahara held up the point of his cane. Isane could see the skull-and-fire emblem. "There are a number of Soul-Reaper tools available. I'll let you borrow this one, free of charge." He pulled his sword out of the cane, handing the thin wooden half-cane to Isane.

"I don't think this is going to work. She was just too quick – I sincerely doubt that I could hit her with this."

"Then you'll have to find someone faster, or else a bunch of people with similar items who will be willing to try and surround the Mod-Soul. I know that Rukia Kuchiki is here in the world of the living, and she has a glove with similar properties. Also, a substitute Soul Reaper badge can do the same thing, so Ichigo Kurosaki could also help out." Urahara shrugged. "As for people who are faster than Soifon, the only two I can think of that are in this world right now are Ichigo – his Bankai grants him incredible speed – and Yoruichi Shihoin."

Isane stood. "Then I should get going immediately. Where can I find Lady Shihoin?"

Urahara waved his fan. "I have no idea."

Isane froze. "What?"

"Just as I said – I don't know where she is. Ichigo can usually be found at his family's clinic or their home when he's not attending school, but Yoruichi wanders around, even when she isn't on a mission. Plus, out of the two of them, Ichigo can't disguise himself as a cat whenever he gets bored."

Isane wanted to shriek at Urahara, wanted to tell him that since this was all _his_ fault he should help find Yoruichi, or just hunt down the Mod-Soul himself, but she suddenly didn't have the energy to. _I guess it was too much to ask._ "Well then, I suppose I'll see you later. Thank you for breakfast."

Isane headed back out of the shop, and began making her way to the Kurosaki residence. She brought to mind what Renji had said about Ichigo. _I'll work it out_._ The problem is in my head. He's probably a normal kid with a normal life who just happens to have Captain-level abilities._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Residence - 8:32 a.m.**

At the Kurosaki household, Ichigo rubbed the bruise he'd received from a spontaneous sparring session with his father a few minutes ago while he finished prying an animate stuffed toy (which was possesed by an extremely perverted artificial warrior) from the leg of the dead girl that lived in his closet. He hoped that his day wouldn't be interrupted by soul-eating monsters from another dimension - or the dark copy of his own spirit that resided within his soul - but knew that it probably would be.

He looked at Rukia while holding a wildly protesting Kon out away from them. "Did you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

"Never mind."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop - 8:32 a.m.**

Back at Urahara's shop, Tessai looked at his boss. "That's it? The last time a Mod-Soul got loose you trotted out the big guns, and now you barely care enough to lend your cane to the lieutenant?"

The merchant got up and stretched. "Last time it was an anomaly. This time it was a rather fortuitous accident." He shrugged. "Not for Kotetsu, exactly, but still… she should be able to catch the Mod-Soul if she enlists aid from Ichigo – and this will help keep him in shape for when the real storm hits. In the meantime, we have work to do on the Fake Karakura Pillars – and we need Yoruichi helping us here."

"True."

"Besides, it's a copy of Soifon. If we're lucky, it will complete the mission on its own."

"Also true."

Yoruichi emerged from the hallway, yawning. "Sorry I slept in so late. What did I miss?"

Urahara grinned and waved his fan. "Not much. Care for some breakfast?"

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: Well, in terms of story-chronology, this is the shortest chapter yet, as it covers only about an hour. I got a bit carried away with the Unohana dream, but I like the final result. Writing for young-Byakuya is fun. :D Where and when will her subconscious take her next? Only time will tell!

Also, your feedback is still highly appreciated, as are questions, comments, and criticisms. Please review!

* * *

**Non-Illustrated Guide to Soul Reapers – Text Only!**

(I've decided to do a few of these for jokes that I couldn't figure out how to fit into the story, or just fun cracks at Bleach that I haven't seen yet).

_Jin Kariya sits on a couch in a ruined mansion, a bound and gagged Orihime sits at his feet. Ichigo, in Soul Reaper form, walks in._

Ichigo: Let her go, Kariya!

Kariya: First, answer a question for me, Ichigo. Then I'll let her go. You have my word.

Ichigo: Fine. What's your question?

Kariya: Why does everyone dislike the Bount arc so much? I mean, yes, it _is_ filler, but that doesn't mean that there's no entertainment value, so why all the hate?

Ichigo: Hmm… well, no offense, but the whole plot sucked.

Kariya: Sucked?

Ichigo: Yeah. I mean, it dragged on forever, there were several unnecessary characters with no personality, and your ultimate plan was stupid.

Kariya: Stupid how?

Ichigo: You attacked the Soul Society – which had ten captains at the time – with a force that consisted of five or six people, only one of whom was strong enough to take on a captain. There was no way it was going to work. The only reason it took so long to kill you all was because of the total lack of organization among Soul Reapers.

Kariya: But that was what _you _did, right? Attacked the Soul Society with a massively inferior force and used the disorganized nature of the Gotei Thirteen for cover?

Ichigo: …

Kariya: Well?

Ichigo: I only agreed to answer one question!

_Ichigo flash-steps to Orihime, grabs her, and flash-steps away. Jin Kariya strokes his chin. "Hmm…"_


	12. Sinking Sensation

Greetings again!

Here's Chapter 12, which is another one that took a while to write, mostly due to real life concerns. That said, the story will go on. :)

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, and RangerH for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 12 – That familiar sinking sensation**

_History is a convoluted – and yes, dynamic – subject. Trying to track the movements and decisions of hundreds of thousands of powerful yet irrational human beings, each convinced that their way of doing things is logical and correct, is a daunting task full of mysteries since so many of their choices make no sense to us today. In some cases this is because we lack information, in others it is because values have changed between one culture and time and another, and in still others it is because those we study were completely insane._

_Tom Clancy, perhaps, said it best – "The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction has to make sense."_

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Home - 8:48 a.m.**

Isane stopped at the door to the Kurosaki household. She remembered what Rangiku had said about coming in through the ceiling, but decided to summarily ignore it, given that Matsumoto's last piece of advice had been "Sure, we can put the swimming pool in Captain Kuchiki's yard. He'll never find it there." As a result, Isane decided to do something _crazy_ to enter Kurosaki's house, something no Soul Reaper had ever tried before. She was rather proud of herself for thinking of it.

She reached out and rang the doorbell.

The padding of feet could be heard momentarily. It opened to reveal a small, light-haired girl. She looked out for a moment, squinting.

Isane smiled. "Hello, my name is Isane Kotetsu. May I have a word with Ichigo Kurosaki?"

The girl shut the door in her face. Isane blinked a couple of times.

"Who was it?" Another girl's voice called.

"There's nobody out there."

_Oh, right._ They couldn't see or hear her – another thing to thank Mod-Isane for.

Isane decided that maybe the other Soul Reapers had it right. She looked around the house, trying to decide where the substitute Soul Reaper was likely to be. She finally picked a room that seemed fairly masculine to her, jumping up and through the open window, and came down on a _very_ springy bed. Isane bounced off the bed and hit her head on the ceiling, finally landing unceremoniously on her rear in the center of the room.

"All hail, the mighty Soul Reaper has arrived." She said dryly, to no one in particular. _I'm glad no one was able to see that._ She rubbed her head and got up. The room was dark and empty, and she supposed that Kurosaki must be out. She'd have to wait for him, then.

"Hey there." The words nearly gave Isane a heart attack. She looked around wildly, and finally saw a what the source of the noise was – a tiny stuffed lion – or maybe it was a bear, it was hard to tell – on Ichigo's desk was _moving_. And talking. To her.

"H… hi?" _What is that? Some kind of mortal toy? They say that computers are in everything these days._

"It sure is nice to meet you. I'm Kon! The light switch is over there, by the way." Isane located the switch, although the room wasn't that dark with the window open. She flipped the switch and turned back to the curious creature. She eyed it cautiously. "How is it that you can see me?"

"I can see you _perfectly."_ He – _it?_ – he said, his eyes sparkling. _Is he staring at my chest?_

"_I'd like to give you a BIG WELCOMING HUG!"_ Kon shouted, launching himself at her.

Isane, startled by the unexpected burst of movement, shrieked and lashed out in reflex. Her backhand solidly connected with the stuffed toy, producing a squeak and launching it through the window – unfortunately, she'd hit him through the part of the window that didn't move, shattering it.

Isane froze. Less than a minute into her stay in Kurosaki's house, she'd managed to break something, and for all she knew she'd killed his… whatever that was. _You're on a roll, Isane! You might as well set his bed on fire or something, just to make _sure_ he won't help you._

She wondered if she should just leave before Kurosaki returned. A small, extremely nasty voice whispered to her that she could return later and blame the broken window on Renji. She dismissed that idea, though, and before she could think any further on it, the door to Kurosaki's room opened. She turned, and then looked down. Standing there was Rukia Kuchiki, still in a Gigai herself. Rukia stepped back, a combination of delight and alarm on her face. "Lieutenant Kotetsu!" Then her eyes drifted right. "The window!"

Despite her rank, Isane bowed in apology. "I'm so sorry, there was this little thing that jumped at me, and-"

Rukia's face cleared. "Ah, _Kon_. Well, I hope you hit him hard enough to put him out of commission for a while. He's been more annoying than usual lately."

Isane straightened up, confused. That wasn't the reaction she'd been expecting.

Rukia walked across the room and bounced up onto the bed to get to the window. From somewhere in the distance, a faint nasal voice wafted over. "Ow…"

Rukia nodded, satisfied. "Good enough." She turned around and sat on the bed, her legs swinging. "So, what brings you here, lieutenant? I didn't get any messages saying that you'd be arriving."

"It wasn't exactly planned. I'm actually here looking for Kurosaki. I need his help."

"Ah. I'm sure he'll be happy to help." Isane raised an eyebrow. Rukia saw her expression and clarified, "Well, he's helped the others that have come through."

"Others?" Isane didn't know that there were Soul Reapers in regular contact with Ichigo. _I need to get out more._

"Sure. One of the duties of a substitute Soul Reaper is to help other Reapers get accustomed to the mortal world, teaching them how to use the more complicated mortal tools, like microwaves, vending machines, the internet, juice boxes… that kind of thing."

Isane shook her head. _Renji showed me most of that._ "What I need to ask him for is something a bit more dangerous."

Just then, the door opened again. Ichigo walked in and took a look at the Soul Reaper in his bedroom. He frowned. "Don't any of you _ever_ use the doorbell?" Before Isane could respond, though, he saw the window. "My window!"

Isane took a deep breath and started to repeat her apology, but the first person Ichigo looked at was Rukia. "Kon?"

"Kon." She nodded. "Ichigo, this is Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu of the Fourth Division."

Isane gave a small bow of greeting. _That was relatively painless._ Ichigo nodded and looked at her. "Have we met?"

Isane remembered a flash of orange, black, and tan, followed by the sensation of her solar plexus trying to transfer to the Eleventh Division without her. "Yes. Briefly."

Ichigo's eyes glazed, as though he were trying to think back. A moment later he shrugged, giving up. "Well, ok. What do you need?"

Isane took a deep breath. _No backing down now!_

_Why not? Is your dignity really worth getting your head bitten off?_

_Oh, we are *not* having this conversation again…_

* * *

**10th Division, Captain's Office - 9:30 a.m.**

Captain Hitsugaya was having a _fantastic_ day.

His lack of piled-up paperwork over the past few days was allowing him to do all of the things that he actually _enjoyed_ about being one of the highest-ranked members of the Gotei Thirteen. He'd visited his injured squad members at the Fourth Division (all recovering), he'd gone to visit the new recruits and had even led one of their trainings sessions, he'd managed to find time to spar with most of his officers, and catch up on the latest news from around the Seireitei. He'd checked up on Momo – something he'd put off for far too long – and while it wasn't exactly a happy event, he was glad that he'd done it. To top it off, Matsumoto would spend the first few hours of this shift out of his hair and off of his couch – the latest Soul Reaper Women's Association meeting was this morning.

And now, he was sitting in his office, ready for a curious meeting scheduled by Lieutenant Ise – made all the more curious because he'd figured Ise would want to be at that same meeting. He had no idea what she wanted to talk about, but he had the utmost respect for the only officer in the Soul Society who had what he considered a harder job than his own – managing Captain Kyoraku. _She's what I would be if Rangiku were *my* captain, instead of the other way around._ The mental image alone was enough to give him nightmares. _Matsumoto would break me in half an hour._

She was also punctual. At _exactly_ nine-thirty, a knock came at his door. Hitsugaya looked up. "Come in."

Lieutenant Ise took a step inside and bowed briefly in greeting. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Captain Hitsugaya."

"It's no problem. What can I do for you?"

Nanao fiddled with the pen in her hand. "Well, sir, I have a somewhat odd question to ask you, but I'm doing a favor for a friend and wondered if you could help me…"

The Stealth Forces agents of Unit Four crouched at various locations around the Tenth Division's compound. "Is everyone receiving?" Mitsu whispered. She got five quiet acknowledgements. "Maintain position."

_This is it. We're finally going to figure this out._ It seemed as though their deal with Lieutenant Ise was finally going to pay off. They'd given her the pen, and Ise had followed all of the instructions they'd given her – now her conversation with the captain was being broadcast to every earpiece in the unit.

Nanao took a deep breath. _Might as well be direct._ "My friend is curious about why you would send a huge block of ice to Captain Soifon."

Hitsugaya sat there for a moment. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Nanao was ready for that. "I'm sure it might have slipped your mind, but a rather large column of ice created by your Zanpakuto was delivered to Captain Soifon's quarters some days ago."

"Did she fill out a request for it?"

Nanao shook her head. "She did not."

The tiny captain gave her a searching look. "Is this _really_ what you came to talk to me about?"

"Please, sir. It means a great deal to my friend."

Hitsugaya sighed, placed his elbows on his desk and rubbed his temples, thinking back. He had a very good memory, one of the blessings and curses of being way ahead of his age in mental development. He sorted through a number of memories before settling on a shortcut – remembering the last time he'd used Hyorinmaru in the Seireitei.

_It was the evening I got back from Russia… I was coming back to a big pile of paperwork, but Matsumoto had done a bunch of it._ He began to feel a sinking sensation. _I left Matsumoto alone with that huge pile of documentation. What did she do with it?_

_There was an ice request… a rather unusual one, since it had secret confirmation orders to… oh, you have *got* to be kidding me._

Hitsugaya slammed his hands down on the desk, making Nanao jump. "But if the ice went to Soifon…" He shot up out of his chair. _"MATSUMOTO!"_

Nanao leaned away from him warily. "Sir, I… I don't think she's within shouting distance."

He took a deep breath and let it out. "I know, screaming it like that when she screws up just makes me feel better." He gave her a piercing look. "I need to get to the Women's Association meeting. This is a matter of Seireitei security."

Nanao nodded. Any thoughts of protesting about the meeting's secret location died before making it to her mouth. She turned to leave, but Hitsugaya stopped her. "Hang on, could I borrow that pen? I need to leave some instructions for my Third Seat.

Nanao nodded and handed him the pen. He scratched at the paper, but no ink came out. He frowned. "Empty?" He tossed it aside and dug around in his desk for another one. "I'll get that refilled and get it back to you."

He scribbled out his note, and then Nanao took off, Hitsugaya close behind.

* * *

Mitsu thumped her earpiece with one hand while gripping the edge of the rooftop hard enough to crack it with the other. "Yeeeah." She said. "That was *our* pen he decided to leave in his office."

Ryo's voice buzzed in her ear. "That didn't tell us much. Is there a plan F?"

Mitsu thought through her frustration. "Yes. The pen was insurance – we can ask Ise what happened later. In the mean time, go retrieve our pen from his office – I don't want to see his reaction when he tries to get it refilled and discovers what it really is. Once we've got that, everyone stand down."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Home - 9:36 a.m.**

Ichigo sipped at his soda as the Lieutenant started wrapping up her story. _Why do all the crazy ones come to me?_

_**Maybe she's attracted to your dark brooding and your grumpy attitude. I hear chicks dig that.**_

Ichigo froze on hearing his inner hollow's voice. Ever since the Vizards had helped him subdue it, the hollow had gone from "creepy, psychotic, soul-consuming stalker" to something more like "annoying younger brother," but he wasn't fooled – he knew the hollow was just biding his time, waiting for a moment of weakness.

The thought made him smile inwardly. That hollow was going to be waiting a _long_ time.

In the meantime, though, the vulgar little monster took whatever opportunities he could to taunt Ichigo about less important but increasingly awkward things.

_I just met her!_

_**So? You've been hanging around with two lovely ladies for months now, and that hasn't made much of a difference. Plus you'll probably never see this one again, so no regrets! Carpe Corpus, and all that.**_

_Is your mind always in the gutter?_

_**No, my mind is always in your inner world. You have no gutters here. Just an endless expanse of FRICKIN' BORING sideways skyscrapers. You should put in a bar or something, I mean, seriously…**_

_You're in a rare mood today. You haven't threatened me once._

_**Aw, don't be like that. We established just a couple of weeks ago that you'd be the King. I'm just trying to do *my* job!**_

Ichigo knew he'd regret asking. _Which is?_

_**Court Jester!**_

_Oh *hell* no._

_**Oh come on. Every good king needs a court jester!**_

_Every good king needs people to throw in his imaginary skyscraper dungeon, too._

His hollow sighed. _**Fine, what about Grand Vizier?**_

_I already know that you're plotting to overthrow me. I'm not going to endorse it._

_**Dark Prince?**_

_Same problem._

_**Evening Entertainment?**_

_No. Just… no._

The hollow pouted. _**Well, I'm not going to be your queen.**_

_Oh my God, just _shut up.

To his surprise, the hollow did. _That Vizard training really paid off. It was almost worth getting slapped in the face and called a dickhead five hundred times by Hiyori._ He could feel the mental presence of the thing subsiding for now. It would be back, of course, but Ichigo was no longer terrified of it, as he had been before Shinji had made his offer.

He focused back on the real world, tuning back in to what Rukia was saying as he took another drink.

"…and then we'll all get back here just in time to set Ichigo up on his date with Yoruichi."

Fizzy drink shot from Ichigo's nose while the two Reaper women laughed. "What?" He managed to get out in between coughing and wiping at his face.

"That's what you get for spacing out on us for so long," Rukia declared, as though punishing an errant child. "How much of that did you actually listen to?"

"The important stuff." Ichigo considered. "There's a crazy Mod-Soul running loose in your Gigai, and it's got most of Captain Soifon's abilities, but not her zanpakuto, right?"

Isane nodded. "That's right. She's too fast to catch, even for most of the captains, and is an extremely proficient fighter. The good news is that we don't have to defeat her – we just have to touch her with Urahara's cane or something like it." Isane looked nervously between Rukia and Ichigo. "Will… will you help?"

"Of course we will." Rukia looked over at Ichigo. He nodded. "Yeah, we'll help you out. Your mission sounds like it could be pretty important – I'm looking into the disappearing humans myself, since about half of them are my classmates."

"There sure are a lot of them. Even the local plusses say that they're getting lonely." Rukia mused. "I didn't think of the virus angle, although kidnapping seems more likely."

Isane leaned back. "I'm starting to think that way too. If it were a virus, my tracers would have picked something up by now."

Ichigo stood up. "So where does that leave us?"

Rukia looked at him, surprised. "Looking for the Mod-Soul, of course. The three of us will plan out a search pattern and a strategy under Lieutenant Kotetsu's direction, and then we'll hit the streets."

* * *

**Seireitei, Kuchiki Manor - 9:56 a.m.**

Captain Hitsugaya was having a _terrible_ day.

He had no idea how Matsumoto had screwed this up so badly – no, check that, he knew _exactly_ how Matsumoto had probably botched this – and now he was wondering how cataclysmic the fallout would really be. His current theory was pretty bleak, and his tactically-oriented mind was working through scenarios in an effort to figure out how to explain this to Captain Unohana and survive.

_Good day, Captain. Yes, I'm fine, thank you. Actually, I wanted to ask you something. On a scale from one to ten, how angry would you be if I accidentally sent your Lieutenant into an active covert ops zone? Fifteen? Ok, well, I have some bad news…_

He shook his head. On the one hand, Unohana was regarded as the most caring and nurturing Soul Reaper in the Seireitei – on the other hand, her ire was legendary, as was her protectiveness of her subordinates.

As he saw it, it would be best for everyone if he could get Kotetsu back into the Seireitei before he had to report that. It was a selfish decision, he knew, but he really, _really_ didn't want to see why the entire Eleventh Division was terrified of Unohana. _Surely I can get her to return before anything bad happens, right?_

* * *

Kiyone Kotetsu paid close attention, always eager for gossip – this wasn't the usual juicy relationship stuff, but then again, trying to talk about relationships with Captain Soifon was like trying to get blood out of a stone. "And this isn't classified?"

Soifon nodded. "Correct. As a matter of fact, we want this to spread, just to see if any prominent Soul Reapers – officers and the like – change their behavioral patterns."

Kiyone straightened up, worried. "Officers like me?"

The commander of the Stealth Forces eyed her warily. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Ehehe… no sir." Kiyone leaned forward again, curiosity getting the better of her. "So what are you doing with him?"

"Experimental interrogation, of course. We locked him in a small, soundproof room, and we've been playing "It's a small world" over its speakers constantly for days now. I think we're close to cracking him – he's been shouting something about a secret meeting called the "Geneva Convention" all morning."

The door opened to reveal Nanao, and more surprisingly, Hitsugaya. "Captain!" Rangiku called from across the room. "How nice of you to drop by! Are you going to join us?"

The twin glares from the doorway finally got through to her. "Outside. Now." Hitsugaya grated out. Rangiku popped up and followed him.

Everyone else in the room returned to their conversations. Soifon turned back to Kiyone. "If this doesn't work, I have some ideas involving Yachiru, several bottles of Saki, and an extremely large gong. Not to mention the improvised uses for everyday items…"

* * *

**Seireitei/Severing World/Karakura Town (Altitude 20,000 ft.) - 10:12 a.m.**

Rangiku was in a state of shock as she was hustled along by her captain and Lieutenant Ise. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure." Hitsugaya snapped. "I swear, you've done some boneheaded things before, but honestly, I'm considering disowning you for this one."

"It was an honest mistake!"

"Good, because if it was deliberate, it would technically qualify as treason!"

She hadn't paid much attention to where they were going, but finally realized that they were approaching the third major Senkaimon pathway. Her captain summoned a trio of hell butterflies, and they began taking her through the passage the same way that they'd been moving before.

"How do I know where she'll be?"

"You don't. You'll have to use your head or search for her the hard way. And no slacking this time, Matsumoto! This is a recovery mission, not a shopping trip!"

They reached the 785th exit gate, and watched as it opened into Karakura Town's sky. "So what do you expect me to do if there's a problem bringing her back?"

"FIX IT!" Hitsugaya and Nanao shouted in unison as they threw her through the door. Hitsugaya almost followed her, but the process for getting approval for a trip to the world of the living was much longer for captains than lieutenants unless one of his squad was directly in danger. He could only watch his lieutenant plumment toward the ground - she'd stop screaming and remember that she could fly any minute now - and hope that Matsumoto would get her head out of the clouds and carry out her mission. He turned to Nanao. "As a favor to me, would you mind not mentioning this to anyone until Lieutenant Kotetsu makes it back? I don't want to start a panic."

Nanao nodded. "Yes, sir."

Hitsugaya nodded, satisfied. Then had a sickening realization – he'd have to let Captain Soifon know about this somehow as well. _Worse and worse. I don't want to lose Matsumoto, despite what I just told her, but Soifon will probably want her head for interfering with her mission._ He emerged back into the Seireitei. _I suppose it was too good to last._ He was already trying to sort through both ends of the problem. He'd breezed through the Academy and was hailed as a genius. There had to be a solution that would achieve the desired effects of not getting Kotetsu killed, not letting the mission fail, and not letting Unohana find out too soon. He jumped into flash-step, heading back to his office to begin his planning.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kuchiki Manor**

Kiyone was a little green. "I… had no idea that rice cakes could be used like that. If you'll excuse me… I need to run to the restroom." She dashed out of the room with one hand to her mouth.

Soifon looked up as a much-more-composed looking Nanao Ise walked in. She didn't know what that had been about, but Rangiku's latest antics almost certainly didn't concern her, so she pushed it from her mind and sat down at the meeting table.

* * *

**Chapter End**

Well, that was fun to write, if a little disjointed. A bunch of stuff happens on this day of the story, and this is the first time we get Ichigo's POV. In fact, this chapter kind of drifted away from Isane and Unohana, but we'll be back to them very soon.

As always, your comments, criticisms, questions, and observations are appreciated. Please review!


	13. Jack of All Tirades

Greetings again!

Here's Chapter 13. There was no event or sequence of circumstances that kept me from getting this out faster beyond severe writer's block. Hopefully I won't have the same problem with the next chapter.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, and RangerH for the encouragement and reviews so far.

In response to comments: Yes, I have indeed read _Uninvited Guests._ It's good stuff! I doubt that this story will ever get _quite_ that crazy, though. :P

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 13 – The Raving Knave and the Jack of All Tirades**

_Stress is a part of everyone's life. People feel differently about it, of course, but most everyone agrees that it is a bad thing. It arises when demands exceed the capabilities of those designed to meet them, which is a very technical way of saying that people get stressed when they have too much to do in a bad environment. Stress relief techniques are many and varied, and involve everything from diet to religion. Most of these produce at least some benefit, but one of the greatest stress relievers is telling someone about your problems._

_Of course, if they don't *want* to hear about your issues, you may just be making their lives more stressful._

* * *

**4th Division, Main Conference Room - 10:20 a.m.**

Unohana swept into the conference room a good ten minutes early, finding it deserted. She began organizing her notes before noticing that another poster had been placed right beside the door. It showed a picture of a generic Fourth Division medic following a group of equally generic Soul Reapers, picking up their garbage. It read:

**The Memories**

_Cherish them._

Unohana sighed and tore this one down too, stuffing it in the room's garbage can. _Could they be procreating?_

Before she could ponder it further, though, the first of her officers walked in and she put her serene mask back on. Today's meeting would be far from routine – even if it was happening at the regularly scheduled time. Today she would have a heart-to-heart with her officers and get this whole 'funk' that they'd slipped into sorted out.

Before long, all of her officers (with the exception of Isane) had filed in and taken their seats. The officers settled down and looked up as their captain smiled at them. "Shall we begin? I believe we need to hear the logistics report first. As Lieutenant Kotetsu is not here, that duty falls to you, Ninth Seat Fujimoto…"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 11:43 a.m.**

Rangiku Matsumoto awoke reluctantly and gracelessly. Her head was pounding, and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Also, her captain had apparently convinced Squad Twelve to install floodlights right above the asphalt she was sleeping on.

_Ugh… how much did I drink last_-

***HONKHONKHONKHONK!***

"Ahhhh!" She shrieked, pulling herself to a bolt-upright sitting position with lightning speed. "I'm awake! I'm awake! Sir, yes sir! I'll get right on those K.O.S. forms! I… uh... I…" She looked around frantically, as she was most definitely not in her own quarters, the captain's office, or anywhere that she recognized. Her half-conscious mind churned with bizarre scenarios as she gasped for breath, using the patented Rangiku Chest Heave to buy herself some time. _The captain finally bought an air horn! Why am I outside? What report did I forget this time? Weekly update? Squad readiness profile? Biannual performance evaluations? What year is it? WHAT THE HELL YEAR IS IT?_

Her breathing slowed and she calmed down as her mind finally kicked in. _Mortal world! That's right! I'm not in trouble after all! The captain sent me through to pick up Isane because…_ _Oh, right... I *am* in trouble._ She checked the time using a nearby handy bank clock. Fortunately, she hadn't been out very long._ Well, time to get moving. I'll need to take care of my mission quickly if I'm going to have any time left over for going out on the town!_ Normally she would have partied first and taken care of business later, but she remained aware that she was on, as the mortals say, "thin ice" – a term that took on entirely new connotations when your boss was Hitsugaya. Her best odds all involved a quick and successful return of Isane Kotetsu to the Fourth Division.

Rangiku stood up, for the first time realizing that she was lying in a deep crater in the asphalt. It wasn't her fault – not really. She _had_ concentrated spiritual pressure under her feet – the trick that allowed Soul Reapers to "fly" – and had come most of the way to a complete stop before losing her balance from the acceleration she was fighting and the speed she was trying to bleed off – a feat made just a bit too difficult due to the fact that she was, not to put too fine a point on it, top-heavy.

The resulting impact had apparently fractured the road rather badly, which had in turn caused a traffic jam. _Even when I'm invisible, my chest can stop traffic!_ Rangiku giggled briefly at the thought as it passed through her semi-concussed mind, before more honking blared in her ear again. She was able to pick out the driver that had caused her rude awakening, and briefly debated using Heineko to disassemble his truck, but decided against it. She had to do everything perfectly this mission – minus the landing, of course. She wouldn't let herself fail.

She climbed out of the pit and passed the on-site news crew, which was currently filming a reporter talking about 'the latest in a series of gas leaks.' Once she had her bearings, she flash-stepped away in pursuit of her goal.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Undisclosed Location - 11:56 a.m.**

Genjo Sugimoto, Sixth Seat of the Second Division, leaned back in his chair as the old clock chimed on the desk. He propped his book against his knee and turned a page. _This is the best assignment ever._

He'd been told to head to the mortal world and gather information about the target area – but what was normally a taxing job had been made easier by the fact that he was 'coordinating' for about three dozen Stealth Force ninjas. What that basically meant was that he sat back and collected the data accumulated by everyone else, and only really began working when the agent – Soifon, of course, for a mission this important – arrived. He had another job as well, but that one also didn't begin until his captain showed up, and since her arrival had apparently been delayed, that left him copious free time in the mortal world.

Or, to put it simply, it was a really sweet gig – although any job that didn't involve staking out a hut in the outer Rukongai while surviving on river water and bugs qualified as a sweet gig by the standards of the Second Division. He had spent most of his free time catching up on his reading, although he'd certainly seen some of the forbidden mortal delights. He was looking forward to finishing his book today – once a mission had been delayed this long, it was generally cancelled, and then he could look forward to another week or so of peace as the agents under his command were extracted slowly. He had plenty of time to spare.

So he was rather surprised when he looked up to see an exceptionally tall, silver-haired woman staring at him through a pair of sunglasses. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place her in his memory.

"Report." She commanded coolly.

Genjo got up, making sure his zanpakuto was at hand. "Uh… who are you? And why shouldn't I send you out the way you came in?"

She didn't flinch. "I'm the agent in charge of this mission, fool, and you won't send me out because you're the worst real-world operative the Second Division has ever dispatched. I could have led a conga line through your perimeter defenses! You aren't in contact with your underlings right now, so you could be eliminated without any of them being the wiser. And eliminating you would be easy, since your combat stance is too rigid for you to effectively dodge and your zanpakuto is too far away for you to use it in time."

"I'm _holding _my zanpakuto!"

"You should have BURIED it in me for trying to sneak up on you!" She roared. "But you can't, because you didn't notice when I stomped up to you with all the silent grace of an Eleventh Division drinking contest! Ye gods and backless uniforms, what do I have to do to find good help around here? I'm getting better assistance from a fifteen year old!"

Genjo snarled. "Look, lady, I don't know who you are, but you're not the agent. You could be in disguise, but you're far taller than the agent could ever be."

The woman abandoned her rant. "Assuming no one changed who the agent in charge was."

The Sixth Seat considered that. "Assuming that, yes. That brings us back to the question of who you are. You _sound_ like the captain, sort of, but that can't be right, unless…" He paused, concentrating.

The woman's face twitched in a way that suggested she was rolling her eyes behind her sunglasses. "Realization dawns in three… two… one…"

"Holy crap, you're the backup! The Mod-Soul!"

"Sapient thought. At last. I was beginning to wonder if you were capable of it."

"Why aren't you in the captain's Gigai?"

"I'd rather not talk about that. This body will work as well as any other."

"No way! Captain Soifon's Gigai was badass. It had built-in spiritual pressure analysis units, a slew of gadgets, and it could fire missiles from its –" (1)

"That's enough." Mod-Isane cut him off. "This is what I have to work with. Now, if you're done being treasonously obstructive, report."

He snatched up some papers from near his chair. "Right! We've identified the four target Arrancar – "

"Two."

"Ehm, what?"

"There are only two of them left, now. The other two were destroyed last night in a confrontation with two Soul Reaper Lieutenants."

"Oh." Ginjo turned back to his report. Mod-Isane cut him off, though. "No, not 'oh.' Why didn't you know about this? Half of the targets were eliminated hours ago and you're completely in the dark."

"We can't keep a full recon on all targets at all times. One of them can _teleport_, for crying out loud!"

She paused. "Very well. Continue."

He started to defend himself again before realizing that she'd accepted his previous explanation. "We do have full details on the target's base of operations – they appear to be keeping all their eggs in one basket. They're basing at a warehouse at the far end of Karakura town, and they've got everything there – the humans, the equipment… everything."

Mod-Isane nodded, for once seeming pleased, or something that remotely resembled pleased. "Alright. Recall all field agents and dig up everything you have on that warehouse. For all we know they've built some kind of huge cavern installation underneath it, and we need to be prepared for anything."

"What kind of crazy fool builds a huge cavern underneath their hideout? Wouldn't that undermine the foundations?"

"It's been done before - twice." Mod-Isane said in a no-nonsense tone. "We'll attack as soon as we're ready."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Household - 12:12 p.m.**

Isane, Ichigo, and Rukia crowded around the kitchen table, hovering over a map of Karakura town. Fifty-three kidnappings had been reported so far, the most recent three apparently all occurring the previous night.

Ichigo scowled and sat back unhappily. "So that's the plan?"

Isane and Rukia nodded. "That's the plan," they said in unison.

"It's a bad plan."

Rukia's eyebrow twitched. "This is the kind of thing that you come up with all the time."

Ichigo nodded. "That's why it's a bad plan."

Rukia prepared to explode at him, but Isane interrupted. "Can you think of any way to improve it?"

Ichigo sighed. "No. I guess we'll just have to do it." He checked the clock. "After lunch." He got up and headed to the refrigerator, grabbing a can of juice.

Rukia shook her head and followed him. "No, we need to get on this right away. There's a Mod-Soul on the loose out there! You know how much trouble Kon caused when he ran off with your body, and this Mod-Soul is far stronger than he ever was!" (2)

Ichigo looked down nose-to-nose with Rukia, and shot back. "It won't matter, because we don't have a snowball's chance in Hell of catching that thing!"

"Oh, like you know anything about Hell. You've only seen it once."

_They sound like an old married couple._ Isane sighed and once again jumped in. "We could have our cake and eat it too, you know."

"How?"

"With _these!_" Isane reached into her pack and produced two of the massively oversized supplement pills that were popular with the long-shift crowd in Fourth Division, proudly displaying them at arm's length. Ichigo could have sworn he saw a lens-flare effect behind her.

"Huh. I saw Hanataro choke one of those down in the Soul Society. It didn't seem to do much for him." Ichigo took a sip from his drink.

"That's because it's a suppository." Isane didn't mean to say it, but the words slipped out somehow, and she wanted nothing more than to inhale deeply and suck them out of everyone's ears. The joke was a bit of long-standing Fourth Division potty-humor that had started with the pills, and eventually diversified to be a smart-arse response to any questions or comments concerning the usage or implementation of an object or medicine that the asker should already know the answer to. For example, "How do I use [insert tool here]?" would be a setup line for the infamous answer.

It was also one of the things that the officers in Unohana's division were not supposed to laugh at, acknowledge, support, or condone, and under no circumstances were they expected to make the problem worse by using the highly unprofessional joke themselves. This was _especially_ true for Isane.

But it was too late, and Isane opened her eyes to view the damage. Ichigo was choking on his drink, Rukia looked like she was trying not to laugh, and Isane, when she caught her reflection, still had the same goofy grin on her face that she'd had when she'd pulled out the pills in the first place. _This world really is a bad influence on me!_

She darted forward to help, the proper horrified expression finally in place, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Please don't tell my captain! Can I get you another drink?"

Ichigo coughed. "No, it's alright, I guess," he wheezed out. "But I'm not taking one of those pills."

"That's… that's perfectly fine. We can have lunch."

"Nah," he said. "Rukia's right. Let's get on the hunt."

Isane nodded. "If you're sure." Then she popped one of the huge pills in and swallowed it while Ichigo and Rukia froze, shocked.

"You didn't even take a drink of water. Doesn't that _hurt_?" Rukia asked.

"Hmm?" Isane said idly. "Not at all. I've had lots of practice suppressing the gag reflex – more than almost everyone in my division, actually."

The two of them stared at her. Isane looked back and forth between them. "What? I've had to swallow a lot of these over the last century. After the first decade or so you don't really feel them anymore."

They both relaxed. Ichigo hesitantly asked. "You… don't get out much, do you?"

"Not really, why?"

"Never mind."

Isane shrugged. "Alright." She felt the pill kick in, the equivalent of a good meal, four hours of sleep, and a good jolt of caffeine hitting her system. "Ahh… that's better."

Ichigo's face twitched. "It still didn't do anything!"

Isane frowned. "What? Yes it did. I feel much better now."

Rukia grinned at Ichigo. "What were you expecting? A glowing aura, the furniture tearing itself up, rock music playing in the background?"

"Something like that, yeah."

Isane shook her head. It was a classic Soul Reaper cadet reaction – they always expected something flashy. "Not all Soul Reaper gadgets and substances explode, I promise."

Rukia dug out her Soul Candy and popped it in. Her Gigai staggered back while her spirit body stepped forward. "In Ichigo's defense, all he's seen of Soul Reaper merchandise has come from Urahara's Shop, where everything _does_ explode if you use it wrong."

Ichigo nodded. "Sometimes it explodes even when you use it right."

Isane buried her face in one hand. "Urgh… please don't talk to me about Mr. Urahara right now. This whole escapade is just us cleaning up his mess. I can't remember the last time I was that angry."

"Well, I hope you at least gave him a good pop to the face for giving you this much trouble."

Rukia's Gigai clapped excitedly. "Wight in the face! Thwack! Thwack!" The Gigai attempted to demonstrate on Ichigo, but he was already in motion, rolling for the stairs. "Get that thing away from me!"

Isane froze. Rukia looked at her. "What?"

Isane shook her head. "I could never do something like that. Stuff like this happens, and it's Fourth Division's job to fix it. Complaining about it is unprofessional and doesn't accomplish anything."

Rukia twitched. "Where did _that_ come from? It sounded like you were trying to convince yourself."

Isane backed away and waved her hands. "Oh, no, nothing like that. Since the Fourth Division is a primarily non-combat division, infrastructure, cleanup, and logistics are our responsibility. There's parts of it we don't like, of course, but whining about it doesn't help."

Rukia looked unimpressed. "And what part of infrastructure, logistics, or cleanup is tracking down a berserk Mod-Soul?"

"Well…"

"It would be the Second Division's job – if this was the Seireitei and Urahara was a Soul Reaper! As it is, you don't owe him anything."

Isane considered. "Touche. I guess it was just a reflex response. There's been some unrest in the Division lately, and it's my job to support the captain's policies."

Rukia nodded. "Which means that you have to tell everyone that Fourth Division is happy with things they way they are. But are you?"

Isane slumped and leaned back against the counter. "I mostly try not to think about it. On the one hand, what we do is vital for the Gotei Thirteen, but it's Hollow-stabbing that gets all the glory – not that we're obsessed with glory seeking!" She nodded to herself. "I guess the real problem is the fact that we _are_ a wimpy squad, combat-wise. We have little time to train and a lot less combat experience than any other division. Fighting isn't our job like it is with the others, but no one seems to care. And what we _do_ take care of basically amounts to what the other Divisions would rather not be doing, and all of them know it."

"All of them?"

"Well, some are worse than others. Add to that the inherent foibles of each and you have a doctor's nightmare."

"What do you mean, foibles?"

"Oh dear, where do I start? The Eleventh Division you know about already. The Tenth keeps getting paranoid on signing out of the clinic, asking where 'the rest of the paperwork' is. The Third and the Ninth are both just plain depressing and despondent. Those from the Fifth keep asking us when we're going to release Lieutenant Hinamori and give us dirty looks when we say that we don't know – and they get _extremely touchy_ on the subject of Aizen's betrayal. We get complaints about the food from the First Division, which are impossible to address since half of them want it Western style and the rest don't – and that goes double for the tea. The Second Division keeps making bad spy jokes and trying to sneak out when they think they're better, except for Lieutenant Omaeda, who stays as long as possible to avoid work. We always, _always_ have to do a full Kido/Physical analysis of anyone from the Twelfth, since half of them don't have regular biology anymore – and some of them are carrying implanted gear, storage, or _bombs_ – and the whole time that they're staying we keep getting complaints from Kurotsuchi." She shifted into a decent impression of Mayuri's high-pitched cackle. "Why aren't they back yet? We're losing ground on this _extremely important_ kitten-Hollow cyborg project, and I need one-eyed suicide bombers to test the creature properly! Eeeeeheheheehe!" She switched back to her normal voice. "And we tell him that maybe if he'd stop blowing up his subordinates he wouldn't lose so much manpower, but he never listens…"

Rukia opened her mouth to try to say something, but Isane was on a roll. She was already talking faster and louder than she had at the beginning, and showed no signs of stopping.

"…and the Thirteenth! One day we had Sentaro and Kiyone in there, injured on the same day, and they decided to get into a 'recovery contest' that just about killed both of them. Then Captain Ukitake showed up, and it looked like things would be alright, but since he'd spent so much time calming the Third Seats down he was behind on taking his medicine and started hacking up blood all over _everything_ and that set them off all over again! And a lot of the others aren't much better. I think the whole division might be insane."

Rukia looked uncomfortable and tried to speak again, but Isane kept on.

"The big problem with the Seventh is that they try to be "macho men" – this includes the women, too – so they don't show up for treatment until limbs are putrefied and falling off, and even then they call it a sprain or something like that. Then they argue with us – the doctors – about treatment until I want to yell at them to sit down, shut up, and follow instructions. The Eigth are a weird combination of manic and lazy, depending on the time of day and the phase of the moon for all I know, and they keep asking about sake and trying to ask our people out. Did I miss one?"

"The Sixth."

"Oh right. They're fine until they get bored. Then it gets dangerous."

Rukia couldn't think of any odd quirks from her brother's division. "Dangerous?" she asked, before thinking better of it.

"Two words: Calligraphy Competition."

"Wow…" Rukia searched for something to say to that. "I take it you've been bottling this up for a while?"

"No! Well, actually, yes." Isane blinked, as though coming back from some kind of fugue state. "And all of that is to a backdrop of them telling us that we're not good enough, or fast enough, or whatever."

Rukia sat slowly. "Well, what has the division tried to fix it?"

Isane shrugged. "Well, we've tried ignoring it. We've tried asking nicely for each group to stop its brand of nastiness. We've tried talking it over with the head captain, but attempts to adjust the duties, evening things out, only produced minor disaster – the Fourth Division didn't do well in a high-combat environment, and the Seireitei started falling apart when the other divisions had to maintain it. We're pretty much stuck in this position. We don't have the authority to discipline anyone over matters less than theft or assault. Captain Unohana can scare even the worst of them straight for a little while, but eventually the conditioning wears off and they're back at it."

Rukia nodded. "I see. I can't really think of any way around that, but I'll keep thinking on it while we search. Let's go fetch Ichigo."

"Right."

They found Ichigo upstairs trying to pry Rukia's Gigai off of his head and neck. "GET THIS DOUBLE-JOINTED FREAK OFF ME!"

"_Why won' you pway wit me?"_ The Soul Candy wailed.

Isane looked at Rukia, alarmed. "Is this normal? What… what Soul Candy is that?"

"That's Chappy." Rukia said calmly.

Ichigo continued to fight it, managing to pin it partially against the wall while digging in his pocket for something. "Rrrrrrgh… just… _oh God, is it eating my hair?"_

"OMPH NOMPH," the Soul Candy replied.

"It might be somewhat defective," Rukia admitted.

Isane couldn't take her eyes off it. "This is the most disturbing thing I've seen since coming to this world. Maybe I lucked out with the Mod-Soul."

Ichigo finally located his substitute Soul Reaper badge and slapped it against his chest. His spirit body broke free and he gasped for air, glaring at Chappy-Rukia. "Could we _please_ get to looking for the dangerous spiritual war machine now? It can't be more unpleasant than this."

* * *

**4th Division, Main Conference Room - 12:30 p.m.**

Eighth Seat Hanurobu Ogido was finishing his report. "…and finally, Captain Soifon has asked us to give our best estimate on how long it will take her prisoner to make a recovery."

Unohana frowned. "We were lucky to find out that he can still speak Japanese. Tell her that she'll need to put her interrogation regimen on hold for the foreseeable future."

"Yes, captain." Hanurobu sat down, jotting something down.

Unohana spoke to her assembled officers. "Finally, I'd like to ask you to air any concerns you have about our division."

Silence greeted her.

Unohana looked around at each one in turn. "Nothing? Are you sure?"

Continued silence. Finally, right as Unohana was about to dismiss the meeting, Iemura spoke up. "It's getting worse." Everyone looked at him. "Just the general atmosphere. We've never been considered an awesome or 'cool' or 'badass' division, Captain, but it's gotten much worse lately. I'm guess the other divisions are starting to think of us as a non-division, kind of like the Kido Corps. Something that exists in the background while the 'real' Soul Reapers do their thing." He looked straight at Unohana. "Second class Soul Reapers."

Unohana nodded patiently. "Why do you think that the situation is worse now than it was, for instance, last year? You never seemed to be concerned about it then." Spoken another way, the question would have been petty-sounding, but Unohana only sounded curious.

Iemura thought for several moments before Unohana's Fifth Seat spoke up. "If I had to guess," she said, "it's Aizen's fault."

Hanurobu looked confused. "You think Aizen somehow hypnotized everyone into thinking less of us than they usually do?"

Unohana shook her head. "That is not how Aizen's Shikai works. It is extremely dangerous, but not completely limitless. It alters perceptions rather than thoughts – a powerful hallucination. It cannot affect the minds of people in another world, or those who have not seen the Shikai release." Normally, Unohana wouldn't get off topic, but she knew that her officers needed to be up to date on the capabilities of the traitor captains – bad information could kill, after all.

"I wasn't talking about that, anyway," the Fifth Seat said. "What I meant was, for a long time, nothing in the Seireitei ever really changed. Oh sure, Soul Reapers were killed, and new ones from the Academy took their places, but day in and day out it was the same. Then Aizen turns traitor and takes Ichimaru and Tousen with him, and now there's a war coming. Everyone is on edge, everyone is reevaluating their priorities. There will likely come a time with the Fourth will have to fight, but we haven't fought seriously in such a long time that everyone is beginning to wonder if we can."

"And rightly so." Iemura put in. "We didn't do so well the last time we had to handle more Hollows, if you'll recall. And it's not like we defend ourselves when the other Divisions are ragging on us."

"And what do you suggest we do?" The Fifth Seat asked. "Challenge members of the Eleventh Division to duels? I'd love to see you try to take on Madarame."

"Better than taking it _from_ Madarame."

"That is enough." Unohana said quietly. Her officers stopped as though she'd shouted at the top of her lungs. "This is, and always will be, a medical division. We do not inflict injuries on Soul Reapers, nor will the hospital wings become mired in obvious jabs at the patients, harsh and filthy language, or altercations with our guests and each other. Do I make myself clear?"

A chorus of "Yes, Captain" echoed around the room.

Unohana went on. "If you are concerned about our martial abilities, we can begin additional Kendo or Kido training as early as tomorrow morning, if you wish. I know a little bit about both –" some of her officers chuckled "- and will gladly teach anyone who wishes to learn."

Her officers nodded. "Are there any further concerns about the division?" Her officers stopped nodding. Unohana got up, and the rest followed suit. "Dismissed." They filed out, talking to one another. They looked a bit better than they had when they came in.

But they didn't look satisfied.

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: _Wow_ that took a long time to write, even though it's not as big as some of the other chapters. The reason is that I come up with the beginning and ending of a story and work towards the middle. Unfortunately, for this chapter, I ran past the part that I'd planned, and had to effectively finish outlining the entire story, including the subplot, before I could go any further. With any luck, I will effectively avoid writing myself into a corner (although there is one more 'patchy' place that may need some work), and will be able to produce the other chapters while taking only three to five days on each one.

This chapter isn't my favorite, but I think it ended up ok – it definitely hit harder on the Fourth Division subplot than I'd originally intended, but that's alright too. Will Unohana's crash course in badassery fix the Fourth Division's problems? Is Isane's plan really as lame as Ichigo thinks? Will Mod-Isane's raid take out Alegria and Soto? And just what _are_ those Arrancar up to? I have no idea!(3) But some of these questions will be answered next time, so stick around.

As always, comments, criticisms, etc. are vastly appreciated, although I wouldn't blame you if you forgot that this story exists after how long it took to get this chapter out.

(1) Soifon's Gigai fires missiles from its shoulders. The machine guns? Now that's another story.

(2) Once upon a time, Kon was considered a serious threat. No, really!

(3) Blatant lies.


	14. The Wrong Places

Hi everyone!

Here's Chapter 14.

Ok, so that actually took eight days to get out, which the mathematically-inclined among you will note is not between three and five inclusive. However, the reason for the delay is a huge expansion to the chapter, because I technically had 90% of the intended chapter done four days ago, but then the remaining 10% turned into _the second half_ of the chapter. The result is a nearly double-length installment. Enjoy! And maybe I'll have the next one out faster, although I'm done making promises. :P

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, and RangerH for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 14 – Looking for answers in all the wrong places**

_There are many times when a person's willpower can falter, and they will come to give up on a task. This is why keeping up morale is a big deal for armies and governments alike. An unhappy person or population will usually do whatever they think will help their situation, although duty and loyalty can make up for a lot._

_And when a person suspects that their task is wrong or insignificant? That's the biggest morale breaker of all._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Downtown - 1:44 p.m.**

Ichigo emerged from flash-step on the roof of one of Karakura Town's tallest buildings. He looked out across the city, his hand shielding his eyes from the sun.

Rukia popped out of flash beside him. "Still searching for spiritual pressure with your eyeballs, huh?"

"Can it, midget." Ichigo growled. "Maybe I just wanted to enjoy the view." Nonetheless, he took his hand down.

"Maybe, but we need to stick to Lieutenant Kotetsu's plan."

"And why does _she_ get to make the plans? Why is she in charge of the search?"

Rukia gave him an odd look. "Because she's a Lieutenant." Her tone of voice managed to convey the silent '_duh_.'

Ichigo scratched his head. "Yeah, but aren't you royalty or something?"

Rukia waved her hand. "I am, but that only counts at parties – and maybe on my brother's real estate. For Soul Reaper business, I'm like an ant compared to her authority – as an unseated member of another squad, only Captain Ukitake's say-so would allow me to defy a lawful order from her, although if we had a lieutenant, he or she could also countermand her instructions to me. And you're a substitute, which is even lower on the rank ladder."

_**Maybe you should tell them that you're the King! The King of Substitutes!**_

_Shut it._

Out loud, Ichigo pondered what she'd said – he'd already guessed most of it, though. The Soul Society had a fairly strict and simple chain of command. "Huh. Does that go for Renji, too?"

"Kind of, except that he's already used to following our lead, so he doesn't pull rank like he should."

"Funny that you've never gotten on to him about that." Ichigo raises his eyebrows.

"What's your point?" Rukia snapped, more challenge than actual ire in her voice. These arguments were too much fun to ruin by getting truly angry.

"Nothing." He smirked. "But you've never been big on rank and protocol. Heck, you tried to give me orders when you were a _prisoner_."

"I was trying to _save your life._ My brother was about to _end_ you, and you were standing there with a hole in your gut and no clue what a Bankai was while telling me that you had it all under control!"

"I _did_ have it under control!"

Rukia's eyebrow started twitching again. "Right… so my memory of Yoruichi leaping in to rescue you was a hallucination brought on by proximity to your sheer manliness… Good grief, you can be conceited, you know that?"

"It's weird that the conversation has moved from you being bossy to me being conceited. It would bother me a lot more, but all your opinions are still rejected." He turned away in mock haughtiness.

Rukia gaped for a moment. "Why you…"

Isane emerged from flash in front of them. "Did you find anything yet?"

Ichigo and Rukia gave a guilty start. "Uh, no, not yet. We're still looking." Isane nodded and disappeared again.

The short Soul Reaper and the substitute looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Ok, seriously, we need to get to work." Ichigo said.

Rukia nodded. "I've been searching while we were arguing. There's no trace here."

Ichigo grimaced. "This is going to be a long day."

Isane's plan was more or less a brute-force approach to finding a Soul Reaper in a large area – spiral out from a particular point and search for spiritual pressure. Normally, this would have a low chance of success, but Isane's group had an edge – they were looking for a Gigai that Isane had spent days in herself, and as such could use Isane's spiritual pressure for comparison and aid, sort of like a bloodhound finding a missing person after sniffing their socks. The three of them had also split into two groups – Isane was one and Ichigo and Rukia formed the other, since Ichigo still didn't have very good control over the finer points of sensing spiritual energy unless he was himself in a crisis situation. As a result, if Isane found the Mod-Soul first, she would contact the others via Kido message, and if not, then Ichigo could make a dash for Isane's position to retrieve her while Rukia stuck with Mod-Isane.

This elevated their odds of success from poor to somewhere around mediocre. Unfortunately, without knowing anything else about the Mod-Soul's plans, motives, and moods, it was the best plan they had.

The pair jumped back into flash step to their next checkpoint, emerging a few blocks away.

"You know, if I'd hit Byakuya hard enough and fast enough, I could have taken him on that bridge."

"_Sure_. Keep telling yourself that." Rukia mimicked her brother's deadpan expression. "Scatter, Senbonzakura." She pantomimed a large cloud condensing around a helpless target. "Bam! Diced Strawberry…"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Downtown - 2:09 p.m.**

Isane emerged at her next checkpoint, fairly close to where she and Renji had fought the Arrancar. She came to a stop and focused, searching for her own spiritual energy at an outside source.

Before she found it, though, she noticed something else. _Hollow!_

She dashed toward where she'd felt it, through a series of turns and out onto another street. She didn't have much trouble finding it. The giant, crablike thing was descending down the side of a building towards a plus: a little boy running for his life, figuratively speaking. Isane considered her options and settled on opening up with Kido and then closing in to begin fighting in earnest.

She set her stance. "Hado Fifty-Four! Haien!" A blast of violet energy shot from her hand as she made a swiping motion. She began her charge, trying to anticipate which way the Hollow would dodge.

She was ready for it to jump left, right, back, forward, or up. She was even prepared for it to burrow or somehow shield itself. What she hadn't anticipated was that it would take the blast full in the face, roll on the ground, and _die_.

She watched as the creature disintegrated – although since that was _also_ the effect of the spell it was hard to tell whether it was vaporized by its own death throes or the Kido. She blinked at the spot the Hollow had occupied moments before, and it occurred to her that she might have a skewed perception of how tough run-of-the-mill Hollows were, since her fighting experience over the last few decades had been, in order, Ichigo Kurosaki, Renji's Bankai, Zarraga's ambush, Bastida, and a semi-copy of Soifon. She'd forgotten that there were creatures that just couldn't take a fifties-level Hado and survive – namely, most creatures.

With her senses on high alert, she was also able to detect the other Hollow – the one trying to sneak up on her. She whirled to face it…

…and bolted for cover as a hail of bluish-white arrows shot by, originating from a curious web-like structure of spiritual energy, which was itself held by a well-dressed young man with dark hair and glasses. The Hollow never had a chance.

She finished her roll behind a nearby car and crouched there. "Watch where you aim that thing!" She shouted angrily.

"I assure you that I'm watching very closely, Soul Reaper!" The young man shot back – again, figuratively. "I have it on good authority that you're an enemy of mine, and on the honor of the Quincy, it is my task to disrupt and disturb whatever it is that you're trying to do."

_You have got to be kidding me._ "Whose authority?"

"That is none of your business."

"It's my business if the Quincy are declaring war on the Soul Society! I remember you now, Ishida. What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"I _just _finished explaining that to you. Don't make me repeat myself."

Isane sighed. At least he seemed content to talk… for now. "Fine, then let me ask why you're antagonizing a Lieutenant from the Gotei Thirteen. It's generally not good for life expectancy. As a doctor, I urge you to reconsider your exercise regimen." Her tone crept toward the sarcastic at the end of that statement, but she didn't care – she was running on three hours of sleep and a giant pill, she hadn't fully recovered from her earlier injuries, and she'd just been fired on by someone who was theoretically a friendly – or at least a noncombatant. She figured the universe would forgive her if she stopped being polite for a moment.

Uryu paused. "Is it so hard to believe that I just want your war out of my town? If you would return to the Soul Society then there wouldn't be a need for all of this."

Isane frowned. "Lieutenants don't come to Karakura Town just to go shopping. Well, Rangiku does, but no one else. I'm on a mission, and I can't give up and go home just because you have a problem with it. I'd be surprised if you even know what my mission is." _Especially since I still don't!_

"What if you knew that the mission would be completed anyway?" Uryu answered quickly. "Would you back down then?"

"What would… Did the Mod-Soul put you up to this?" Isane slapped a hand to her face.

"She made some excellent points."

"She's crazy!"

"She's better equipped to deal with this than you are."

"My _orders_, Ishida, are to take down four targets, trash their work, and leave. _Her_ orders are to help me with that. If she had been straight with me from the start, we probably could have finished the mission by now, but instead she decided to attack me and hijack my Gigai. She says that she's taken over my task, but for all I know she's halfway to Hueco Mundo right now to challenge Tousen to a staring contest!"

"She didn't seem all that unbalanced to me."

Isane's temper frayed further, but she clamped down on it – unlike with the Arrancar, there was still a chance to resolve this without violence. "That would be a matter of perception, right? I mean, she didn't attack you and steal _your_ body, so I suppose she might have come across as merely a jerk rather than _nuts_." Isane stayed calm. "I assure you that she's acting far outside of her authority."

"That would assume that what you've just told me is true. If she's so much better than you that you would be holding her back, then that would make _you_ the crazy one, wouldn't it?"

"Now you're just being silly. I'm not crazy and I'm not going home, so the question is, are you trying to get in my way because you actually believe in what a defective spiritual android told you, or are you just being a pain because you don't like Soul Reapers?" She began to edge out from around the car, but the impact of a warning shot on the ground nearby stopped her.

"I _don't_ like Soul Reapers, but there's more to it than that. Last night, someone broke into my father's hospital."

Isane blinked at the change in topic. "What does that have to do with _anything_?"

"The only thing stolen was a large crate of tranquilizers, anesthetics, and the like. Couple that with the recent kidnappings and I figured there might be a connection."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because whoever robbed the place did so in under three minutes, and would have to have at least some medical expertise. I saw the Fourth Division emblem on your arm. That would be the medical division, correct?"

"Are you even listening to yourself? If I need to tranquilize someone, I have Kido for that. All other medical supplies are carried in my backpack. I have no need to rob a mortal hospital – and on top of that, 'late last night' I was up to my elbows in Lieutenant Abarai, who was injured fighting Arrancar while your precious 'better equipped' Mod-Soul did nothing to help! Are you sure you're on the right side here, Quincy?"

* * *

Uryu frowned – he was running out of the arguments, complaints, and duplicities that he was using to stall for time. He'd worked out the previous night that the Mod-Soul was either unstable or extremely narrow-minded, of course, and now he had proof that she wasn't telling the truth, either.

The problems all came from his end. He could understand Lieutenant Kotetsu's frustration, since she had no idea why he was being so obdurate (and, he supposed, _stupid_ from her point of view) on this matter. He was stuck between his vow to avoid association with Soul Reapers and the only remaining question – insane or not, was the Mod-Soul the better contender for finishing the mission quickly? If so, the situation was much easier. All he would have to do was stall Kotetsu until the Mod-Soul finished its task, and the Soul Society didn't really have the time or manpower available to hunt him down for interfering – especially if it actually hastened the mission's completion!

On the other hand, if Kotetsu was the better operative, then things became much more complicated. He would have to find a way around his oath, track down the Mod-Soul, get the Mod-Soul out of the Gigai and out of action, and then get back to square one on the kidnappings – and all of this would preferably go on without Ryuken finding out about any of it.

Even worse, there was really only one way to find out if Kotetsu was better than her doppelganger…

* * *

Isane felt the gathering spiritual pressure behind her, and got ready to dash for the next bit of available cover, but before the attack came, she felt Ichigo's spiritual pressure bearing down on her location – it was approximately as subtle as a train crashing into a warehouse full of gongs.

Ishida apparently sensed it too. "Kurosaki! I'm not ready to talk to him… it seems we'll have to continue this conversation some other time."

Isane rolled out from behind the car. "Oh no you don't! Hainawa!" She managed to get the low level binding off with what was considered blinding speed for Kido, but unfortunately was too slow compared to Hirenkyaku. The fifteen year old Quincy zipped away with a swishing noise, leaving Isane to deal with the aftermath of Mod-Isane's work again.

_Well, at least I'm not bleeding this time._

Ichigo and Rukia emerged from flash-step behind her. "What was that?" Ichigo asked.

"Your Quincy friend and I had a little chat. Apparently he thinks that he needs to support the Mod-Soul."

Ichigo frowned. "With what? He doesn't have his Quincy powers anymore. He had to give them up after his fight with Mayuri – at least, that's what he told me."

"Well, he had a bow and could move with flash-step, and he could shoot really, really fast. I'm guessing he got them back somehow."

Rukia walked over to examine the small divots in the concrete left by Uryu's arrows. "That doesn't make any sense. Why would he attack a Soul Reaper lieutenant? Especially one who wasn't bothering him…"

"Because he's convinced that the Mod-Soul would finish the mission quicker, and then everyone will go home." Isane grimaced. _And I was kind of tempted to take him up on it._

"What if he's right?" Ichigo asked.

"Ichigo!"

He shook off Rukia's objection. "No, really! From what I've heard, this Mod-Soul is a complete badass. Why not let her finish the job?"

Isane sighed. "Because I have orders, Kurosaki - orders that say that I'm supposed to go and take care of four targets and stop what they're up to. If letting the Mod-Soul do it for me was an option, then they wouldn't have sent me in the first place."

"Unless it was some kind of mistake."

Isane nodded. "It could be a mistake, yes. It's rare, but they do happen. However, that's the sort of thing that gets sorted out after the task succeeds or fails. As it stands now, I don't get to unilaterally decide that _Head Captain Yamamoto_ is wrong and start second-guessing what I'm supposed to do. That leads to anarchy."

"So even if you were never supposed to be here in the first place, you're going to finish your mission or die trying?"

"That's right."

Isane prepared for some sort of objection, but Ichigo surprised her. "I see. I guess we go back to searching, then."

"Ah… right! Although it will be harder now that I've used Kido around this area. We may want to pick a new focal point for our search."

The three of them dashed off to start over, eyes open for any more surprises…

* * *

**8th Division, Vice-Captain's Office - 3:03 p.m.**

Mitsu walked into Nanao's office and sat down. "Ah!" Nanao exclaimed. "I'd almost forgotten. How did whatever it was you were doing go?"

"Not so good. You may have noticed that Captain Hitsugaya threw away the pen we were using, so we have to ask you directly what this is about."

Nanao froze. "I… can't tell you."

Mitsu blinked, disbelief evident on her face. "I find that really hard to believe."

"Well, it's true. I'm sorry, but Captain Hitsugaya gave me a direct order not to talk about it, at least in the short term. It was the last thing he said to me in the severing world."

Mitsu shot up. "That's ridiculous! How top-secret can a freaking chunk of ice be?"

"It's not the ice, exactly, but the other end of the situation." Nanao looked up. "I'm sorry. I'm not going to ask you to help with our paperwork, since this didn't work out, but…"

Mitsu was already gone.

Outside, she met up with Unit Four. "Hitsugaya is more clever than we thought. He's got Lieutenant Ise in on it too."

"No way!"

"Yes. We'll have to start over at his end." Mitsu punched the wall. "Dammit. We were so close too…"

* * *

**Severing World/Antioch (Seljuq Empire/Turkey) - 1098 A.D.**

Retsu Unohana tried to remain calm. It wasn't easy – the severing world could be a noisy place, especially with a cleaner attempting to run her down.

Barely ahead of her, Kyoraku shouted out. "Hey! That's our exit – we're almost there!"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, _goody._ How are you holding up, Jushiro?" Hacking and coughing answered her, but at least he was still running.

The three of them burst out into the dry, hot air and screeched to a halt, all of them a little short of breath – except for Ukitake, who was gasping and sputtering while wiping blood from his chin.

"Is it… just me, or… are those things… getting faster?" Ukitake choked out.

"Hate… this… job…" Unohana grated out.

Kyoraku straightened. "They why did you join?"

She considered how much she was willing to tell him. "Yamamoto was… persuasive."

Ukitake finally recovered enough for normal speech. "Well, give it a chance. You'll get used to it eventually – and we'll be best buds in no time!"

Unohana smirked nastily. "We haven't become 'best buds' in the last hundred years. What if I don't _want_ to be friends with the Soul Society's official manzai comedy duo?"

Kyoraku and Ukitake looked at each other. "She's got us there." Kyoraku nodded.

Ukitake smacked him upside the head, knocking his hat off. "No she doesn't!"

Unohana frowned. "Are you two making fun of me?"

"Yes!" Kyoraku chimed.

"No." Ukitake corrected. They looked at each other. "Maybe." Ukitake added, before they both cracked up.

"Are you three done?" A new voice called down to them from a nearby rooftop – it was Tsunio Izumi, the man Yamamoto had recruited to lead the Eleventh and latest Division of the court guard squads, the man known as the Kenpachi. "We've got a bit of a situation."

"You don't say?" Unohana quipped.

"Yeah, precious, the siege ends tomorrow, or so I hear. There'll be a big battle, and then maybe a good old-fashioned slaughter of everyone on the losing side. That's bound to attract a ton of Hollows, so get it together!"

Kyoraku waved airily. "Relax! Four captains and half of your squad should be plenty."

"Overkill, more like." Unohana grumbled.

"'Captain' is just a fancy title. I haven't seen you fight yet, so I'm not making any assumptions about your abilities."

Ukitake grinned. "He hasn't seen us fight, he says."

Kyoraku grinned back. "Should be a shock, then."

The Kenpachi narrowed his eyes. "I'd heard that you were Yamamoto's star kids, and I really hope that that wasn't all hype." He paused for a moment. "Speaking of talk, you should have updates from the old man ready for me. Anything new that I should know? What about the chick in the back? Am I gonna have to babysit her?"

Unohana's head snapped up and she glared at him. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much."

"Heck, she can 'take care' of an army! She's one of the best, Izumi." Kyoraku added.

"_Right_… Please tell me that your zanpakuto isn't actually a _nodachi_. That's way too much sword for a woman your size."

"I _beg_ your pardon?"

"You know that's an anti-cavalry weapon, right?"

Unohana already had moved into a stance where she could draw it. "It's an anti-_everything_ weapon when I wield it, Izumi." Ukitake and Kyoraku had already noticed her rising tension and had backed away to a safe distance.

"Big words, doc."

"Speak for yourself, _Kenpachi_. I'm beginning to think that you're a bit insecure about your own combat abilities. Maybe you're not the warrior you want us to believe."

His eyes widened and, without even making a conscious decision, his zanpakuto was already in hand. "_What_ was that?"

"You heard me! I think you're nothing but talk! Come on, mighty manly-man! Show the silly woman with the inappropriate sword who's boss, if you can!" He didn't need further provocation. With a roar, Izumi leaped down at her.

From the other side of the street (length-wise), Kyoraku turned to his friend. "I'll bet three bottles of sake on the silly woman with the inappropriate sword."

"What kind of bet is that?" Ukitake shook his head. "I'll bet that same amount that she takes him down in under five minutes."

"Humm… Izumi _is_ a badass… yeah, you're on."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Downtown - 12:04 a.m.**

Isane, Rukia, and Ichigo convened at Mikito's Sunglasses Crater. "Did either of you sense anything?"

"I'm afraid not." Rukia stated apologetically.

"I've got nothing." Ichigo added. Rukia looked at him oddly. "What? I tried!"

Isane sighed. "Well, I guess we'll give it another go tomorrow. At this rate, though, we probably won't find her until she makes her own move."

"Yeah," Ichigo said, yawning. "Well, I'm going to bed. I guess I'll see you tomorrow – go ahead and use the doorbell, though – the window repair guys are starting to give us weird looks whenever they come by."

Isane started to object. "I tried to – " Ichigo had already flash-stepped, though.

Rukia frowned. "Go ahead and jump through the window, Lieutenant. Serves him right for bolting out mid-sentence like that."

"But – " Isane tried again, but Rukia had already flash-stepped away.

Isane sat down on the curb, not particularly ready to go back to her foodless apartment and whatever her messed-up subconscious had picked for her to dream about that night.

She leaned back against a street light and closed her eyes. _It's all wrong._ She thought. _A few months ago everything was fine. Business as usual – there were meetings to attend, paperwork to do, and Aizen was just a nice guy with glasses who was in command of the Fifth Division. I healed people – day in and day out. Everyone else would whine about the monotony, but I was *happy.* I was good at my job – and I still am!_ She opened her eyes. _But now I'm here, and my mission is at a complete standstill thanks to Mr. – freaking – Urahara forgetting to set my Gikon to "Not Psycho."_

She thought about Ishida's offer. _Would it be wrong? Would it be so horrible to just sit back and let the Mod-Soul finish the job?_ She'd argued passionately against it in front of Kurosaki, but she wondered if she actually believed her own arguments or if she just reflexively decided to support her superiors in the face of doubts from a subordinate – or ally. _Strict adherence to the law. Obeying orders despite what it might cost me or those I care about – what did that get me before? A punch to the gut and a ride on Minazuki, that's all._

"Would disobeying orders have been better for you? From what I remember, your sister hesitated in the confusion and Soifon nearly killed her."

Isane looked up at the materialized form of her zanpakuto. "Itegumo!"

"Oh, so you do remember me." He sat down right in the street facing her. "I was wondering if you were ever going to talk to me again."

"I've been busy." It was a lame excuse, and Isane knew it.

"Too right you have. That's the _best_ time to come talk. Besides, the weather is so nasty in your inner world right now. Even though the screeching stopped, everything is overcast, and nasty wet snow is piling up all over the place – that's why I showed up out here. So what's bothering you?"

"You have to ask?"

The youthful-looking spirit tilted his head to one side and smiled mischievously. "No, but it seemed like a good conversation-starter."

Isane sighed. "Well, you know my thoughts on the division lately. And on the mission."

"Right."

"So you know how bad it's going."

The smile faded. "Um… bad? Maybe I _don't _know your thoughts on what's going on."

"How could you possibly think things are going well right now?"

"You're halfway done, aren't you?"

"In theory. But I once again have no idea what to do from here. I lucked out finding the first two Arrancar – if you can call that luck. Now I also have to deal with Ishida and my own Gikon turning against me. I might even be worse off than when I started."

"Well, maybe. But on the other hand, you've picked up some pretty powerful help. I bet Kurosaki can bring down the Mod-Soul. It's not like she can stay hidden forever. And once she's taken care of, the Quincy won't have any reason to mess with you anymore."

"Which just leaves me and two presumably more powerful Arrancar. And their 'work,' whatever that is."

"Why more powerful? Maybe the remaining two are just the brains of the outfit."

"That's a nice thought, but I doubt it. Zarraga and Bastida had a Gamma and Delta tattoo on them. Now, I don't have the entire Greek alphabet memorized, but I know that Alpha and Beta come before Gamma and Delta. Since the highest Arrancar presumably get more powerful as the numbers decrease, I'm guessing that these new Arrancar work the same way."

"Even so, Kurosaki is more powerful than Renji, right? Plus you've got Rukia with him, and you know the rumors about her…"

"That she's actually seated officer or lieutenant level in skill, and that her brother is blocking her promotion? Yes, I've heard that. I don't know if there's any truth to it, though – the only thing confirmed was that she achieved Shikai."

"My point is that you have more firepower this time. You'll do fine."

"And what happens if I get them hurt, like Renji?"

"Then you'll heal them. It's what you do, Isane."

Isane smiled. "Well, I guess you have confidence for the both of us."

The spirit finally grinned again. "That I do, but that's not the only thing on your mind."

She looked away. "I don't really want to talk about that right now."

"Yes you do."

"Yes, I do." Isane sighed. _I have got to work on my poker face._ "You heard me fly off at Rukia."

Itegumo laughed. "Indeed! It was _most_ amusing. Could you do your Kurotsuchi impression again?"

"Not unless I somehow end up _severely_ intoxicated."

"Ah, too bad. What was it you were going to say about your speech?"

"Well, the truth of it is that it isn't the little problems that the other divisions bring to us that's causing the big problem. It's the nature of our job itself, and it's being thrown in our faces by the behavior of the other squads."

Itegumo fell silent for a moment. "I don't follow."

Isane shook her head. "I'm not explaining it very well. I read a journal about a bit of human medical research not too long ago that stated that there were three things that needed to be true for someone to enjoy their job. First, they had to like the work itself – that's in place for the Fourth Division already, since everyone there is there because they gravitate towards medical or logistical tasks."

Isane frowned. "But the person also has to see a tangible result to their work. That's a bit harder to pull off, due to the nature of the work – sure, we can heal someone, and see them healed, but we also lose patients and we know that even our most successful cases are going right back into combat. That dulls the glow of achievement somewhat, if you catch my meaning. Even so, we still get a feeling of satisfaction over a successful surgery or whenever a patient leaves in perfect health – at least, I do."

"And the third thing?"

"The third thing is that the person has to have some kind of reward for when they do their work exceptionally well. Normally in the Gotei Thirteen, that's promotion, or maybe a raise. But conditions have been stagnant in the Fourth Division for decades. This is the point that's being aggravated by the other Divisions – we don't get much praise for our work, and what praise we do get is only for truly miraculous and highly conditional feats of recovery, usually pulled off by the captain. So when the Fourth Divison performs really well, the only thing we hear about it is how we should have done it differently or better, if we hear about it at all. This comes in between being told how weak we are."

"Ah. Bad conditioning."

"Right. The thing is, _knowing_ all of that doesn't seem to make it any easier."

"I can imagine."

"I suppose so. You must think I'm pretty childish complaining about something like this."

"Not at all. You're not asking for a party every time someone mops a floor – you'd just like a thank-you now and again for your effort. Everyone else gets recognized, why not your group?"

"Right. But I don't see any way out. We have to supply everyone and act as the medical team regardless of our opinions toward the other divisions." She gave a half laugh. "It's amusing, really – one time we had to care for a whole patrol group that had been injured in a drunken brawl – all of them boozed up on alcohol we'd sent to them the day before. I wanted to cut off their whole division from supplies, but I was told that we have to keep them fed at all times – not even a little shortage is permitted."

"Does it say that you have to supply them with everything at all times, or just keep them fed?"

"I'd have to double check, but I believe the wording was something like 'must keep each division supplied well enough to maintain a balanced diet and professional appearance until the next supply date.' Why do you bring that…" Isane's eyes widened. "No… that would never work…" Her mouth twitched. She thought she saw where this was going, but it was impossible. _Or is it?_

"Don't be so sure. Think about it." Itegumo flickered unsettlingly. "Uh oh. I don't think I can stay manifested like this much longer."

"Don't strain yourself. I feel much better now. Maybe next time I'll have some good news."

The spirit continued to fade. "Don't let the Quincy fool you, Isane. He doesn't want to fight you. I can sense it. He-" Itegumo vanished in a puff of snowflakes.

Isane got up, once again feeling that maybe the situation wasn't completely hopeless. She thanked whatever providence had landed her with an optimistic zanpakuto like Itegumo, and considered her mission freshly. Itegumo was right about Kurosaki – having him around was every bit as good, firepower-wise, as having a captain in her group, although she hated to have so much resting on him.

She began walking back to her apartment, deciding to skip dinner since it was already so late. She continued thinking about ways to get her Gigai back, trying, for the first time, to think very hard about Mod-Isane's motivations, abilities, and additional resources. Something the Mod-Soul had said – or maybe it was something someone said about the Mod-Soul – was bugging her, but she couldn't place it…

* * *

**Antioch, 1098 A.D.**

Unohana stood atop Minazuki's giant manta-ish form next to Ukitake, looking out over mankind's latest atrocity. "What a mess."

"Kyyyyrrr-HURP?" Minazuki intoned.

"No, it's not your fault."

"HURP-skyyaaa?"

"Fairly sure."

"KAAA-HUR…"

"Yes, some of them may end up in my division. I'll worry about that when they get there. Take me over to Shunsui, would you?"

"HORP-HORP!"

The pair of them sailed over the battleground, flying as low as Minazuki could without running into anything. The battle was nearly over had gone exceptionally well – for the Soul Reapers, if not the people of Antioch. There were few casualties and no deaths, the added organization of the Reapers giving them an edge that even the intelligent Hollows still seemed baffled by, even after just under a hundred years of use.

Which was not to say that the battle wasn't dangerous. They found Kyoraku on the roof of a Mosque, busily fighting with a pair of oversized Hollows sporting above-average power.

"Hahaha!" One of them gloated. "Your precious organization can't save you, Soul Reaper! Where are your allies now?"

Kyoraku was almost certainly capable of handling it on his own, but the line was too good for Unohana to pass up. One mid-level Hado later, the Hollow was on fire and screaming, allowing Ukitake to dispatch the other Hollow easily before Kyoraku finished off Unohana's victim. He jumped up onto Minazuki. "What brings you my way?"

"Things are nearly over with here, so we're thinking about packing up."

"And Izumi?"

"Izumi wants to see it through."

Ukitake grinned. "I thought he was going to propose after your fight yesterday." Unohana groaned. She'd beaten Izumi in four minutes and fifty-three seconds with a lucky and very spectacular flurry of attacks. Rather than being outraged, however, Izumi had completely reversed his opinion of the Fourth Division's captain – he'd showered praises on Unohana and had asked if she would come by his division later for a rematch and drinks. The one who was really upset by the victory was Kyoraku.

"I still don't see why he couldn't have lasted another few seconds. I swear you timed that attack just to get my hopes up before dashing them."

"I didn't even know about it until after the fight was over. It serves you right for betting against me, anyway." Unohana struck a haughty pose.

"It does indeed. Perhaps I could take you out for dinner, by way of apology?"

"Subtle." Ukitake said, with a completely innocent expression.

Kyoraku shrugged. "Whatever works."

Unohana smiled serenely. "I'm busy tonight, I'm afraid."

"Doing what?"

"Well, Ukitake is taking me out for dinner and drinks."

"He is?"

"I am?" Ukitake looked as confused as anyone else.

"Yes indeed. I figure you owe me at least some of all that lovely sake I won for you."

"Ah…" Ukitake scratched his head. "Well, I don't see why not."

Kyoraku gave a mock shiver. "You're a cold, heartless woman, Retsu Unohana."

"That will be for Ukitake to decide." Unohana nodded firmly as she sealed Minazuki and opened the Senkaimon.

Ukitake looked at Kyoraku. "She's got you there."

Kyoraku smacked him upside the head.

Unohana turned to say something smart to him, and then they heard the sounds of the cleaner approaching again…

**4th Division, Captain's Quarters - 12:32 a.m.**

Unohana woke up once again in her quarters, this time in the middle of the night. _This is the third time I've had this kind __of dream._ What's going on? She resolved to talk to the only two people who were consistently showing up in them – She'd have to ask Ukitake and Kyoraku about it tomorrow.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 12:33 a.m.**

Isane continued walking toward her apartment, but a voice stopped her. "Excuse me! Miss! Can you hear me?"

She looked around, finally seeing the Plus that the Hollow had attacked earlier. He ran over to her, the broken chain in his chest bouncing along. "Yes, I can hear you."

The boy broke down crying and attached himself to her leg. "Oh, thank you, miss. I've been wandering around, but no one could see me, and then those monsters came for me and you made them go away!"

She leaned over and picked him up. _So small_. "It's all right. The monsters aren't going to bother you again. Everything will be okay."

He looked up at her. "Really?"

"Really."

"What's your name?"

Isane blinked. "I'm Isane Kotetsu, Vice-Captain of… never mind." He wouldn't understand what the Gotei Thirteen was and wouldn't be able to talk to her again if he did.

"Oooh, a title! Is it important?"

She considered. "Yes, sort of."

"I'm dead, aren't I?" It sounded strange coming from him, but he seemed to calm down, and sniffed. Isane looked at him, and couldn't think of a way to sugarcoat it. "Yes. It's time for you to move on."

"To where?"

"The Soul Society. I can't promise that your family will be there, but there will be others like you that will take care of you." _Do you have it in you to perform a Konso, Itegumo?_

_Always._

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah! I've been trying to find out what I'm supposed to do, but no one would tell me. I'm gonna find my family, and tell 'em that Vice-Captain Kotetsu saved me!"

"It wasn't a big deal." Isane looked away uncomfortably. "Good luck with finding your family," she said, and meant it.

She looked at him squarely. New or careless reapers frequently panicked plusses by drawing their zanpakuto without any warning or explanation. "Now, I have to draw my sword to send you to the Soul Society, but I'm not going to cut you, ok?"

He nodded nervously. "Okay… no, wait!"

She stopped mid-draw. "Yes…?"

He looked at her seriously. "What do I have to do to become like you?"

Isane straightened, taken aback. "Er… well… you would need to display some kind of spiritual power and demonstrate it to a Soul Reaper, then you would apply to the Academy." She could hear Itegumo laughing in her mind.

"Right! Ok. I'm ready!"

She nodded, and moments later he was on his way to the afterlife.

Itegumo's voice bounced through her mind again. _Interesting boy._

Isane sheathed him again. _Pretty spunky for a dead child._

_You'll notice that at least one spirit appreciates what you do._

Isane brightened. It was true. _Did you plan this, somehow? A morale boost and a thank-you?_

_Now how could I do that? I confess that I was hoping it would happen, but even still…_

_Do you think he has a chance of becoming a Reaper?_

_I did sense a little something, but it's hard to tell until they arrive._ _Some people are born for a certain division, though._

_True enough…_ Isane's line of thought faltered. _That's it! That's how we're going to snare the Mod-Soul! You're a genius, Itegumo!_

_Of course I am._ Her zanpakuto hesitated. _Um… what are we talking about, exactly?_

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: By far the hardest parts of this chapter were Isane's talks with Uryu and the kid, and I'm still not completely satisfied with either, although they're way better than the first drafts.

Also, the main plot should start rolling along with the next chapter, along with a new installment of the Unohana plot and the Unit Four/Hitsugaya plot.

It also occurred to me that some might be confused about the timeline here, since I made an adjustment from the Bleach canon – in this story, the Arrancar arc extends out several months after Ichigo completes his Vizard training, extending into a sequence of minor skirmishes with the new Arrancar while everyone gears up for the Fake Karakura Town battle. This story takes place in that time.

So come back next chapter to find out what Rangiku's been up to, and whether or not Isane's new plan will work out better than her old one.

As always comments, criticisms, and anything resembling either are greatly appreciated. Please review!


	15. Spy vs Spy, Part 1

Hello all!

Here's Chapter 15. Holy cow, I got this out in just four days! Wild, huh?

In response to comments – I looked at the conversations from last chapter, and I can see what you mean. Hopefully in this chapter the characters will be a bit more animated while they're talking.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, and RangerH for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 15 – Spy vs. Spy, Part 1: The best laid plans of ghosts and men...**

_It's been said that no plan survives contact with the enemy, and like many sayings, the old adage is grounded in truth. It is extremely difficult to formulate a plan that will still work the same way regardless of what a huge unknown – your opponent – wants to do. It can be frustrating and confusing enough to get a bunch of people with similar goals to make a plan work, doing so while at least one person wants to ruin said plan can be impossible._

_Effectively, a number of life-or-death struggles have come down to who is the better improviser._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Household - 12:43 a.m.**

Ichigo leaped into his bedroom, Rukia close behind. Ichigo paused – something felt _off_, somehow. "Do you feel that?"

Rukia nodded. "Another Soul Reaper has been through here. I wonder…" She walked across the room and fumbled for the light switch. Right when she got to the switch, she heard a wheezing squeak from underneath her.

"Ow…" A nasal voice whined again.

She flipped the light on and stooped down to pick up Kon. He was a mess – the toy body was covered in gashes from his unscheduled trip through the window, and his head had nearly been torn completely off. He was also filthy. "Brains…" he moaned.

If he was aiming to scare Rukia, it didn't work – she tossed him to Ichigo without missing a beat. "Here, you take care of Zombie Kon. I'm going to get back into my Gigai before Chappy starts licking herself again."

Ichigo caught Kon easily and held him up for inspection. "Man, you look worse than I did after fighting Kenpachi. What happened?"

"After being cruelly evicted from your home by the silver-haired lady, I made my way back here, and when I finally arrived, I found myself in the presence of a goddess."

"A goddess." Ichigo didn't sound convinced.

Kon's eyes started watering – somehow. "Yes! She descended from the heavens – "

_Well, that explains why my ceiling light is crooked again._

" – and her golden hair fell across gorgeous shoulders. Her perfect figure moved with grace and poise as she went to your closet, and she picked up her Gigai – which was a glorious copy of the original in all but animation!"

"That doesn't explain your condition."

"Her breasts were like precious gemstones…" Kon sighed.

"And…?" Ichigo prompted impatiently.

"…her fists were _also_ like precious gemstones, but in hardness instead of beauty." Kon suddenly began wailing. _"Why-oh-why does every beautiful woman in this hemisphere rebuff my advances?"_

Not in the mood for any more of Kon's melodramatics, Ichigo tossed him onto his desk. "We'll get Uryu to fix you up later. Try not to get fluff everywhere."

Ichigo had just enough time to return to his own body before Rukia came back. "So what happened?"

"As far as I can tell, Rangiku came through and picked up her Gigai before literally beating the stuffing out of Kon." Ichigo shrugged. "I'm actually kinda glad that she did it when I was out, though. She'd probably have tried to seduce me into letting her stay here again. Also, I think she's replaced you as Kon's idol."

Kon shot to a sitting position. "That's a dirty lie! You know that Dearest Rukia is my one and only!"

"Sounds like I missed out on a good show." Rukia yawned. "Well, Lieutenant Kotetsu will be here early, so get some rest." She made for the door.

Ichigo flopped onto his bed. "Sounds great. Good night."

"'Night, Ichigo."

_**Good night, fair princess! One day your prince will have the balls to – **_

_GO TO BED!_

'_**Kay…**_

* * *

**Karakura Town, Isane's Apartment - 12:47 a.m.**

Isane chatted excitedly with her zanpakuto as she ran back to her apartment. _You said it, Itegumo – some people just plain _belong_ to a certain division, and I can't think of anyone who belongs to the second division more than that Mod-Soul. We're going to fight fire with fire!_

_I hope your plan takes into account the fact that I'm an ice-type zanpakuto. For that matter, so is Sode no Shirayuki – who is *gorgeous* by the way._

Isane, still running, rounded a corner and leaped clear over a construction zone, then took a short cut along the power lines – a maneuver some Soul Reapers jokingly referred to as the Electric Slide after an extended stay in the mortal world. _Focus, Itegumo! You can drool over the pretty zanpakuto later. My point is that the Mod-Soul is a copy of Captain Soifon in abilities and personality, and presumably priorities as well._

Her partner sounded confused. _You must be wrong about the genius thing, because I don't see how the Mod-Soul being exactly like someone who's stronger than you helps us out._

Isane burst into her apartment and ran to her table, finding the pen and paper she needed to write this down. _Loyalty, Itegumo. Obedience. By all accounts, Captain Soifon would sooner slit her own throat than break her orders or the chain of command. If we can show her an authority figure that she won't question, we can drag her to a location of our choosing and ambush her._

Itegumo fell silent as Isane continued making notes. Finally, he spoke up again. _What authority figure would that be? None of the captains owe you any favors, the last time I checked._

_We don't actually have an authority figure. To make this work, we're going to put on the world's most expensive puppet show…_

* * *

**Karakura Town, Undisclosed Location - 6:45 a.m.**

Mod-Isane looked over the collected data that Sugimoto's agents had brought to her. Their planning was done, and they would be moving out within the hour to raid the warehouse where the humans were being kept. _Soon, my mission will be complete. Then…_

Her line of thinking paused. _What then?_ She'd focused so hard on completing her assigned task that she hadn't given a moment's thought to what would come after that.

She looked up and over at the Sixth Seat. "Sugimoto, come here."

"Sir?"

"What… what were you planning to do after this mission is over with?"

It was the first time he'd heard hesitation in her voice. He thought about it a moment. "Well, the same thing I always do – I'll report back to the Second Division and wait for my next assignment."

"You do this each time you complete a mission?"

"Sure. You don't really retire from the Gotei Thirteen. Eventually you might get promoted, but from day to day it's largely the same."

"And you're content with this?"

He frowned. "Well, I've never given it that much thought. I mean, there generally hasn't been anything better for me to do with my time, and it's a worthy cause, although the work gets dirty occasionally – in more ways than one."

Mod-Isane nodded. _I suppose, then, that this will do for me as well._ She thought it over very carefully. _I like performing these missions, but is that my choice or is it because that's how I was created to be?_

She looked back at the diagrams of the warehouse complex. _And does it even matter?_ She berated herself mentally for getting philosophical right before a raid. To the three dozen Stealth Forces troops scattered around, she suddenly announced, "Gear up! We're heading out!"

* * *

**4th Division, Kido Range - 7:17 a.m.**

Unohana strode onto the practice field, still somewhat bothered by her latest dream – another one from her past, and this one from nearly a thousand years ago. She renewed her resolution to talk to Ukitake and Kyoraku about it.

When she reached the Kido range, she stopped. The area was still empty, but there was something strange covering one of the targets. She went downrange to get a better look.

_No… it can't be._

But it was. A poster was plastered over one of the targets, showing the back of a Fourth Division medic with a KICK ME sign hanging from his backpack. The bottom read:

**Go For It**

_All the cool kids are doing it!_

Unohana looked around. The practice field was still abandoned. She pointed at the poster.

"Hado One: Sho." She put enough force into it that the thrust spell shredded the poster. _Someone in this division has too much free time._

She planted her serene expression back on her face and returned to the top of the range as some of her officers and squad members started to file in - Unohana had already sent word to Head Captain Yamamoto that she would not be attending the day's Captain's meeting, so she had the whole morning with anyone who cared to learn from her. She carefully began rehearsing in her mind what she was going to try to teach them.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Isane's Aprartment/Kurosaki Household - 7:45 a.m.**

Isane woke up to her alarm again, saved from the fishcakes just in time. She could swear that she'd had this particular nightmare before. _Reruns?_

Without further deliberation, she got up, cleaned up, swallowed one of her four remaining giant pills, and grabbed her notes before racing to Kurosaki's home. She jumped through Ichigo's bedroom window, taking care to twist as she hit the bed this time, and landing on her feet in the center of the room. From his desk, Ichigo stretched and started digging for his badge. "So, same plan today?" Rukia merely produced Chappy.

"No." Isane said brightly. "We have a much better plan today."

That caught both of their attentions. "Well, I'm listening." Isane strode over to the desk, and laid her notes down on it.

Ichigo gaped. "Wow."

"You like the plan?" Isane asked hopefully.

"I haven't even looked at the plan yet. It's just crazy to see a diagram that isn't full of crappy rabbit drawings."

Isane was forced to cover the notes protectively while Rukia hit Ichigo with the nearby furniture. After a tense moment, she meekly asked. "Are you through?"

"Yes." Rukia said calmly.

"Ow." Ichigo agreed.

"Alright, here's what we need in order to trap the Mod-Soul. The problem is going to be getting it…"

* * *

**10th Division, Captain's Office (approximate) - 8:30 a.m.**

Mitsu paused at Captain Hitsugaya's office door. She tapped her ear bud. "Commencing Plan G."

"Copy that." Tomoe's voice came back. "Uh… Ryo wants to know what we're going to do when we run out of English letters. Do we switch to Greek?"

"No, because Plan Y is that we resign. If it takes us twenty-five tries to figure this out, we don't deserve our positions." Plan Z was a special case, taught to all Stealth Forces units at their orientation, and was to be invoked only in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Soifon was a very thorough planner.

Mitsu braced herself and knocked.

Captain Hitsugaya opened the door, and looked at her. She immediately went to the one knee, one fist on the ground stance that the Stealth Forces used in the presence of a superior officer 'in house.'

He frowned. "You're the ninja from earlier. Unit Four, right?"

"Correct."

The frown was upgraded to a scowl. "I seem to remember saying that I wanted my mornings ninja-free for a while. Was that too much to ask?"

She didn't budge. "No sir. I humbly request a meeting with you at your convenience."

He blinked in surprise. "What happened to style?"

"I'm sacrificing it in favor of sanity. It's an unprecedented move, but I think I can pull it off. If this fails, I'm willing to drop dignity, too."

"I see." He considered for a good thirty seconds. "If I agree to this meeting, will your unit leave my Division alone?"

"Yes sir."

"Very well. There's a captain's meeting in half an hour, but come back this evening and we'll talk." He shut the door.

Mitsu got up. "Well, that went as well as can be expected."

Tomoe's voice buzzed again. "Do you really think he'll tell you what's going on?"

Mitsu began her trek back to the rendezvous point. "Of course not, but a look inside his office should tell me something. We'll figure this out soon – he can't keep a secret forever."

* * *

**Warehouse Raid Zone (Ground Zero Perimeter) - 10:01 a.m.**

Genjo took up his position and fumbled for his mobile phone. _Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn…_

The Mod-Soul had moved far too fast for his liking, and as a result what was supposed to be an easy ambush was going to be difficult to pull off. _Stupid Mod-Soul. Stupid mirror of the captain._

There was one small shot at getting this right, though – since his position was a solo spot, there were no witnesses nearby. He finally punched in the correct number – one that didn't correspond to any device in the Soul Society. He waited tensely until the other end picked up.

Alegria's voice came over the set. "Something develop, my dear Sugimoto?"

"They're at the warehouse." He hissed.

"I beg your pardon?"

"They're at the warehouse. Right now. Is Soto nearby?"

"Yes. Blast it, you lucked out, Sugimoto. I expected better of you."

He rolled his eyes. _It never ends_. "Damn backup came out of nowhere and hijacked the mission. The good news is that I'm pretty sure she killed the agent."

"See if you can confirm that, please."

"I'll put it on my to-do list. Just get Soto down here." He glanced around nervously. There was only so much time until the Mod-Soul would likely call off the raid – Mod-Isane was waiting for activity at the warehouse in order to make sure that the strike team caught at least one of the two remaining Arrancar – and to make sure that they would be able to stage their rescue operation with the element of surprise.

The problem was that the warehouse was completely empty, save for a few surprises set up in advance. Alegria's base was across town, in the basement of the decommissioned live theater building. The warehouse was meant to be the site of an ambush, but Genjo had expected more warning and buildup between when the agent arrived and when the raid took place. Even worse, there were supposed to be _four_ Arrancar, which would allow Zarraga to be present and blocking the agent's powers while extraordinarily powerful Hollow-Bait allowed the creatures of Hueco Mundo to overpower the Soul Reapers. As it was, _Soto_ would set off the trap and then would stand off – the Arrancar couldn't risk her in combat with the agent, even though she would likely win.

Genjo had managed to make one final adjustment to the plan – since the other Soul Reapers weren't in on his activities, he had managed to convince them through the highly persuasive technique of _lying_ that the Mod-Soul was acting outside of her orders, and had told them about the ambush site. He had claimed to have the real location documented – which was also bogus, but they didn't need to know that – and that this was just an obstacle to their mission that they were taking care of.

As a result, of the thirty-seven agents that Mod-Isane had taken with her to the warehouse site, every single one of them was trying to make sure that she died on this raid – albeit for different reasons.

For its part, the warehouse district was seeded with all manner of booby traps, explosives, and sniping blinds in addition to the Hollow bait, although whether or not they were synchronized properly was open to debate. Genjo – who had some time ago sworn allegiance to Aizen in exchange for a better place in the New Universe – closed his Mobile and grinned, feeling much better. _The worst real-world operative ever, huh? You have no idea, robo-girl…_

He idly wondered how his opposite number in the Seireitei was doing.

* * *

**4th Division, Psychological Care Ward**

Aizen's _other_ agent in the Second Division sat on his hospital bed and focused hard on holding the spoon steady. A jillion little shrieking voices in his head still jubilantly screamed at him that it was a small, small world. The doctors told him that someday he'd be better, but as it was, he remained unconvinced.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Household - 10:20 a.m.**

Ichigo looked over the plan. He liked this one much more than the first, for two reasons. First, it didn't involve running around Karakura Town in circles all day, and second, it seemed to be a reversal of the tactics that the Mod-Soul had been using against the Lieutenant all this time.

It had the added benefit of relying on Rukia's acting skills, so if it failed horribly it would at least be highly entertaining.

Isane was finishing up. "So to put all of that together, we'll need a shielded or open area – either one will work."

"And Soifon's Gigai." Rukia chimed in.

"And the Mod-Soul's soul pager number." Ichigo added.

_**And Rukia's underwear!**_

"And Rukia's u– no, dammit!" He hammered his head with the heel of his hand while Isane and Rukia looked at him oddly.

_Bad Hollow! Bad!_

_**So close.**_ The hollow smirked.

"So that's about it." Isane went on after a moment. "The question is where we get all of that – well, I have the soul pager number, but we'd still need an open area and the Gigai, as well as that other stuff."

"Well, Soifon's Gigai would be built by Captain Kurotsuchi, right? Are you planning to go back to the Soul Society to get it?"

Isane shook her head and crossed her arms. "I'm not so sure that it's in the Soul Society. Urahara all but confirmed that Soifon was supposed to be the agent in charge down here, so chances are that it's still in his shop. He may have even built it himself."

"So you're going to ask him for it?"

Isane grinned. There was no warmth in the expression. "No. No I am not."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Training Ground - 10:44 a.m.**

Urahara leaned over the top section of the third FKK-tower, his long experience in the Kido arts allowing him to see how the bindings were running through it. He frowned. "Yoruichi, what were you going for, here?"

"I was trying to hide the damn thing. It's already a huge target – I don't see any reason to make it easier for the bastards to find."

"That's great, but the way your Kido is mixing with mine, it's going to set up a disruptive resonance in the dimensional transfer when we activate the relays."

Yoruichi raised an eyebrow. "I was a spy, not a scientist. I never learned Kido-geek speak. "

"Philistine!" Urahara teased.

"Unga-bunga. Yoruichi smash!" Yourichi grunted in as sarcastic a voice as possible. Her Kido proficiency was well above average, but she was dealing with the former captain of the Kido Corps and, well, Urahara, and sometimes they got a bit over her head when talking about things like this. As the predominant ass-kicker in the room, though, she felt fairly secure anyway.

Tessai shouted from across the cavern. "He means that if we turn the array on as-is, instead of sending the real Karakura Town to the Soul Society, it will just send everyone in Japan straight to Hell."

Yoruichi leaned back, shocked. "Oh. Sorry – I'll come over and undo it."

Tessai jumped over to the pillar in question. "No, don't. It was a good idea – in fact, we may want to work some shields into it too." He looked over the tower. "And you've done it properly, except for the part where it clashed with Urahara's bindings. Just let me untangle it."

"You can separate mixed Kido without undoing any of the parts? That's awesome!"

Tessai's expression was as unreadable as ever, but he managed to project amusement as he replied. "You don't get to be captain of the Kido Corps by winning a raffle. Well, except for that one time, but-"

Urahara's intercom buzzed. Jinta's voice came over it with bumping and banging in the background. "Hey boss! There're three Soul Reapers here, and they're, uh, robbing the store."

Someone said something on the other end that Urahara couldn't quite make out. "Ah, she says that they're taking possession of Gotei Thirteen property."

"What are they taking?" Urahara asked, not sounding too worried.

"Nothing so far - they seem to be looking for something in particular." A voice shouted in the background of the intercom, this time clearly audible – Urahara recognized the voice as Rukia Kuchiki's. "Here it is! Soifon is in the closet!"

"I could have told them that." Yoruichi snickered.

Jinta's voice returned. "They're taking that Gigai of Captain Soifon that you made. Want us to stop them?"

"No. Let them go. It really does belong to them. Technically. I think." Urahara thought for a minute. "Is that all?"

"Yeah, they're leaving."

"Alright." Urahara looked at the other two. "Well, that was amusing. I wonder what they wanted that Gigai for?"

* * *

Isane and Ichigo carried Soifon's Gigai out while Rukia brought up the rear. From the doorway, Ururu called out to them. "Thank you for your patronage. Come again soon."

"We will!" Rukia said cheerfully.

"I still don't understand why we couldn't have just asked Urahara for it." Ichigo grumbled. "Why barge in like that?"

"Because I'm sick of trying to get straight answers out of him. It was important that we do it this way for my psychological health." Isane nodded firmly. "This was a much better plan."

* * *

**4th Division, Kido Range - 11:05 a.m.**

Unohana sighed quietly. The Kido drills hadn't gone precisely the way she'd hoped they would. "Generally, someone is required to take the offensive in a combat situation." She managed, through supreme effort, to abolish all sarcasm from her voice.

Her Division had performed extremely well in conventional Kido practice – firing all sorts of bindings and destructive weaves down the range had come easily to them, their long practice with Kido of all sorts allowing them to perform virtually any low to mid-level spell Unohana asked for en masse, and their long hours in spiritually-intensive tasks had built up huge reserves for them to draw on, so they weren't losing steam like another division might.

Her rising hopes had been quickly dashed, though, when she had tried to take them into a more chaotic and risk-heavy environment that she had set up earlier. The regular division members – and even most of the officers – had reacted poorly to the shifting threats and need for quick combat responses. In fact, most of them had immediately tried to pull out and seek wounded targets, as they had for response-team drills, and Unohana wasn't sure she wanted to train that reflex _out_ of them.

This new scenario was even worse. She had decided, just for the heck of it, to separate the practicing division members into two groups and have them fire bindings at each other while defending themselves. The two groups, however, had focused almost everything on defense, opening the range and putting up as many wards and shields as possible, which was followed by looking at each other awkwardly and waiting on the other group to make a move. If she had separated the groups based on gender instead of random selection and had put on some music, it might have looked like a middle school dance.

Unohana checked the time and decided to end the twenty-minute stalemate. "Well, we have lots of time to work on this. Remember, swordsmanship late tonight!"

* * *

**Warehouse Raid Zone (Ground Zero) - 11:11 a.m.**

Soto walked into the warehouse, a body over her shoulder, singing loudly to the tune of a children's nursery rhyme. "Mortal souls we follow, chew 'em up an' swallow, turn 'em into Hollow, yes I'm feelin' fine! Plusses by the buss-full, won't make it into school, 'Cuz the Reaper's a fool, an' now their souls are mine!"

She dropped the body onto the warehouse floor. The huge room was full of equipment, although no one else appeared to be in the room. Still singing, Soto went to one of the computers and began typing. "And the Vasto Lorde said 'OM NOM NOM' when –"

"AUGH! Shut up!" Mod Isane flash-stepped from her hiding place to the center of the room.

Soto turned around. "There you are! I was wondering if you were going to show up. I was running out of ideas for lyrics."

Mod-Isane crossed her arms. "You act as though you were expecting this."

"Oh, we were!" Soto said brightly as she pointed around the room. "Most of this equipment is actually bombs an' stuff. Plus we have Kido wards all over the place, a whole bunch of really creative traps, a big barrier around the premises, an' a special surprise for the grand finale."

Mod-Isane frowned. "You're serious."

Soto nodded cheerfully. "Uh-huh. Well, as serious as I ever get."

Mod-Isane moved up to a scowl. "Which means that I've been betrayed."

"Have you ever!" Soto giggled and pointed at the body. "That isn't even a real human there. It's a dummy – and so are you!"

Mod-Isane assumed a combat stance, her threat assessments rapidly shifting. "And what was your plan for getting yourself out of ground zero?

Soto laughed again, and transformed right in front of Mod-Isane. Her Arrancar form featured a white leotard, knee-high boots, long white gloves, and an impressive, high-collared cape. Her mask fragments sat high on her head and resembled a top-hat, and her sword appeared to be a large, curved scimitar.

"My plan? I'm an escape artist." Soto twirled the cape in front of her, which impossibly disappeared into itself – and when it finished, Soto was _gone_ – there was no evidence of Sonido – which wouldn't have carried her through the barrier anyway – and no trace of her spiritual pressure.

Mod-Isane held up her communicator. "All units, report."

Silence answered.

Around the room, little red lights started blinking everywhere. Mod-Isane crouched, picking up the dummy to use as a shield, and readied herself as best she could before everything erupted around her.

_What a disappointing end to a very short life. I hope Isane is able to finish the mission._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 11:18 a.m.**

The three Reapers stopped when they got to Karakura Town's artificial riverbank. "This area will work for the ambush." Isane declared. "It's wide open. Nowhere to hide and no one to get hurt."

"So are we going to do it now?" Ichigo asked.

Isane stretched. "No. We're going to come at this fresh. Go home and get a good meal, then get ready. I'm going to do the same. I'll come by your house around three, ok?"

"Alright." Ichigo and Rukia took the Gigai and flash-stepped away.

A moment later, Isane did the same. This time, though, she took a wide, looping course through the outskirts of Karakura Town, and a moment later was rewarded when she passed through an abandoned construction site – a series of warning shots peppered the ground in front of her.

Isane quickly dashed for cover again. "Hello, Ishida. We've got to stop meeting like this."

"Hello yourself," the Quincy called down to her from his perch on top of the nearby scaffolding. "You seem much less upset this time. Have you decided to accept my offer?"

"No, but I did think of an answer to your other question. The one about whether or not I was crazy."

"Oh? What did you decide?"

Isane flash stepped to a point high above Ishida, putting herself directly between the Quincy and the Sun. "I decided that it doesn't matter! Bakudo Number Nine: Horin!" Once again, Ishida used Hirenkyaku to dodge, but he wasn't the binding's target anyway. The spell wrapped around the scaffolding, and Isane flash stepped opposite the point where Ishida stopped, effectively attempting to clothesline him with the binding.

Ishida was having none of it, though. Before the spell closed in, he simply pointed his web-bow _thing_ at the binding and blasted straight through it. The sudden loss of tension threw Isane off balance, and she went to ground to get a better footing. The Quincy turned to her again, and this time Isane sensed that he was serious. She flash-stepped for cover as the Quincy unleashed a torrent of arrows – far too many for even an army of mortal archers to produce.

"Do you see what you're up against, Lieutenant? My weapon can fire twelve _hundred_ arrows each second."

"That's a neat trick!" Isane called back while trying to slow her heart rate. To stall for time, she decided to try baiting him. "What do you call it, the Kalashnikov?"

"Cute, but its name is Ginrei Kojaku."

"Ah." Isane paused. "You know it's only a matter of time before Kurosaki comes back, right? I'm guessing that you haven't grown in power like he has. What are you planning to tell him to keep him from knocking you from here to the Soviet Union?"

Ishida blinked. "You… you _do_ realize that the Soviet Union collapsed, right?"

Isane frowned. "What, seriously? When did this happen?"

"About twenty years ago."

Isane peeked up over the stack of metal beams she was using as cover. He looked serious. _Wow. Kurosaki is right – I really do need to get out more._

She focused on her zanpakuto. _Itegumo, do you still think he's not trying to kill me?_

_Yes. He hasn't made any move to flush you out from behind cover._

_Do you think you could handle a bunch of hits from his weapon?_

_I can handle anything!_

_Alright then._

"Run, Itegumo!" She shouted, releasing her Shikai. She examined the blades. Unlike with some of the wider zanpakuto, like Renji's or Iba's, her blade wasn't big enough to use as a shield in a situation like this. She'd have to think of a way to bring it into contact with his arrows without making herself a target.

_He's a crack shot, right?_ She thought about it. An idea finally came to her. _Well, if screaming about Bankai worked on the Arrancar…_

She whirled Itegumo around. "Fourth Blizzard Strike, Heavenly Blast!" The words didn't mean anything, but she finished the motion with her sword pointed straight up, poking well above her cover. Her zanpakuto sounded confused. _Fourth what now?_

Unable to resist the trick shot, Uryu fired several dozen arrows at the blade, attempting to end the fight by disarming her. He realized the mistake after only a fraction of an instant, but in that time, a massive cloud had billowed out from Itegumo, swirling around him and whipping into a vortex pattern that made it nearly impossible to see – let alone shoot straight.

Isane jumped up onto the stack and focused hard on a powerful binding with a mercifully short incantation while arrows flew out in random directions from the vortex. "Carriage of Thunder, bridge of a spinning wheel. With light, divide this into six! Bakudo Sixty-One: Rikujokoro!" True to its name, six rods of light slammed into Ishida, pinning him in place.

Isane settled in to a firmer stance, and decided to set up an even stronger binding. _Maybe this will get him to see sense._ "Walls of ironsand…"

A shaft of bluish energy began to dance around inside the cloud. Near it, the cloud began to crumple inward, and she noticed that the glow from the original binding seemed to be short a rod.

"…a priestly pagoda, burning ironclad fireflies…"

The blue shaft began rapidly consuming the cloud, and the binding shattered. Isane abandoned the chant and dodged as a Quincy bolt attached to a curious metal shaft went streaking by. "What the…?"

Ishida finished erasing the cloud. In his hand he held what looked like a sword made out of one of his Quincy arrows. "It's called Seele Schneider, and it draws its strength from the spiritual power in the surrounding area. Normally there wouldn't be enough of it for this, but thanks to your cloud, it was concentrated enough for me to use it."

He dropped the blade. It sank into the ground in front of him, and suddenly Isane had trouble moving. "It also has four counterpart units – which I fired at you in that initial barrage. Together they can allow a Quincy to perform the Sprenger technique. Since the amount of local power is so low, it probably won't kill you, but it _will _put you out of commission long enough to serve my purposes."

Isane fought against the seal for a second. Any attempt to leave the pentagon was resisted by the powerful Quincy magic. Hitting the seal with Itegumo produced the cloud as usual, but it didn't seem to help her escape. She sent it at Ishida anyway to buy herself time. _Think fast._ She found that going up was a bit easier, if only a little. _No choice. Looks like I have to try and ride it out._

Ishida managed to get his trigger Ginto out in spite of the cloud's interference, but it forced him to be careful and take a few extra seconds. In that time, Isane jumped and shouted, "Bakudo Seventy-Five: Tozansho!" The hastily cast Kido pyramid snapped into place around her at somewhat less than a fifth of its full strength, but that was all she could do – and she counted herself lucky that the high-level binding didn't explode in her face.

The Sprenger effect triggered, the explosion of power washing against her ward. She held on and watched as the pyramid began to crack, bracing for impact. _Well, it was worth a shot. I hope Mod-Isane is able to finish the mission._

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: This chapter was originally planned to go further along in terms of plot, but I looked at it and realized that I had a chapter's worth of content and a good stopping place, so I decided to split the planned chapter in two. I hope I can get the next installment out soon!

As always, comments, criticisms, notes, and observations are very welcome. Please review!

* * *

_Further response to stormcrowley_ – I've looked over the idea of surgery boosting swordsmanship, and did some research on it, and I just don't think it would help all that much. Most career fighters study weaknesses of the human body, and the rest is training, conditioning, and muscle memory, which means that unless the Fourth Division's Shikai all turn into surgical implements (a possibility!) or the average Fourth Division medic performs surgery with a katana (a slightly more hilarious possibility!), then surgery doesn't actually have all that much in common with fighting – sure, you're cutting people either way, and anatomy is a factor, but otherwise the two skills are opposites – one involves trying to avoid doing damage to a person lying perfectly still, the other is maximizing damage to a person that's moving around. I'm fairly certain that most top-class swordsmen don't have a medical background – which is also due to the time constraints required in learning either skill.

One thing you suggested that would have a far greater impact on Fourth Division's swordsmanship is having Unohana around – by all in-universe accounts (including those of the supplemental materials) Unohana is one of the greatest melee warriors in… well… the universe, and if the Fourth begins taking instruction directly from her then that can only help them out.

However, the connection between surgery and kendo may still exist in a more abstract form, depending on how off-the-wall the Fourth Division's medical techniques really are (Hanataro's zanpakuto heals people in its sealed state – if greater swordsmanship increased the effect, and if this type of ability is common, then _that_ could certainly boost the Fourth's melee skills). I know you were planning to tackle the Fourth Division's anxieties in a story of your own, and if you choose to explore this further then I look forward to seeing what you come up with. That said, I don't think I'm going to follow this line of reasoning in Doctor's Orders, although I thank you for putting the thought into it.


	16. Spy vs Spy, Part 2

Hi again!

Here's Chapter 16. It managed to be another eight-day chapter due to the fact that I rewrote each part of it at least once – I was totally dissatisfied with the first draft of it. I also didn't want to write a Spy vs. Spy Part 3, but it looks like I will anyway.

In response to comments: Thanks for the support. I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, RangerH, Substitute Deathberry, and Nathan J. Xaxson for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 16 – Spy vs. Spy Part 2: Talking it over**

_When pressed, a common defense mechanism is to stall for time by throwing up a meaningless barrage of wordplay, or else by navigating through a set of technicalities – a sort of verbal jamming known technically as Circumlocution, or more crudely as "spouting bull****." How effective it is varies wildly from one instance to another, but it almost always ends up being very irritating for whoever is on the receiving end of this strategy. In cases of success, it doesn't matter – the extra time spent talking provides the speaker with the solution he or she needs, but in cases of failure, it only makes everything worse._

_For instance, say a story begins each chapter with a comment on some aspect of society, history, or the nature of how things work, but runs out of ideas for such comments. If it employed this method for a single chapter, just to hide the hiccup in creativity, would the readers notice? They almost certainly would, making it a bad, bad idea._

_In very rare cases, two people or governments will attempt to do this to *each other.* When that happens, it generally leads to bad feelings, violence, or a very, very strange alliance._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Ground Zero Operations Zone - 11:23 a.m.**

As all hell broke loose, Mod-Isane's eyes snapped open. She wasn't sure why, but something in her had changed in that moment, and she was suddenly no longer content to simply accept a violent, meaningless demise.

The traps around the warehouse district were numerous, but they had been added in bits and pieces, and they had been set and armed at the last minute. Had they been synchronized properly, she could have gathered up all the resolve and skill in the world and still would have been reduced to a scorched, denatured Gikon. As it was, though, they went off haphazardly at ground zero, allowing for a person to find a way through the destruction, if said person had superhuman reflexes and moved like greased lightning.

Mod-Isane fit that description perfectly.

As the warehouse went up in a pillar of flame and shrapnel, Mod-Isane was already outside, rolling through and under two binding Kido spells set up there and using the mannequin to block flying debris. A quick examination of the surroundings revealed that she was hardly out of the woods yet – she was standing in a veritable minefield of Kido, bombs, and other such nastiness – and worst of all, a giant barrier had been erected around the area. Before she made her first move, though, she was forced to duck aside as a pair of throwing knives whistled by. She whirled to face the new threat and discovered that it was a pair of her agents. "Hold your fire!"

The two of them said nothing and drew their weapons. "Report!" She shouted at them. Neither of them acknowledged her before attacking.

A moment later, both were down. Mod-Isane noted with grim satisfaction that she'd taken down the traitors among her agents, and could now work on coordinating what was left, assuming she could leave the warehousing district intact.

That was when she heard the dull, echoing roar of Hollows – a _lot_ of Hollows. She glanced up to see them crawling their way into the mortal world by the score inside the barrier. She felt her eyebrow twitch a bit in pure aggravation. "Sure, why not?"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 11:24 a.m.**

Isane held on to the binding as hard as she could as Ishida's Sprenger attack raged against it – Cracks had spread through the pyramid and it would buckle at any moment. Time seemed to dilate – the Sprenger had only lasted a moment or two so far, but it seemed like hours.

Examining the onslaught, Isane was sure that the young Quincy had miscalculated – there was no way she would escape serious injury or death if she took that blast head-on. She tried to think of a famous or poetic saying that would serve as her last words, something that would properly represent her time as a Soul Reaper, but the only thing she could think of was _'Thank you sir, may I have another?'_

Then the Sprenger sputtered and died as the Tozansho ward disintegrated, sending only a brief flash of power over Isane. She fell to one knee at ground zero, blinking in disbelief. She'd only picked up some minor burns and scorch marks on her uniform – and Itegumo had even produced a second cloud, which she sent to join the first one that was swirling around the Quincy.

Ishida frowned and adjusted his glasses. "Damn. Not enough ambient spiritual power to sustain it."

Exhilaration warred with anger in Isane. _Do you still think he's not out to fight us, Itegumo?_

_I… may have been mistaken._

_Mistaken!_ _If we had been in the Soul Society he would have vaporized us!_

Isane stood and brushed herself off, and then swayed as a wave of dizziness, fatigue, and gnawing hunger hit her. _A sign of advanced spiritual energy depletion. Too much strain, too little time to recover from the other fight. I have to finish this soon._ The problem was that she was no longer sure that she could – the Quincy's last attack had indeed taken its toll when it had forced her into a badly-cast binding that was toward the limits of her abilities, and now it was more likely than not that she would simply pass out if she attempted a Kido barrage capable of disabling Ishida.

She had staggered her way into a combat stance when both of them felt the Mod-Soul's spiritual pressure, as well as that of several dozen Hollows. Even through her haze of fatigue, Isane could see that it bothered Ishida a lot.

Isane took her best shot. "That would be the 'better equipped' Mod-Soul. It feels like she's currently being ambushed by somewhere around sixty Hollows – but you don't have to take the word of a crazy woman! By all means, go check it out, Quincy. See if you still think I'd be holding her up."

* * *

Uryu had no need to go to the site of the ambush – he could sense what was happening well enough from where he was. "Damn it." He muttered. _This makes everything so much more complicated._

It seemed the Mod-Soul was doing no better than the Lieutenant, and in fact had the added penalties of having lied to him as well as being potentially crazy. He also noted that Kotetsu had passed up a chance to blow his head off earlier, when he had been trapped by Rikujokoro – she could have taken the opportunity to perform a fast and hard destructive spell, but instead had tried to pull off some wildly complicated binding to put him down without killing him and was now paying for it – she would almost certainly be unable to continue fighting at his level.

Granted, he'd given up a couple of chances to kill her himself, and he wondered who would have won the fight if she had decided to escalate to potentially lethal techniques first.

Ideally, she and the Mod-Soul would resolve their differences, finish their job, and get out of his life, but it didn't look like that would be happening any time soon – which left him needing to do whatever he could to help out the better agent. Unfortunately, Lieutenant Kotetsu was a Soul Reaper and the Mod-Soul was not, which pretty much picked his team for him. _Unless I can find some reason that Kotetsu wouldn't count as a Reaper._

To stall for time, he lowered Genrei Kojaku – he could raise and fire in an eye blink, and could change the direction of arrows mid-flight, but he had learned that people tended to exclude that from their reasoning. As a result, it put others in a better frame of mind when his weapon wasn't pointed at them no matter how little difference it actually made. "I suppose that you _are_ the better candidate, then, especially if you're able to keep up with me even though you're under a limiter." He was pretty sure that she'd released before fighting him, but he kept that to himself.

Kotetsu swayed on her feet again and smiled weakly. "Does it change anything if I'm not under a limiter?"

Still stalling, Uryu pretended to consider it. "I'm not sure. When did you release?"

What she said next gave him his loophole – it was a major stretch, but he would make it work for the pure joy of raising his father's blood pressure.

* * *

Isane lowered Itegumo slightly. Since she was unlikely to catch Uryu at melee range, it didn't really matter how good her stance was. "Actually, I never had a limiter. I was sent through without one."

Ishida's gaze snapped to her. "What?"

Isane nodded. "It's true."

The young Quincy considered again. "All Soul Reaper officers passing into the world of the living, for any purpose, receive a limiter tattoo, correct?"

"Not quite _any_ purpose, but-"

"Then it stands to reason that you are *not* here on official Soul Reaper business."

Isane lowered Itegumo the rest of the way, as Ishida let his bow dematerialize. "It's not really a _mainstream_ mission-"

Ishida pushed his glasses up, looking more confident and occasinally nodding to himself. "Did your captain order you here?"

"No, but-"

"Are you here on leave?"

"Ah, no... Listen, I don't-"

Ishida was relentless. "What about your government, did they send you here?"

"The Central Forty-Six? They're kind of… uh…"

"So really, you're not supposed to be here."

Isane scowled. "That's open to debate. It doesn't change –"

Ishida actually grinned, as though proud of himself for some reason. "And naturally, then, you're here without the permission of any of your superiors!"

Isane finally managed to butt in. "No! No to your question, not no concerning… gah! I have a signed set of orders from Head Captain Yamamoto! That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

The Quincy crossed his arms. "And where are these orders?"

"The Mod-Soul has them! They're in the Gigai's back pocket."

"Right. The Mod-Soul has them as the Soul Society's official agent for this mission. Defective, but official." Uryu pointed at Isane in triumph. "You, meanwhile, have no business being here and have abandoned your post in the Seireitei in order to carry out unknown plans in the living world. By my understanding of the Soul Society's laws, that makes you a traitor."

Isane's eyes widened. "Now wait just a minute! You-"

"And if you're a traitor, then you aren't really a Soul Reaper, are you? And since you're not a Soul Reaper-"

"Those orders are addressed to 'Isane Kotet-"

Uryu talked over her. "_And since you're not a Soul Reaper,_ I can freely associate and share information with you, such as the fact that I'm not allowed to associate and/or share information with Soul Reapers."

Isane gave up and began to shout over him before his words registered. "I AM NOT A… wait, what?" She stopped, confused.

"It isn't that complicated. My father offered to restore my Quincy abilities after I returned to this world, but only if I would swear to 'never associate with a Soul Reaper again.' Fortunately, you're not one, so I can freely choose to help you out in tracking down the berserk Mod-Soul and purging the city of Arrancar, within limits."

Isane's head swam with a bit more than fatigue. "So I'm not a Soul Reaper because I don't have a tattoo. That… that's really how you think? That whole line of reasoning was so…"

Uryu somehow managed to keep a straight face. "What? It seems perfectly sensible to me."

Isane shook her head as though trying to clear it. "That isn't sensible, that's insane Rangiku-logic."

Both of them froze as they felt Ichigo's riotous, heavy spiritual pressure again. "Call it whatever you want, Lieutenant, but I have to go."

"Why?"

Uryu adjusted his glasses. "Because Ichigo Kurosaki is a Soul Reaper, of course." With that, he made use of Hirenkyaku again and disappeared.

Dignity alone allowed Isane to close her hanging jaw and re-seal Itegumo before Kurosaki arrived, Rukia hot on his trail. "What happened? We felt you start fighting."

"I've convinced – well, no, that isn't quite right." Isane swayed gently on her feet as she sheathed her zanpakuto. Blackness began creeping in around her vision, but she fought it off while cursing herself mentally for keeping her Shikai released during the talk with Ishida. "Your Quincy friend has convinced _himself_ that he doesn't need to fight me anymore." She lost her balance and was caught by Ichigo and Rukia. They began carrying her somewhere, but Isane couldn't tell where – her vision was swimming and her head didn't feel properly attached.

Ichigo continued asking questions, though. "So why did he leave?"

"Because you're Soul Reapers."

Rukia frowned. "What? What does that make you?"

Isane gave them both a tired stare and giggled morosely as she tried to stay awake. "Oh, I don't even know anymore. Did you know it's treason to not have a tattoo?"

Rukia looked strained. "Is… is that so?"

Isane went on. "Anyway, I think it's all cleared up now. All better, except for the Mod-Soul and the Arrancar and Aizen, of course. I don't think twelve hundred arrows is going to fix that."

Ichigo looked straight at Rukia. "She's not making any sense. Is she hurt?"

Rukia shook her head. "Not bad, but the spiritual pressure she's giving off is at critically low levels, and I'm pretty sure that she's not hiding anything. She must have massively overdrawn in her last fight." She looked at the lieutenant, trying to get Isane's eyes to focus on her. "Lieutenant, listen to me. You're too badly out of it. You don't need to stay awake any more, alright? Try to rest."

Isane shook her head tiredly. "No, I need to stay awake. I mean, who're you going to call when the doctor's out?" A moment later, despite her awkward position, she was unconscious.

Ichigo sighed. "Mr. Urahara's place or mine?"

She considered. "Your place, for now. Since her body isn't that badly hurt, she may recover quickly on her own if she's allowed to rest."

"Alright."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Ground Zero Perimeter - 11:27 a.m.**

A few minutes after the trap had been sprung, Mod-Isane's sense of satisfaction had mostly faded – _all_ of the agents she'd run into so far had attacked her, and in between the traps and the Hollows, it was really grinding her last nerve.

Fortunately, she had finally fought her way over to the edge of the barrier, and now examined the two agents guarding it. Mod Isane grimaced as she noted that the Kido Barrier extended all the way to the ground, making a perfect dome – since she had no Kido abilities herself, that meant she would need to somehow convince at least one of the Stealth Forces agents to make an opening for her.

So she decided to try the direct approach. She walked out into the open in front of them. The two of them drew their weapons, and she held out a hand in a halting gesture. "No. Just stop. Eighteen agents just like you two have attacked me in the last few minutes. You're not going to do any better than they did."

The two agents looked at each other. "What do you expect us to do, then? We're under orders."

Mod-Isane walked up to them calmly. "Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm under orders too."

One of the agents tilted his head quizzically. "Ah… Sixth Seat Sugimoto said that you had gone rogue…"

"Preposterous! I'm a Mod-Soul. I literally _can't_ disobey orders like that."

The agent's eyes narrowed – the only change in expression visible through the ninja-mask. "Why should we trust you?"

The other one looked at the first and tapped his arm. "No, wait, I don't think Mod-Souls can lie either."

"What? Where did you hear that?"

The second agent threw up his hands. "I don't know, around! If you don't believe me, there's a Mod-Soul right there. Ask her!"

"Fine." The first looked squarely at Mod-Isane. "Can Mod-Souls lie?"

She froze for a full five seconds. "You're mocking me, aren't you?"

The two agents cracked up laughing. "Oh man, that routine never gets old," the first one gasped out.

Mod-Isane snarled and attacked. She'd been keeping track of her average fight duration in the mortal world – 1.331 seconds – so she was surprised when her attack was blocked. She frowned.

The expression on the agent's face was unreadable due to the mask and cowl, but his voice came across confidently. "No, we don't have super-speed. We've been briefed on your capabilities. One of the reasons that all of us came out here is because we knew that sooner or later, you'd hit your limits."

Mod-Isane managed to remain expressionless, but grimaced inwardly. She was well aware that she had three chief weaknesses – her lack of Kido capability and her lack of a zanpakuto were the first two, and both were offset by her impressive speed and martial ability. Her third, however, was a lack of spiritual energy – in terms of pure spiritual power, she only hovered around the level of a fifth seat. She was fully trained in its use by her very nature, so she could use that power with maximum efficiency, and her Mod-Soul nature gave her great advantages physically over a Soul Reaper, but while she could simulate captain-level abilities and skill for a short while, she couldn't keep it up for long, and she'd been fighting for a good twenty minutes now. Worse still, it took her much longer to 'recharge' than the equivalent Soul Reaper – something that Soifon's Gigai could have helped with, but not the one she'd been forced to use. This, more than anything, was the reason why Mod-Isane was the _backup_ for the mission.

Which meant that she was slowing down, getting weaker. She could push a little more, though, because she had one last trick that neither of these agents would see coming. She looked carefully at them both, and stuck her right arm out to her side.

"Shunko."

With the exception of Kido casting, her design had given her Captain Soifon's abilities. _All_ of Captain Soifon's abilities.

Neither the agents nor the barrier stood a chance.

Once outside, Mod-Isane bolted into her flash-step equivalent. She would need to find a way to rest, and then she would need to take out Genjo and disable his cronies. _Then_ she would have to start from square one looking for the remaining Arrancar, all the while watching out for the real Lieutenant Kotetsu, and her only assistance was the dubious help of a fifteen-year-old Quincy. _What a mess_.

* * *

**10th Division, Captain's Office - 1:04 p.m.**

Mitsu walked into Captain Hitsugaya's office and stood before his desk. The tiny captain finished signing whatever he was working on and looked up at her. "Ah, there you are. What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

She took a deep breath. "Several days ago, Captain Soifon received a large shipment of Hyorinmaru's ice. We want to know why."

Hitsugaya blinked. "Are you friends with Lieutenant Ise, by any chance?"

_Wow, he put that together faster than I thought._ Mitsu forcibly reminded herself that Hitsugaya was Rangiku Matsumoto's polar opposite – by all accounts, he was a genius, and she'd have to be careful when talking to him.

No good options for lies presented themselves, so she decided to stick to the truth. "Not a friend, exactly, but we did ask her to come in here and talk to you about it. Then you ordered her into silence."

"Then you already know that I don't want to talk about this."

"Captain…" she steeled her resolve and got ready to drop her bombshell on him. "…this is an official investigation concerning officer misconduct. If you refuse to talk to us, then sterner measures will be taken."

He raised an eyebrow. "Over ice?"

"Over ice." She sighed. "We have been going freaking _nuts_ over this silly errand for so long that I think my team's sanity is cracking. What's so important about it that you can't talk about this with us?"

"I don't have to explain this to you." Hitsugaya _almost_ snarled. "If I say that it isn't something you need to know, then take my word for it. And don't go using terms like 'official investigation' unless you're actually on one – lest you forget, a huge fraction of the paperwork in the Seireitei crosses my desk now. Chances are pretty good that I'd hear about any such legal action before anyone else."

"This is ludicrous!" Mitsu half-shouted, forgetting for a moment that she was talking to a captain. "Crazy! No wonder Matsumoto drinks so much!"

"You've been bugging me for the past several days." Hitsugaya said, his voice dangerously low. "You know my stance on this, but you're still here. What do you _want?_"

"I want the truth!"

"_YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"_ Hitsugaya roared, slamming his hand down on the desk and shooting up out of his chair. He took a moment to calm down. "You really want to know?"

"Yes! Yes I do!"

"Then have a seat, Fourth Seat Kawachi, and I'll settle this for you once and for all…"

**Twenty Minutes Later…**

"…and so that's when I set her to the world of the living." Hitsugaya finished. "Does that bring you up to speed?"

Mitsu groaned in horror. _He was right. I really didn't want to know._

She looked at him blearily. "So… my unit has been camping on rooftops, pissing off Captains, and getting thrown through windows because Matsumoto did your mail while hung over last Wednesday."

Hitsugaya nodded. "Was it everything you hoped it would be?" He asked, a trace of sarcasm creeping into his voice.

Mitsu leaned forward. "I don't get it. Why would this need to be a secret? I mean, it's embarrassing, yes, but…"

Hitsugaya leaned forward too. "Think for a moment. The _ice_ went to your captain, the confirmation orders went to Lieutenant Kotetsu – she's currently on a _Stealth Forces_ mission."

Mitsu withdrew, realization dawning. "Sweet skies… but that means…"

"That's right. Captain Soifon's mission was disrupted, and Kotetsu is in way over her head. I'll end up with a reprimand – which I can live with, Kotetsu may get killed and Rangiku will end up demoted or worse, which I _can't_ live with, and Soifon will likely want your head for not figuring this out sooner – unless I can find a way to satisfy her and finish her mission at the same time."

Mitsu hesitated. "Pardon me for asking, but why do you even care what happens to Matsumoto? According to all of our information, she's just a source of problems for you."

Hitsugaya looked strange for a moment. "That… isn't really any of your business."

"It kind of is. She's a huge detriment to the Gotei Thirteen!"

"No!" The tiny captain said sharply. "You want to know why I keep her as my lieutenant? It's because she's the opposite of a detriment. By my reckoning, she's the best lieutenant we have!"

Mitsu blinked, stunned. "You can't be serious. She has the biggest chest, I guess, but…"

"That isn't even a factor." Hitsugaya sighed. "She's obnoxious, lazy, selfish, greedy, and a borderline alcoholic. She isn't the best fighter or administrator among the lieutenants, she lives like a pig, and she isn't all that bright, either. She's also monumentally embarrassing to have around in a variety of situations."

"But…?"

The captain turned his blue-green gaze on her. "But she has something that makes her more valuable to me than any number of lean, mean, hyper-professional, Hollow-killing machines. Loyalty. A fierce, vibrant loyalty to her friends and to me. When everything went wrong during Aizen's rebellion, and everyone started trying to kill everyone else, she stuck by my side. She stayed at my side even when it looked like the Gotei Thirteen itself was falling apart. And I assure you, Matsumoto in a crisis does not resemble Matsumoto at a desk job in the slightest – she follows orders, fights courageously, and I can trust her enough to turn my back to her without wondering if she'd take the opportunity to shove a blade in it." He closed his eyes. "There's more to the story as well, but that truly isn't your business. And if you repeat any of this to anyone I'll just deny it."

Mitsu leaned away from the tiny captain. "Alright then, sir. Um… you're right that this is a big problem. I admire you wanting to keep it from turning into a huge, officer-destroying scandal."

Hitsugaya rolled his eyes, unaware of how childlike the gesture looked on him. "So glad you approve."

"Sir… Unit Four would like to help you with this. You're right that Captain Soifon will nail my unit to the wall for this mess if it blows up completely. Knowing what I do now, I'm willing to go looking for anything you need."

"Are you now?" Hitsugaya didn't look amused. "By your statement, it took you five days to figure out where a shipment of ice went wrong. What exactly can you do for me?"

"We can get you all sorts of information, gear, rumors, access to Captain Kurotsuchi's databases..."

Hitsugaya interrupted. "I'm sorry?" Kurotsuchi didn't let _anyone_ into his systems.

"Captain Kurotsuchi. We have a substantial file on his illegal activities. Blackmailing him into a few minutes with some of his auxiliary data shouldn't be too hard."

The tiny captain began to look pensive. "What would I do with that, though?"

"I'm not sure. What was your plan for saving lieutenant Matsumoto?"

He looked at her squarely. "You're serious about helping me out, here?"

"Very, sir. Captain Soifon is… well, she's not a very forgiving person. I'd like to avoid ticking her off."

"Then we'll have to work fast. In fact, I've wondered why she hasn't already started poking around, wondering why her confirmation orders haven't come yet."

Mitsu grinned. "Well, I know the answer to that one, sir. She has a new hobby…"

* * *

**4th Division, Mental Disorder Recovery Ward**

Aizen's agent in the Seireitei – you know the one – leaned back on his bed and sighed with relief. The voices were _finally _subsiding. Soon this madness would end.

The door to his room opened. A cheerfully smiling nurse stood outside. "Excuse me sir, but you have a visitor." A Stealth Forces operative stepped into the room. The agent tensed for a moment, but then relaxed. It wasn't _her, _and couldn't be – Unohana had forbidden any further interrogation_._ The door closed as the nurse waved goodbye. The visitor turned to it and locked it, then reached up and undid the black head wrappings that were ubiquitous around the Stealth Forces.

A pair of braids ending in silver rings fell out.

_No…_

The visitor turned around.

_No no no…_

Soifon grinned her creepy grin again. In her hell butterfly voice, she said, "Hello! Remember me?"

He pointed at her while scooting against the wall. "This isn't… Captain Unohana… you can't… you can't possibly be here!"

She sat by his bed. "And yet here I am. I guess it's a small world after all, am I right?"

He twitched and started screaming.

Soifon shook her head. "That won't help either of us. It's hard to talk over you when you do that, and all of these rooms were soundproofed at Captain Unohana's order some time ago – although not for this reason, I'd imagine."

He stopped. "What do you want from me?" He wailed.

"I want the _full_ story of your time with dear Captain Aizen. Followed by every last little detail of what he told you, what he gave you to work with, where you last saw him and whose company he was in when you did." She unsheathed Suzumebachi. "And if you hold anything back, I promise you that it really will be a world of tears…"

* * *

**10th Division, Captain's Office**

"…so she'll probably be occupied for at least a day or two." Mitsu finished.

"Alright then." Hitsugaya stood up and went to his main filing cabinet. He opened it to find a small collection of alcoholic beverages. "Dammit, Rangiku…" He muttered, slamming it shut. He went through some of his other drawers and storage, looking for something. "Get the rest of your team in here."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Household - 1:14 p.m.**

Ichigo ended up dumping Isane on his bed. "So now what?"

"Now we wait, unless you want to try your hand at healing Kido."

He looked at her quizzically. "Aren't you going to do anything about it?"

She shook her head. "Healing spiritual power drain is like lifting an engine block. Simple, but difficult. I could restore her, but it would put me in her state in the best case scenario – and would do permanent damage to both of us if things go badly. She *should* recover on her own."

Ichigo snapped his fingers. "What if we put her in a Gigai? Like when you had your power drained?"

"That's a great idea, Ichigo!" Rukia said with forced cheer. "Except that the only Gigai that she'll fit in that we know of is currently being driven around by a nutty Mod-Soul."

"You don't have to be that sarcastic," Ichigo shot back sourly. "So we're waiting?"

Rukia smiled humorlessly. "Well, we could always talk to the nearest Fourth Division officer."

The two of them gave the lieutenant one last look, and settled in to wait.

* * *

**Seireitei, Unknown Location - 7:30 p.m.**

Unohana sat down at the table with Ukitake and Kyoraku, just in time to order her drink. _The three of us again. It's been far too long._

Kyoraku raised his mug. Ukitake looked at him oddly. "It's just us, Shunsui. You don't have to offer a toast."

"Of course I do. What should we toast to?"

Unohana raised her glass. "To one day finding a cure for Shunsui's Colorblindness." Ukitake nodded solemnly and raised his mug, while Kyoraku just looked confused. "What? I'm not colorblind."

"Not you. The condition is _called_ 'Shunsui's Colorblindness.' It's the term we use to describe retinal damage suffered by someone who stares at your kimono for too long."

"Seriously, how long are you planning to let your division suffer?" Ukitake asked.

"This kimono is a classic!"

Unohana tipped her glass at him like a weapon. "The kimono is _old._ For it to be a classic, someone other than you would have to have liked it at some point."

Ukitake grinned. "It's true. We looked up the definition and everything."

Kyoraku feigned hurt feelings. "Look, do you have any idea how hard it was to find a piece of clothing that clashes with _absolutely everything?_ Once I found the ugliest kimono on Earth, I had to wear it. What else was I supposed to do with it?"

"Bury it." Unohana offered.

"Burn it." Ukitake added.

"Feed it to a Hollow."

"Tell Captain Kuchiki that it insulted his family's honor."

"Use it for Hado Ninety demonstrations."

"Let the Kido Corps teleport it into the sun."

Kyoraku looked back and forth between the other two. A several hundred year friendship allowed the three of them to play off one another often – or for two of them to follow a line of thought in an argument with the third. "No fair ganging up on me!"

Unohana smiled sweetly. "All's fair in love and fashion disasters, Shunsui."

Kyoraku tipped his hat gallantly. "That's not how I heard it, but since you're buying, we'll go with that…"

* * *

**Chapter End**

Note: As I said before, each part was written at least once – one part was too out of character, another was too awkward-sounding, and one was too _stupid_. Even now there are still some things that I'm not satisfied with, but I'm convinced that it did what I needed it to in terms of the story.

Next time should give us some significant progress with each plot and subplot, so it will be a pretty important one.

As always, comments, criticisms, and questions are welcome. Please Review!

Response to stormcrowley concerning 4th Division fighters: That makes a lot more sense, and I'm looking forward to seeing your solution in story-form! It probably won't be how I resolve the 4th Division subplot here, though. :D


	17. Spy vs Spy, Part 3

Hi again!

Here's Chapter 17.

So, funny story: I was hoping to finish this chapter soon after I posted the last one, and tried to get it finished before I had to go on a rather long trip that took me away from the internet and, more importantly, my computer. I didn't, obviously, and when I got back this chapter just kept growing. On top of that, it's a rather plot-heavy chapter, so I wanted to make sure that I got everything just right.

You'll note that this chapter is the size of two _big_ chapters, or three or four small ones. While I could have divided it up, you'll remember that I didn't want to make a Spy vs. Spy part 3 – and I really, _really_ didn't want to make a Spy vs. Spy part 4 or 5. The result is this beast.

In response to comments: What is Rangiku up to? Funny you should ask...

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, RangerH, Substitute Deathberry, Nathan J Xaxson, Superforeigner, Silverwriter582, and firelarc for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 17 – Spy vs. Spy Part 3: Fighting Dirty**

_The idea of mortal combat having certain rules is an old one, and with some exceptions it has been mostly abandoned in the modern era. The concept of honorable combat meant different things to different people and cultures – in some cases combat wasn't 'honorable' unless you gave your opponent the maximum chance to win! What part of that wasn't eliminated in the 1800's was probably finished off by the Cold War. Really, it's hard to claim a moral high ground when your weapon of choice is nuclear warheads._

_On a more personal level, most martial arts masters today agree that there is no such thing as dishonorable combat. Many of the great masters said, for instance, that attacking the eyes, groin, etc. was a great way to win a fight, and that rules preventing such things only belong in tournaments. While it may not make you very popular, the one who fights dirty will win more often than the one who doesn't._

_And as the saying goes, all's fair in love and war._

* * *

**Seireitei, Unknown Location - 9:25 p.m.**

The three senior captains spent the better part of two hours catching up with each other. They discussed squad business, rumors, funny anecdotes, and more. It was like therapy for Unohana – so many Soul Reapers treated her with aloof respect that just being able to talk with her friends for a little while was like a breath of fresh air after being underwater for months.

Finally, though, she realized that she would have to steer the conversation toward what she needed to talk to them about. Unohana leaned back in her seat and looked across the table at her two companions. "Well, I suppose I should tell you why I asked you to come."

Ukitake nodded. "We'd have come without a reason, you know."

Kyoraku took another sip. "I'll go anywhere for free drinks!" At Ukitake's glare, he added. "Yeah, what he said."

Unohana nodded. "Lately, I've been having a series of… very vivid dreams. And not just any dreams – every one of them is from one of my past experiences, and I remember them clearly when I wake up."

The two other senior captains exchanged a glance. In general, a Reaper at their level experiencing vivid night-time visions was either a sign of encroaching insanity or something fairly important. Ukitake broke the silence first. "What experiences do you dream about?"

"Battles." Unohana said quietly. "Each of them was either a fight, or quickly became one. The first was our trip on board the _Catherine St. John._"

Kyoraku grinned. "Heh, I'd forgotten about that one."

"The next was Gangzhou Harbor…"

Both captains nodded at that, looking unsurprised. Gangzhou harbor had gone down in the history books as one of the Soul Society's greatest battles. Five captains had faced a veritable army of Hollows – many of them Adjuchas-class – and had stopped them cold. Not a single one had descended below an altitude of 100 meters to prey on the humans or plusses below. In addition, a statistical decline in Hollow attacks had marked the next twenty years, simply from the number of purifications that took place. Ginrei Kuchiki's, Unohana's, and Ukitake's after-action reports were now required reading at the academy in a short class referred to informally as 'Badass 101' by the students.

"That was a great day." Kyoraku sighed with satisfaction. "We even saved the boats."

Unohana took the obvious verbal jab. "If only we could have instilled that same protective nature in our _lieutenants, _hmm?"

All three of them winced as they remembered The Incident…

* * *

**Havana (Cuba), Harbor - 1898 A.D.**

Hiyori grinned. This Hollow was quick, but she had it now. "Hado Thirty-One! Shakkaho!" From somewhere behind her, she heard Lisa Yadomaru shout out, "No! Hiyori, the ship!"

It was too late, however, and the red blast slammed fully into the side of the vessel, taking the Hollow out – but also setting off a massive internal explosion. The two lieutenants watched the ship sink. It sank _quickly_.

"Freaking brilliant, Hiyori." Lisa growled.

"Shut up, it was an accident. It's the humans' fault for making their boat so explodey, anyway."

"No, really. This is _fantastic._ Captain Kyoraku is going to have my ass for this."

"You're totally overreacting!" Hiyori exclaimed, stamping her foot for emphasis. She was stamping on thin air, so the effect was largely wasted, but it seemed to satisfy her. "It's just one friggin' ship! They have _hundreds_ of them!"

Lisa considered that for a moment. "True. Lots of ships are mysteriously lost every year."

"Yeah, chances are that no one will even care." Hiyori turned and opened the Senkaimon gate as the last traces of the _U.S.S. Maine_ slipped under the surface of Havana's harbor.

* * *

**The Present...**

Kyoraku groaned. "A couple of those sailors are actually in my division. Boy was _that_ an awkward conversation."

"No doubt." Unohana sipped at her drink. "The last one was Antioch."

"Hah! I remember that." Ukitake stood and raised his mug in a proper toast. "To Izumi!"

"Izumi." The other two murmured and raised their drinks as well. The first Kenpachi had gone out in battle _spectacularly_ with a Hollow that was not precisely _confirmed_ as above Adjuchas-class, but certainly seemed like it. Most scholars agreed that it probably had indeed been a Vasto Lorde, and its power had been great enough that Tsunio Izumi had given his life to purify it.

Kyoraku chuckled and took long drink himself. "First in a long line of _crazy bastards_."

"May Zaraki live up to the name in the battles to come." Ukitake added.

Unohana gave him a curious look. "Is the jury still out on Lieutenant Kusajishi?"

Ukitake nodded. A love of battle was the only real similarity between the first Kenpachi and the current one – Izumi had preferred a disciplined fighting style and planning to frenzied, spur-of-the-moment violence, and typically fought for some kind of cause – although Unohana had proved at Antioch that he could be provoked rather easily. He had also achieved both Shikai and Bankai without undue difficulty.

The _second_ Kenpachi, however, had been a short, young, friendly, cheerful, _bloodthirsty_ girl – with pink hair. The senior captains were watching Yachiru closely, but the Lieutenant's stalwart refusal to _grow up_ physically or emotionally made further analysis difficult.

Kyoraku considered. "So… this is what you wanted our advice on? The dreams?"

"Yes… well, no. Not just that. The dreams wouldn't bother me so much if they hadn't started at about the same time that my division started having problems."

Both of the other captains looked like this was news to them. "Your division is having problems?"

Unohana quickly told them about the Fourth Division's recent attitude dive, as well as what she had heard from Iemura and the officer's meeting, and concluded with the extra training and how that had worked out so far. When she was finished, Ukitake looked concerned, and Kyoraku looked thoughtful.

Both of them began talking at the same time, then stopped. After a moment of what may as well have been telepathy, Kyoraku spoke. "Well, I dunno about the dreams, but your division's morale issue makes a certain amount of sense. I'm not sure what to do about it, though. Maybe we could have Squad Four appreciation day?"

Unohana shook her head. "We'd actually have to be on-call during any such event, in case of emergency."

Ukitake leaned back and coughed lightly. "I think the dreams are connected to your mindset and thoughts on recent events. Maybe you've become unconsciously or subconsciously convinced that it's time for you to fight."

Unohana frowned. "Perhaps. But that doesn't sound right. Why would they start now? Why not immediately after Aizen's departure, or even before it?" She took another sip from her glass. "Maybe there's no real reason behind them at all." Even as she said it, though, she knew that it was a lie. The only other time in her life that something like this had happened had been right before she had joined the Gotei Thirteen, just over a thousand years before.

Kyoraku finished his drink. "Well, let's focus on your division, then."

Ukitake nodded. "Right. We can approach that logically. You said that their 'battle reflexes' are pretty bad, and you're concerned that trying to fix that will make them less effective medically. That's fine, but the solution would be to start their training one level up."

Unohana raised an eyebrow. She hadn't taught tactical or fighting classes in centuries, which was why she was glad she had two friends with nearly two _millennia_ of combat experience between them to call on. "One level up from what?"

"Well, you know my philosophy on the motives behind combat – fighting for honor or fighting for others. Tactically, however, there isn't –" He broke off in a coughing fit.

"I think what he was going to say," Kyoraku continued for him, "Is that no matter what you're fighting for, you still have to _fight_. And to do that, you have to know what you're doing. The first thing a warrior does is evaluate. It may only be for a moment – maybe just for a fraction of a second – but you have to decide what you're going to do, how you're going to handle your opponent, and what you're going to use to do it. You've felt it yourself – Kido or swordsmanship? Do you release to Shikai right away to finish the fight quickly or test your opponent first? Do you taunt your enemy or keep quiet? Do you boast about your power for the psychological edge or try to keep your opponent guessing about your true abilities? After that, everything comes down to training and firepower." He looked at Unohana squarely. "You know all of that, of course, but do your 'students' know it? I kinda doubt it."

"Which means…" Ukitake said hoarsely, finally recovering. "…that the process of making those decisions is where your division needs training the most. The problem isn't that they _can't_ fight – it's that they're far too hesitant to make all of those calls when they need to. They would rather not think at all and default to what they're used to, and as long as that's the case they're going to lose – every time."

Kyoraku held up a finger. "Add to that the fact that they're probably not all that motivated." Unohana frowned and started to object, but Kyoraku cut her off. "I'm serious. I'm sure your division wants a change, but I doubt any of them think that it's possible. This 'slump' that they're in has momentum on its side, and that's going to be hard to fix."

"But," Ukitake interjected, "not impossible. When is your next training session?"

Unohana finally smiled. "In about half an hour."

Ukitake rocked back. "And you're sitting here drinking? Are you sure that's wise?"

She looked at him squarely. "Jushiro, if you'd been at the first practice, you wouldn't be asking that question."

"That bad?"

"Indeed."

"Well," the white-haired captain said, getting up slowly, "I think I know one way to motivate your Division. Perhaps we should take them back to the basics…"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Household - 9:33 p.m.**

Isshin Kurosaki opened the door to Ichigo's room. It had taken several hours, but a Hollow big enough to draw off Rukia _and_ Ichigo had finally shown up, and they had left the lieutenant alone in his house. He stepped over Ichigo's unmoving body, sat down by the bed, and began talking to the unconscious officer. He knew that she couldn't hear him, but it was good for his mental health to drop the 'goofy, weirdo dad' act for a moment. He was – and would _always_ be – Ichigo's, Karin's, and Yuzu's father, but there was a side of him that he kept hidden except in moments like this one.

_Like when I killed Grand Fisher._ In that instant, not so long ago, he had realized that most of the platitudes were wrong – he'd found that particular act of revenge _extremely_ fulfilling, from an emotional and spiritual standpoint. He would never forget the mental image of the big Hollow disintegrating – and he had no desire to.

"Spiritual power drain, huh? That one's no fun, take it from me…" He looked at the arm band. He didn't know her name, but he recognized the bellflower and the number. "Fourth division? This doesn't seem like your kind of clinic. That's tough – no one to call on when _you_ need help, right? Well, there's always your captain, but it's pretty hard to get Retsu Unohana out of her hospital. Even Yamamoto had a tough time with that."

He stood and examined her quickly – he _was_ a doctor, after all. "Hah! So your body's in pretty good shape. Good, that makes this easier…"

Isshin held one hand over her, and a greenish glow surrounded it. "This was never my forte, you understand, but it's not all that complicated, so this should work out." After a few minutes of silence, Isane's breathing and pulse had evened out, and she looked better in a general sense as well. "That should do it. Ichigo's a good, strong kid, but he's fifteen and you're, what, two hundred? Take care of my boy, lieutenant, and good hunting."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Household - 10:01 p.m.**

Isane woke up to the sound of a woman's voice.

"…_and experts are still examining the site of an explosive gas leak found in Karakura Town's southeast warehousing district. Authorities have yet to comment, but as you can see the damage is extensive…"_

She felt surprisingly good – fully refreshed, if a bit hungry. As she looked around, her movement managed to catch Rukia's attention.

"Ichigo, she's awake!" Rukia got up from where she'd been lying on the floor, hovering over a magazine, and hurried over. "How are you feeling?"

Isane sat up and looked around – Ichigo was at his desk, watching a news report that he'd somehow managed to pull up on his computer – probably through the use of this mysterious "internet" that the younger Soul Reapers kept telling her about. Soifon's Gigai was propped up in the corner. "I feel fine. It's strange, I could swear that I felt healing Kido at some point. Was that you?"

Ichigo and Rukia looked at each other. "No. And no one else has been through here either. I think you must have dreamed that."

"If you say so." Isane stretched and got up. Ichigo's wall clock told her that it was just after ten at night, but which night? "How long was I out?"

"A few hours." Rukia responded.

That seemed a little odd to Isane. _I was nearly completely drained. I shouldn't have been able to recover that quickly on my own._ She decided to leave the mystery for another time, though, and walked over to Soifon's Gigai. Ichigo and Rukia quickly joined her.

It had been dressed in mortal clothing – a black shirt and pants, with athletic shoes and hand wraps. It all seemed very sporty, but the severe expression on the Gigai's face and Soifon's signature hair – along with the all-black theme – ruined any fun the outfit might have projected.

"She looks like a demonic gym instructor." Ichigo said. "The P.E. teacher from Hell."

Rukia glared. "You shouldn't talk that way about a captain, Ichigo. It's disrespectful."

"Yeah, fine." Ichigo looked at Isane. "Are we doing this now?"

Isane picked the Gigai up by the arms. "I'm feeling extremely well, and the Mod-Soul should still be recovering from…" She nodded at Ichigo's screen, which was still showing scenes of destruction, "…_that_, if that's what I think it is. We should probably go ahead and do it, unless either of you can think of a reason not to." She held the Gigai out to Rukia, who took it from her with some difficulty. "Hop in."

Rukia froze. "Hop in?"

"Of course." Isane scratched her head in a way that was far too reminiscent of Mr. Urahara for Rukia's liking. "We went over the plan this morning."

"You said I'd be _controlling_ Captain Soifon's Gigai. You didn't say I'd be _in_ it!"

Isane raised an eyebrow. "How else were you going to control it?"

Rukia eyed the Gigai with trepidation. "Remotely? I don't know… I just… this is _weird._ And why do _I_ have to do it?"

"Because you're the only one here close to Soifon's size."

"Isn't it a felony to impersonate a captain?"

"I don't think so. Misdemeanor, at best. Some of the captains think it's funny."

"Is it wise to leave Chappy unattended for so long?"

Ichigo finished fiddling with something and walked over. "I can handle that." He suddenly grabbed Rukia by the forehead and yanked, pulling her out of her Gigai. She sat on the ground, blinking in surprise, while Ichigo peeled off her red skull-glove. "I've _always_ wanted to do that."

Rukia got up while glaring at him. "I'll get you for this."

"Worth it."

Isane massaged her temples, trying to stave off a headache. "Can we get on with it now?" She hated to sound petulant, but they couldn't afford too much more delay.

Rukia picked up the Gigai again, and apparently steeled her resolve. Isane conceded that there _was_ a certain worry factor – it was _theoretically_ possible to use a Gigai that wasn't specifically made for you, but it was rarely practiced. "Right." Rukia took a deep breath and climbed into the Gigai.

* * *

Rukia felt very odd. The closest sensation she'd ever had to this before had been when she'd been trapped in the mortal world in Urahara's cooked Gigai – the one that had kept wearing out. It didn't seem to fit correctly – which was only natural, she supposed – and responded sluggishly when she wanted to move. She got up _very_ slowly and opened her eyes.

And then shrieked.

Both Ichigo and Isane jumped, but she couldn't help it. Images and text flooded her vision. Crosshairs settled over Ichigo's face and started blinking, and the bottom-right corner of her vision was occupied by some kind of map. She felt something alien shift in her arms and shoulders, and the whole experience took her off balance, causing her to stagger backwards and trip over Ichigo's desk chair. She tried to catch herself, but was unable to properly twist or move the way she wanted to, and ended up going down. She was forced to shut her eyes again to turn off the extra senses and information.

She heard Lieutenant Kotetsu and Ichigo talking about… something, but couldn't really make out the words. She finally cracked one eye and stared up into Ichigo's face. Slowly, carefully, she figured out that the chaos assaulting her senses could be manipulated with spiritual pressure. Armed with this new knowledge, she managed to shut out most of the visual and auditory assault and got up again.

"This is the first Gigai I've ever been in that featured a heads-up display." She told them. "It's very strange. I think there might be some actual instruments embedded in here."

"That would make sense." Isane looked thoughtful. "Soifon would probably want to keep her gear as close as possible. No one can steal it if it's in your body."

Rukia felt someone tap her on the back and turned, but there was no one there. She frowned as she felt it again and reached back, managing to get a hold on one of the silver rings at the end of her new twin braids. She grimaced. "This is why I don't let my hair grow this long. I can already tell that this is going to get annoying." She gave the braid an experimental tug.

Something exploded from her back. She turned to find that she'd somehow deployed a parachute, which had covered most of Ichigo's room. She heard Ichigo shout, "Gaagh! Rukia, put it back!" Isane said something too, but it was muffled by a mouthful of cloth.

"How?"

"I don't' know! Try something else!"

"MRRRFF!"

Rukia froze before carefully pulling the braid again. The parachute detached from her completely, allowing Isane and Ichigo to eventually stuff it into a manageable area. _I'm willing to give it five to one odds that this was an Urahara modification. What do you think?_

_Ten to one._ Sode no Shirayuki responded. _That look doesn't suit you at all, by the way._

_I caught that, thank you._ Rukia rolled her eyes.

Isane looked over at her. "There's still something wrong. Your face has been expressionless this entire time."

Rukia blinked at her. "I'm sorry?"

Ichigo nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you look like some kind of Soifon-bot."

Isane chimed in again. "You may need to take some time to adjust to the different size of the body, and it's possible that you haven't fully 'meshed' with it yet." She checked the clock again. "Actually, there's one other thing I need to do, so see if you can figure out how to make it work properly in the meantime."

Rukia nodded as Isane bolted from the window again. She looked at Ichigo. "I'm going to need a mirror and, um, you."

Ichigo made a small grunting noise that sounded suspiciously like restrained laughter as he headed for the bathroom. "Sounds like what you really need is an owner's manual…"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Ishida Residence - 10:03 p.m.**

Uryu Ishida looked up, largely unsurprised, when Mod-Isane materialized in his kitchen. She looked like she'd had a rough day, and he raised an eyebrow. "You're a mess."

She shook her head. "Irrelevant. Have you seen anything suspicious today? What is the lieutenant up to?"

"I disabled Lieutenant Kotetsu earlier today."

The Mod-Soul nodded distractedly. "Very good."

Uryu casually closed his refrigerator. "Also, I saw a Senkaimon gateway open, and a Soul Reaper captain came through. I only got a quick look, but she was short, with dark hair and braids that ended in silver ringlets. Does she sound familiar?"

Mod-Isane's attention snapped back to him. "Where? When?"

"About two hours ago. As for where, it was downtown, near the place where we first met."

Mod-Isane's eyes darted back and forth, as though looking over something he couldn't see. "I… I see. Well, unless I hear from her, this isn't really important either."

Uryu nodded. "That's everything today. I have class tomorrow, but I suppose I could do something in the afternoon. Is that all that you wanted to talk about?"

She turned for the door. "Yes. I'm going to find somewhere to rest. I'll get back in touch with you soon, Quincy."

"Fine."

Mod-Isane left, closing the door behind her. Uryu counted to twenty, then walked over to his pantry and opened it, letting the real Isane out. "Did she buy it?" She asked without preamble.

He adjusted his glasses. "I would say so, unless she's a better actor than either of us thought. Should I ask where you're going with this?"

Isane walked over to the open window. "No, I don't think you should. If you'll excuse me, I have to go meet with all of my fellow traitor-people." With that, she jumped out.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Household - 10:05 p.m.**

Isane jumped back into Kurosaki's bedroom, bouncing expertly off his bed and to her feet. _Practice makes perfect, I guess._ Both Rukia and Ichigo were standing in the middle of the room, and a large mirror was propped up against his closet door.

Rukia-Soifon turned to her with a very natural looking smile. "You're back! Did your errand go well?"

She nodded. "Yes it did. I think everything is set. What was the trick to getting fully synchronized with the Gigai?"

Rukia shrugged. "I found the owner's manual."

Isane sat down on the bed and rubbed her hands together. "Alright then. I suppose the only thing left to do is actually call up the Mod-Soul."

Rukia scratched her head and fiddled with the non-parachute braid. "About that…"

Isane frowned. "Yes?"

"How does Captain Soifon usually act? I mean, I don't spend much time around her, and Ichigo didn't even know her name until yesterday. Since you go to the joint officer meetings, you actually have the most experience in how she behaves."

Isane took a deep breath. "Well, she's… severe. She's an assassin and a spy, as well as a lethal and efficient warrior, and she doesn't really have a problem with everyone knowing it. She expects that same kind of efficiency and professionalism out of all of her subordinates, to the point of expecting too much, really." Isane actually scowled – Soifon had come close to killing her sister on Sokyoku Hill, and while Isane didn't get properly angry very often, she had been more than a little upset that Kiyone had been in more danger of being summarily executed by the Second Division's captain than of falling in battle. "Her speech is very blunt and unsubtle, and she can be highly paranoid. Don't be afraid to accuse people of treason, and you can also hit people and/or call them names."

Ichigo leaned back and smirked. "In other words, just be yourself."

He went sprawling comically as Rukia smacked him over the head. "Whose side are you on?" She demanded.

Isane leaned forward excitedly. "Yes! Just like that. Wow, you got into character so _quickly_."

Rukia looked up guiltily – an expression that looked thoroughly alien on Soifon's face. "Oh, I wasn't… ah… yes, I did," she recovered, "I've been told I'm a natural actress."

A voice wafted up from the floor. "No, you're just naturally cranky." This, naturally, prompted a fresh assault. Isane winced and picked up Rukia's phone from the desk, handing to her.

Ichigo got up stiffly. "Can we hurry it up? I'm not sure I can survive another acting lesson."

* * *

**4th Division, Practice Field - 10:05 p.m.**

Unohana surveyed her group. There were fewer participants than there had been this morning. "What do you think? It looks like some of them have already dropped my class, so I suppose you were right about their motivation."

"Well, that's what happens when attendance isn't mandatory. You know that from your Ikebana demonstrations." Ukitake grinned. "Fortunately, we've already worked out the solution."

"I hear that." Kyoraku held up the headset he had borrowed from his lieutenant. Ukitake couldn't really draw a deep enough breath for proper yelling, but Kyoraku had no trouble with it – and the Fourth Division was about to learn that Unohana didn't either. She held up her own set, and both of them began bellowing at the top of their lungs.

The Fourth Division was one of three Squads – the others being the First and the Twelfth – to have a Public Address system. It was useful for calling this medic or that doctor to the right room at the right time. It was useful for other things too, like amplifying the voices of two senior captains to the point that they could wake the dead – which, Unohana reflected, was exactly what they were trying to do. The captain's two voices overlapped, and it was difficult to tell exactly which of them said what, but the message itself was clear enough.

"ATTENTION! ALL OFF-DUTY FOURTH DIVISION PERSONNEL ARE TO REPORT TO THE PRACTICE FIELD _IMMEDIATELY_. YES, _ALL_ OF YOU."

"YOU ARE EXPECTED TO BE THERE THREE MINUTES FROM THE END OF THIS MESSAGE. IF YOU CAN'T RUN THAT FAST THEN THIS WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT TIME TO PRACTICE YOUR FLASH-STEP."

"YOU WILL NOT BE PUNISHED FOR ARRIVING IN MORTAL CLOTHING, FORMAL WEAR, OR YOUR BIRTHDAY SUIT, BUT HEAVEN HELP YOU IF YOU SHOW UP WITHOUT YOUR ZANPAKUTO."

"IF YOU HAVE TO ASK WHERE THE PRACTICE FIELD IS, THEN IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE YOU'VE BEEN TO THE PRACTICE FIELD. DO _NOT_ BE LATE. OUT."

Unohana looked over at the white-haired captain. "Too much?"

Ukitake shook his head. "That should be just enough. I can't wait to see what state they actually arrive in." He spotted several of the first arrivals racing in – one of them in a fluffy pink bathrobe. "This ought to be interesting. You have to be very afraid or very secure to show up to a practice field in _that_."

Kyoraku looked over at him. "Was that another shot at the kimono?"

"We can never take too many shots at the kimono."

Unohana appraised bathrobe-man. "He has nothing to worry about," she said serenely. "After all, he did remember his zanpakuto."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 10:07 p.m.**

Mod-Isane did not sleep, exactly, but Mod-Souls could enter a rest state that was enough _like_ sleep that distinctions became purely academic. That said, emerging from such a state was much easier for a Mod-Soul than a human being, and so when her phone went off, she immediately grabbed it and held it in front of her, flipping it open and hitting the 'receive' button without even bothering to check the number. _This had better be good, Quincy._

Then she sat bolt upright as the face on the video phone registered. "Captain!"

Soifon stared back at her, evidently cross. "Where have you been?"

"Sir! I've been attempting to locate and destroy the final two arrancar targets but…" She searched for words. "…It's a long story. Could I possibly meet you in person?"

The captain nodded. "Meet me on the riverbank, near the bridge, and we'll exchange information and coordinate. Come alone."

"Yes, Captain, right away!"

Mod-Isane got up quickly as the line went dead, and checked herself over. By her reckoning, she had recovered less than a quarter of her full strength, but that shouldn't matter for this meeting. She quickly dashed off into the night, feeling better than she had in days…

* * *

**Karakura Town, Riverside**

Rukia snapped the phone shut. "How was that?"

"I think that should do it." Isane responded. Her master plan – the one she had laid out the previous night - was remarkably straightforward and simple, which she figured would only give it a higher chance of actually working. The six-step plan went as follows:

1. Grab Captain Soifon's Gigai from Urahara's shop.

2. Put Rukia in Soifon's Gigai.

3. Rukia tells sweet, sweet lies to the Mod-Soul in order to bring it somewhere where it could be effectively ambushed.

4. Everyone attacks the Mod-Soul.

5. ?

6. Great Success!

Step Five consisted of what Rangiku would call 'winging it,' and on the main planning sheet the blank space was filled with Rukia's rabbit doodles. Isane was getting a bit worried about the lack of detail, but the success of the first three steps seemed to indicate that she was on the right track.

Besides, they _had_ discussed strategy, which mainly boiled down to answering the question of how they were going to stop Mod-Isane from just running away if Rukia's initial surprise attack didn't work. Ultimately, they had decided that Ichigo (the only one faster than the Mod-Soul) would stay toward the edge of the ambush zone and intercept the Mod-Soul whenever it tried to run, while everyone else tried to hit Mod-Isane with one of the special devices – like Rukia's glove or Urahara's cane – that could force the Mod-Soul pill out of Isane's Gigai. It wasn't subtle, elegant, or graceful, but again, it had the advantage of simplicity.

The biggest flaw in the plan was that it required the Mod-Soul to act on instinct. This was why Uryu couldn't have delivered the bait – if he had said "go to point x alone," Mod-Isane would probably start asking awkward questions, so the trio had merely had him establish that Soifon was in the area before having Rukia play her part. Now all that was left was to wait until Mod-Isane showed up.

Then, one way or another, the show would start…

* * *

**4th Division, Practice Field - 10:08 p.m.**

At the three minute mark, Fourth Division had finished assembling.

Despite Unohana's PA assurance, no one had actually turned up in the buff. There were, however, quite a few who had simply thrown on the innermost layer of the standard Reaper outfit – the white was easy to pick out in the crowd. Amusingly, Eighth Seat Ogido and Fifth Seat Kinashita had shown up in _each other's_ uniforms, which they were sure to hear about later. Several had shown up in mortal clothing, and against all odds, _three_ had shown up in formal gowns. Unohana wondered what that had been about, and was kind of sorry that she had interrupted whatever it was. And of course, there was bathrobe-man.

Only five had shown up without a zanpakuto. Of those five, only one had had a decent excuse. The other four had been assigned to Bedpan Maintenance for the rest of the week.

Eventually, though, the gathered division members had been put to work. The captains had walked among them as they had performed drills that they probably hadn't done since their academy days. When the three senior officers were satisfied that everyone had shaken the rust off, Kyoraku had whistled, and several new officers – Ukitake's third seats, fourth seat, and fifth seat, Lieutenant Ise, and Kyoraku's third, fourth, and fifth seat – showed up while Unohana called for all of _her_ officers to leave the assembled ranks and marched them over to the other side of the field.

"This is how it's going to work." She said, her voice booming out over the practice field's PA speakers while she handed out red headbands to every seventh Reaper. "These fine officers are going to be your opposition. Consider each of them a powerful Hollow, and work together to defeat them. They will not be using their weapons tonight, but make no mistake – _they will hurt you._" A buzz went through the ranks, but Unohana's expression – serene confidence – and tone did not change. "You will work in groups of seven, and eight such groups will attack at the same time. Those of you with red headbands are group leaders – feel free to choose your teammates based on whatever criteria you see fit. You have three minutes to assemble into groups and another five to determine your strategy and tactics – in future practices or actual combat you will not be given this time, but since this is our first night some allowances have been made. Are there any questions?"

Silence fell over the field as they realized that yes, she was indeed serious, and they were actually going to fight high-ranking officers. Her smile became a bit harsher, and her expression seemed a bit sharp and predatory in the harsh, glaring lights and lanterns illuminating the field. "Begin."

Pandemonium erupted among the unranked Reapers. Unohana turned and walked across the field to address her officers. "Your opponent will be a bit different."

Her officers looked at one another anxiously, but all of them were sharp enough to suspect who it might be. "Are we allowed to release?" Iemura asked.

"By all means." Unohana nodded.

Kinashita raised her hand. "Do we want to know who our opponent is?"

"Probably not."

Someone in the back asked, "Do we get any time to form groups?"

"No." No sooner had Unohana's reply come than Kyoraku, with Katen Kyokotsu already unsheathed, flash stepped in front of them, a high kick already on a collision course with Iemura's face. Startled curses escaped from several officers, and all of them drew their blades as quickly as possible.

Unohana watched them for a minute before turning back to the bulk of her division. "Your three minutes are up! Start planning!"

She watched as frantic discussion began. The three senior captains had agreed earlier in the evening that the best way – and perhaps the _only_ way – to compensate for the Fourth Division's lack of individual battle prowess would be to form them up into larger fighting units than were found anywhere else, and let teamwork handle the rest. This had the advantage of allowing the Fourth Division to fight with mixed abilities, enabling Kido-heavy fighters to actually get spells off, and had the added advantage of allowing those with a healing-type zanpakuto to operate in front line combat. The _disadvantage_, naturally, was that it took time and effort to cultivate the coordination necessary to make it work.

Unohana noted that the "opposition" had also begun its discussions. While Hollows rarely worked together, and even the Arrancar had so far displayed remarkably little in the way of group tactics, the senior captains figured that it couldn't hurt to have their 'bad guys' be coordinated as well. However, the officers from the Eighth and the Thirteenth had been instructed that they were not to work with or assist members of the _other_ Division, effectively permanently dividing them into groups of four. No such restriction existed among Unohana's fighters – if three groups wanted to gang up on, say, Kiyone Kotetsu, that would be perfectly legitimate within the rules of the exercise. She wondered how long it would take the Fourth to figure that out.

Ukitake glided over to her. "I think it's about time that we took our places, Retsu."

The two remaining captains were going to stand atop the area lighting on either side of the field and occasionally flash-step down to deflect any potentially lethal blows. While there was no way to eliminate all the danger of this kind of intense training, the two of them together could prevent any truly unfortunate accidents.

"By the way, how are your officers doing?"

"About as well as can be expected." Unohana replied. From behind them, the two captains could hear the sounds of combat.

"Where did he go? _Where did he go_? Wher-_aaauuuugh!_"

"_Somebody bind him!"_

"You want him bound? _YOU_ stand still for ten seconds! Tell me how that works out fo-_URPH!_"

"_Oh god someone help me my zanpakuto can't hurt people!"_

Unohana sighed. "Let's get this circus started." When she caught Ukitake's expression, she added, "I wasn't expecting a miracle, you know."

Ukitake grinned. "I know. This will be good for them in the long run." The two captains jumped up to their spots. Unohana thumbed her headset again. "Attention! Your five minutes are up. Groups one through eight will attack… _now._" Opposite her, Ukitake turned on his set. "Opposition groups Eight and Thirteen, _go_."

For the first time in a hundred years, more than fifty members of the Fourth Division began to fight.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Riverside - 10:13 p.m.**

It began quietly.

Mod-Isane flash-stepped to the side of the river. "Reporting, captain."

Rukia looked at her as coldly as she could manage. Despite what Isane had said, she found it easier to emulate Byakuya than Soifon – the two personalities were close enough in casual conversation that it hopefully wouldn't make a difference. _Thank you, brother._ "I came here to the world of the living, and found you napping. Would you care to explain?"

* * *

Isane kept Itegumo sheathed, and drew Urahara's cane from her belt. She had thought about having Ichigo help her produce Itegumo's cloud, but Itegumo had resisted the idea of being smacked repeatedly against Zangetsu for some reason. Now she and Ichigo moved into position – herself at the middle of the bridge crossing Karakura town's artificial river, and Ichigo at the far end of said river, ready to release to Bankai and race in at a moment's notice. It wasn't the best positioning, but the only real way to hide Ichigo's spiritual pressure was to keep him far away, and he assured her that he could cross the distance in time.

Now she watched the Mod-Soul conversing with Kuchiki. She looked worse than Isane remembered – dirty, tired, and with scorch marks all over the sleeves and shoulders of the white jacket she'd been wearing Friday. Ideally, Rukia would be able to get close enough to her to deliver her sucker-punch with the glove she was wearing, but if that didn't work out, everyone was ready.

* * *

Ichigo settled in at the far end of Karakura Town's river, everything focused on Rukia's spiritual presence. Having her stuck in a Gigai so close to the psycho Mod-Soul was the worst part of the plan, in his opinion. Waiting it out just made it worse.

_Is there *any* chance that we could get through this fight without you making berserk robot jokes?_

_**I'm sorry Dave, but I'm afraid I can't do that.**_

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, tonight is going to be _lots_ of fun."

* * *

Mod-Isane finished her recounting of the events that had brought her here. Something was wrong, though – Soifon wasn't asking some of the questions that she should be. Something seemed a little… _off_ about her.

Well, there was one simple test she could perform.

"Tell me, Captain. How is Lady Yoruichi doing?"

* * *

Rukia couldn't be faulted for what happened next. While _technically_ a part of the Soul Reaper Women's Association, she hadn't been to a meeting since Yoruichi resurfaced, and those meetings were the only times when Soifon and Yoruichi were generally in the same room. So she didn't know about Soifon's puppy love/crush/hero worship/stalker behavior toward Yoruichi Shihoin, and went with the default response.

"Why is that even relevant?"

She knew it was a mistake, though, the instant that she said it. Something in the Mod-Soul changed, and Rukia swung her hand around, aiming for the Mod-Soul's forehead. Unfortunately, the Mod-Soul was _fast_, and Rukia was slower than usual due to the Gigai. Mod-Isane's foot connected solidly with her abdomen, and Rukia-Soifon went sailing over the edge of the guard rail toward the middle of Karakura's river…

* * *

Isane flash-stepped to the riverbank, but everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. _Step five, here we go!_ She saw the Mod-Soul leap over the railing after Rukia, and wondered why she wasn't fleeing yet. The answer hit her – _she still thinks there's only one opponent._

For her part, Rukia had recovered enough to pop her soul candy, and her spirit body burst out of Soifon's Gigai with an odd noise, her spiritual pressure flaring up. She landed on the water and skidded to a halt. Mod-Isane did likewise.

"What were you trying to accomplish here?" Isane watched herself ask. "What did you want?"

"You, actually." Isane said. The Mod-Soul looked up at the bank railing. "Ah, it makes sense now. Well, this is to be expected. Everyone has been attacking me all day. I'm not sure why –"

"Because they met you?" Rukia snarked.

Isane grimaced. _She beat me to it._

" – but I'll find out in the fullness of time, once all of the opposition has been dealt with_._" On the last word, she lunged for Rukia, blindingly fast and aiming for the neck…

* * *

A twinge of instinct was all the warning Mod-Isane had. She jerked back suddenly as _something_ shot by fast enough to push two large walls of water up behind it. She noted that the sound seemed to arrive after it did – the rush of displaced air, the roar of the waves, and maybe a hint of rock music.

"Damn, I missed." It said. Mod-Isane saw the substitute Soul Reaper badge hanging from the intruder's fist, and took a moment to recognize the orange-haired youth in the long coat. When she did she nodded. "Ichigo Kurosaki, Ryoka Leader. Back to working against the Soul Society, I see."

Mod-Isane turned back to the Lieutenant whose body she was using. "So, you attacked me three-on-one, in the middle of the night with the element of surprise, and after a large battle to guarantee that I would be worn-out." Before Isane could say anything, the Mod-Soul grinned. "Excellent. You're learning. But still not good enough." She sprang into action again, dashing for the opposite bank of the river.

She was intercepted partway there. "Nope, sorry." Ichigo said lazily. "Rukia worked hard on her performance. I can't let you skip out on drama class."

The Mod-Soul jumped aside as Isane and Rukia emerged from flash step – she saw their strategy, and admired its simplicity, if nothing else – they only had to hit her _once_. Even worse, she had started out low on 'juice' and it would only get worse from here. In order to conserve her strength, she would need to stick to solid ground and try to find a way past Kurosaki.

"This is also a math lesson." Rukia said, smiling.

"I don't care." Mod-Isane snarled.

"Ah, but you should." Ichigo added, zipping around between her and the main bulk of Karakura town again. Mod-Isane was starting to find his interference incredibly irritating.

Isane lunged for her again, and Mod-Isane ducked aside, leaping across the water and hoping to get up onto the bank. The lieutenant called out to her. "You miscounted earlier." She flash stepped over, swinging the cane again. "Back when you said it was three on one."

Mod-Isane suddenly felt a hit between her shoulder blades, sending her skipping across the water like a stone. From the bank, she saw an orange-haired teen that looked remarkably like Kurosaki flip and land on his feet.

* * *

Ichigo gaped at the newcomer. "Is that… is that _Kon?_ Did we seriously just take _Kon_ into combat?"

"Looks that way." Rukia said smugly. They had to put their conversation on hold when the Mod-Soul managed to catch her balance and swept her foot across the water, sending a huge wave up at the pair of them. Ichigo flash stepped in front of her. "Nice try, but I can still see you." Rukia came in, and the Mod-Soul flash-stepped away back across the river. "I like this game." Rukia said.

Ichigo wasn't finished. "But… Kon's a _sissy_. How did you get him out here to fight?"

The shorter Reaper sighed. "I promised to take him with me the next time the Women's Association went to the beach. The fate of the world hanging in the balance didn't sway him, but he couldn't volunteer fast enough at the prospect of scantily clad Reapers. I've been thinking about trying the same tactic to get you to practice controlling spirit energy."

_**Good luck with **_**that,**_** princess.**_

_Shut it._

* * *

Mod-Isane finally managed to land on the concrete riverbank, ducking Urahara's cane again and body-checking Isane, sending her flying back. She turned to Kon. "Aren't you a bit… oh, what's the word I'm looking for... _obsolete_ for this?"

Ichigo's body waved the question off. "Doesn't matter. I'm a _battle_ type Mod-Soul, and you're what, assassin-type? I can keep going like this for eight hours. I'd be surprised if you have eight _minutes_ left."

_Three and a half, actually._ Mod-Isane snarled. "That's _plenty _of time for me." She lunged forward and began trading blows with him.

Kon continued grinning. "Besides, Mod-Souls don't really become obsolete. I've aged like a fine wine."

She landed a solid hit, sending him sprawling. She jumped up, preparing to come down and finish him off. "You've aged like a _dead fish._ Now die!" She had to stop, though, as a red glove attempted to grab her on the way down. She turned to fight the new threat and had to jump back from a cane-wielding Isane, and then _freaking_ Kurosaki was there again. "This four-on-one thing sucks!"

"Five on one!" They all heard a new voice yell. All five of them looked up to see Soifon's Gigai standing on the bridge, the shoulders open and something ominous poking out. "Pwepare to face your doooooom!"

Rockets shot out in a continuous stream, spiraling about randomly. "Holy _crap!_" Ichigo shouted. "You gave _Chappy_ a rocket launcher? Who the hell signed off on this idea?"

"Don't look at me, I didn't know!" Rukia yelled back.

"You read the owner's manual!"

"Not _all_ of it!"

Ichigo moved to intercept the missiles, dashing about and dicing them with Tensa Zangetsu before they could reach the surrounding town. Rukia and Isane both chanted out a Geki binding, and a moment later the errant soul candy stopped shooting. "That won't hold it long." Isane panted, trying to get her heart rate under control.

"Long enough." Mod-Isane flash stepped to Soifon's Gigai… and kicked its head clean off its shoulders, the soul-candy pill bouncing out and down the bridge pavement. "Problem solved." She did a double-take. "Damn, that's the Gigai _I _wanted to use…"

She looked up to find herself surrounded, and sighed. "You know, I was trying to get through this without killing anyone."

Kon objected. "You _just_ tried to-"

"Anyone important." Mod-Isane clarified. "It's against my instructions, you see. But the mission is technically a higher priority than keeping any of you safe." She held out her right hand and looked at Isane. "All the great planning the world won't do you any good if you aren't prepared to be a bit brutal. You started this battle by fighting dirty, but I'm going to finish it the same way." _This is going to burn off a good two minutes. I'll have only seconds left to get away._ "Shunko."

Power burst out, swirling around her, and argent light surrounded her right arm and crept over her shoulders. Chunks of asphalt tore themselves up and were flung skyward.

"See, _this_ is what I thought it would look like when you took the pill!" Ichigo yelled.

"Now is really not the time!" Isane yelled back.

The Mod-Soul looked around, and then decided to aim her attack straight down.

A massive explosion rocked the bridge. The supports shook, the main thoroughfare snapped in half, and car alarms started going off for a quarter mile on either side. More importantly, for a moment afterward, no one could _see_ anything, and everyone was busy flash-stepping away anyway.

Mod-Isane seized her chance, dashing for the far end of the bridge. _Almost there._ Once she was in the downtown area, they wouldn't have a chance of finding her. She pushed for even greater speed, and noticed a strange grey mist forming at the far end of the bridge. Right before she reached it, the ground exploded in front of her, blasting her back. _No! Damn it, what the hell was that?_

Isane flash-stepped back to the far end of the bridge, near the Mod-Soul. She was starting to feel a bit tired herself. From somewhere high above her, she heard a woman shout. "_Whoooo-hooooo!_ Check it out, everyone! Your sexy savior has arrived!"

Rangiku Matsumoto jumped down from the top of the nearest skyscraper, landing inside the grey halo of Heineko's ashes. Her eyes glazed over for a moment, and then she frowned. "_Me_, Heineko. I was talking about _me_."

_I've had nightmares that start this way,_ Isane thought.

_In fairness to Lieutenant Matsumoto, that doesn't really say very much._ Itegumo commented.

From the ground, the Mod-Soul snarled. "How many of you cretins _are_ there?"

Isane ignored her zanpakuto's quip and turned to Rangiku. "I'm not really sure. Did you just arrive or were you waiting for a suitably dramatic moment to reveal yourself?"

The blonde lieutenant crossed her arms. "I refuse to answer that question."

"Fine." Isane readied the cane again, while Ichigo and Rukia flash-stepped to the scene. Mod-Isane got up sluggishly and laughed bitterly, holding up her hands in surrender. "I seem to have underestimated you, but believe me – you're going to regret this. You still don't even know who all of your enemies _are_, girl. You can't beat them without me."

Isane nodded. "Maybe. But nothing has changed since Friday evening. I still need the Gigai, I'm still on a mission, and you're still a basket case. If I find another reason to have you around, I'll call you." She reached out and poked her Gigai with Urahara's cane fragment, and the Mod-Soul popped out without fuss or drama while the body collapsed.

Isane picked it up. "She really did a number on my Gigai. I'll have to take it in to Urahara's shop for repair. Do you think he's still up?"

Rukia shrugged. "I'm not really sure."

Kon ran over to them, holding a Gikon. "Hey! I found Chappy."

Ichigo perked up. "Sweet! Now quickly, finish it off!"

"Ichigo!"

"Fine." He took Kon out of his body and got back in, then handed Chappy to Rukia.

Isane picked up the Mod-Soul that had caused so much trouble. "Don't be too disappointed. Destroying a soul candy is harder than you think. Only the Twelfth Division types really know how to break down the core." She bowed to Ichigo and Rukia. "Since I didn't say it before, thank you _so much_ for your help. I couldn't have done this without you."

Rangiku stretched luxuriously. "Well, mission complete! Where are we going to go for the big victory celebration?"

"Bed." Rukia said.

"Bed." Ichigo echoed.

"Urahara's shop, then bed." Isane joined in.

Rangiku froze mid-stretch. "You've got to be kidding me."

Isane shrugged. "Well, everyone has to be at the school early tomorrow, so bed sounds like a good idea."

"Unbelievable." Rangiku pouted. "I come all the way to the world of the living to find the three people who are even _bigger_ party-poopers than my captain."

"Tell you what," Rukia said, starting to walk away. "I'll find a noisemaker and give it a couple of twirls before I hit the sack."

Ichigo turned away as well, following Rukia. "I'll sleep festively."

Isane hoisted her Gigai over her shoulder and tucked the Mod-Soul in one of its pockets. "If it makes you feel better, I'll sashay the entire distance from Urahara's shop to my apartment."

She walked about twenty paces, before stopping. "Rangiku, why are you following me?"

The Tenth Division's lieutenant grinned nervously. "Well, about that…"

* * *

**4th Division, Practice Field - 11:48 p.m.**

Unohana rubbed her temples as the last wave of Fourth Division groups charged in. She watched Sentaro and Kiyone start tossing them about like ragdolls, and her gaze swept across the rest of the officers from the Thirteenth. None of her people were doing much better.

On the other side of the field, her officers were mostly down. Only Iemura, Kinashita, and a couple of others were still standing, and they seemed to be fighting in a daze, standing through pure endurance while Kyoraku pummeled them.

While she hadn't expected much from her Division's first exercise, she knew that this was actually going to sink morale further. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised to find a great deal of resentment directed at _her_ the next day. That was fine, though – after today, she was genuinely concerned about what would happen if the Fourth was called on to fight, and she would become as unpopular as necessary to prepare them.

Looking at the 'regulars,' most of the defeated groups were actually still conscious, and watching what was going on – the greenish glow of healing Kido was so prevalent that the field had taken on an ethereal, alien look. They were, as she had expected, in pretty poor spirits, likely hoping that they would manage to bring down at least _one_ of the opposing officers and knowing that it was unlikely.

Then she noted that a great deal of attention seemed focused on one fight in particular. Third Seat Enjoji, from the Eighth Division, was currently engaged with the final group, and this group hadn't 'lost' anyone yet. The tactics they used seemed pretty solid – one of them had released his zanpakuto to Shikai, which had converted into three triple-pronged boomerangs. When he threw them, they didn't attack anyone, but rather began circling overhead, a wide green ribbon connecting each of them to one of his teammates. Those three were the ones fighting Enjoji in melee, and each time they took a hit, they seemed to be able to shake it off quickly and keep fighting. The remaining three group members guarded the one with the released Shikai, and took shots with Kido when Enjoji fought the boomerang-troops.

Unohana focused on the fight as well. Below her, she could hear the 'dead' Reapers of her division start cheering for the members of that group. In response, the fighting intensified, the blows were traded faster, and the shouting grew louder. Something had to give.

Something did – Enjoji flipped over all of them, coming down on the boomerang-wielding reaper. Unohana nodded – once he went down, it would be over.

The three around him looked up and, as one, screamed, "Bakudo Number Eight! _SEKI!"_ Enjoji literally _bounced_ off of the shield that sprang up, landing on his rear. Before he could move, he found three blades pointed at his face and throat.

"Enjoji, out!" Ukitake's voice came over the PA system. The Fourth went wild. For their part, the members of the group that had taken Enjoji down looked at one another in a daze, but no one was calling them out. They seemed to come to a consensus, and joined the fight against Lieutenant Ise.

Unohana watched them with a smile. Honestly, she hadn't expected any of the officers to go down tonight. Even as she watched Ise eliminate her original group and the newcomers one by one, and even as the last of _her_ officers finally fell before Kyoraku, she knew that the 'momentum' that Ukitake had talked about had finally begun to wane. There was a great deal of work left to do, but she was finally on the right course.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Riverside - 11:50 p.m.**

Soto looked down from her perch at the devastation below. "I _love_ happy endings!"

Genjo shrugged. "If you say so. I'm just happy that we don't have to worry about the Mod-Soul any more. Hopefully, that's the last we'll see of her."

The Arrancar looked at him and tilted her head. "So… are you gonna go do the assassin thing? Take the lieutenants out? If I helped I bet you could do it."

"Nah. If we start knocking off lieutenants, they'll just send a captain through, and then we'd have even more trouble than we do now." He checked the pulse on their new prisoner. "Are you sure that human is spiritually aware?"

Soto hefted the girl that was slung over her shoulder. "Well, she screamed when I appeared right in front of her… so yes, I'd say she's aware. Spiritually, of course – she's unconscious right now."

Aizen's agent nodded. "Well, let's get back, then. We have a schedule to keep."

"We do? Since when?"

"It's an expression, Soto. Really, I just don't want to stand around in the cold any longer."

"Ah."

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: Good _gravy_ did that ever take a long time to write.

In all of this giant chapter, it's the fight with Mod-Isane that worries me the most – it's sillier than any other fight in this story, including the ones you haven't seen yet, but I decided to go with it anyway. Also, the rapid viewpoint change is something new that I'm trying, and I was a bit concerned that it would get on people's nerves.

This was a plot-heavy chapter, and a big one, so editing it took a lot of time, but for the most part I'm happy with it. The next chapter will probably be a third this size and out much sooner, so stick around for Rangiku's revelations and more fun in the Seireitei. The Arrancar may also be on the move.

As always, comments, critiques, and questions are appreciated, although I wouldn't be surprised if you thought this story had died. Please review!


	18. Small Change

Hello hello!

Here's Chapter 18, which only came out a little bit faster than Chapter 17, instead of a lot faster like I said it would. I don't have an excuse, other than 'crazy things be goin' down.' I may be able to get the next chapter out very soon, however, since for the next few days I don't have much to do at all.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, RangerH, Substitute Deathberry, Nathan J Xaxson, Superforeigner, Silverwriter582, firelarc, and koolawantxox4u for the encouragement and reviews so far.

In response to comments:

RangerH: I've never actually seen Naruto. It was actually a self-reference, since there are hints in Bleach that people sometimes take the same form upon return to the afterlife after being reborn and dying again. This is explored in detail in Knight of the World's _Heir Apparent_ fic, which I think is on this site. Kudos for finding parallels to other anime, though.

NJX: Sorry about the confusion. To clarify: This is at the point in the Bleach timeline where Zangetsu was rendered dormant by Hollow Ichigo, so he actually has no lines in this entire story. Ichigo was the one who complained about robot jokes. Also, Sode no Shirayuki's only line is back when Rukia asked her about the Gigai, so all of the lines that are _**bolded and italicized**_are Hollow Ichigo's. The good news is that all of the remaining fights don't have so many perspectives – in fact, only one of the remaining fights has more than two.

stormcrowley: Glad to hear that Isane made it! :P

everyone else: I'm happy to hear that you're enjoying the story. Without further delay, here's the next chapter…

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 18 – Small changes and a few minor adjustments**

_Change is a difficult thing, usually. Human beings are creatures of habit, so unless the current situation is completely intolerable, most people prefer dealing with what they're used to. Sometimes even a bad set of circumstances is preferable to the unknown, giving us the adage 'better the devil you know than the one you don't.'_

_It is, however, a love-hate relationship. People are always talking about change, stating that this could be better or that that needs to be fixed. As a general rule, most people want to change but are too timid to do it._

_This all leads back to survival instinct. After all, you're alive right now, so change is effectively the only thing that can kill you. Good luck!_

* * *

**Karakura Town, Urahara's Shop - 11:55 p.m.**

Isane knocked on the door of Urahara's shop, right over the sign that read CLOSED. She normally wouldn't have come so late, but the lights were still on and she _really_ needed the Gigai – both because she had to arrive at work tomorrow in it and because she was starting to feel a weird strain from being in the wrong dimension too long without one.

Eventually, the door slid open, revealing the red-haired boy from earlier – Jinta, if Isane remembered correctly. "Can't you read?" He growled, "We're closed."

"…is what we would _normally_ say, but we're having a special midnight sale!" Urahara breezily shoved Jinta out of the way and deftly flipped the sign to OPEN. "Welcome, lovely ladies! Come in, come in! Can I get you something to drink?" He saw what Rangiku was carrying, and added, "Ah, just put that down anywhere." He walked quickly out, presumably heading into the kitchen.

Rangiku dropped Isane's Gigai on the floor with a sharp *bang.* Isane winced. "Could you please be a bit more careful? I have to live in that thing."

The other lieutenant doubled over, resting her hands on her knees and breathing heavily. "We're here to get it repaired anyway, right? Besides, it's not _my_ fault you're so heavy." She caught Isane's expression, and hastily corrected herself. "Ah… that is… you're already a… a _healthy_ girl, and you know they say a Gigai adds, like, fifteen kilograms-"

"Tea for everyone!" Urahara, who was a great deal less oblivious to the sinking situation than he let on, shot back into the room at the right moment to bail Matsumoto out and began setting cups out on the guest table. "What can I do for you this fine evening?"

Isane fidgeted. "I… um… came to return your cane, and I was wondering if you could fix my Gigai?"

"Sure! When do you need it?"

The lieutenant scratched her head. "Well, I have to be at work tomorrow…"

"Ah, a rush job. Well, you're in luck, because that happens to be my specialty!" At that point, Isane decided that Urahara's chipper demeanor had reached criminal status. _No one should be that cheerful at this hour._ The merchant went on, however. "I can actually have it done in about half an hour, if you're willing to wait."

"That sounds fine." She decided not to question a good thing. Urahara took the Gigai and hauled it out of the room, with a final assurance that the lieutenants should "Make themselves at home."

Rangiku and Isane sat down at the low table and poured tea with the only sound coming from the radio in the corner. After a minute or two, Isane finally asked, "So… what did you do?"

Rangiku froze. "What makes you think I did anything?"

"Well, you started to say something at the bridge, then you stopped and told me it was 'nothing.' After that, you offered to carry my Gigai, then you offered to buy me a drink, _then _you offered to replace the food that Renji ate after you heard about that."

Matsumoto shrugged and smiled, trying and failing to make it look natural. "Well, I never got you a birthday gift this past August…"

"Yes you did. You got me a quart of Jack Daniels from the mortal world and challenged me to a drinking contest right before the joint officer meeting."

Rangiku laughed. "Oh, that's right. That would have been _hilarious_…"

Isane chose not to dignify that statement with a response, and continued her previous thought. "Mostly, though, it was when you offered to do my _paperwork_ that I got really suspicious."

Rangiku winced. "Was it that obvious?"

"Yes, a bit. So…"

The blonde sighed. "Ok… um, I'm glad you're sitting down for this. You're… you're not _actually_ supposed to be on this mission."

Isane took a sip of her tea. "And…?"

Rangiku blinked a couple of times. "Ok, I'll be the first to admit that I didn't want a _big_ reaction, but you could at least be a _little_ bit surprised."

Isane shrugged. "I more or less figured that part out when Urahara told me that the Gigai was a backup for Captain Soifon. There was some kind of mistake back in the Seireitei, wasn't there?"

"Ah, yes. Yes there was."

"I guess that would mean that Captain Soifon's mission got interrupted or delayed indefinitely. She's probably going to be really upset. I wouldn't be surprised if whoever's responsible ends up in prison. I'd probably like to have a talk with them when I get back."

Rangiku shifted uncomfortably. "Listen, about that…"

Isane raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" As Rangiku hesitated, Isane connected the dots. "It was you, wasn't it? I don't know how, but somehow, you're responsible."

Matsumoto took a deep breath. "Yes. It was." She quickly went over what she knew of how it had happened. "…and so I must have switched your requisition form with confirmation orders, somehow, but all I can really remember from that morning is a great big headache-"

Isane blinked. "So, if I heard you correctly, the reason I've been out here fighting Arrancar, flailing around, and chasing down Mod-Souls is because you did your captain's mail while hung over?"

"Well… yes."

Isane nodded, too tired to feel… whatever it was she was supposed to feel in a situation like this. "Yesterday that would have been the craziest thing I'd ever heard, but just a few hours ago I had a chat with Uryu Ishida and… well… I still think _that_ conversation takes the prize. Did you come to the mortal world just to tell me this?"

"Not exactly. My captain gave me two orders – one was to bring you back to the Seireitei, and the other was to clear up any problems or issues that would keep you from getting back."

Isane leaned forward, her full attention on Rangiku. "You're saying that I can just… go home? Right now?"

The blonde shrugged morosely. "As far as I know."

Isane wasn't satisfied, though. "But what about the mission? There are two Arrancar remaining."

"I suppose the next step would be to make sure that Captain Soifon knows to come through to the living world. She'll probably finish off the remaining two Arrancar in no time."

Isane shook her head. "I'm not so sure. The Mod-Soul was supposed to be just like her and it walked right into an ambush."

Rangiku gave an unladylike snort. "You can't replicate captain-level Soul Reapers completely, even for just a few minutes. Last I heard, there's still some debate over whether or not Nemu is an acceptable _lieutenant_, and she's by far the most powerful and intelligent artificial entity that we know of. Soifon would be quite a bit tougher, and probably a good bit smarter as well."

"Granted, but it would still take time. These Arrancar are up to something – they're not just here on a feeding frenzy, like when that Espada attacked Karakura town. What was his name, Grime Jaw?"

"It was _Grimmjow_, but you have a point."

Isane closed her eyes. "So, I could go back right now, but we'd have to tell Soifon about your… error. You would probably be charged with negligence and drinking while on duty, dereliction of duty, and a few other things I can't remember right now."

Rangiku was silent for a moment. "That's true."

"You'd be demoted, possibly jailed for a while, and it would wreck any chance of you ever becoming a captain."

"Also true. But it's your _life_ – or, well, your afterlife – on the line, Isane. And even if they throw me in the Maggot's Nest for all time, it will be better than what I came from in the Rukongai, so the whole Soul Reaper business will still have been a net gain for me. It's up to you whether or not you want to hand this over to Soifon."

Isane leaned forward, resting her head in her hands, and let her eyes close. _Dammit, Rangiku_. It was this kind of thing that made the blonde lieutenant so infuriating to deal with – as irresponsible as she could be, and as much of a walking catastrophe as she was, Rangiku wouldn't leave others twisting in the wind to save herself when it came to something like this. Isane rubbed her hands back over her head and leaned back against the wall. "Did you know that it's been two days since I had anything other than a Fourth Division super-pill to eat? It's been even longer since I was in a Gigai. I'm starving, beat up, frustrated, and exhausted. This isn't the time to be making an important decision. Let's wait for my Gigai to be repaired, get something to eat somewhere, and get some sleep. Then I'll decide if I'm going home or not."

* * *

**4th Division, Incomplete Main Office - Winter, 998 A.D.**

Retsu Unohana tried to remain calm. It wasn't easy – the chaos of moving all of the necessary tools and supplies from her hospital to Yamamoto's "Seireitei" had _everybody_ in the newly-minted Fourth Division hopping – everyone needed something from her, right now, and it was all top priority. The construction going on all over the place didn't help either – between the infrastructure setup and the giant _wall_ going up around the whole place, pure pandemonium occurred not in short bursts but was rather _sustained_ over the course of the entire day – and this had been going on for the past five days.

Shinji Yamada, her new lieutenant – he was new to the rank, but he'd been acting as her top assistant for decades – was currently the one she was giving her attention to, and she was grateful that it _was_ him. The bald, older man's soft and highly cultured voice was always soothing to listen to, and he made people who did their duty perfectly 100% of the time look like complete slackers. "…so the accident at the north gate has pushed the arrival of most of our furniture back by anywhere from six hours to six days, depending on the size and weight."

"Wonderful." Unohana rolled her eyes and considered the problem. "Send someone over to the Academy and borrow some of their stuff for a while. Get cots, desks, benches, and whatever else is necessary."

Yamada frowned. "Yamamoto probably won't like that."

Unohana glared. "Should I care? He'll like us performing surgery in the _kitchen_ a whole lot less."

He raised both eyebrows and nodded. "Understood, _Captain_." Unohana carefully didn't show her irritation at his deliberate use of her new title. _Why is everyone else so much more excited about the transfer than I am? We were _dragooned_ into this deal, for pity's sake!_

Yamada continued, "We do have some good news – the massive storm we saw approaching earlier has been… well, I can't think of a better word for it than 'cancelled.'"

Unohana shivered. The incoming weather hadn't been just any storm – by rights it should have buried the Seireitei in several feet of snow, and she could think of only one way that it could have been stopped. "Ryujin Jakka?"

"Indeed. That blizzard never knew what hit it."

A new voice caught her attention, carrying over the crowd, although she couldn't see the speaker. "How do you do that, Jushiro?"

"Do what?"

"You've turned every female head in the entire building. They look _hungry_. I think I saw that one poor girl _swoon_."

"Glad to see you've focused on the important things. Do you see the captain? Come to think of it, do we even know what she looks like? She might not have her haori yet." The two men finally came into view – one of them wore a wide straw hat and had long dark hair, and looked like he needed a shave – although maybe he was going for the 'bad boy' image, it was hard to tell. He also wore a captain's haori with the number two emblazoned on the back. The other one had short white hair and a haori with the number three on it. Unohana couldn't take her eyes off him.

Dark-hair continued. "I imagine she'll be the one woman who isn't staring at you hard enough to drill holes through iron."

"You're a riot, Shunsui." White-hair scanned the crowd, his eyes passing right over Unohana before moving on. She dimly became aware of something repeatedly jabbing her in the ribs, and finally tore her gaze away. "Wh-What… what is it?"

Yamada leaned in, his voice a near-whisper. "Unless I miss my guess, the white-haired man is Jushiro Ukitake. You have an appointment with him in two minutes, and you wished to discuss his condition with him."

Unohana smoothed out her new uniform. "Right… do I look alright? I've been moving things all day…"

Yamada gave her a disapproving look over the rims of his glasses.

Unohana kept her composure. "It is important for the patient's well-being that I look professional," she said calmly, her voice deliberately pitched to be ultra-formal. "As all of our mirrors are halfway across the city, I need you to tell me whether or not my appearance is acceptable."

"Of course," he said, in a tone that suggested that he didn't buy her explanation for an instant. "You look fine. You may, however, wish to wipe the drool from your chin before meeting him."

Unohana's hand shot to her mouth. There was nothing there, and she felt a flush creep onto her face as she realized that she had fallen for one of his little jokes yet again. "You're lucky that I still need you, Yamada," she said with mock gravity.

The bald man gave a small bow and a thin smile, completely unruffled. "Job security is my greatest forte, captain." He turned to go and wrestle another piece of the chaos into something resembling order.

* * *

Unohana opened the door, while directing her second appointment of the day into an adjacent room. "Right this way, captain."

Ukitake walked through the door and stopped, searching for a compliment with some difficulty. "I like the décor. Very… Spartan."

"Hopefully not for long." Unohana swept into the room, which contained only two unpacked boxes. This room at least had standing cabinets, and shelving that was mounted to the walls and extended all the way up to near the ceiling. A window looked out at the construction going on in the main atrium. "Our furniture is held up at the north gate."

"Ah." The white-haired captain grimaced in sympathy.

Unohana began prying open one of the crates. "You should have been given your records on the way in. Did you get a chance to review them for any errors?"

Ukitake nodded. "Yes, and there actually were a few errors."

The new captain turned around. "Oh? What's wrong?"

He paused, evidently considering his words. "Did you know that I'm one hundred and ninety-one years old?"

Unohana nodded cautiously. "Yes, actually." That wasn't anything particularly special. There was no real 'age limit' on Soul Reapers. She would soon be hitting two hundred twenty-three years old herself.

Ukitake looked at his papers. "Well, according to this, I'm twenty-four, female, and suffering a sinus infection. Also, my name is Jushiro Ukitake, not 'Hitoshi Tenshin.'"

Unohana shook her head. "No, that would be the girl next door." They stared at each other for a moment before the implications hit Unohana and her eyes went wide. She snatched the records from him. "I'll be back in a moment."

She raced out the door and into the next room, to find out that she was too late. The young Miss Tenshin was staring at her records and sobbing. "Y..Y..your assistant said I have a… a _sinus_ problem." She blurted out. _"NOT TUBERCULOSIS!"_

Unohana raced over and switched the records. "My deepest apologies," she said, bowing, "there was a mistake in the records. I'll be with you in a moment." She dashed back out, slumping against the wall to collect herself before she had to face Ukitake again. _This is officially the worst day ever._

Minazuki's voice echoed through her mind. _It could be worse_._ Something could be on fire._

_Give it time_. Unohana thought back at her zanpakuto, her voice grouchy even in her own mind.

_You are upset. Calm yourself before going back in, or you will only make the situation worse._

_I can handle this, thank you very much._

Unohana opened the door and confidently strolled back in. Then she staggered back out, choking, because Minazuki's elongated blade – currently hanging across her back – had passed the wrong way through the door and the strap had caught her across her throat. She irritably pushed the sword around so that it hung under her arm. _Guess I have to carry you this way from now on, Minazuki. You can thank Yamamoto's architect – or maybe your huge blade, take your pick._

_Never blame a sword for the failings of the wielder. _The zanpakuto intoned. _The deadliest warrior is sharper than the blade she carries._

_Your favorite saying. _Unohana thought tartly._ Can I at least blame the architect?_

_You can if you want to keep running into things._

Unohana steeled herself and headed back in. "Alright. I'm terribly sorry about that. It has been a _very_ hectic week."

Ukitake nodded cheerfully. "I can imagine. Everyone is frustrated right now – I heard some new words from the boys at the north gate this morning." He stopped as he caught Unohana's frown. "You… ah… don't approve, I take it? I mean, sometimes, you just have to let it out."

Unohana bent back down to finish prying open the crate. "It's unprofessional, unethical, and unnecessary. I, for one, have no need for filthy language." She straightened swiftly as the lid popped off unexpectedly, banging her head _hard_ on the edge of the hanging shelves above her. "OW! _****!"_

Unohana chose to remember that Ukitake had a sudden coughing fit. The fact that it sounded remarkably like hysterical laughter was pure coincidence.

When she'd recovered her composure and he'd recovered from his… coughing fit, they both returned to the matter at hand as Unohana carefully started opening the other crate. "Your family doctor sent us a message that stated that you had tuberculosis. Now, it's rather tricky to treat that, but I know of a Kido-mix that should be able to take care of that for good, so if you'll please remove the top half of your uniform –"

"Captain…"

"- we can get started. The whole thing should be rather painless – "

"Captain…"

"- but just to be sure, I'm going to administer a mild sedative. Are you allergic to–"

"Captain Retsu Unohana!"

She looked up sharply. Ukitake held her gaze. "I don't have tuberculosis."

She frowned. "You don't?"

"No." He sighed. "Tuberculosis was a term of convenience, since the symptoms are similar. My lungs were damaged a long time ago – possibly at birth."

"That should be even easier to fix."

"It should be, but it isn't. Our family is minor royalty. We could afford some pretty good doctors."

Unohana crossed her arms. "I don't like to brag, but I _am_ a fair bit better than 'pretty good.'"

"That's what _our_ doctor said. But everything he tried ended up being reversed in about a month. Kido, potions, whatever… it all ended up useless. In no time I would be short of breath again. Then one fine day there was a rather large fire, and… suffice to say, my lungs took even more damage. In fact, I was probably going to die."

He looked at Unohana squarely. "So the doctor tried something wild. He went deep into the spirit versus physical body theories and determined that he could mix healing Kido with the spiritual energies of a willing donor and regenerate my lungs."

Unohana nodded. "One of your siblings volunteered."

"All of them contributed, actually – and it worked! I was saved." He started coughing, holding a small cloth to his mouth. When he was done, he held it out to Unohana, showing the blood on it. "But at a cost. You see, the spiritual energies of multiple Soul Reapers aren't meant to be combined on a permanent basis. I'm constantly rejecting the very thing keeping me alive, and as a result, my lungs are constantly tearing themselves apart even as they heal. Some days it's worse than others – I'm still grateful to Yamamoto for taking me on as a student; most instructors couldn't deal with a schedule like mine."

He sighed, a small wheezing noise. "Healing Kido, unfortunately, strengthens both my spiritual power and the alien powers in my system, making the problem worse. Our doctor managed to come up with some sort of concoction that keeps it sort of under control – during the worst spells, I'm confined to a bed for hours instead of days, like I used to be. But this isn't a quick fix."

"I… I see." Unohana closed her eyes. _What arrogance. I should have remembered that he'd have access to other doctors. I should have asked him about this first before pretending that I could help. So many should haves!_ She opened them again. "I would like to work on this. Do you have a sample of the medication that you're using?"

"Yes I do, and I thank you in advance for looking into it." He smiled. "I think I'll pass on taking off my shirt, though, since it's so cold out."

Unohana gave a bitter chuckle. "That's fine. Thank you for coming by. Have a nice day."

After he had gone, she slumped against the wall and slid down to the floor. _Well, that was a disaster. I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks the medical division is being run by a complete moron by now._

_Yes, you could just hear the condemnation in his voice when he thanked you, couldn't you? And you didn't even manage to get his shirt off…_

_No one likes a sarcastic zanpakuto, Minazuki._

_And *I* do not like pity parties! Get it together, Retsu. Your division needs you._

"Fine." She said out loud, standing up. "From here on out, this is going to be a _good_ day!"

_That's the spirit!_

She punched her open palm with her other hand. "Time to get this division together!"

_Go get them! Carpe imperium!_

"INCOMING!"

_BEHIND YOU!_

The 'incoming' message hadn't been spoken by Unohana, but Minazuki's startled warning prodded her into action just in time. She looked out at the atrium and dodged to one side as a massive support pole crashed straight through the window, right where she had been standing a moment ago, before hitting the far wall with a heavy *THUD.* From outside, she heard the shouts of several men.

"Oh _crap!_ Was anyone in there?"

"Hey! Is anyone hurt! Could we get some help here?"

Unohana climbed out from under the shelving slowly, and worked her way over to the window through the debris. "I'm fine." Further inspection revealed that the men moving the pillar had lost control of it, sending it her way. For their part, the men had realized just who they had nearly hit and looked as though they were wondering who among them would be executed first. "Captain! A thousand apologies! We…"

"It's fine." She interrupted. She couldn't really think of what else to say, though she saw Yamada heading her way.

"As you say, Captain." The others looked at each other uncomfortably before one of them gestured to the support beam. "Um… what are we supposed to do with this?"

"It's a suppository." Unohana muttered darkly.

"I'm sorry, captain, I didn't quite hear that."

"I said, 'take it to the conservatory.'" She said, more clearly.

"Right away, captian!" As she walked to the door, she heard the men talking to each other.

"That was close. I think she's legally allowed to kill us, you know."

"Yeah, but where the hell is the conservatory? Do we even have one?"

Yamada's smooth voice broke in. "We do now. If you gentlemen would please pick that up and follow me…"

Unohana sighed and stepped back out into the large room that connected all of the patient rooms on this floor. No sooner had she done so than one of her new 'officers' – the thirteenth seat, if she remembered correctly – was back in her face. She held up a finger before he could start talking. Unohana sniffed at a peculiar odor in the air. "Sugima… why do I smell smoke?"

He grinned nervously and held up his hands in a placating manner. "Ok, the good news is, nothing really _important_ is on fire…"

* * *

**4th Division, Captain's Quarters - 7:25 a.m.**

Unohana woke up, noting that she'd once again relived a particularly vivid experience in her afterlife. "Oh, how disappointing," she said sarcastically to her empty bedroom, "we were just getting to the good part."

_Things did go downhill from there, didn't they?_ Minazuki chimed in.

Unohana got out of bed and started preparing for the day, eventually continuing her conversation. _There's a break in the pattern._

_How so?  
_

_This memory wasn't a battle._

_It was for you._ Minazuki said firmly, surprising Unohana. _Making that change was very hard for you, Retsu. Don't think I didn't notice. For most, joining the Gotei Thirteen is a step upwards in fortune, but not for you. You didn't want to come here, you didn't want to do this, you felt as though Yamamoto blackmailed you into it, and when you arrived absolutely everything went wrong. It took centuries for you to adjust fully._

_It didn't take *that* long…_

_It was two hundred and fifty-five years before you really opened up to Jushiro and Kyoraku. And even then you didn't tell them everything. Or did you tell them about your *first* conversation with Yamamoto when I wasn't looking?_

Unohana made her way out the door and to the gate of the officer barracks. _So what should I do? About the dreams, I mean?_

_Pay closer attention to them than you did to me back in the tenth century. The dreams aren't the only thing bothering you, though. You are concerned for your division. Why have you not talked to me about it?_

_I will later, Minazuki. I promise._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Isane's Apartment - 7:28 a.m.**

Isane woke up feeling better than she had in days. She looked over and realized that she had beaten the alarm by two minutes, and reached over to shut it off. She got up and got ready to face the day, finishing right about the time she heard Rangiku talking to someone out in the kitchen area.

"…yes, I found her. Well, she says there may be a problem with coming back. Something about the remaining two Arrancar – she thinks Soifon might not be able to get out here in time." Silence for a moment. "Um… maybe? It's hard to say. She seems fine to me." More silence. "Yes, captain. I'll call you when I know more. Bye!"

Isane walked out. "Talking to Captain Hitsugaya?"

Rangiku turned around. "Right! I was supposed to call him when I found you, but it was late enough last night that I decided to wait."

"I see. What did he say?"

The Tenth Division's lieutenant looked at her phone. "He said that I'm to help you fix it and get you back to the Seireitei at your discretion. It's up to you." She swallowed nervously. "Did you make your decision?"

"Yes. Get into your Gigai. We have to get to the high school by eight."

Rangiku grinned. "Absolutely."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 7:40 a.m.**

Soto stood on top of the highest building in Karakura town and reached out with her senses, searching for spiritual pressure. "Hmm… Reaper, Reaper, Reaper, Reaper… and Reaper. A couple more Reapers… Something artificial… one _really_ powerful cat… and…"

Her eyes snapped open. "Aw, man. That's not good." She pulled out her communicator and dialed for Alegria. The alpha's voice came over the phone. "What is it?"

Soto continued her search. "What am I supposed to do if there aren't any spiritually aware humans left?"

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: And that's the chapter. It actually ended up being more about Unohana than Isane, possibly for the first time, but don't worry – the lieutenants will be back in the spotlight next time.

Ukitake's explanation is my private theory on why Master Healer Unohana (remember, she puts Renji back together after he was practically pureed, recharges all of Ichigo's spiritual power while moving at a dead run through a Garganta, and develops a cure for Mayuri's super-poison in just under half an hour) couldn't fix a lung condition that's been a problem for Ukitake for hundreds of years, and why Orihime couldn't fix it if for some reason it was completely incurable.

Not a whole lot happened this chapter, other than Isane and Rangiku's team up, but it was important for the Unohana subplot. I think I might have cheated you on the Arrancar, too. Never fear, more main plot will happen next time!

As always, comments, criticisms, and the like are greatly appreciated. Please review!


	19. A Great Deal of Ado

Salutations!

Here's Chapter 19 at last. Between starting grad school and my new job, time has been tight. I don't know when the next chapter will be out, but I have started on it.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, RangerH, Substitute Deathberry, Nathan J Xaxson, Superforeigner, Silverwriter582, firelarc, koolawantxox4u, Tomas the Betrayer, Orion 101, and laughingspider for the encouragement and reviews so far.

In response to comments:

To Orion: I did know about the Yamada in the TBTP arc (although from the Bleach Wiki, not google, so you're one up on me), and chose to make Unohana's first lieutenant a Yamada deliberately. More will be said about it before the story is done.

On coupling (or perhaps shipping): It probably won't happen in this story, because at this point it would have to be sandwiched into the plot rather awkwardly. I don't object to the idea of various characters hooking up, I just don't think I could do it well in this story.

To everyone else: Glad to see that you're still enjoying it. Part of the reason that this took so long to get out is because we ran into the 'other rough patch' that I mentioned a few chapters back, but now I've more or less solidified the planning for the rest of the story, so I hopefully won't get hung up like this again. I'll try to get future chapters out faster, but I can't make any promises.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 19 – The buildup for much ado about something**

_As mentioned before, things fall apart. A great deal of the reason for this is that people, as a group, do not always communicate well. Due to this, requirements and important information are not received by interested parties, and events that should have been anticipated come as a complete surprise._

_Sometimes, though, anyone can see a disaster coming from miles away._

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 7:55 a.m.**

"Eighty-eight people, Soto." Alegria fumed as she paced back and forth across the stage. "I know you have trouble with _math_ on occasion, but eighty-eight is less than one hundred."

Soto looked hurt. "Oh, come on! There is _no way_ that this is my fault. I'm not the one who decides how many humans wake up spiritually aware one morning."

"That's true, but you _are_ the one who scanned the town and told me that there were enough _enlightened_ people here in Karakura to serve our purposes."

"There were! I dunno where the rest are. Maybe they went out of town for a while."

Alegria sat down on the edge of the stage, thinking for a bit before laughing bitterly. "No. No, no, no… Aizen's plan for universal domination will _not_ be undone by a badly-timed sabbatical. How many are actually left?"

"Nine, but four of them are at that one high school." Soto paused. "That doesn't count the big guy I hit outside of town a few days back – the one that got away. If he comes back here – an' he probably will, since it didn't look like he was moving out – that gives us ten."

Alegria nodded. "And if at least two more come back from wherever they disappeared to, that would give us the round one hundred."

Soto nodded cheerfully. "Right! So we should still be fine. Just out of curiosity, what happens if we hit the big switch with just eighty-eight of them?"

Alegria frowned, thinking.

Her plan – the one she'd devised to carry out Aizen's mission – was simple in both theory and execution, but simple wasn't quite the same thing as quick or easy. Aizen had explained to them that, according to incomplete research from the Soul Society (which was later expanded on by Szayel in the least humane way possible), a spiritually awakened human being had the same spiritual 'footprint' – or perhaps 'impact' would be a better term – as about one thousand normal humans. This meant that one hundred spiritually awakened humans could be brought together and sacrificed to fuel the creation of a new Oken – Aizen's primary objective – as long as they could be gathered together _with_ the Hogyoku _inside_ a spiritual nexus.

Given how unlikely it was that all one-hundred humans could be convinced to fall for the same time-sharing scam, Alegria had decided to simply kidnap the humans as rapidly as possible, hook them up to the necessary equipment – which was basically just a link between the humans to the Hogyoku – and use whatever resources she had left to screen off interference until she had enough humans to turn the whole thing on. Once she had the King's Key, she and her group would return to Aizen, mission accomplished.

There had been a few hiccups in the plan – the humans had awakened _physically_ at one point, despite Szayel's assurances that such a thing wouldn't be possible, and then Zarraga and Bastida had been killed in combat, leaving her to rely rather heavily on Soto for bagging the remaining humans, and Genjo to throw other Soul Reapers off track. That had worked out pretty well for her so far, but by far the biggest glitch in the system had come this morning, when Soto had told her that some of the spiritually awakened humans were unaccounted for. Ultimately, she didn't know what would happen if they tried to take a short cut and used fewer humans.

Alegria shook her head. "My best guess? We create an incomplete Oken, which won't really open the gateway to the Spirit King but _will_ set off every sensor in the Soul Society. Then Yamamoto catches up to us and gives us a choice between regular and extra crispy."

"Oh." Soto looked disappointed. "Could we just kidnap one thousand humans for each of the missing awakened ones?"

"We don't have that many links, Soto. We'd have to make a trip back to Las Noches, and then come back here, and any number of things could go wrong in the meantime."

"Alright." Soto pouted. Alegria wasn't complaining though – Soto was remarkably on-task this morning. "What do you want me to do?"

"Start on the remaining nine. If we run out completely… we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"Okay!" Soto sprang up, her good cheer restored at a speed that confounded Alegria. _It's kind of creepy how fast her mood changes._

With a twirl, Soto was gone. Alegria went back to check on the humans. Each one mattered now – it wouldn't do for any of them to die before the big moment…

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 7:57 a.m.**

Isane and Rangiku made good time on their way to the school. "I still can't believe you got suckered into a _job_. Isane. I thought you were savvier than that."

"How so?" Isane frowned as she opened the door to the school's clinic. When the two of them were inside, she closed it again and moved over to her little desk.

"Well, when I go to the world of the living on my own, I usually accept a bunch of credit card offers under a random name. Then when I leave, I just ditch the cards somewhere. Most mortal agencies have yet to deduce that I'm actually dead and can leave the planet whenever I want, so I basically never pay for anything while I'm here." Isane listened in growing horror, finally asking, "Isn't that… embezzlement or something? Sorry, mortal law isn't my strong suit, but…"

The other lieutenant waved a hand airily. "Actually, it would only be embezzlement if the credit card companies were owned by the Gotei 13. What I'm doing is plain old fraud - as defined by most major countries." Rangiku nodded at the end for emphasis.

The two women stared at each other for a moment before Rangiku cracked up. A moment later, Isane laughed too. "Oh, wow… you really had me going, there."

"I know! You should have seen the look on your face!" Rangiku took a deep breath. "Really, I should be hurt that you think I'd do that to all those poor mortals."

Isane leaned back. "Well, in my defense, you do have a habit of cutting corners."

The other lieutenant crossed her arms. "_Everyone_ cuts corners, Isane. The trick is not going too far."

Isane blinked a few times. "I don't take those kinds of shortcuts. Good grief, Rangiku, do you really think I do anything less than the full procedure when someone entrusts their _life_ to me?"

Rangiku rolled her eyes and picked up the name tag from the desk. "No, I think you probably cut corners in other places. Or are you going to tell me that you came by this job legitimately…" she flipped the tag over to show it to Isane, "…_Yukana_? Really, you'd almost _have_ to have broken several rules to do as well as you have on this mission so far – _and that's fine._ It's ok to be unconventional, even to _cheat_, as long as you don't…" she trailed off, suddenly glum. "…as long as you don't betray the ones depending on you."

Isane was saved from having to answer when the door opened, admitting a _very_ large and somewhat familiar young man. "I was told to report here," he rumbled out.

Rangiku's expression lit up for a moment. "Whooo! Chad!" Then she registered the state he was in – 'Chad' was covered in bruises, abrasions, and burns. "Whoa, Chad! What happened?"

_Chad_. The name finally registered with Isane – he was one of the Ryoka invaders. From the accounts she'd heard, he had made pretty good progress through the Seireitei's defenses until he'd run face-first into Captain Kyoraku and Lieutenant Ise.

_But even after that, he looked better than he does now._

Isane got up and directed him onto the room's cot, which groaned under his weight. "What happened?"

"Class three went on a trip. I had to go a day late because of a test I couldn't miss, and on the way a lady attacked me."

"What kind of lady? What did she look like?"

Chad paused for a few seconds. "Kind of like a magician. Dressed all in white."

"Arrancar." Rangiku said. "What else could it be?"

"Did you kill her?" Isane asked, although she didn't think it was likely. _I can dream._

"No. I couldn't hit her. Whenever I used a blast from my arm, it just came back at me."

"How did you get away?"

"I didn't. She got a call after a minute or two and had to leave." There was another moment of silence before he added. "I walked back. I tried to call, but one of the hits broke my phone."

"Alright. Let me concentrate for a moment. Rangiku, go out in the hallway and make sure no one's coming."

"Ooohhh… going to play doctor, are we?"

Isane shook her head and flushed, dazed by the sudden shift in conversation. "What? No! I'm going to use healing Kido, and it might be a _bit_ difficult to explain it to the faculty if someone walks in on us."

"That's what I said. What did you _think_ I meant?" Rangiku breezed out before Isane could respond.

"I'm going to kill her before the mission is over. Just watch." Isane gritted out.

"Are you sure about this?"

Isane nodded and began drawing up spiritual power. "Yes. Don't worry, I've had a lot of practice and I have a light touch. Just relax."

"I'm not worried."

"Oh? This isn't your first time?"

"Are you keeping it PG in there?" Rangiku said through the door.

"Pay attention to the _hallway_, Rangiku!" Isane shouted.

"Is she always like this?" Chad asked, not sounding particularly upset.

A greenish glow suffused Isane's hand, and Chad's injuries began healing. "No. She's currently on her best behavior. Most of the time she's even more of a pain."

"I see."

"This shouldn't take too long. You have several wounds, but all of them are fairly minor."

"Alright."

A few minutes passed in comfortable silence. Finally Isane was finished. "There. All better."

"Thank you."

Rangiku popped the door. "There's someone coming, Isane. Turn off the juice if you haven't already."

"It's fine, although I would prefer that you not call the healing arts 'juice.' You should probably get back to class, Chad. Tell Ichigo and the others about the new Arrancar."

"Okay."

* * *

**4th Division, Main Office - 8:00 a.m.**

Unohana walked into the main office. _Prepare for backlash in three… two… one…_

She wasn't disappointed. After the brief ray of sunshine last night, so to speak, the contrast with returning to the status quo made working conditions seem even worse at the Fourth Division.

_Easy, Retsu. Start at the top, work your way down to the root of the problem._ After more than a millennium of sharing a soul with her zanpakuto, it was sometimes difficult to separate her thoughts from those of Minazuki.

Unohana decided to take Minazuki's – or perhaps her own – advice, and called an officer's meeting. Fifteen minutes later, all of her officers were there, with the exception, of course, of Isane. After everyone was seated she simply sat for a minute, organizing her thoughts. Finally she decided to take a simple approach. "Opinions?"

For a moment, all was silent. Finally, Iemura spoke up. "On… last night?"

"That, and on the effect it had on the division."

Her eleventh seat spoke out next. "It seemed like a good idea last night. Everyone was pumped. I think this morning everyone realized that out of the entire division, _one_ group of seven managed to beat a third seat officer – a third seat who didn't even have a blade, much less his Shikai."

Kinashita nodded. "When all's said and done, we're still the Fourth Division. We're just never going to be badass, which is apparently still the only thing that gets you respect from the combat divisions."

"Never?" Unohana asked quietly.

"I don't think so. I'm not sure anyone in the Fourth has it in them." She then flinched like someone had kicked her under the table. She started to turn toward Iemura before her eyes widened. "Oh! I mean, besides _you_, Captain! I'd never…"

"How long," Unohana cut her off, "did it take you to achieve Shikai, from the moment you entered the Soul Reaper Academy?"

Kinashita blinked. "Ah… six years, I suppose. I achieved it just after graduation."

"That's remarkably quick. Not record-shatteringly so, but commendable."

"Thank you…?" She sounded confused.

"My next question is: how long did it take _me_ to achieve Shikai?"

"I don't know, Captain. That was… uh… a _little_ before my time." Some of the other officers snickered.

"Ten years, Miss Kinashita."

"I see…"

"I'm not sure that you do." Unohana got up and began pacing. "You seem to be making faster progress in your development as a Soul Reaper, and yet I am vastly more powerful than you because I have a thousand-year head start. These things do not change quickly."

She stopped pacing. "The reason the Fourth is seen as a subpar fighting squad is because it _is._ We put the same effort into healing people and making sure the Seireitei doesn't fall apart as the Eleventh Division puts into fighting. That said, time makes fools of us all – you may very well be more powerful than Captain Zaraki someday. In the mean time, neither this division nor the others will change overnight. Have patience."

"That's true, captain, but this is a _crash course_ in getting us up to speed as a combat unit. That implies some sort of quick results." Iemura adjusted his glasses. "So far, the only thing I've gotten out of it is empirical knowledge about the flavor of Captain Kyoraku's socks."

Unohana leaned back. "Then I will make a wager with you, Iemura."

"A wager?"

"Indeed. I am willing to bet that within a week, some sort of substantial positive improvement occurs within the Fourth Division – 'substantial positive improvement' _as defined by you_. If it doesn't I will… oh… what's a suitably degrading task?"

Silence greeted her. "Oh dear. I can't make an ill-advised bet? Or can you not think of anything silly for me to do? Interpretive Dance? Karaoke? Perhaps I should wear Captain Kyoraku's eye-murdering Kimono for a while? His officers would _jump_ at the chance to humiliate their leader."

More silence.

"Well, in lieu of a better idea, I will file your response reports for a year and a day. How does that sound?"

Iemura looked trapped. On the one hand, there was really no way for him to lose the bet. On the other hand, Unohana was popular enough that he couldn't really _win_ the bet unless he technically 'lost,' since the resentment generated would cost him badly.

He thought he saw a way out, though. "Do you have the free time you need to do that?"

"I could cancel my Ikebana demonstrations. No one ever comes to those anyway." She considered for a moment. "Come to think of it, that would make an excellent ante for _your_ side of the wager – if you lose, you have to actually _attend_ said demonstrations for a year." Iemura visibly paled – just like that, it had turned into a no-win scenario.

There was, however, no way out. "If… if you say so, Captain."

"I do indeed. In the meantime, all of you are to make sure that the division continues to function acceptably. Understood?" A chorus of assent wafted around the room. "Are there any questions?"

"Are we going to fight Captain Kyoraku again tonight?"

"Possibly. Would you prefer someone else? I hear Captain Soifon doesn't have much to do lately…"

"Well, what if _we_ fought the senior officers from the Eighth and the Thirteenth and _you_ fought one of the other Captains?" The sixth seat officer looked around the room and was met with glares. "Oh come on," she said, "all of you thought it was a great idea a minute ago."

Unohana frowned. "I'm not sure what that would prove."

"It doesn't have to prove anything. It could just be… I dunno… a morale boost?"

"That's a terrible idea." Iemura shook his head. "What are we, back in grade school? 'Our mom can beat up your dad?' Really?"

"It's a moot point – captain versus captain training has to be overseen by Yamamoto, and has a tendency to inflict massive property damage. It would take a while to set up."

"Oh…"

"Anything else?"

There was nothing else, and Unohana dismissed them. As they filed out, she realized something was missing. _I haven't seen one of those posters yet._ She didn't know what to think about that. Had the mysterious prankster been satisfied? Or was he or she just too tired from last night's activities to put another one up?

She focused her thoughts back where they belonged: on division business. She realized that she needed to get advice from another source to tackle this problem. While she would rather avoid it, she knew that she would have to ask the Gotei Thirteen's expert in teaching patience to younger Soul Reapers, and there was only one captain who had the experience necessary to give her any useful advice.

She grabbed her hell butterfly operator on the way out. "Sorry to bother you, but I need to arrange a meeting with Head-Captain Yamamoto. Could you find out if he's free this afternoon?"

* * *

**2nd Division, Captain's Office - 9:20 a.m.**

Soifon shook her head as she signed the document, then sent it to her hell butterfly operator. "My name is Soifon, Assassin of Assassins, leader of the Stealth Forces, and captain of the Second Division. Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair."

"…what?" Omaeda sounded confused as he munched on his favorite snack.

_Well, he does have a good reason to, this time._ Soifon thought. "I was just thinking about the kind of power that I hold."

Omeada scratched his head. "Alright, that makes sense, but why am I despairing again?"

"Well, with all of that power, you would think that I would be able to make my displeasure known in some fashion other than writing a _strongly worded letter_ to Central Dispatch. Right up until this summer, I could always sneak into the living quarters of the Central 46 for some good old-fashioned intimidation, but now Yamamoto is in charge and that won't work anymore."

"Ah."

"Besides, I only told the mighty to despair – you don't have to do anything." Soifon got up and left the room.

"Sweet." Omaeda popped another rice cracker into his mouth before frowning. "Wait a minute..."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 10:05 a.m.**

"…_and the number of missing persons in this string of kidnappings now stands at eighty-nine. In further news, a truly bizarre gas leak caused an explosion under Karakura's main transit bridge last night. Hiro Kosu is on the scene with some of the city's engineers. What is the situation there, Hiro?"_

The voice changed. _"Well as you can see, the bridge is completely closed to through-traffic. I'm here with the city's lead civil engineer – what do you think may have caused this gas leak, sir?"_

The voice changed again, this one sounding exasperated. _"We are fairly certain that this was not a gas leak. We can't rule out meteor impact or even terrorism at this point."_

The original voice spoke. _"…But how are you sure it wasn't a gas leak?"_

"_Mostly, we're sure because no gas lines run underneath the bridge."_

"_Really? When was the last time anyone checked? I mean, someone could theoretically…"_

Isane turned the radio off. "Well, that was enlightening. Our Arrancar friends have been busy."

Rangiku frowned. "You think the Arrancar are kidnapping people? That's new…"

"I told you about this last night." Isane thought for a moment. "Didn't I?"

"You just said that they were up to something. If you think they're responsible for the disappearances, then I should report that to my captain."

"Why? What is he going to do?"

"I don't know, but he told me to call him if I found anything out that he might help with. This probably qualifies."

* * *

**10th Division, Captain's Office - 10:11 a.m.**

Captain Hitsugaya put down his desk phone. "That was Matsumoto. She says that the Arrancar are kidnapping spiritually aware humans. Any idea what that could be about?"

Mitsu shook her head, as did the other two ninjas in the room with them. "Not a clue."

"Which means," Hitsugaya said, rubbing his chin, "that it's up to us to do the research on this end. To do that, I think we're going to need that access to Kurotsuchi's archives that you promised."

Mitsu dug through her belongings. "Right away, sir." While she searched, she said casually, "the rest of the group reports that Captain Soifon has sent a hell butterfly to Central Dispatch. They're trying to intercept it now."

"Good."

She hesitated. "It doesn't bother you? I mean, interfering with the butterflies is…"

"Illegal? I'm already breaking a number of rules. I suppose, on a scale of one to ten, with one being the perfect captain and ten being a depraved monster, I've moved from a three to a four."

Mitsu nodded, finally locating the notebook that she'd been looking for and handing it to Hitsugaya. "Ah. Just out of curiosity, sir, where does Captain Kurotsuchi fall on this scale?"

Hitsugaya did a quick mental calculation. "Mayuri? He's a twenty-seven." He looked at her data on Kurotsuchi and frowned. "Make that twenty-nine. How did you get this?"

"That's one of those questions that I'm supposed to kill myself before answering, sir."

"Fair enough. I think it's time we paid the captain of the Twelfth a visit."

* * *

**Seireitei, Unknown Location - 10:13 a.m.**

Ryo leaped across the space between buildings in pursuit of the hell butterfly. "Ok, seriously, you have to stop! Please?"

"Neither rain nor snow nor desperate ninjas will stop us from making our daily rounds," the butterfly quipped, not even slowing down, and certainly not taking a route that was convenient for pedestrian traffic.

Ryo continued his pursuit. "Look, if you'd slow down for a moment I can explain."

"Why should I? What legitimate reason could I have for stopping for you?" It chirped back.

"You can trust me! I'm a spy."

"That doesn't make a whole lot of se-aaaaahhhh!" The butterfly ran face first into a thrown net and fell to the rooftop.

Tomoe and Anzi appeared from their hiding places. Anzi scooped up his net with the butterfly inside of it while Tomoe glared at Ryo. "'You can trust me, I'm a spy?' What possessed you to say that?"

"I was running out of ideas, ok? At least we caught it."

The three of them took it inside the nearest empty building. Tomoe pulled out the butterfly. In it's squeaky voice, the hell butterfly intoned, "The following message is for [Central Dispatch]. Any attempt to keep it from reaching [Central Dispatch] will be be bebebebebeeeeeeeee…" It trailed off as Tomoe did something that caused the hell butterfly to open up like a flower, showing delicate strands of kido-laced components and organs inside.

Anzi's eyes widened. "Whoa! I've never seen _that_ before. I thought these things were supposed to explode if you tampered with them."

"They are." Ryo explained, "But Tomoe is our explosives expert. We're going to change the message and send it back to Soifon to buy some more time for Fourth Seat Kawachi."

"It's not as hard as you'd think." Tomoe said, fiddling with the workings. "The hell butterflies are the same today as they were a hundred years ago, so messing with them isn't really – TAKE COVER!"

The three of them flash-stepped as far away as possible as the butterfly blew sky high and took most of the building with it. They looked at the devastation with something resembling awe.

"I guess 'expert' is a relative term?" Anzi ventured.

Tomoe looked indignant. "Those jerks changed out the traps! They must have done it after Aizen toyed with all of those messages from the Central 46 chambers."

"You just wanted to see it explode, didn't you?" Ryo asked.

"No, I did not."

"Why should we take your word for it?" He pressed.

"You can trust me – I'm a spy."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 11:04 a.m.**

Ichigo nodded as Chad finished his story. "Well, at least we know what the Arrancar looks like now."

"Sort of." Rukia amended.

The three of them were on the roof of the high school, during lunch. It afforded them some privacy – with several of the classes on various trips, and with Uryu being antisocial again, they were the only ones up there.

At first, anyway. "Ichigo! My maaaan! Whatcha doin'?" Keigo bounced out onto the roof as though he were made of springs.

_We're discussing the recent disappearances, and we think an extra-dimensional monster might be responsible. _Ichigo shrugged. "Not much."

"What's up? I tried to get in touch with you this weekend, but it was like you were in a coma or something. What were you doing?"

_Meeting with a high-ranking member of a military organization based in the afterlife, who had us help her track down a berserk spiritually-powered android and capture it. Then I had an argument with a dead girl – you remember Rukia? Yeah, her._ He shrugged again. "Hanging out."

Ichigo started to say something else, but stopped when he saw a ripple behind Keigo. A split second later, a tall woman, dressed in a cape, a white leotard, high boots, long gloves, and most importantly – mask fragments around her head. A tattoo of the Greek letter beta was visible on her cheek.

"Cool, cool…" Keigo paused. "What are you all staring at?" He turned around. "Gaaah!"

Soto pushed a strand of blue hair back behind her ear and looked back and forth between Keigo and Chad. She made no move to draw the oversized scimitar riding at her hip. "Awesome! Two for the price of one!"

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: Whew. I've already mentioned above why this took a while to do, and apologize again for the wait. As I said, I've gone through the last part where I wasn't really sure about what I was doing. From here on out I have a solid plan.

As always, questions, comments, criticisms, and the like are very welcome. Please review!

* * *

_**Arrancar Encyclopedia - Abridged!**_

Gin: "They're doin' _everything_ half-assed these days."

_Remember that I was going to throw in some more of these omake things? Well, here we go…_

_Gin stands in front of a small chart, situated on a tripod. He taps his extendable pointer against it. The first page shows pictures of the four Arrancar prototypes._

Gin: Hey there. Today we'll be talkin' about the new Arrancar. As you may remember, their transformations allow 'em to alter the battlefield instead of giving 'em fire blasts or whatever. Zarraga's could cut off Soul Reaper powers, an' Bastida's let him move objects in weird ways by touching 'em. That doesn't matter too much, though, since both of 'em are dead.

_Gin flips the page to show a more complete picture of Soto._

Gin: Now, Soto here has been shown teleportin' an' returnin' attacks, but her _actual_ power is-

_Alegria sonido-steps into the room._

Alegria: Hold it!

Gin: What?

Alegria: This is supposed to be a big reveal later, just like my powers! You can't just tell them now.

Gin: Fine. How'd you know I was gonna give it away, though?

Alegria: Because I… oooh… nice try, but I'm not falling for that again.

Gin: So close.

_Fade to black._


	20. Searching for Volunteers

Welcome back!

Here's Chapter 20. Real life continues to provide additional work to do, and I'm ready to tell you that grading papers will destroy your soul faster than Quincy arrows. This chapter mostly ended up being combat, but it did manage to be plot-related combat. The Seireitei shenanigans had to be postponed a chapter.

Responses to comments: I'm glad everyone is still enjoying the story.

On the subject of ghosts and the material world: Tomas raises an interesting point. I considered how much of an impact mortal objects could have on spirits, and decided to compromise. It's shown from the very first chapter of Bleach that Hollows and Soul Reapers can influence the mortal world (when the Hollow Rukia kills leaves footprints in the concrete), but it's never stated explicitly how much the mortal world "hurts," and Reapers and Hollows don't seem to "phase" through objects unless they're focusing on doing so. I decided to have the danger from mortal objects be very minimal – you'll note that Isane was blasted through multiple windows and into a shop full of broken glass, where she skidded along the floor before hitting the back wall. A human being doing all of that would look like raw hamburger, but Isane barely considers it an inconvenience compared to what Bastida is up to. So there's my reasoning – ultimately, the lieutenants do a _lot_ more damage to their surroundings than the surroundings do to the lieutenants, which seems pretty common for Bleach.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, RangerH, Substitute Deathberry, Nathan J Xaxson, Superforeigner, Silverwriter582, firelarc, koolawantxox4u, Tomas the Betrayer, Orion 101, and laughingspider for the encouragement and reviews so far.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 20 – Getting a volunteer from the audience**

_There are a large number of shortcuts that you take when processing information. This is a survival feature, not laziness – without doing so, you would never be able to keep up with what your senses are telling you (sort of like what happens to Szayel). As a result, good entertainers (and good criminals) know that if you can distract those watching you, you can make things appear to happen as if by magic, or hide what you're really doing behind a distraction – even one that only lasts for a moment. It's called prestidigitation, or sleight-of-hand. It involves fast reflexes, careful coordination, and impeccable timing._

_In some cases, it also involves explosions, which is why you should leave it to the professionals._

* * *

**Las Noches, Throne Room - 11:05 a.m.**

Aizen once again sat down in front of the two remaining active monitors. A moment later Gin, Tousen, and Tia Harribel, the Third Espada, walked in.

Harribel came to a stop that managed to be both relaxed and crisp at the same time. "Reporting as ordered, Lord Aizen."

"As ordered? Gin, I told you to make it clear that this was a _request_. And where are your manners? Bring her a chair."

Gin's grin grew. Aizen's requests and orders were interchangeable, but this was a mind game they played with the Espada from time to time – the nice, pleasant, and polite Aizen reigning in his much more unreasonable subordinates. Grimmjow's new handicapped status was another example – his disobedient raid on Karakura Town had come one limb short of costing him an arm and a leg, courtesy of a certain blind ex-captain – but the original idea for his punishment had been Aizen's, not Tousen's. "Sure thing."

"A chair is not necessary. I would prefer to stand." Harribel moved over to Aizen's side to look at the views while Tousen moved up by Gin.

"Very well. I called for you because you expressed an interest in both Soto and Alegria before they left for Karakura Town, but you didn't have the chance to see their abilities tested. Soto, however, is about to face Kurosaki and some of his companions in a moment, I believe. In addition, there are other Soul Reaper officers in the area that may intervene."

Harribel nodded and crossed her arms. "Watching her in battle would be most informative. What are her victory conditions?"

"She's attempting to capture the very large young man and the, ah… _loud_ one. So she may decide not to dig in and fight them if she can accomplish her mission anyway. We'll have to see."

Gin turned his head and looked at Harribel slyly. "An' what're _your_ conditions? Should she bag the humans an' run or stay and kill 'em all?"

Harribel regarded him coolly. "I don't have any yet. Fighting to the finish may be an effort to pare down the number of known enemies, or it may be excessive bloodlust. Running might be prudence or cowardice. I won't know for sure from one fight."

Aizen nodded. "Gin, keep an eye on Kurosaki. Let me know if you see any strange developments."

"Aw, I wanted to watch the big guy. Can't Kaname do it?"

Aizen raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah… sorry."

Tousen shrugged. "I doubt it."

"True."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 11:05 a.m.**

For a long moment, no one moved.

The arrancar tilted her head and grinned, apparently greatly cheered by the situation. "Hi there! I'm Soto and I need to borrow these guys for a while. Do you mind?"

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. "If I do, will you go back to Hueco Mundo?"

"No. Or, well… not right away." Soto took on a thoughtful expression, as though seriously considering the question. "It actually takes a lot longer if you don't just let me take these guys."

"Why, so you can feed on them?"

"Oh _goodness_ no!" Soto said, completely serious. "We're sustaining ourselves on a diet of 100% random plusses. I'd never eat your friends!"

Rukia frowned. "So… why do you want them again?"

"Do we get a say in this?" Keigo whined.

"No." Chad answered.

Rukia held up a hand imperiously and went on. "If you're not here looking for a snack or hostages, why are you after Chad and Keigo?"

Soto shrugged apologetically. "Can't tell you. The boss can be unreasonable like that."

Rukia took an involuntary step forward. "The boss… are you working directly for Aizen?"

"Not really. Aizen likes explaining his plans to people. In detail. I don't think he'd mind."

"This isn't getting us anywhere." Ichigo slapped his substitute badge against his body while Rukia popped her Soul Candy into her mouth.

Keigo gaped. "What the heck are you doing? I don't…" Recognition finally dawned. "You two are part of that crazy crew of ghosts!"

"We'll explain later, Keigo." _With a memory suppressor._ Rukia took a good look at Soto. _Beta… number two of whatever force they sent. Probably stronger than that D-Roy guy._ She decided to release immediately. "Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!" For his part, Ichigo whipped Zangetsu off of his back, the white wrappings unraveling as he did so.

Soto looked to Ichigo. "Ooooh… your zanpakuto comes pre-released. That's a nifty feature."

Keigo looked between the three of them. "I don't get it." He looked over at Chad. "Aaaaugh! What happened to your arm?"

"You should find somewhere to hide," was Chad's only reply. He readied his altered right arm, ready for the trouble that was sure to come…

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 11:05 a.m.**

Isane stifled a yawn as she looked at the monitor. Her hookup to the tracer systems hadn't detected anything over the weekend, much to her disappointment. Still, with half of the school's students either missing or on trips, she had nothing better to do at the moment than watch for any activity. "Rangiku?"

The blonde was lying on the room's cot, fiddling with her soul pager. "Yeah?"

"You know those guys at the Twelfth Division Ops Center? The ones who monitor Hollow activity?"

"Mhmm…"

"I used to envy them."

"I hear you."

"Nothing to do all day. Just sit back and relax. But now? I kind of feel sorry for them. Even unit readiness reports are more engaging than this."

Rangiku sighed. "Well, what did you bring for lunch?"

Isane gave her an innocent look. "Me? I'm on the Sixth Division diet."

Rangiku looked over at her without getting up. "The Sixth Division diet? I've never heard of it."

"It's pretty straightforward." Isane began holding up fingers to illustrate her points. "First, you spend your money on a bunch of reasonably healthy and nutritious food."

"Got it so far…"

"Then, Renji _eats_ your food."

"Uh…"

"Then you lose weight, because _there is no food._"

Rangiku went back to staring at the ceiling. "Oh, right. I guess you're still bitter about that?"

Isane crossed her arms and leaned back. "I'm still hungry, if that's what you mean."

"You can't keep dwelling on the past, Isane." The other lieutenant waved her arm expressively. "You'll give yourself gray hairs. And there's nothing worse than gray hair!"

Isane stared at her for a solid twenty seconds.

Rangiku finally rolled over, her eyes drifting up to Isane's silver mop and thin braids. "Oh! Ah… nothing worse than _unnatural_ gray hair. And wrinkles! On a… ugly woman! Which you're not!"

Isane shook her head, honestly more amused than offended at this point. "If you keep digging, you might strike oil."

Rangiku changed the subject quickly enough to leave metaphorical friction burns. "Are you sure the tracers are set up correctly?"

"Yes." A small dot appeared on the monitor. "Wait, I've got something!" Isane leaned forward. The dot had simply _appeared_ – it hadn't entered through the perimeter, or moved from its spot. _Did a plus just turn into a Hollow? That can't be right – we would have felt it._

"What?" Rangiku bounced up off the cot and circled behind the desk. "Weird. No approach?"

"None. I think it might be a mistake. We should be able to feel anything that close to us."

"I don't know. Could you feel those other two Arrancar before they revealed themselves? I mean, when I was here before I could feel Grimmjow from miles away."

Isane paused, thinking back. _No… not until they attacked. Renji couldn't either, come to think of it._ "We should get up there, just in case."

* * *

Keigo bolted for the little rooftop shack – the staircase back into the school was inside. "Got it, Chad! Good luck with whatever this is!" He reached the door and yanked it open.

And found himself face to face with the strange, blue-haired woman. She smiled at him brightly. "Hiya!"

Keigo shrieked and stumbled back. Across the rooftop, Ichigo scowled. _I didn't even see her move. Just how fast is she?_ He decided that it didn't matter and charged, aiming to catch Soto while she was still pinned against the stairwell. Soto rolled under his attack and jumped up on top of the fence surrounding the rooftop, balancing on it. "Nice, nice… But you're going to have to do better than that. I'm an escape artist – a regular magician! I know all kinds of sword tricks!" Soto finally drew her own blade and pointed the large scimitar at him, finally releasing her spiritual pressure. All loose debris was blasted from the roof as she said, "You're going to love this one."

* * *

On the stairway to the roof, Isane and Rangiku felt the sudden burst of Hollow-esque pressure. Rangiku swore and popped her Soul Candy into her mouth. After a moment's hesitation, Isane followed suit – she had obtained a "blank" Soul Candy – one with little personality and no ambitions – from Urahara' shop the night before. (1)

"Stay here and hide." She told it.

"Affirmative."

The two lieutenants bolted up to the roof.

* * *

Soto was having a great time.

She catapulted herself from one fence and across the roof, landing on the far side. "Well come on! Ole!"

The orange-haired kid – Ichigo, if she remembered correctly – rolled his eyes and flash-stepped directly above her, bringing his huge cleaver down in what promised to be a mighty blow.

She closed her eyes and willed herself behind him. A moment later, his sword hit the cement rooftop, putting a deep gouge in it. She heard him mutter something before he swung the blade around again – she had to give him credit, he was swinging a rather large and unwieldy weapon around as though it was a much more manageable blade. She blocked this attack one-handed, and the shock from the impact made her arm sting. _That's quite a hit he's got there!_ No trace of this showed on her face, though, and she looked back at the shorter Reaper. "Are you going to help him or something?"

Rukia's response was to point the tip of her blade down before slashing horizontally. "Some no mai, Tsukishiro!"

Soto raised an eyebrow. "What, we're dancing now? I thought for sure tha-_oh crap!_" She broke off as she spotted the glowing circle underneath her. Ichigo grinned and leaped back as the column of ice shot skyward.

For a moment, everything was still. Rukia looked up at her handiwork. "Did I get her?"

Soto peeked out from behind the ice column. "Nope!" A moment later, the column shattered.

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. "Do you get the feeling that she's just messing with us?"

"It's possible." Rukia considered. "Do you want to use your Bankai, or do we swarm her?"

"Swarm." Ichigo jumped behind her, bringing Zangetsu up into a high guard.

Rukia nodded, "Tsugi no mai, Hakuren!" Points of snow shot up from the ground in front of her, followed by a massive wave of ice. They couldn't see through it, but all of them heard the sound of Sonido a moment later. "Do it, Chad!"

Chad found Soto high above them and brought his arm around, firing one of the energy blasts he'd become proficient with. Soto looked at the oncoming projectile. "Oh, right. That again." She held out a hand to block it.

"Getsuga Tenshou!" Soto looked over to see Ichigo firing a similar blast at her. "Now _that's_ interesting." She grinned. Ichigo grinned too – that blast was strong enough to flatten Soul Reaper Lieutenants – even if this Soto woman was Captain-level, she'd likely feel the impact. In response, Soto held out her other arm. A moment later, both blasts reached her, leaving a scorched path along the roof as they went.

And reversed direction.

Ichigo dodged aside, letting his attack sail by him – he'd had enough practice fighting his inner Hollow to become proficient at avoiding his own attacks. Chad held up his right arm to block his own attack – the impact gouged a deep crater in the rooftop, and shook the whole building. For a few moments, everything was obscured by the rising cloud of debris.

When the dust settled, everyone was where they had been previously, but there were two newcomers. Isane and Rangiku looked over the scene from near the staircase.

Rangiku strode forward. "Stop where you are! Surrender or be purified!"

Isane looked at her. "Does that line ever actually work?"

Rangiku shrugged. "If it has, I didn't hear about it."

Soto shook her head. "_I_ wouldn't stop for it."

The lieutenants nodded knowingly. "Growl, Heineko!"

"Run, Itegumo!"

* * *

**Las Noches, Throne Room - 11:11 a.m.**

Harribel shook her head as she watched. "She's toying with them. That's never a good sign."

Aizen leaned back, mild irritation crossing his features. "Kurosaki is capable of more than that. I don't believe any of them are taking this fight as seriously as they should be."

The third Espada looked at the new arrivals and pointed. "That one, the tall one… she is their medic lieutenant, yes?"

"Yep, that's Kotetsu." Gin confirmed. "Why, were you gonna recruit her, too?" He asked, teasingly.

"I'm thinking about it."

Everyone else in the room slowly turned their head to look at Harribel. Tousen's eyebrows shot up, and even Gin's eyes cracked open a bit.

Harribel didn't lose her composure. "We're very short on good medics." A trace of anger seeped into her voice. "Especially since Yammy keeps killing ours whenever he loses a limb, which is _all the time_. The closest thing we have to a doctor now is… Szayel."

Aizen smiled faintly as the others shuddered, and turned his attention back to the fight. "I'll keep that in mind."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 11:12 a.m.**

Soto looked around, still keeping the same goofy expression on her face. Her mind, though, was running through calculations and relative strengths. _I can't remember the last time I was this focused. Is this it? Did I finally get better?_

She frowned suddenly. _No, that's not it. It's the combat. If I couldn't focus enough to use my powers I'd be no good at it._ She vaguely remembered having this line of thought before, and half-expected to suddenly lose it, but nothing happened. _It's kind of suspicious, only being able to think straight in these kinds of situations. I wonder if this was a side effect of Aizen's changes, when he made me an Arrancar…_ Soto's frown deepened. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was forgetting something – and she remembered what it was just in time to notice that she was surrounded, weapons closing in from all sides. _Oh snap, that's right! I'm fighting like half a dozen Soul Reapers!_

Soto drew up her power and let it burst out, blasting back three of them. The orange haired kid – _Ichigo_, she reminded herself – and the big guy kept coming, both of them attacking her in melee, now. She regarded them with irritation, wishing they would leave her alone so she could concentrate on figuring out what was wrong with her mind.

She blocked Ichigo's zanpakuto with her own, and nearly dropped her blade as the price for doing so one-handed. Her other arm shot out as she pointed two fingers at the large kid, and a cero formed just in front of them. She dimly noted that he twisted aside, but only succeeded in turning the blast into a glancing hit, the cyan beam streaking past as it blasted him across the roof.

Soto turned to give Ichigo her full attention, and went on the offensive.

* * *

Isane watched as Ichigo began trading blows with the Arrancar. She started to run over to Chad, but stopped as she watched him start to get up. _I guess he's not as hurt as I thought._

She set her sights on the Arrancar. _The most useful thing I can do right now is Kido support._ She began the incantation for the Six Rod Prison, hoping Ichigo and the others could keep her from escaping long enough.

She saw Rangiku direct Heineko's ashes around again, hoping to get them close enough to begin hacking away at the Arrancar. Rukia paused for a moment, before also beginning the Six Rod Prison incantation.

The Arrancar remained focused on Kurosaki, for a wonder, and Isane and Rukia finished their chanting.

"Bakudo Number Sixty-One, Rikujokoro!"

Twelve rods of light materialized and slammed into Soto, pinning her in place and virtually paralyzing her. She looked down at them and smiled. "Ooh! A binding! I love these things." Even as she said it, Ichigo set his feet and swung Zangetsu around, Heineko's ashes drifted over her, and Chad raced in to deliver his attack.

A plume of dust and vaporized cement shot skyward, and the school building rocked again. Cracks spread out along the rooftop. When the smoke cleared, there was no trace of the Arrancar. For a moment, no one moved.

"Ta-da!"

The four reapers and Chad looked up to find Soto sitting on the rail of the fire escape. "Another amazing performance, if I do say so myself. I guess I'll have to come back later – fighting all five of you is getting a little old."

"As if we'd let you leave." Ichigo leveled his zanpakuto in front of him. "BAN-"

Soto disappeared.

Ichigo froze. "What the… where did she go?"

"Could it be some kind of illusion?" Rukia asked.

Rangiku and Isane looked at each other. They turned back to back and began chanting and gesturing in unison.

"Heart of the South, eye of the North, finger of the West, foot of the East, arrive with the wind and depart with the rain. Bakudo Number Fifty-Eight, Kakushitsuijaku!"

"What are they doing?" Ichigo whispered to Rukia.

"It's a tracking spell. If Soto is anywhere nearby, they'll find her."

A few moments passed before Rangiku dropped her pose. "I've got nothing."

Isane shook her head and sighed. "I can't find her either. She's gone."

Ichigo grunted with irritation, looking at the fire escape like he could force it to give up Soto's location if he glared at it hard enough.

Rukia considered. "Well, at least we know what the Arrancar looks like."

"Not helping."

"Sorry."

Isane re-sealed Itegumo, and watched Rangiku seal her weapon as well. She looked up to find Ichigo staring at her. "Is something wrong?"

"Itegumo… that weapon sounds familiar."

"Uh…" Isane broke out in a cold sweat. In all of the chaos over the last few days, she'd almost forgotten why she was nervous about working with Kurosaki in the first place.

Ichigo pondered it further. "I know I've heard your release command somewhere." Suddenly his eyes lit up. "That was it! You were one of the lieutenants I fought on Sokyoku Hill!"

Rukia stared at him like he'd sprouted horns. "You _just now_ remembered that? Good grief, Ichigo, that is so… so… so _male_ of you. You only remembered her when you saw the Shikai?"

"Hey! That fight happened in between breaking the Sokyoku and fighting Byakuya. Then Aizen showed up and everything went straight to hell, so cut me some slack, okay?"

Rangiku turned to her. "Wait, you fought Kurosaki? When did this happen?"

Isane planted her face in one hand. _That's okay, I didn't need my pride, anyway._

At least Rukia had the grace to look indignant. "Ichigo!"

"What?" He turned to Isane, pulling Zangetsu off of his back once again. "Alright, let's get this over with."

Isane looked up. This scene was playing out suspiciously like a recent nightmare of hers. "Wh… what?"

"We're going to have our rematch now, right?"

Rangiku and Rukia both stared at him. Even Chad seemed somewhat disturbed.

"_What is the matter with you?"_ Rukia nearly shrieked.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Ichigo shouted back. "It's everyone else that has a problem! I don't know if you noticed, but no one _ever_ fights me just once! I fought Ikkaku and Renji twice and Zaraki three times, and both of them want to fight me again. I fought Ganju at least twice, and I fought Byakuya three times, too! Then there's Ulquiorra, Yammy, and Grimmjow – I wouldn't be surprised if I went up against those Espada guys a few more times! It's an endless laundry list of violence." (2)

"So you don't… _want_ a rematch?" Isane asked hopefully.

"No! Except against Grimmjow. And maybe Aizen."

Isane sagged with relief. "Oh! As it turns out, I'm pretty content with our first fight too."

"Oh…" Ichigo returned Zangetsu to his back. "Well that's good. Uh… sorry about that."

Rukia looked like she wanted to argue with Ichigo's logic, but was having a hard time coming up with a counterargument as she climbed into her Gigai.

Chad seemed to be considering it too. "You only fought Jidanbo once."

"Yeah…" Ichigo said, climbing back into his body. "But he's _really_ bad at counting, so I assumed that he figures he's already fought me more than once."

Chad nodded. "That makes sense."

Rukia stretched. "At least this Arrancar doesn't seem like as much of a threat. She didn't kidnap anyone, and didn't seriously hurt any of us."

Everyone headed back to the staircase. "Hey Keigo! You can come out now!" Ichigo called.

Silence greeted them. They checked the roof and the nearby hallways. Isane frowned. "Kurosaki… back when that big dust cloud was hanging over the roof, did you see what the Arrancar was doing?"

"No, but what does that have to do with… oh damn, she _is _good."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 11:15 a.m.**

Soto dropped the kid's body in front of Alegria. "Eighty-nine."

Alegria picked him up. "You look a little ragged. Did you run into any problems?"

"Nothing I couldn't handle! Soto to the rescue!" Come to think of it, Soto _did_ have a vague memory of something. _It was something important, too. Something that occurred to me during the fight._ She shrugged and followed Alegria to the Hogyoku hookup. It couldn't have been terribly important.

* * *

**Chapter End**

Author Note: I didn't expect the fight with Soto to take an entire chapter, but it did. We'll get back to what's going on in the Seireitei next time!

(1) Rangiku's Gikon, of course, is the nymphomaniac she was using in the Arrancar arc.

(2) If we include filler, the movies, and future plotlines, the list of people Ichigo has fought more than once also includes Zangetsu (one more time), Hollow Ichigo (three more times), Tensa Zangetsu (two times), Aizen (three more times), Hitsugaya (three times), Gin (one more time), Renji (two more times), Komamura (two times), Muramasa (a whopping _six_ times), Senbonzakura (two times), Byakuya (three more times), Soifon (twice), Amagai (three times), Dark Rukia (twice), Urahara's Mod-Souls, several Bounts, all of the OVA villains, and half of the Kasumi-Oji clan. He even KO's Omaeda in one hit again somewhere in there. I never saw _Memories of Nobody_ but I'm almost willing to bet money that it would expand this list.

And of course, he fights Isshin Kurosaki on a daily basis, and fought Urahara and each of the Vizards multiple times during his training sessions and transformation in previous arcs.


	21. The Investigation

Welcome back!

Here's Chapter 21, after the longest hiatus yet. Midterms are here and the amout of time that I can spend on the story is way down – and the long gaps between when I can write slow it down even more.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, RangerH, Substitute Deathberry, Nathan J Xaxson, Superforeigner, Silverwriter582, firelarc, koolawantxox4u, Tomas the Betrayer, Orion 101, laughingspider, Richasa, mauralucky7, Shrodinger's Kat, and Writing bunny for the encouragement and reviews so far.

Response to comments:

Orion101: I hadn't seen that yet, so thanks for bringing it to my attention. I don't really have anything else to say about it, though. I mean, Kubo can create whatever characters he wants for his story. I hadn't planned on Seinosuke Yamada having a big role in the story, but if I use him I guess I have a bit more to go on.

Writing bunny: Sort of, although I more or less figured that Isane is the kind of proactive type-A personality that would order more ice long before they actually ran out.

Everyone else: Thanks again for the encouragement, and thanks for your patience.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 21 – The anomalous anomaly investigation begins**

_The desire to understand the unknown is one of the oldest recorded ones in history. For all of civilization and even before it, humans have sought to explain and rationalize the world around them. They seek knowledge and wisdom and preserve it for future generations to analyze and either disprove or expand on. The quest is infinite and diverse, covering all fields of knowledge and all possible skill sets. We want to know the best way to accomplish anything, and how we can make it happen – building, moving, ruling, and of course, teaching all fall under this fervor._

_That this would spill over into warfare and subterfuge was inevitable. While "he who dies with the most toys wins" is generally seen as an empty philosophy, he who has the best toys and data in a conflict is much less likely to die at all. 'Knowledge is power' takes on a rather sinister tone in that context._

_To summarize it as quickly as possible: warriors love spoilers._

* * *

**Las Noches, Throne Room - 11:15 a.m.**

Tousen raised an eyebrow as the sounds of battle faded away. "So the custom-enhanced Arrancar with hundreds of years of battle experience managed to escape from a fifteen-year old boy and a pair of lieutenants. Even I saw that coming."

"Weird." Gin muttered. "It's almost like he ain't talkin' about justice."

Aizen gazed pensively at the monitor for a moment, his face a neutral mask. "That was not as decisive as it could have been."

Harribel nodded. "But it was still information. I would be honored to view their final confrontation when it occurs, Lord Aizen."

"Certainly." With that, the traitors and monsters went their separate ways. Universal domination required a lot of work, after all…

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 11:16 p.m.**

Ichigo, Rukia, and Chad bolted down the stairs. Isane and Rangiku, still in their spirit forms, took a shortcut and simply jumped to the bottom.

And froze, looking at their inhabited Gigai selves. Isane's Gigai was leaning against the back wall, under the stairway, and had a strange expression on its face. Isane didn't like the fact that it refused to take its eyes off of Rangiku's Gigai. Rangiku's mostly looked bored, but perked up suddenly when the others came down the stairs. "Well _hello_ there."

Everyone looked around, trying to figure out who she was talking to. The Gigai got up and moved over to Ichigo, draping itself on him in a too-familiar fashion. "I didn't know they made 'em like _this_ in the mortal world. Are you busy later?"

"Aren't you going to stop it?" Isane hissed. _Are all the soul candies crazy? Who designs these things?_

An image of Captain Kurotsuchi popped into her head, laughing maniacally. It was quickly replaced by an image of Kisuke Urahara sporting a goofy grin and waving his fan. _Actually, it all makes sense now…_

"Not yet." Rangiku smirked. "She's usually good for a few laughs."

Ichigo, meanwhile was stiffly trying to extricate himself from the situation. He looked like he was trying to push the Gigai away without actually touching it, his face turning an odd shade of red. "Actually, I'm kinda busy right now, so…"

"Oooh, gonna make me wait? What will I do in the meantime?"

"Work on your pickup lines?" Rukia offered.

"Tried it." Rangiku's Soul Candy pointed a thumb over her shoulder, at Isane's Gigai. "She doesn't swing that way."

"As I informed you already, I do not 'swing' in any direction…" The other candy was cut off as Isane started climbing into her Gigai.

Rangiku's Candy wasn't finished. "Well, if you won't have me, maybe I'll… _supersize_." She suddenly ended up clinging to Chad.

He looked down at her while leaning away. "I'm busy too."

Rangiku grabbed Isane's Gigai, apparently under the impression that the Soul Candy was still in there. "You should try to have some fun once in a while." She whispered. "You won't get the chance very often."

"Is that so?" Isane crossed her arms. Rangiku finally caught on to the fact that Isane was back in her Gigai, and quickly got back into her own. "Please stop trying to corrupt my Soul Candy, Rangiku."

Rangiku laughed and stretched. "Oh, you're no fun. It's just an artificial soul. What's the worst thing it could do with a Gigai?"

"…" Ichigo, Rukia, and Isane glared at her. Rangiku blinked a couple of times. "You know, your tracer probably has some data on that Arrancar. We should go check it out."

Isane rubbed at the bridge of her nose, trying to ward off a headache. "I've noticed that these bursts of helpful effort always appear when you manage to screw up a conversation or a mission."

"I know, right? You're lucky I get into so much trouble!"

* * *

**12th Division, Main/Restricted/Archives - 11:20 a.m.**

Hitsugaya walked into the Research and Development Institute like he owned the place. In some ways he _did_ own the place, because in his hand he held a weapon more lethal than any zanpakuto. It was a weapon that would get the attention of even Mayuri Kurotsuchi – a man who, despite his many faults, eccentricities, ambitions, faults, psychoses, horrible mannerisms, and faults, was legendarily hard to distract. It was, in fact, good old-fashioned metaphorical _dirt_.

He had a briefcase full of blackmail, a half-dozen ninjas, and a mission. No nutjob in clown makeup was going to stop him from getting the lieutenants back.

He waited for a while in the main lobby, before realizing that he was unlikely to get anyone's attention that way. So he simply started walking until he found a sign that read WARNING: RESTRICTED AREA. He considered carefully before blithely walking past it. _This is more fun than it should be._ He continued on his journey, passing hideous creatures in tanks, hideous creatures that might _be_ tanks, and hideous contraptions that probably _belonged_ in tanks, as well as row after row of complicated-looking equipment modules, most of which were not in use. _Our budget at waste._

It was right after he passed a sign saying SEROUSLY, TURN BACK IF YOU DON'T HAVE CLEARANCE that he ran into none other than Captain Kurotsuchi himself. The other captain glared at him. "What are you doing here? Can't you read? This is a restricted area!"

"But how else was I going to find you?" Hitsugaya said calmly. "After all, we have something important to discuss."

"What could we possibly have to talk about? Your understanding of my work is as stunted as your stature!"

Kurotsuchi knew something was wrong when Hitsugaya didn't rise to the bait. "Funny you should bring that up. I wanted to talk about something that you might not have noticed. I rarely _overlook_ things and thought you might be interested."

Mayuri narrowed his eyes. _Was that a *short* joke? From Hitsugaya? Impossible!_ "And what would that be? Quit wasting my time and get to it."

"Very well." Hitsugaya hefted the briefcase. "You may or may not be aware of this, but since I've taken over some of the administrative duties of the Third and Fifth divisions, a great deal of the paperwork in the Seireitei crosses my desk. In fact, most of the requisitions forms are reviewed in my office."

"And?"

Hitsugaya mentally prepared himself for the lie he was about to feed Mayuri. "And I noticed that the Twelfth Division has requested and received a rather large amount of… well… this and that. Mostly, it's the sort of things that go into feeding Hollows, on the rare occasion that they're kept in captivity. However, Hollow experimentation has to be cleared with the rest of the Captains, and as someone who attends nearly every Captain's Meeting, I have to say that I don't remember you ever bringing anything like that up." The lie wasn't about the resources – he had hard proof of that. The lie was his careful omission of the part that subterfuge, theft, and ninjas had played in his acquisition of the data.

Mayuri narrowed his eyes. "And what, you think they'll arrest me? Yamamoto has put up with far worse."

"True. But he'd be obligated to at least launch an inquiry – because if you lied about this, or even conveniently forgot to mention it, then there's no telling what else is going on here at the Institute."

Mayuri's eyes widened as he realized what Hitsugaya was getting at. "You mean…"

"That's right. There'd be people from other divisions – probably the Second Division – crawling all over the Institute, digging through the equipment, mishandling the samples, pawing through the archived data, and randomly taking valued assistants away for questioning. They might keep at it for _weeks_ – and I hear that Captain Soifon is _really_ bored right now. Not only would it be impossible to get any work done, but you'd probably have to spend at least a month fixing the accidental damage."

The taller captain hissed. "Why are you telling me this?"

Hitsugaya blinked, and seemingly ignored the question. "On a completely unrelated note, I was wondering if you'd get me clearance to the Twelfth Division's backup archives. They're not listed as off-limits, but for some reason they're secured against anyone outside the division getting in. I need the computers and files for a side-project."

"Why would I allow this? You've just dared to threaten _me_ with a _massive_ inconvenience!"

"Well, if I was able to start working on my side project, I'd be far too busy to attend the next Captain's meeting, which is where something like your illegal resource garnering would be brought up. That would put a whole seven days between now and the time when I would be able to do anything about your activities. That's quite a bit of time to… _compensate_ for such indiscretions. At that point, there'd be no point in bringing in a formal inquiry, and instead there will simply be a new nasty rumor floating around about what you're doing here, which I know you don't care about."

Mayuri considered it. "You did say the _backup_ archives…"

"Correct. I'm not trying to pry your darkest secrets out of you – in fact, I suspect I'd rather not know about them. I just need some data from one of your old projects."

He stopped considering. "Very well, then. The code to get in is 'Unattainable Perfection.' Now quit bothering me!" With that, Kurotsuchi stormed off.

Hitsugaya resumed his walk, this time toward the Archives room. He wondered if maybe his original assessment of Kawachi's team had been unfair. Despite their dismal performance in back-tracking a mail order, they'd done very well in this particular job – and had come up with the strategy used to get past Mayuri to boot. He remembered their hours-long discussion of how to actually perform a blackmailing that the insane captain would listen to – Kurotsuchi didn't care about his reputation, which was already the worst in the Seireitei. He didn't have any family to present it to – Nemu was his only 'relative,' and she already knew far worse things about him than anyone else. He couldn't be threatened with legal punishment – he was, at the moment, too valuable to lose, and trying to use an offense like this to shut him down would be like trying to put out an inferno by spitting at it. So they had agreed that Hitsugaya would threaten the only thing that Mayuri cared about that they could damage – his _schedule_.

He passed Nemu in the hallway just outside the lab, and then walked in, only to find Mitsu and two of her ninjas already there. Hitsugaya frowned. "How did you get in?"

_**[Ten minutes before…]**_

Mitsu finished punching the number into her mobile phone. It rang once before she heard a voice on the other end. "Hello?"

"Hi, Lieutenant Kurotsuchi? This is Fourth-Seat Kawachi from the Second Division. Could you let us into the backup archives room?"

Nemu thought about it for a moment. Her father had given her clear instructions not to let anyone into restricted areas. The backup archives room wasn't a restricted area, though, even though it was usually locked and sealed, so she didn't see why she couldn't help out a fellow officer. "Certainly."

"Thanks." She thought about calling Captain Hitsugaya and letting him know that there was an easier way in, but then figured that after all of the trouble they'd gone through to work out the blackmail plan, it would be better to just let him move forward with that and give him the usual excuse if he asked any awkward questions.

_**[Now…]**_

Mitsu bowed. "An ancient secret, passed down across thousands of years from one generation of ninjas to the next."

"Fine." Hitsugaya moved over to the main terminal – a massive, intimidating piece of equipment. "Given the current size of modern computers, why is this thing so huge? I want to look at some data, not cruise at thirty thousand feet."

He sighed and approached the chair, which promptly opened its mouth and snapped at him. Out of pure reflex, Hitsugaya unsheathed Hyorinmaru and cut the chair in half in one smooth motion. He stood there, blinking at the bleeding pieces for several seconds. "Fourth Seat Kawachi?"

"Sir!"

"Reality check."

Mitsu snapped to attention. "Yes sir! That chair really did try to eat you."

"I hate coming to the Twelfth Division." Hitsugaya put his zanpakuto away and sighed. "Please get me another chair. The non-carnivorous kind, if it's not too much trouble."

"On it!" Mitsu dashed out of the room.

He stepped over the gore and typed in his first search query, silently thanking providence that he'd let Matsumoto badger him into learning basic computer use during the scouting mission to Karakura Town.

[FIND: "humans" AND "capture"]

[FOUND: 60438 results]

He frowned at the staggering list of entries that popped up. His frown deepened as he saw the file topics. He revised his query.

[FIND: "humans" AND "capture" NOT "dissection of"]

[FOUND: 15329 results]

He shook his head as Mitsu came back with a chair that merely growled when he sat on it. _This is going to take a while._

"That isn't much to go on." She commented.

"I know, but it's a start, and we can't afford to waste time. We'll have to hope that Matsumoto and Kotetsu can give us something else to narrow the search."

* * *

**1st Division, Captain's Office - 11:25 a.m.**

Unohana sat down across from the most powerful Soul Reaper in the afterlife, uncontested for the last thousand years. He was hunched over his desk, his beard tucked behind it and his scars tilted toward her, wheezing as he finished up with signing a stack of request forms.

_He looks so frail from this angle._ She mused. She knew better, though – she'd seen him take off the top half of his uniform and release his Shikai, albeit only once. _And once was enough._ She strongly suspected that he did that purely for intimidation purposes – to show his opponent just how badly their mental image of him clashed with reality right before he flattened them. For her, it wasn't nearly as chilling as his description of how he'd picked up his scars – she had finally worked up the nerve to ask him about five hundred years before. His only response had been, "My master was a big believer in teaching his students not to repeat mistakes."

Her thoughts were interrupted when Yamamoto looked up from his papers and leaned back. "I must say, Captain Unohana, that I'm surprised to see you here. You don't usually come for social visits." This was true – Unohana didn't have the same bond to Yamamoto that Kyoraku and Ukitake did. In fact, she'd sooner stab herself than call him 'Old-Man Yama.'

"True, but I actually came to ask you for advice."

"Advice?" Yamamoto wheezed. "That's even more surprising. There was once a time when you'd sooner suffer for a hundred years than ask _me_ for assistance."

Unohana shrugged. "Times change." There was no point living in the past.

"They do indeed, although the younger Soul Reapers seem to forget that. What is it that you wanted to ask me about?"

Unohana took a deep breath. "Lately, my division has been having serious morale issues. I feel that these issues come from their state of combat readiness as well as the Fourth's reputation as a non-combat unit. I don't know why this is suddenly so important to them, but it may have something to do with the upcoming conflict."

Yamamoto made one of his trademark _hrrrrm_ing noises. "So train them. Eventually they'll either be combat ready or the morale issue will go away."

"I've started doing so already. The problem is with the pace of the training. It's rather intensive, for the amount of time that we're able to spend on it, but today I think they've realized just how much work there is to do. I think that this might hurt our performance – both as medics and as warriors – before any noticeable progress is achieved. I need to teach them patience before I can teach them anything else, and I don't know how to do that." Unohana felt better just talking about this, even if it _was_ with Yamamoto.

Her relief was short lived, however. "You can't."

She blinked a couple of times at the blunt response. "Ah… may I ask why not?"

"Patience is learned but never taught. It's one of the few things that gets easier as you get older, as a person's perspective changes."

Unohana narrowed her eyes. "Perspectives can be shared."

"That's a common misconception." Yamamoto rumbled out, "Some of that new-age feel-good crap."

"The idea has been around for centuries!"

"So have I! A great many people have told me that sharing viewpoints and feelings leads to peace, safety, happiness, and stability, and you know what? They're_ dead._"

Unohana stifled a giggle. _Okay, that was funny._

Yamamoto chuckled. "It is, of course, more complicated than that. Would you like to take a walk with me?"

She sobered and eyed him suspiciously. "The last time I went for a walk with you…"

He got up, his joints popping as he did so. "It will just be a walk this time, I promise."

"Very well."

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 11:26 a.m.**

What they found on the monitor was information, but not informative. "So, she shows up, moves around on the roof, and disappears." Ichigo sighed. "That's useless."

Isane shrugged. "It's not useless. We just don't know how it's useful yet. That's what Master Kurowa kept telling us at the Academy."

"And this Master Kurowa, is he a popular guy?"

"No." Rukia, Isane, and Rangiku responded in unison.

"That's what I thought." Ichigo sighed.

"We can't stay here and discuss it," Rukia added. "Look, they would have evacuated the school after the big hit during the fight. If we don't get outside before they start taking attendance, they're going to ask a lot of weird questions."

Ichigo hammered the desk, making the monitor jump. "Screw that! I'm not going to just sit around. In case you weren't paying attention, Soto _ran off with Keigo_."

"But she _wants_ Chad." Rangiku added, for once completely serious as she walked out the door. "That's actually a lot more important. We don't know where she is now, but we do know that she'll probably come after him again."

"Which means that someone needs to stay near Chad at all times." Isane mused, getting up to follow Rangiku along with everyone else. "But there has to be a way that we can be proactive about this."

"And why Chad and Keigo?" Rukia wondered.

Ichigo shoved his hands into his pockets. "Well, Chad for his power, and Keigo… uh…"

"Could see you." Chad finished. "He could see Soto too."

Ichigo scratched his head. "Yeah, that is kinda weird. Y'know, maybe she's only grabbing people who can see spirits. That isn't exactly common, even around here. But what does that get them?"

Silence fell over the group for a moment before Rangiku spoke up. "Some Hollows have claimed that Soul Reapers taste better, or at least are more filling, than regular plusses. Maybe they're stockpiling food supplies?"

Isane frowned at her. "Rangiku!"

"What? It makes sense!"

"Except that Soto claims that they're not going to eat them." Rukia said.

"She could be lying."

"Let's assume that she isn't." Rukia persisted. "What does that get the Hollows?"

No epiphanies were forthcoming. "Well, I guess you should tell Captain Hitsugaya to start with spiritually aware humans the next time you call him, just in case." Isane offered, nodding to Rangiku. Then they were outside, and headed to join the clump of students and faculty. "And stay sharp."

* * *

**Chapter End**

Notes: I've noticed that Isane is a bit out of focus lately. Don't worry, she's still the main character! This chapter also contains the longest single stretch of Hitsugaya in the entire story, past, present, or future, and is the setup for a lot of future action. I still feel bad giving you what amounts to a transitional chapter after all of your waiting. The next one will have some amusing developments in it, though!

As always, questions, criticisms, comments, and the like are greatly appreciated. Please Review!


	22. Welcome to the Show, Part 1

Welcome back!

Here's Chapter 22. If you're wondering why it took so long to come out, it's because my November was absolutely insane. I rarely had time to think about Doctor's Orders. There was another reason for the late chapter as well, but I'll talk about it after you've read the chapter. Finals week is coming up, too, but after that I should be able to get out two to four chapters over the next six weeks.

Special thanks to apathyninja, Slothman30, Mileryn, perfect beauty, shaggy-bear, Mungetsu, stormcrowley, RangerH, Substitute Deathberry, Nathan J Xaxson, Superforeigner, Silverwriter582, firelarc, koolawantxox4u, Tomas the Betrayer, Orion 101, laughingspider, Richasa, mauralucky7, Shrodinger's Kat, Writing bunny, Thorn In Your Side, Majin Hentai X, and Rassilon001 for the encouragement and reviews so far. Extra special thanks for your patience.

Responses to Questions/Comments:

Thorn In Your Side: Um... busted? I don't have an explanation for Rangiku knowing about the Maggot's nest, so I guess that this would be a second departure from canon, in addition to the timeline stretch. I will say that Genjo is savvy enough to have found out about the Gotei Thirteen's "no retirement" policy, even though he's not supposed to. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, though.

Perfect Beauty: Er... Unohana *did* talk to them about her dreams. She did it shortly before Isane's group fought Mod-Isane.

Everyone else: Thanks for the continued support, and for sticking with the story.

I do not own Bleach, or any part of it.

* * *

**DOCTOR'S ORDERS**

**Chapter 22 – Welcome to the Show, Part 1: Come one, Come all!**

_The lights are on; the set is down; the curtain pulled away._

_To all you creatures of the night, I say it's time we play._

_We'll show you things that in your life you never dreamed you'd know._

_And now before the ghosts arrive, it's WELCOME TO THE SHOW!_

Lyrics from "Welcome to the Show," by Savatage

* * *

**First Division, Upper Patrol Route - 12:03 p.m.**

Unohana walked beside Yamamoto as they made their way around the First Division. She had to admit that the view was impressive; she could see almost the entire Seireitei, and even some of the Rukongai beyond. "Is this a visual metaphor for what you were saying earlier?"

"Yes, I suppose so." Yamamoto grunted. "From this height, you can see all of the traffic moving about, the patrols, the supplies moving, the Reapers on leave heading out to rest or relax." He pointed at one group, "For instance, that patrol is going to run right into one of the gate giants if they keep going that way – and they will, too, because they can't see him just yet. They don't have the right perspective."

Unohana raised an eyebrow. "Of course, we could _tell_ them to take another path…"

"And you can _tell_ your division how long their training will take, what the results will be, and what they have to do. But you can't give them the experience that would let them determine those things for themselves." Yamamoto made another one of his _hhmmms._ "Think about trying to describe the view up here to someone who has never been here before. You can pass along the information, you can tell them what you see, and you can even paint them a picture. But until they get up here, they don't _know_ what the view is like. Not like you or I do."

"We could help them get up here…"

"Which is what we're already doing."

Unohana sighed. "I was afraid of that."

Yamamoto snorted, amused. "You hoped I knew of a way to surgically implant knowledge and experience into Soul Reapers? I run an academy and a military, not a shop of miracles." He continued on his walk, his staff thumping with every other step.

Unohana followed him. "Captain Kyoraku – Shunsui – wondered if my Division was properly motivated. He suggested that maybe they wanted change, but didn't believe it was possible."

"Shunsui is a bright boy. Do you agree?"

"Not initially, but after this morning, I think it might be possible." Unohana said. "Maybe you can't teach patience, but surely there's a way to inspire more confidence."

"Certainly." Yamamoto chuckled. "But it may be harder than you think. I can make Soul Reapers confident about their skills. You can make them confident about medicine and healing. But it sounds like they need to be confident in battle."

"So…"

"I would talk to the Captain with the greatest battle confidence in the Gotei Thirteen. Not myself, of course. In fact, Jushiro and Shunsui are a bad choice, too. We're all too old and too smart to be completely confident in the middle of a fight, no matter what we say."

"So who do I talk to? Zaraki?" Unohana smiled. The image of asking Zaraki to give her drill advice was highly amusing.

Yamamoto didn't break stride. "That would be a good choice."

Unohana looked at him sharply. "You must be joking."

Yamamoto looked back. "I am not. Good grief, woman – just look at his division."

"I don't want to turn the Fourth Division into the Eleventh! My officers would kill me, for one thing…"

"Bah! One thousand years, and still you don't listen. I'm not telling you to hand your division over to him. Just go talk to him. Watch him. See how he motivates his squad. I'm sure you'll learn something."

Unohana shook her head. "That's beyond ludicrous. What makes you think he'll agree to talk to me?"

Yamamoto still remained unmoved. "He likely won't. You'll have to offer him something he wants."

"That's even more unlikely. All Zaraki wants is a good fight."

"Then give him one."

"Are you planning to oversee it? Captain battles can be messy."

Yamamoto's beard and moustache twitched and his eyes crinkled. "I have enough faith in your abilities that I'm sure no one will be killed. As for injuries, well, there's supposedly a really good doctor somewhere around here…"

"Your confidence is appreciated." Unohana said flatly. _This conversation did not go the way I was hoping it would._

Minazuki spoke up as Unohana made her way back to the Fourth Division and her duties. _No, but this will be good for you._

_You too?_

_Indeed._ Minazuki responded. _And might I suggest the perfect location…?_

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura High School - 12:30 p.m.**

"I'm back!" Rangiku said, climbing through the window.

"What's going on?" Isane asked, as she hunched over the open casing of the Hollow tracking monitor.

"They've canceled school until they figure out why the roof blew up. I don't know what they'll blame it on, since 'magical spirit blasts from Hueco Mundo' is usually not something mortals think of."

"Probably a gas leak." Isane said.

"Maybe." Rangiku shrugged. "And they said that you'll be paid for the school days regardless, but payday is still Friday. So we might still be on the not-eating-anything diet, unless you've changed your mind about raiding Orihime's pantry." Her statement was punctuated by a loud growl from Isane's stomach.

Isane gritted her teeth. "I swear, from now on I'm treating all of Renji's wounds without anesthetics. But to answer your question: no. I told you last night that we're not going to steal anything from any mortals."

"Except for jobs."

"You're not going to let that go, are you?"

Rangiku leaned over to watch what Isane was doing. "It's pretty much the only moral high ground I have. On a side note, we should probably ditch our Gigais somewhere else before they inspect the building." She added, changing the subject.

"Alright. Give me another second here…"

Rangiku peered into the tracker. "Any progress with the tracers?"

"No." Isane finally leaned back, disgusted. "They just weren't designed to do what we need them to. A single set of tracers can't cover an entire city – it would take at least ten sets, stretched to their limits. Even then I'm not sure I have the technical skill to pull it off."

"Where can we get more?"

"The Seireitei, and we'd have to sneak back in to get them or explain why you and I are back before the mission is complete – It's pretty much the same problem as before."

"Oh, yeah..." Rangiku frowned. "Well, we could always wait for Soto to show up again. I mean, with school cancelled there's not much else you can do here, so we might as well go and hang out with Chad until she comes back for him. The problem is that it's totally reactive, which the captain says is a bad move…"

"Right - we don't know what she wants with him in the first place. If we just guard him, Soto might be able to get whatever it was from somewhere else."

"Which brings us back to how to find Soto."

Isane rubbed her forehead. "We're going in circles. Maybe we could –"

She was interrupted by a sudden burst of spiritual pressure, almost immediately recognizable as Soto's. Both lieutenants were out the window and swallowing their soul candies in an instant.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Kurosaki Household - 12:30 p.m.**

Ichigo lounged back on the living room sofa, taking a break. He and Rukia had spent the last forty minutes coming up with a plausible story for Yuzu and his father about why they were home early, why Chad was with them, and why school was closed while Karin studiously ignored them. They'd done a pretty good job of it, he thought, when they felt Soto's spiritual pressure again.

Rukia sat bolt upright. "I've just remembered; I need to… um… to go iron my hair!"

Ichigo slapped his hand to his face. Even after months of living in the mortal world, Rukia still occasionally mixed up her generic excuses. As she bolted up the stairs, he got up from the sofa.

"Where are you going?" Yuzu asked innocently.

"I'm going to go help her find the iron." Ichigo said, rolling his eyes as he ran up the stairs after Rukia.

Yuzu stared at the staircase, looking pensive. "You know, I've always wondered how she got her hair to stick out in the back like that…"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Downtown - 12:31 p.m.**

Isane and Rangiku emerged from flash step. They had arrived just under a minute from the time of the burst of Spiritual pressure, but Soto was nowhere to be found. Isane frowned. "Is she gone already?"

"Something isn't right here."

"I know. I can't sense her spiritual pressure anymore."

Rangiku scanned the nearby rooftops. "We couldn't feel it earlier until she cut loose on the roof, remember?"

Soto's spiritual pressure flared up again – once again, across the city. The two lieutenants looked at one another. "How is she getting around that fast?"

Isane grimaced. "I have a better question – if she's _that_ fast, why not just send her to the Seireitei and have her kill everyone? If she's moving so fast that Kurosaki can't track her…"

"I don't think she is." Matsumoto said, tapping her lips with one finger. "I wonder… do you think she has another way to travel?"

Isane sighed. "You think she can teleport?"

"It seems likely." Rangiku nodded. "It's rare, but possible. In fact, we have artifacts in the Seireitei that can do it. If a Hollow _truly_ mastered the same kind of power that lets them travel from Hueco Mundo to the world of the living and back, then she could go just about anywhere, in no time at all."

"That's a disturbing thought. I hope Ichigo and Rukia had the sense to stay with Chad." Isane said.

Ichigo and Rukia chose that moment to emerge from flash step. "Where is she?" Ichigo demanded.

Isane rubbed her forehead. _I never get to be right._

Rangiku raised an eyebrow, "That's the question of the day, isn't it?"

Isane looked at the two of them. "Where is _Chad?_"

"Back at the family clinic." Rukia answered calmly. "If we can trap Soto here…"

Isane shook her head. "We won't be 'trapping' Soto anywhere. Rangiku and I were thinking it over, and we think she can teleport. How far and how frequently, we don't know, but we really are going to have to wait until she comes to us."

"That's insane." Ichigo growled. "You seriously have no way to tell where she is? Or to keep up with her?"

"Not really." Rangiku shrugged. "We tried Kido earlier, Isane's tracers don't have the range, and it's really hard to sense anything with _you_ standing right there... it's like trying to find someone on the other side of the sun."

"Fine. But we're not keeping Chad in my house. I saw what Soto did to the school roof – I don't want that pointed at my sisters."

"Agreed." Rukia added. "We need somewhere open, too. If Soto really can teleport, then any obstacles are just going to get in our way."

"Fair enough." Rangiku shrugged. "We're open to suggestions. Where are we going to go?"

* * *

**Fourth Division, Main Gate/Eleventh Division, Practice Field - 2:21 p.m.**

Unohana had considered taking something with her, other than Minazuki, when she went to see Zaraki. She ultimately decided that if the fight went on long enough that she had to pack dinner for it then she didn't deserve an answer from him anyway, and simply took a basic medical bag. She had already made the necessary arrangements with Kyoraku and Ukitake as well – theoretically, she should be back in time for the evening practice, but if not they could start without her. Finally, she had made the necessary arrangements with her division. Iemura would be in charge while she was out, which would serve the dual purposes of taking his mind off of the division troubles and hopefully keep him from talking to himself.

Now all that was left was to actually go and see Zaraki. She made her way out the door and toward the Division's main entrance, and stopped. There, on the back of the gate, was a brand new poster. This one depicted a Fourth Division medic trapped in a tiny room into which water was pouring through a crack in one of the walls – the water was almost to the ceiling, and the medic was trying to keep his head above it. The caption beneath it read:

**DON'T WORRY!**

_We'll fix it sooner or later._

Minazuki's voice came to Unohana. _It seems that the mystery artist has recovered his or her strength._

_Lovely._ Unohana thought back, dryly. _Now my day is complete._

She casually took it down, wadding it up into a ball as she walked. When she passed one of the cleanup patrols, she added it to their garbage bag.

Upon arriving at the Eleventh Division, it wasn't hard to find Zaraki – indeed, Zaraki could be located easily at any time, from anywhere in the Seireitei, simply by the nature of his spiritual pressure. The newer Soul Reapers had likened it to living near an airport – after a while, you could ignore it, but it was impossible to forget where it was.

She found Zaraki in the middle of a fight, of course. He was currently trading hits with Third Seat Madarame and two Reapers that she didn't recognize. She waited patiently until the three of them called for an end to the session, and then approached as Zaraki sat down on a nearby crate. Before she could say anything, a black-and-pink blur bounded down from the nearby rooftops. "Kenny! Hey Kenny! It's the braid-lady!" Yachiru giggled as she landed near Zaraki, her tiny body bouncing to a halt just next to him. "I think she wants to talk!"

"Huh?" The Kenpachi turned and stared at her with his non-patched eye. "What do you want?"

Unohana maintained her composure. Zaraki treated everyone with a total lack of respect, up to and including Yamamoto. "Lately, I've been stepping up my division's combat training standards, and I'd like to ask you a few questions about the way you operate your division."

Zaraki blinked. He gestured to the practice fields around them, currently crowded with Eleventh Division personnel. Almost all of them were either fighting or watching the fighting. "Isn't it obvious?"

"He runs it with swords, booze, and _blood!_ And sometimes candy." Yachiru giggled again.

"You're the only one obsessed with candy. And you usually steal it." Zaraki growled at her before turning back to Unohana. "Hrnh. Anyway, I recruit anyone who can fight and wants to fight. Then, we fight. That's all there is to it."

Unohana considered. "Fine. Then I'd like to ask you how to correct a few deficiencies in the Fourth's training before-"

"Send 'em back to the Academy." Zaraki snorted and got up. "I don't have time to go into everything that's wrong with your division. I've got to get back to training my own."

"I suppose there's no way to convince you otherwise?"

"_Che._ I'd be willing to talk… if you're willing to fight me for it." He shrugged and started to move off. That was usually how Zaraki ended conversations that he was bored with.

Unohana sighed. She still didn't understand why she was even here, or what Zaraki could show her, and yet Yamamoto – and surprisingly, Minazuki – had been all for it. "Let us say that I am."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Zaraki said, anticipating her response, and walked a few more steps before he stopped. "Wait, what did you say?"

"I said that I am indeed willing to fight, if that's what it takes."

Zaraki blinked at her. No one _ever_ took him up on that offer, except some of the higher seats from his division. And the other captains certainly didn't. "You're serious?"

Unohana nodded.

"Well alright!" Zaraki laughed unpleasantly and drew his zanpakuto. "Come on then, I'll let you have the first –"

"Not here." Unohana said sharply.

"Huh? What's wrong with here? It's a friggin' combat field."

"Yes, and I'm _sure_ that two captains will stay on that field for the entire course of the fight." Unohana responded with uncharacteristic sarcasm. _I have to put this in terms he'll understand._ "There are all kinds of problems with sparring here. My division would have to clean up, _you_ would have to hold back to avoid squashing your own division members…"

"Hmm…"

Unohana slung Minazuki back over her shoulder. "There is a much better place for it - if you're willing to follow me."

"As long as there's actually a fight at the end of it. If this turns out to be some lame surprise party for Yachiru I'm gonna pick the first person I see and beat him up anyway."

Yachiru jumped up onto Zaraki's shoulder. "Yay! Kenny's gonna have a party all on his own!"

"Certainly. It is a bit of a hike, so we should get going." Unohana took off at a brisk trot.

"Hey, Madarame! Keep everyone here going until they've beaten the _pansy_ out of each other!" Zaraki shouted back at his third seat as he ran after her.

"Got it, boss!"

* * *

**Karakura Town, Unknown Location - 5:05 p.m.**

Soto deposited the body on the third-to-last cot, toward the back of the huge basement under Alegria's hideout. "Ninety-Eight!"

Alegria walked in. "Excellent. Did I hear you correctly earlier, that one of the awakened humans came back?"

"Yep!" Soto smiled cheerfully, inclining her head toward her latest catch. "That's him now."

"Oh?" Alegria thought for a moment. "So which one did you skip?"

"The big one. He has six or seven Soul Reapers sitting on him."

"I see." Alegria frowned. "I thought that numbers weren't supposed to be a problem for you."

Soto frowned. "Normally they aren't, but the kid, Kurosaki… he's _really_ strong." And thinking of him reminded her of something. Soto made a mental lunge for the memory, but it slipped out of her grasp, her thoughts returning to the task at hand. A moment later, she'd forgotten even what she'd been wondering about. "Anyway, I'll have to be careful."

"Please do. Genjo and I are hardly enough to defend this area and oversee the humans as-is." This was especially true since Alegria didn't trust Genjo (and the feeling was mutual), but she kept that observation to herself. "Do you need help?"

"Nah. I can take them. It may take me a bit, though."

"Well, take your time and get it right. And make _sure_ you disable that human before bringing him here – if what you said is true, one good shot from that arm of his could put us _weeks_ behind schedule if he's still conscious when you bring him here. We don't have that kind of time."

Soto brightened. "Kay!" With a burst of displaced air, she was gone.

Alegria stood there for a moment, still thinking. Soto had seemed increasingly distracted as the day wore on, although she had gone on quite a spree – managing to obtain all but the last two of the humans they needed to create the King's Key. Unfortunately, they needed two more humans and only knew of one – Szayel's analysis indicated that the Quincy would be unsuitable for use in the creation of the key, which meant that once Soto grabbed this "Chad," they would need to lay low for a while, waiting for another one to pass through Karakura.

She once again cursed Zarraga and Bastida for getting themselves killed. If they hadn't, she would have enough manpower now to send them to another city and still keep this area guarded against detection and intrusion, increasing the odds of finding the last awakened human that they needed. As it was, the plan was about to slow down quite a bit. It was incredibly frustrating to be so close, and then to have to wait on pure chance.

She took a deep breath. _Relax, Alegria. The odds are still in your favor. The Gotei Thirteen hasn't swamped the area with Reapers – in fact, they still seem to be unsure that you exist. You've collected ninety-eight percent of what you need, and Soto is about to make it ninety-nine. It's just a matter of time until the last human passes close enough for you or Soto to detect, and then it's game over._

She smiled as she began hooking up the new human to the necessary equipment. _Zarraga and Bastida's defeat was a fluke; Soto is much stronger than they were. _LordAizen_ planned this venture himself. Things will work out just fine._

* * *

**Rukongai Outskirts, South Pass Ruins - 6:44 p.m.**

A pair of captains could cover a lot of ground very quickly. Unohana led Zaraki out of the Seireitei, past the outermost districts of the Rukongai, to some of the wilderness beyond, and then on a steep climb up a narrow path to a pass between two of the Soul Society's mountains. They had been moving with a combination of a dash and flash-steps ever since leaving the Seireitei, but she finally slowed to a walk as they reached the final turn, taking them into view of their destination.

The first thing visible was an old, faded sign. Zaraki frowned. "What language is _that?_"

"Late Middle-Ages Japanese." Unohana said. "It states that this place is the Crimson River Clinic."

Zaraki burst out laughing. "You're kidding, right? Even I know that's a stupid title for a hospital. Who's the idiot that named this place?"

"The name makes perfect sense," Unohana responded flatly. "In the spring, ice on the mountain thaws and the nearby Crimson River fills and flows down toward the Rukongai. In fact, it's bigger today than it was when the clinic was founded."

"Yeah, but who cares? It sounds like it was named specifically to scare people off."

Zaraki trailed off as they passed through the last narrow part in the path, finally seeing the clinic proper and the surrounding mountains. The clinic itself – a mostly circular complex of mid-sized buildings surrounded by a crumbling wall – was abandoned, the paint faded, the wood graying and splintered, the stones worn and the building thoroughly looted. More impressive, though, were the scorch marks and craters on the nearby mountain face. "Well now… it looks like someone had a _real_ party here." He looked at one spot on the mountain in particular, where a rather large boulder was cracked evenly down the middle. "I'm sorry I missed out on it."

"I suppose you would be." Unohana sighed. _Coming back here was more painful than I thought, although I'm impressed that so much of the clinic is still standing. Why was it so important to have our little fight here, Minazuki?_

_I can't tell you yet._ Minazuki responded. _Wait until you're done, and then ask me again._

_Very well._ Unohana felt more than ever that she had acted rashly. She perversely wondered if Yamamoto had suggested this just to get her out of his hair for a while, but dismissed that idea. _I might as well make the most of it._

By now she and Zaraki had managed to reach the clinic's central courtyard. A dry fountain stood in the middle, with most of the cobblestones intact around it. Weeds and vines spread out from it, pushing their way through cracks in the stone, sliding their way into the windows. It was ultimately a fairly dreary place. "Alright, Zaraki. This is far enough. Let's get this over with."

"_Che._ That's all wrong. I wasn't sure about this trip, but I like this place. Open spaces, terrain... and no one to interrupt. It's perfect. Why rush a good thing?"

"Because I have duties to take care of that don't involve stabbing things?" Unohana suggested, beginning to feel a bit irritated.

"Not right now you don't." Zaraki grinned disturbingly as Yachiru leaped up to the top of the clinic, some three stories up. "So come on, Unohana. Let's see what you've got. I can't _wait_ to see why everyone in my division is afraid of you." He drew his nameless weapon again, swinging a couple of times to warm up. The force of the swings set what few intact windows there were rattling.

Unohana drew Minazuki and hung the scabbard on the nearby fountain. She settled into her most familiar fighting stance and nodded her readiness. Zaraki laughed as he charged.

* * *

**Karakura Town, Karakura Riverside Park - 6:47 p.m.**

It was a grim group that waited in Karakura Town's riverside park. "I still can't believe that we have to wait on her." Ichigo groused.

"Give it a rest." Rukia said. "Are you okay, Chad?"

She'd been asking him that since they got there. Chad just held up a thumbs-up.

Isane watched the construction crews working on the bridge in the distance. "We made a mess last night," she said unhappily. "We should have moved outside the city."

Rangiku shook her head. "And if we get caught halfway there, then we end up demolishing half of downtown. This is for the best, Isane. There's nobody here. And if they are, they'll leave when the fireworks start."

"We're supposed to be keeping humans out of the line of fire. At the very least, we should be above the park, not in it."

Ichigo crossed his arms. "And then when someone gets swatted out of the sky, they just kinda hit wherever. We can't do that. I remember that fight with Grimmjow – I was lucky we didn't take out a whole family somewhere along the line."

They had arrived earlier, still occasionally feeling blasts of Soto's pressure at random from all around the city. It had finally calmed down, though, and everyone was getting tense. It was now close to sundown, and although Soto had not yet made an appearance since their fight on the roof, everyone knew it was just a matter of time.

"I still can't believe that we have to wait on her."

Rukia started to lunge for him. "Oh, for the love of…"

"I'm heee-eeere!" Soto's singsong voice came to them. All of them looked up toward the lamp post that she was sitting on.

"You again." Ichigo pulled Zangetsu off of his back, the white cloth unwrapping from it. Rukia, Isane, and Rangiku likewise drew their weapons. Chad's arm morphed into its altered from.

"Ah! So hostile! Can't we all just… get along?" Soto spread her arms expansively. "I mean, Aizen's going to be ruling all of this soon anyway, right? You should be nicer to his employees."

"Like hell he will!" Ichigo shouted.

"Well, there's still no reason for you to be so cold."

"You kidnapped my friend!"

Soto looked confused. "The screechy dude was your friend? I'm sorry."

Rukia raised an eyebrow. "Then give him back."

Soto shook her head. "No, I mean, I'm sorry to hear that he's your friend. Having to put up with _that_ guy every day? Sheesh…"

Ichigo growled and jumped up at her, swinging. Soto grinned. "Whoa, déjà vu!" She drew the oversized scimitar from her hip and blocked, even as she leaped backwards off the post. The two of them landed, still exchanging blows, as Chad charged after him and the others released their weapons.

"Growl, Heineko!"

"Run, Itegumo!"

"Dance, Sode no Shirayuki."

Soto jumped over Ichigo, slashing downward – Ichigo took the hit on the flat of Zangetsu's enormous blade. She bounced to a halt directly between the five other combatants, flourishing with her sword. She finally settled into a recognizable combat stance.

Isane watched her warily. _Do you truly think she's strong enough to take all of us?_

_No._ Itegumo's voice came back. _So be very careful. She has to have some kind of trick, or else backup. Keep alert._

_I will._ She promised, as Chad and four Soul Reapers converged on the Arrancar.

* * *

**Chapter End**

This chapter was probably the hardest one to write yet, and not just because of RL difficulties. I realized right at the beginning of it that the story so far had deviated from the original outline enough that certain aspects of this part of the plot no longer made sense, so I had to redo part of the overall plot. I'm happy with the result of the new plotting, but I still feel like parts of this chapter are awkward – granted, part of that is because several questions are raised, like "Why is Unohana fighting Zaraki to begin with?" and "What's the deal with Soto?" that will be answered next time. The next one should go smoothly – not to mention coming out much sooner. I tend to "write" the fights in my head before I actually get to them, and a good chunk of the next chapter is already written for real, too.

Also, I had actually intended to start the fight with Soto this chapter, but I realized that it needed more buildup after the adjustments.

So, come back next time to see Unohana vs. Zaraki and Soto vs… well… everyone. Place your bets!

As always, comments, criticisms, questions, and the like are welcome and appreciated. Please review!


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